Full Circle

by Rosanne Bittner

  Little Fox awoke, and she went through her routine of emptying the chamber pot and then making breakfast. Still no Black Hawk. His horse was not tied at the shed where he had slept that first time he brought Little Fox to her. Reverend Phillips came to check on her, apologizing for their argument the day before. She felt much too hot as they talked and shared coffee. Did he know? Had he seen Black Hawk come to her cabin last night? Did she look different now?

  “Are you ill, Miss Gibbons?” Philips asked. “You look flushed.”

  “I’m fine.” Evelyn turned away to pour herself more coffee, unable to meet the man’s eyes.

  “Good heavens, I hope you aren’t coming down with the cholera!”

  “No, really, I’m fine. I’m just tired from all we’ve been through the last couple of weeks. Once Black Hawk comes for his son and leaves, I think I will take several days to rest before starting up the school again.”

  “That is a very good idea. I hope he comes today. I just hope he doesn’t make trouble when he finds out we couldn’t do anything about the sergeant or Seth Bridges.”

  “I’ll make sure he understands that he must not try going after whiskey peddlers himself, and I will assure him we will be doing everything we can to keep an eye on Seth Bridges and Jubal Desmond.”

  “Well, you can also assure him that the Army will be working harder to keep out the smugglers. Colonel Gere and Agent McLaughlin will see to that.”

  The reverend finally bade his farewell, and Evelyn was never more glad to see him leave. She breathed a sigh of relief. He apparently did not know about Black Hawk visiting her in the night, nor had he guessed anything by her appearance this morning. You look flushed. Yes, flushed with love and this wonderful new awakening to womanhood! How sad that it all had to be spoiled by the realization that a permanent union between herself and Black Hawk was next to impossible. She tried to determine what she should say, how she should behave when Black Hawk returned. Thank goodness he had left. What if the reverend had come and found the man here so early in the morning?

  Oh, how she wished her mother were still alive. How she needed to talk to someone who would understand what had just happened to her, would understand how a white woman could love an Indian man, someone who accepted her and loved her no matter what she did with her life. She almost felt like crying for the want of the woman, the need to ask her advice. But there was no one to turn to. She had to solve this dilemma on her own.

  Her heart rushed faster then when she heard a horse trotting toward the cabin. She hurried to a window and looked out. “Black Hawk!” she whispered.

  Evelyn stepped outside. For all her usual confidence, she was amazed at how the man watching her silently now could unravel her. She wanted to hate him for the predicament in which he had put her… yet she had done nothing to stop him last night. It was she who had come here in the first place, looking for this man who had haunted her dreams. She wanted to run to him now, embrace him; yet she also wanted to run away from him.

  “Where did you go?” she finally managed to ask.

  He looked toward the church, then back at her. “I slept on the ground, out of sight of the church. I did not think you would want others to wake up and see my horse or come here and find us together.”

  She nodded. “I appreciate that. We have much to talk about, much to decide, before others are allowed to know we—” She turned and went inside, feeling light-headed at the memory of what she had let this man do to her last night. Was she really the woman who had done those things? Wasn’t it someone else?

  In a moment Black Hawk was there, moving his arms around her from behind, nuzzling her neck. “We do have much to talk about, my sweet one.” He rubbed a hand firmly over her belly, and she drew in her breath, chastising herself for being unable to resist his touch. “You are my woman now, my wife in the Sioux way. Yet I know that a woman like you cannot come and live in a tipi and do nothing more. I in turn am not sure I can come here and live. I could not—”

  “Black Hawk, you have no choice.” She turned in his arms, resting her head against his chest and thinking how good he smelled. He wore a clean blue calico shirt and soft leggings. “Last night was the most… I never knew I could feel that way. I love you, Black Hawk. I don’t care what one person on this reservation thinks about it. I want you to stay here. We can be married the Christian way. Somehow it will work.” Her eyes misted as she leaned back to look up at him. “We can make it work, Black Hawk. Look!”

  She left him and walked to the foot of the cot, where she had set the box of canvases and paints that had finally arrived a few days earlier. She carried them to the table and opened the box. “I ordered these wood-backed canvases and paints for you through my father back in Wisconsin. I want you to use them to paint pictures you can sell. I have no doubt whatsoever that you could make a living with your painting. We’ll get in touch with dealers in St. Louis, maybe Chicago. My father will help. You could make a living the white man’s way, but you would be doing something you love, capturing the land and the animals and all the beauty out here on canvas, sending it to buyers who can enjoy the pictures and appreciate this land as it is seen through the eyes of one of its true natives.”

  He looked doubtful, but he reached into the box, fingering the canvas.

  “Don’t you see? It’s a way for us to be together but for you to remain right here where you love it so much. I can continue to teach, and—”

  “What happened with Seth Bridges and the sergeant?” he interrupted. “You have said nothing about it. I think it is because you do not want me to know.”

  She closed her eyes and sighed. “They found nothing, no proof that Seth Bridges did anything wrong. They found only one half-empty bottle of whiskey in the house, nothing in the barn or other buildings.” She turned away. “Sergeant Desmond, of course, denied having any connections with whiskey smugglers, and said his only connection with Seth Bridges was that he had seen his daughter socially a couple of times. Both of them were, of course, very angry and indignant.”

  Black Hawk grasped her arms and turned her to face him. “The sergeant will be even more angry with me. He will know I am the one who accused him. Until I can prove what he is doing and stop him and Seth Bridges, I cannot come here and live. The sergeant would be watching my every move. He would make sure I find much trouble, and he would make trouble for you also.”

  “I don’t care. We can survive it, Black Hawk.”

  He watched her lovingly; and the way his eyes raked over her gave her shivers of desire.

  “There is a vision yet to be fulfilled,” he reminded her. “Night Hunter said that a white man would die, and it will be much trouble for me. We do not know yet what this means.”

  Evelyn pulled away from him, folding her arms nervously. “I watched Wild Horse shot down in front of my eyes.” She faced him, a tear slipping down her cheek. “I don’t want the same thing to happen to you, Black Hawk. Please stay away from Sergeant Desmond and Seth Bridges. Let it go.”

  He shook his head. “I cannot allow either of them to do things that destroy my people’s pride. I want nothing more than to kill the sergeant. I know in my heart he is the one who killed Turtle Woman and Small Bear. It is only because Little Fox needs me that I do not hunt that man down and cut out his heart, but I can at least show others that he is doing wrong. Somehow I will find a way to prove it!”

  Evelyn put a hand to her forehead. “Then why did you come here last night?” she asked, her voice breaking on the words. “It wasn’t… fair to me. If you knew we couldn’t be together—”

  “I did not say that. I only said there is still something unfinished. Somehow we will be together, Evy, but not yet.”

  “Then when? You said you would not live here. My work is here, Black Hawk. I can’t and I won’t leave it. If loving you means losing support from Mission Services, then I will petition the government to take up that support. There is a need here, and they know it, I won
’t let my love for you keep me from teaching, and I won’t let you keep me from it. If you truly care about your people, you will want me to continue. You won’t ask me to quit.”

  He smiled sadly. “No. I would not ask that. You are a woman who does what is right in her heart, even when it means going against those you love most. That is part of why I love you.”

  Their eyes held. There were the words, finally. He had not just used her last night, only to scoff at her today. He loved her. He considered her his wife now. “You said you didn’t think you could come here and live, so how can we be together?”

  He sighed softly, reaching out and touching her cheek with the back of his hand. “I must think about all of this. I only meant I could not live completely like a white man, watching the clock, seldom laughing, never feeling truly free. I must think on these things, and when the vision is fulfilled, I will decide.”

  Evelyn felt an angry resentment at the words. “You should have done all this thinking before you came into this cabin last night!” She turned away. “You say I am your wife now. By white man’s thinking I am something else, at least until we are legally married.” She threw back her head. “I want you here with me, Black Hawk.”

  He walked up and touched her shoulders. “Not yet. There is still much to be settled. It is too soon to tell the reverend and Agent McLaughlin that we wish to be married the Christian way. They will not accept it. Perhaps they would send you away, and then we could not be together, because I am not allowed to leave this land, nor would I. It is my life’s blood.”

  “Then go!” She whirled. “Go away from here. I can’t bear to be around you and not be able to be together as husband and wife. I cannot have just a night with you now and again and nothing more. I only ask… I ask you to take the canvas with you and to think about what I said about how you could earn money the white man’s way. And I also ask that you leave Little Fox here with me. He needs schooling, Black Hawk, and now that Anita has died and I have no help, I cannot leave here to come out to you to teach him. If you would stay, I could also continue teaching you.”

  Black Hawk looked toward the curtained-off bedroom, feeling a great loneliness. He wished he knew what it was the spirits wanted from him. And how could he bear the emptiness of going back to his camp alone? Still, he knew she was right The lessons must continue, and this woman who stood before him was the only white person he trusted. “I will speak with Little Fox. If he agrees, I will leave him.”

  She stepped closer. “And you will go.” She shook her head. “Please don’t do this, Black Hawk. Don’t go looking for trouble, and don’t leave me. I belong to you now. If you knew we could not be together, then why did you come and steal my soul last night?”

  “Because it was necessary. It was what you wanted and needed, and it was the same for me. I could not go one more day without possessing you, and I felt no protest from you. If you had asked me to stop, I would have.”

  She stiffened. “Then I am asking you now. I cannot live two lives! Go and see your son. Decide if he will stay or go. Either way, you must go back to your own camp. Do your praying. Go and talk to Night Hunter. Do whatever it is you think you need to do before you come back to me. Go and get yourself shot, if you think you must!” She shivered, new tears coming, the memory of seeing Wild Horse’s body riddled with bullets remaining ever fresh in her mind. “Just don’t wring such passion and need from me until you can come here and be fully mine and are willing to stay… and until you can accept the fact that there is nothing you can do about Sergeant Desmond or Seth Bridges. That is Army business, Black Hawk! I refuse to relive the kind of agony my mother suffered when Wild Horse was killed!”

  Black Hawk studied her stoic reserve, the determined glare in her eyes, then stepped closer, leaning down and touching her cheek with his own. “It is too late for you not to suffer if something should happen to me.”

  He left her then, and Evelyn stood rigid while he walked into the bedroom to talk to Little Fox. She loved him. She hated him. She wanted him to stay, yet she knew he must go… for now. She heard Little Fox protesting, heard Black Hawk continue to talk to him softly, urgently, telling him he could trust her and promising he would see that Many Birds began coming to school.

  After several minutes Black Hawk reappeared. “My son will stay,” he told her.

  She met his eyes, knowing how much it hurt him to leave the boy.

  “I have told him it is best.”

  She nodded. She wanted to scream at him for doing this to her. Her body still ached from their night of lovemaking. His eyes moved over her again, and she felt naked, trembling at the realization of what she had allowed this man to do to her in the darkness of night.

  Black Hawk walked over and picked up the box of canvases and paints. “I will tie this to my horse.”

  A faint ray of hope that things could change erased some of her anxiety. He would paint, as she had asked. If she could sell some of those paintings, she could show him just how valuable they were, show him that sometimes white man’s money could be earned by creating a thing of beauty and doing what a man loved to do.

  Don’t go, Black Hawk. I never thought that I could fall so deeply in love with a man such as you, but I have, and I need you. She turned away. “Go, then.”

  She waited, heard the screen door open and close. Moments later she heard a horse trotting away. She covered her face with her hand and sat down in a chair, unable to control the tears of torn emotions.

  Twenty-one

  Seth scowled with curiosity at who might be at his door after dark. Whoever it was, they pounded on the door again. “Hold on!” Seth barked, hoping the agency had not found another reason to send soldiers to the house. It would be difficult explaining the bruises on Lucille’s face. “Who is it!”

  “It’s me—Jubal. Let me in, damn it, before somebody sees me. My horse is hid in your barn!”

  Seth quickly opened the door, and the sergeant hustled himself inside. “I found out it was Black Hawk who set the agency on us,” he said angrily, without a hello.

  Seth closed the door and followed the irritated Jubal into the parlor.

  “I think that sonofabitch might be sweet on the schoolteacher, and her on him!” Desmond continued. He walked over and picked up a whiskey bottle on the floor near Seth’s chair. “Can you believe that?” He swallowed some of the amber liquid.

  “Only thing I believe is there ain’t an Indian man alive who wouldn’t like to stick a white woman, and there ain’t a white woman alive that ain’t secretly hot for most any man who’ll give her a smile; and there’s plenty of these prim and proper missionary ladies who fantasize about big bucks like Black Hawk. Sure, I’d believe it. How’d you find out?”

  “I didn’t, not all of it anyway. I just figured it out. Lieutenant Teller told me—” Just then Jubal noticed Lucille lying curled up on a cot in a corner of the room. A sniffling Katy sat beside her on the edge of the cot. Even by the rather dim lantern light he could see Lucille’s face was badly bruised. One eye was swollen and black. She glared back at him sullenly, and Jubal turned around and looked at Seth. “What the hell happened?”

  Seth’s hands went into fists. “The bitch tried to threaten me—said she’d go to the agency and tell them where I’ve got the whiskey hid if I touched her again or bothered Katy. I had to remind her who has the last word around here. She’s damn lucky I didn’t finish her punishment by haulin’ Katy upstairs, but she’s got me there, and the little slut knows it. We come to an agreement. I don’t touch Katy, she don’t go runnin’ to the agency. She figured just because she knew where the whiskey is, she had somethin’ on me. I had to remind her that ain’t how it works.” Seth glowered at Katy, knowing how intimidating it had been for her to watch him beat her sister. “Katy there knows better than to even think about tellin’ any tall stories herself. She knows I’d find a way to get out of trouble, and I’d come back for her and her sister both, only then I’d
kill her sister.” He stepped a little closer to both girls. “You don’t want Lucille’s death to be your fault, do you, Katy?”

  The girl just continued her quiet crying, saying nothing. Seth turned back to the sergeant. “Don’t concern yourself with them two. How do you know Black Hawk might be seein’ the schoolteacher?”

  Desmond met his eyes with anger. “If those girls get me in trouble—”

  “They won’t.”

  “Even so, I’m through coming here. It’s not worth the risk. I found out it was Black Hawk who told someone he saw you meet a riverboat with your wagon and suspected you got whiskey in return for your corn. It was Reverend Phillips who finally admitted that was where the information came from. The way I see it, the only person Black Hawk trusts around here is Miss Evelyn Gibbons. I think he told her and she told the reverend. Black Hawk wouldn’t want to go to the agency or to the lieutenant himself. He might get in trouble, letting them know he’s sneaking around looking for whiskey smugglers. That’s why nobody would say anything at first about who started this whole thing. The reverend and the schoolteacher were protecting Black Hawk.”

  Seth grabbed the whiskey bottle out of the sergeant’s hand and took a swallow himself. “That red bastard! I’ll find a way to kill that sonofabitch someday!”

  “I’ll probably do it first. I want him dead, too, for more reasons than him making trouble over whiskey traders.”