Come Undone

by Madelynne Ellis

  Dani straddled his lap so they sat facing. She ran her hand through his long hair, teasing it back off his face. He looked drawn and weary. A thin veneer of stoicism overlaid a fractured, fragile core. ‘Is that why we’re here, because of their attitude?’

  ‘Elspeth crowing about the wedding was the final straw. But if it hadn’t been that, then it would have something else, probably once we were in the studios laying down tracks. Tensions always ride pretty high then.’

  Dani cupped his face and pressed a gentle kiss to his full lips. He was trembling slightly as they parted; she could feel the shiver running just beneath his skin. She kissed him again, this time more deeply. It wasn’t a sexual kiss, more a show of affection and support. She hoped he understood.

  ‘Xane, have you ever used?’ she asked, gripped with a sudden fear for his safety. To her relief, he shook his head.

  ‘I’ve far too big a self-preservation streak. I don’t even smoke, Dani, and I never have. Although that’s not to say I’m any sort of saint. I’ve my weaknesses.’

  ‘Booze?’

  ‘Sex,’ he said, breaking into a sheepish smile. ‘And I shouldn’t grin about it, because it’s not actually funny.’

  ‘Is that what we’re doing?’

  ‘No – no. Please don’t think that. I’m talking about mindless fucking – sex for the sole purpose of losing myself, and of being too numb to care. And it’s the easiest thing in the world to come by. You’ve seen what the fans are like. Three, four, five girls a night.’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘It’s not fun, it’s meaningless.’

  ‘It’s why you were so irritable last night, when you thought I was only after your body?’

  ‘I’m sick of being used, Dani. I’m sick of the expectations. I love the music and the glamour, the theatre of it, but sometimes you need to turn off the lights, go home and be normal; eat pizza and veg out. My problem is that, expectations being what they are, indulging in downtime doesn’t fit in with anybody’s game plan.’

  Dani nodded as she considered his words and found her perception of the band had been redrawn. They weren’t a tightly knit band of brothers, more like a collection of overgrown, egotistical teenagers. Also, much as she despised Elspeth for what she’d done, she couldn’t help being a tiny bit grateful to her. If it wasn’t for Elspeth’s actions she would never have found herself here with Xane.

  She snuggled up against him and squeezed him tight.

  Xane scraped his hand through the front of his long hair. ‘Can we stop talking about me now? Let’s talk about you? Who is Dani Fosbrook?’

  Dani, completely averse to talking about herself, snagged hold of the duvet and wrestled it back onto the bed and around her shoulders. ‘You know who I am. I’m just me. Just ordinary.’

  ‘You’re not ordinary.’ His gaze dropped to the girdle of marks around her hips. He pulled her tight against his body, so his heat warmed her skin and her breasts squashed against his pecs. ‘And everyone has a story.’

  ‘You’ve seen where I live. You’ve met my flatmate.’

  ‘Have you living parents? Siblings?’

  He wanted to ask about the marks. She knew he did and was endlessly grateful that he didn’t. So grateful she actually spat out a few truths about herself.

  ‘There’s only mum and me. Dad left when I was eleven. I came home from school one day and he’d gone. Everything he owned, just carved from the house like he’d never existed.’

  Xane found her hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘I assume they divorced.’

  ‘Actually, no. Mum’s deeply religious, so they’re still married, even though they haven’t seen each other for nearly ten years.’

  Dani brought their joined hands up to her mouth and kissed their fingers. ‘It’s weird telling you this stuff for real. I used to talk to you all the time about it, just so that I had someone to offload onto.’

  ‘Sounds as if I’ve things to catch up on.’

  ‘No, it was nonsense, most of it.’ To quieten him, she dipped her head and tugged one of his nipple piercings with her tongue, which actually caused him to groan, not shush.

  Dani released his nipple. ‘Quiet now or maybe I’ll use some of that tape on you.’ She licked a trail down the centre of his abdomen.

  Xane shuffled down the bed at the same time, so he reclined beneath her when she finally reached her goal. He stiffened quickly in her mouth, coming to full attention in seconds. ‘Dani, you don’t have to.’

  ‘I want to. I want to make you feel good. I want to show you how much I love … touching you.’

  Close. She’d almost made the mistake of voicing what he surely already knew but definitely wouldn’t want to hear.

  He’s not for keeps, she reminded herself as she sucked him off. It didn’t matter how hot they were together, or how much pillow talk they shared, she’d only be setting herself up for disappointment if she dared imagine anything permanent.

  Chapter 23

  Dani woke to the sound of Xane’s scream. It was more a sound of triumph than an expression of pain or she’d have sat up a whole lot quicker. Dazedly, she squinted at her surroundings, trying to locate him. The howling appeared to be coming from the lounge, but Xane still occupied the bed beside her.

  ‘Make it stop,’ he grumbled, pulling a pillow over his head.

  Damn! It was her phone shrieking its way through ‘Midnight Wych’, not Xane.

  Reluctantly, Dani crawled to the foot of the bed. The only clothing within reach was a pair of Xane’s socks, so she made a daring sprint through to the lounge, where she grabbed a throw off the sofa in order to cover herself.

  ‘Dani?’ Ginny squealed into her ear. ‘You are alive. That’s a relief. I thought I was going to have to notify Interpol. What happened to my update, eh, girl? As soon as you arrived, you promised. You didn’t even send me a text.’

  ‘Sorry,’ she croaked, still squinting at the brightness of the room. They hadn’t closed any of the curtains last night, so sunlight poured in despite the voiles. ‘I was kinda tied up.’

  ‘What, like genuinely?’ Ginny’s shriek pulverised her eardrums. She winced and held the phone away from her head. Even so, Ginny’s reaction came through loud and clear. ‘Oh, my God! What’s he into? Spill all, babe. Is he freaking you? He’s into rope bondage, isn’t he? Tell me he’s into bondage. Did he tie you up and do you while you were restrained? I bet he has one of those tables that looks like a rack, or a bondage swing. Girl, if he did you in a bondage swing I swear I’m going to murderise you when you come back.’

  ‘Gin – I only meant that I was busy,’ Danny interjected, gingerly returning the phone to her ear. Ginny didn’t need to know that Xane had used tape to restrain her, not rope. Details like that could wait until the pair of them were enjoying a girly night in, or a squirmy night in, as she often thought of them, given Ginny’s love of getting explicit. Also, it seemed rather crass to share details when Xane was only in the next room.

  ‘So, he didn’t … you know …’ Ginny huffed, evidently disappointed that Xane hadn’t lived up to her sordid fantasies. ‘But you are still with him, and he’s treating you OK?’

  OK didn’t really cover it, but it would do for the purposes of satisfying Ginny’s curiosity.

  Dani’s gaze strayed back to the bedroom. Through the archway that separated the two rooms, she could see Xane’s feet poking from beneath the duvet. She experienced a strange urge to throw away the phone and go and climb astride him. Maybe she’d hold him hostage for a while, torment him, until he agreed to let her watch him shower.

  Xane plus soap suds were guaranteed to be sexy. People would pay to watch him lather up with foam. Hell, they already paid to watch him splash around the odd pint of fake blood. Women would certainly pay more for tickets if they got to see him starkers.

  ‘Erm, did you phone for any particular reason other than to check up on me? Because I’d quite like to get back into bed now.’

  ‘I see you’ve adopted the rock-star lifestyle
pretty fast.’ Ginny mocked. She laughed good-naturedly. ‘It’s past midday, missus, in case you hadn’t noticed, and that’s accounting for the time difference.’

  No way, she never slept this late.

  ‘And actually, I did call for another reason. Listen, is Xane with you now? Because I have someone here who really needs to speak to him.’

  ‘Who?’ Dani demanded, ceasing her search for a clock to confirm the hour. Whom did Ginny know who would possibly need to talk to Xane? And why, if it was important, hadn’t they called him direct? For that matter, how did they even know she was with Xane, unless Ginny had told them?

  ‘If this is some reporter you’ve struck a deal with, I’m not being part of it.’

  ‘It’s legit, OK. So stop getting your knickers in a twist. His band mates are with me, you know, the other members of Black Halo. The ones that play the instruments and that Xane is stitching up by being there with you having kinky sex, instead of being here sorting out all the mayhem he’s caused.’

  Dani bristled at the insinuation. It was Xane who was responsible for writing all those double stops and solo licks the guys were famous for. Plus, it was plain unfair to blame him for the current trouble. If anyone had instigated it, that was Elspeth – although she knew the situation was far more complicated than a tiff over a wedding. All things considered, Xane’s response had been remarkably restrained. A less controlled man would probably have resorted to violence by now.

  ‘If they’re his mates, then presumably they have his number. Why haven’t they called him, instead of using you to get to me?’

  ‘Babe, he’s not answering. Do you really think I’m interested in being the go-between for a group of rock stars?’

  Dani shook her head at the phone. Although if you removed the ‘go’ and replaced it with ‘in’ then Ginny would totally be game. That girl liked nothing better than a good tussle.

  ‘Dani, is he there with you?’

  ‘Hm.’ She’d spotted Xane’s phone lying on the table, minus its battery and sim card, but she still didn’t feel inclined to put him on.

  ‘Please, Dani. The guys only want a few words with him.’

  ‘He’s sleeping.’

  ‘Then wake him up.’

  A scuffle seemed to break out on Ginny’s end of the line. Dani frowned at her phone, wondering if she ought to hang up, or at least take some time to pull on some clothes. Even though Xane had seen her sin marks now, and promised not to question her about them, and even though he’d proved his attraction to her repeatedly, it still felt wrong to be wandering around in only a glorified shawl. She didn’t think she’d ever be entirely happy frolicking about in the altogether.

  ‘Daniella, is it?’ A throaty male voice replaced Ginny’s. ‘This is Paul Reed. Put Xane on. I don’t care if he’s asleep, hung over or even taking a crap. I need to speak to him, right now. Please.’ He added as an afterthought.

  Rock Giant, she realised. Mister tall, scary and weirdly sexy, if you liked guys built like tree trunks.

  ‘You know this is not all his fault,’ she remarked, determined to defend Xane. She wasn’t going to let him take the rap for this. Xane was a victim as much as the other guys. They ought to be hounding Elspeth Shriik, or questioning Steve Matlock, not yelling at Xane. After all, what sort of arsehole stole his mate’s girlfriend? And what sort of bitch broke up with someone by flashing him a wedding ring?

  ‘What are you doing?’ Xane asked from the bedroom.

  Dani paced towards him with her phone held in her outstretched hand. ‘Rock Giant wants to talk to you.’

  ‘Tell him to piss off.’

  ‘Um,’ she hesitated, reluctant to relay that particular message. She wasn’t sure how being rude was going to be useful. ‘Maybe you should tell him yourself. Or even, maybe, talk to him.’

  ‘That’d be useful,’ Rock Giant’s voice rumbled through the receiver.

  Xane snatched the phone. ‘What?’ he hollered. ‘Aren’t I allowed a minute’s peace?’

  ‘Not if all you’re doing is using it to screw pretty ladies. How many were there last night, five, six?’

  ‘I was with Dani.’

  ‘Yeah, you’re so chewed up about Elspeth and Steve that you picked up the first bird that walked past and ran away with her. That’s not grieving, Xane. That’s being an arsehole. And breaking the band up because you’re not top dog any more is just sad. Now will you quit with the pity party and get your dumb arse back here so we can sort out the financial mess you’ve created or do I have to send the men with straitjackets for a nice stay in rehab? Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. Does she know you’re using her?’

  ‘F off, Paul. I’m not using anyone, and there is no financial mess. We cancelled one show. We might be slightly out of pocket, but I don’t think we’re going to need to get out the collecting buckets. And there’s no need to do anything about the studio time we have booked. I’m sure I’ll have something to work on. What else is there to talk about? The band’s finished, as I told Ash, when he tried to hold me hostage in my own fucking house. I suggest you all think about why that is.’

  ‘You’re a dick, Xane.’

  ‘Not half as big a one as you.’

  ‘Maybe we’ll just replace you.’

  ‘Yeah? Try it and I’ll see you in court.’

  ‘Fuck you.’

  ‘I can’t work with people who show no respect for my feelings.’

  ‘Maybe you should try showing some respect for theirs. Why can’t you be happy for them, Xane?’

  Xane whipped the phone away from his ear and threw it so that it smashed against the wall. Sadly, while the screen cracked, the call remained connected.

  ‘You should have stepped up first, Xane. It wasn’t as if you didn’t know what she wanted.’

  ‘This is not about whether or not I wanted to get hitched,’ he yelled. ‘Why are you all so fucking obsessed with Elspeth? Have you remotely considered that I might be more cut up about being shafted by Steve? Or, that, you know, they’re only the tip of the problem?’

  ‘Steve shafting you is –’

  Dani gingerly tiptoed over to where the phone had come to rest and picked it up. She turned off the phone, cutting off Rock Giant in mid-sentence, and then retrieved the data card, which she stowed carefully in her purse.

  To her relief, Xane no longer looked as though he was about to rampage like a madman. He sat cross-legged on the bed with his elbows resting on his knees and his long hair drawn over his face like a shroud.

  ‘I’m sorry about your phone,’ he apologised. ‘I’m not generally violent, but I can do without Paul Reed telling me I’m the one at fault. You’re welcome to have my phone, or I can get you a new one, whichever you prefer.’

  ‘I thought Rock Giant was supposed to be a big softy.’

  ‘Only if you’re blonde, about five foot tall and female. Otherwise he’s an opinionated git. I know it probably doesn’t look good that I’ve come here with you, but I had to get away from them … And this isn’t about me wishing them ill. I hope they’re very happy together. They totally deserve one another. And I’m not just using you, Dani. You’re the only one who understands at the minute.’

  Dani parted his curtain of hair. The graze he’d sustained last night had scabbed over. Naked, it made him look vulnerable. ‘The guys are just frustrated. They’re thinking about their careers, and not how this is impacting you as a person. They want things to be simple, that’s all.’

  ‘Nothing’s ever simple,’ he grumbled.

  ‘It can be. This is,’ she said, releasing the knot in the throw she’d fastened around herself.

  Xane extended his hand towards her, which she pressed to the soft skin of her bared stomach.

  ‘It can be as simple or complex as you need it. Tell me what you need.’

  ‘Don’t tempt me, Dani.’

  ‘Whatever fantasy you have, whoever, whatever, you need me to be.’

  Xane eyed her thoughtfully.
‘You’re sweet, and too good for me.’

  ‘I think I liked it better when you accused me of torture.’

  ‘You’re that too.’ He ran a hand down the length of her arm. ‘I’m genuinely sorry about your phone.’

  Dani pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. ‘It’s OK. The only person who ever calls me is Ginny, and I’d rather she didn’t call again at the moment.’ Given whom she was hanging out with, Dani wouldn’t be surprised if Ginny tried to put Elspeth on next time.

  ‘I’m not trying to screw them over. We’ve all worked hard at this, but I can’t go on with things the way they are.’

  ‘I know,’ she said, cradling his head against her chest. ‘I’m here for you. Just like you’ve always been there for me.’

  Xane’s fingers lightly traced the scars over her left buttock. ‘I wasn’t really there, Dani.’

  ‘You were,’ she insisted, pushing him backwards so that he fell amongst the jumbled bedclothes. ‘Through your music you were. Here, turn over. Let me work out the tension in your shoulders.’

  Xane sighed, and then rolled onto his stomach. She knew from his tone of voice that his expectations for relieving his tensions were pretty low.

  Dammit, Ginny, did you have to intrude?

  Dani flexed her fingers. All right, she was going to do this, work the tension out of him and the sexy back in. Maybe then her offering to do anything for him would result in something more exciting than a massage.

  Such as him allowing her to smother him in chocolate body paint and lick it all off.

  Chapter 24

  Xane buried his face in the pillows. Tension knotted his shoulders and most of his spine. He appreciated Dani’s efforts, but he just wasn’t feeling very sexy at the moment. Instead he had a Black Halo inferno raging inside his skull. Couldn’t any of them see that by ruthlessly hounding him they were making the situation worse? He hadn’t been persuaded by Ash’s suggestion that instead of splitting they ought to fire Steve and Elspeth, and after Rock Giant’s tirade he was certain that wouldn’t work. Not without sacking Rock Giant too. That in turn would upset Spook. And if because of that they’d reduced the core of the band to two, then they might as well start afresh anyway, in which case it made sense to call it a day on Black Halo. Rock Giant’s last remark, the one Dani had thankfully cut short, had been completely uncalled for. Of course the guys would think it all a big joke. It wasn’t a joke to him though. He teared up thinking about it. Memories of Steve, behind him, above him, touching him as Dani was doing now, momentarily overwhelmed him.