Wounds That Won’t Heal

by Calle J. Brookes

  He thought he was responsible for protecting the world, and was angry at himself for what had happened to her. Did he think she wouldn’t figure that out quickly?

  Did he think he was the reason she had been hurt? Of course he did. It was the way the man thought.

  His arrogance demanded that he take the blame. She might be hot for him, but that didn't mean she was blind to the man's faults. His fears. She'd spent quite a few hours over the last two months discussing just those faults with Ari and Lacy, after all.

  No, if she was going to be involved with him, she would be involved with him—warts and all. Both his and hers.

  It was time she went and found her frog.

  113

  He was downstairs in her father’s kitchen, competently helping Lacy and Mel cook dinner. Jillian just paused and stared. She didn’t know he cooked. Why did that surprise her?

  Rafe was more than competent at everything he touched.

  He looked up at her, an inscrutable look in his demon dark eyes.

  Ari was nearby, pulling plates out of the cabinet and handing them to the governor. Who seemed to always be right next to her lately.

  When had that happened?

  Jillian had to admit she’d been a bit out of the loop, but she’d like to think she’d have noticed if something was going on with Ari, right?

  Rafe looked at her. “You shouldn’t be up.”

  “I’m good. A little sore—ok, a lot sore—but I’ll be ok. Hunger is the biggest issue.” That, and finding her frog. He really was a beautiful frog. Jillian probably shocked half the people in the room when she walked up to his side and hugged him. He’d been in her room every time she’d wakened, except this last.

  That was more of a draw than food. She’d needed to see him.

  He paused and his arms went around her; he was careful to keep them below her rear. None of the lacerations were south of her waist.

  She’d be able to sit, at least. Jillian stretched up to where she could whisper in his ear. “I missed you.”

  His hands tightened on her.

  What she had just done was as good a public declaration as she could make. “You need to sit down. Rest.”

  “Rafe, I’m ok. I promise. Sore, but I’ll heal.” She’d heal. She was already healing. Jillian closed her eyes and took a deep breath as that sank in.

  Bad things had happened to her since Albright. And she hadn’t fallen apart. Hadn’t fractured into a million pieces. Not like she had after her mother had died almost six years ago.

  She’d gotten through.

  Albright hadn’t taken that from her.

  She could still get through. Could still live her life, could still have a future with a wonderful, beautiful, kind, powerful, compassionate, intense man.

  She still had hope.

  Rafe had made her see that.

  Jillian tightened her arms around him and just buried her face in the strong chest in front of her and listened to his heart beating against her cheek, as the rest of the world just faded away.

  114

  Ari almost dropped the plates. Only Marc’s hands stopped them. He smiled at her, looking very much like his cousin Elliot and his brother Travis, and took the plates from her. He leaned forward. “Surprised?”

  “A little. I guess it’s real. Like real real.” She hated to sound skeptical, but what was Jillian doing?

  There was something on her friend’s face that told Ari so much.

  Jillian looked happy. Really happy, like she used to. It was hard for Ari to believe it was because of Rafe.

  Ari’s attention went to her brother next. It was hard to think of him like that, like he was Luc or one of her four younger brothers, but he was.

  And if he was now involved with her best friend, she was not going to ever be able to forget that.

  At least he wasn’t as unlikeable as she’d first thought. Rafe buried his face in Jillian’s hair and just held her. Ari watched as emotions she couldn’t identify went across his face.

  That’s when it hit her.

  Her brother loved Jillian. Just as much as Travis loved Lacy.

  Did Rafe and Jillian even realize that?

  Ari worried her bottom lip as she thought about it, until someone nudged her gently and she realized she’d been staring.

  Marc—he’d told her to call him that when they’d been sharing the hospital waiting room after Lacy had been hurt—looked at her, then leaned closer. “I think she’s hooked him.”

  “Hooked?”

  “He’s a real goner.” Marc smiled at her gently as he set the plates on the table. “It’s about time. I knew he’d fall hard when he found a woman he could love.”

  Ari nodded, not sure what to say. She’d never loved someone that deeply.

  But Marc had. It was in his eyes when he looked at his—their—brother. His grief was so strong she could almost touch it.

  Ari reached out and impulsively hugged him lightly.

  He just looked like he needed it.

  She pulled back quickly and then grabbed the silverware.

  She’d have to process the idea of something serious developing between Jillian and Rafe later. After she’d caught them kissing that one day, she’d asked Jillian about it.

  But her friend had been seriously confused.

  Jillian didn’t look so confused now.

  115

  Two days of intense searching over every video camera and over every file had yielded him no results. Whoever had orchestrated what had happened to Jillian—whoever had taken the boxes of Solpalmitraln—were nowhere to be found.

  It was almost as if the man responsible had had access to the layout of every hospital security camera in the building. It was entirely possible. The former COMs hadn’t exactly run a tight ship.

  Rafe had had Vincent, the head of the security department, readjust the cameras personally to eliminate that ever happening again.

  And then Rafe had listened to Vincent’s proposal for an entirely new, upgraded, and much needed system.

  He’d have to shift the budget some, but Rafe was determined to make it work.

  It was vital that the hospital and its patients and employees were kept safe. Period. The Board would just have to adjust.

  But that was a problem for later. He had a more immediate one in front of him.

  Rafe looked at the woman like she was crazy. "You're not going back, not yet."

  "And why not? I can still move, I can still do my job. It's been three full days, Rafe; I can't keep taking days off like this." She had her hands on her hips and glared up at him like she had so many other times before.

  She was back to feeling like her normal self again, ready to tear into him whenever she thought he deserved it.

  Rafe had to admit, he was happy to see it. Fire. She had fire and that was exactly what he needed. "You have good reason. And I'm the damned head of the hospital. If I say you should take a few more days off to let your back heal, then that's the way it should be."

  "And how well will that go over with the Board? With the rest of the hospital? We both know they’re already talking about us.” She winced as she said it, and Rafe understood. A moment of guilt rushed through him. He’d opened her up to this scrutiny, and he knew it.

  Any woman stuck with him—especially one who worked at FCGH—would be right there in the fishbowl with him.

  Jillian was risking her career by being with him so openly. And she hadn’t said one word of complaint about it. Did she not care? Or was it just Jillian’s damn-the-torpedoes attitude in everything? A rush of emotion for the she-devil went right through him. “I won't let anyone say that I'm taking advantage of you."

  She was protecting him. The idea of that was so ridiculous he wanted to smile. "Now that's just being difficult. Stubborn. You were hurt. Doesn't that matter for anything? Two more days. Then you can go back to terrorizing the ER as much as you want. I'll even drive you in myself. Buy you lunch in the cafeteria." Why did the woman
have to be so stubborn? She was hurting, it was in the way she was moving. Anyone could see that.

  "Just one more day. And that's it. I'll call Wanda myself. Don't you go behind my back and change the schedule, either. Total honesty, Rafe. And you let me make my own decisions." She leveled a look at him out of those eyes of hers. "I don't need some big barbarian hovering over me just because we’ve slept together."

  116

  She heard Ari squeak behind her and heard his brothers laugh. Lacy just snickered.

  "Tell him, Jill. Show him who wears the pants around here."

  "Stuff it, McGareth." She didn't look at Lacy, but knew the other woman was still laughing. Why should they beat around the bush? Or pretend the elephant in the room just wasn’t there?

  She and Rafe had been back and forth between their two houses a dozen times since he’d brought her home from the hospital. She’d helped him clean up the rest of the glass that morning.

  Her father had helped cover his broken front windows with plywood until the glass could be custom cut to fix it.

  She'd slept with the man. More than once—though they hadn’t had sex since the morning of the great window incident, as Lacy had started referring to it.

  He’d started off in her family’s guest room, but Jillian wasn’t about to let that happen. Let him get strange ideas. She’d crawled in right next to him, and he’d opened his arms and moved right over. Then he’d held her gently until she’d fallen right back asleep.

  The second night there had been no question that she was going to be in the guest room’s larger bed with him.

  Her father had just told her that he trusted her to know what she was doing.

  Jillian did. She’d found her man and she wasn’t about to let him go. Rafe was hers.

  Jillian had told him that in the middle of the night—total honesty, and all—and he’d fully agreed.

  Reciprocated. With a nice hot make-out session.

  She wasn't going to deny it, even if she could. Jillian's parents had taught her a long time ago to own her own actions. To be responsible for herself and all things.

  It was time he learned that from the get-go. Besides something was going on at that hospital and it involved him.

  She was going to be there as much as she could, just in case he needed her. Jillian knew better than to tell him that. He'd go all barbarian protective in an instant.

  She had his measure now, big and grumbly and frightening looking at times. But inside, he would do anything for the people he cared about. He'd hovered over her from the moment the shooting had happened.

  She’d made the decision to be with him and that meant everything. She just hoped he was ready for the ride. She didn't know where they would end up.

  There were no guarantees, she wasn't even certain what she wanted from the future yet.

  But she wasn't a quitter, and she was going to try with him. Maybe they would just be together for a little while, but for whatever reason, it was because she believed they were supposed to in that instant.

  She was meant to be with this man right now and he wasn't going to escape her by hiding in his office at FCGH. He'd better just get that out of his head. No matter how stubbornly he refused to see that.

  He looked at her again, and that’s when she caught it. Understood. Her heart softened toward him instantly. “Rafe, you can’t protect me from the hospital forever. It’s time.”

  117

  They’d compromised. He’d wanted two more days. She’d given him one. He’d called Wanda himself to have her added back to the schedule.

  “So it’s true. You and the king of FCGH.” Allen asked her, after they finished the lunch he’d nagged her into spending with him on her first day back. Rafe hadn’t been able to meet her in the cafeteria. But Allen had offered, and she’d not been able to tell him no. "You're definitely involved."

  Jillian understood how the rumor mill worked. The top of the food chain would always be the one most gossiped about. People would be watching to see if he failed. Floundered.

  Screwed around with an underlying. She winced at that one.

  Every screw-up he made was going to be fodder for those filled with jealousy and spite at his success. The very thought of that ticked her off, too.

  That he was hot, young, and available would just intensify that. There’d been a few snide remarks made in her hearing about her, but Jillian just hadn’t cared. But she wouldn’t have anyone talk bad about him. He didn’t deserve it—he was trying to save the hospital. They should respect him.

  She looked at the man across the table from her. "Are they talking about us a lot?”

  Allen leaned closer, a handsome man with warm honey brown hair and light gray eyes. She'd always liked Allen, but he wasn’t the kind of man she’d wanted a relationship with, though she knew that was what he’d wanted for a while there. She’d told herself it was doctors in general she didn’t want.

  Boy, had she been wrong.

  She hadn’t wanted Allen because Allen wasn’t Rafe. Period. As simple as that.

  “Honey, you know they are. You know how it is around here. That damned Snotty Garlic didn't help matters. And with Lacy and Holden-Deane's brother hooking up, people are naturally turning toward you as the one most likely to get his attention. And you have to admit, the way the two of you started off with each other... So, how deeply involved are you?"

  There was a little expression in his eyes that told her he was hoping that it wasn't deep. Jillian wasn't stupid; she'd known he had wanted more from her for a very long time. Those wishes were still there in his gray eyes. "Allen… I'm not going to lie to you. There are feelings between Rafe and me. Feelings we’re still trying to figure out. Ones I never expected, especially now.” Tears sprang to her eyes as she remembered how gentle and tender and hungry he’d been with her and then the fire that had burned between them. She wiped her eyes quietly and smiled. “I didn’t expect, couldn’t predict, and I don’t know what is going to happen next. You understand that? I didn’t think I’d love him. But I think I do. Damn it. I did not want this."

  His hand covered hers. Allen looked about ready to panic. “Hey, no waterworks and talking about love. You know I’m a big softie. If he makes you happy, then go for what you want. That’s all we can do. Don’t let the damned soap opera where we work keep you apart. For what it’s worth, attitude aside, he’s a good man. One of the best in his field I have ever seen.”

  “I know.” He was successful, powerful, in charge and dynamic. She just wasn’t certain exactly where the two of them together would to fit. But she was determined to make sure that fit they did. “I’m going to head back now. I have ten minutes. I want to go see him for a minute.”

  Allen smiled, an expression almost sad in a way. He really was a beautiful, kind-hearted, good man. He just hadn’t been the man for her. They both knew that. “I don’t want to know what you’re planning. Go. And take a few extra minutes if you need it. I’ll cover for you with Wanda. Go, I’m going to make a few calls of my own.”

  Jillian went.

  118

  Jess knew she’d finally pushed the goon to the limit. And she couldn’t put him off any longer. He’d been hounding her for five days now, since he’d almost killed that damned Jillian and the COM.

  She had only one choice left. “Come on back. I’ve missed you.”

  “Not going to work this time. I’ve covered your ass as much as I could. And it’s time I moved on. Cleaned up a few messes.” He backed her up until she was pressed against the white concrete of the hospital behind her. She never should have come out this way for her lunch break.

  She should have known he’d be waiting.

  He hadn’t been too happy when she’d put him off earlier. But what was she supposed to do?

  Allen had been on the phone then, demanding answers to how his information had been used without his knowledge. Because he’d faced questions from Dr. Holden-Deane that he hadn’t been able to answer. Allen was s
uper pissed. And Jess hadn’t admitted to doing anything.

  If he ever did find out, she was screwed. What she could lose wasn’t hard to see.

  Jess wasn’t certain Allen bought her excuse that it definitely wasn’t her.

  He was a smart man. He was going to figure things out eventually. She could only distract any of them for so long.

  She couldn’t lose Allen. That thought had panic almost threatening nausea. She couldn’t lose Allen.

  He meant too much to her.

  And not just because of her plans, either.

  “What won’t work?”

  “Tits and ass. A guy can get them anywhere, you know.” He smirked at her, but he was reaching for her. He’d take what she offered, and they both knew it.

  Jess was disgusted by what he was going to do, but she didn’t protest.

  She had too much on the line.

  By the time she realized he was going to hurt her instead of screw her, it was just far too late.

  She took her last breath staring up into his cruel, leering face and wishing she’d done everything differently with the one man who could have truly loved her.

  119

  Jillian chose the smart way out and went on her last break with Fin. Everyone kept pestering her, wanting to know the latest scoop. On her and Rafe. Regardless of how rude they were being. And some had been really, really rude. Astonishingly so.

  Didn’t anyone have any manners anymore?

  No one wanted to risk alienating the one woman who had the ear of the Board whenever she wanted it. Fin was the safest choice.

  No wonder, Fin’s uncle was on the Board. It had perks.

  “It’ll blow over. I take it this thing between you and Rafe is long term?”

  Jillian glanced at her friend’s face. “Yes. It’s not what either of us had planned, but I’m not backing down because some people don’t have lives of their own.” Jillian shot a glare at two Pediatrics nurses who had actually pointed at her. Seriously?