Blood of the Rainbow

by Shelia Chapman

  Jared took Sara’s hand. He kissed it and held it against his cheek, as tears filled his eyes. That same sweet face was still there, but his precious wife wasn’t. His soulmate for all eternity had stepped into the great beyond. All that remained was her body. A shell that once housed a spirit so strong and free it put the angels to shame.

  He looked around the room at all the familiar equipment. Machines he’d seen and used many times, yet now they seemed foreign. Invisible demons, sitting in wait to steal his dream. The respirator rose and fell in perfect rhythm. The EKG – what a liar it was – showed a strong, steady heartbeat. At least for now. Soon it would still and then beat no more.

  Jared knew there was nothing he could do for her. Whether he kept her on life support or not, once Sara’s renal system failed – and as a doctor Jared knew it would – eventually her body would burn out, and begin to break down. That wouldn’t be fair to Sara. She deserved peace. He had to do this. He had to let go. He had to let her go. Jared knew this, and still, as he looked at her. How could he?

  Jared had to keep reminding himself, that beautiful, sweet spirit that made Sara who she was had been gone for two weeks now. If he made it through this, knowing that fact was the only way he would do it. He had witnessed this scene hundreds of times, but never expected to see it from this point of view.

  Jared looked at the bag of fluid, hanging from the IV pump. He traced the liquid down the tiny transparent tube, until it reached the needle and entered Sara’s arm, just above where her watch had rested.

  Jared dared to let his eyes fall upon the switch that would end it all. All the pain and misery would end, and he could begin to heal. But could he heal? Did he want to heal? No, he didn’t. He didn’t want to heal. He didn’t want to stop hurting. But he had to. He had a baby that depended on him now. No matter how much it hurt, and how much he would miss Sara, Jared had to survive for Beth.

  Just a few short minutes before she was born, Sara made Jared promise, if anything happened to her that he would take care of their daughter. She also made him promise not to blame himself. But Sara knew Jared wouldn’t listen. He blamed himself for anything unpleasant that had ever happened to her.

  Jared knew this moment was coming, he just didn’t know when or how. Because of the things he had seen, he had believed that Sara would die in childbirth. But that wasn’t the case. Whether it had been with him, or with someone who could never love her as much as he did, Sara’s death was set in stone. The blood vessel that ruptured in her brain had been there, like a ticking time bomb. It couldn’t be shut off, and it couldn’t be stopped. It had absolutely nothing to do with Jared, but that wouldn’t stop him from doing what he promised Sara he wouldn’t do.

  “Sara, I don’t know if I can do this. You’ve been with me for so long. I don’t know if I can let you go. I don’t know how to let you go. I’ve watched you grow up. I’ve grown up with you. I can’t imagine a single day of my life without you in it. Especially now that we have our little girl. I named her after you Angel. Her name is Sara Beth, but we’re going to call her Beth. She’s two weeks old, and she is so beautiful Sara. She has your eyes.”

  Jared grinned slightly and continued. “Mother and Myra swear she’s got my grin, but I’m not sure about that. I wished you could see her. It breaks my heart that she’ll never know her mother. I’ll tell her about you, and she’ll have your pictures to look at, and songs to listen to, but she’ll never feel the warmth of your arms. I’ll love her enough for both of us Sara. She’ll know how much you loved her, and what you went through for her. One day, I’ll prove who you are. I’ll prove you have as much right to be a member of the Dine'é Kay-Yah as me, or Mother, or Dad, or anybody on that Council. One day they will bow their heads in shame that they denied you. On my last breath, I promise you this.”

  Nadine laid her hand on Jared’s shoulder. “We should go Jared,” she said remorsefully. “Beth is hungry, and I need to get her to sleep. Why don’t you come with us and sleep too? Tomorrow will be hard enough on you, even worse if you haven’t slept.”

  “Mother I can’t leave her,” he protested.

  “Jared – Son – you’re not leaving Sara. Sara’s not here. She’s here,” Nadine said, holding her hand over his heart. “And here,” she said, touching her chest. “Sara will never die! Come home with us. We’ll help each other through this. Be with us and your daughter. Beth needs you Jared. She doesn’t need me, or your father, or your sister. Sara Beth needs her father,” she said studying his tear glossed eyes.

  Jared stared into Nadine’s eyes for a long while. Finally, he sighed and nodded. He leaned over and kissed the side of Sara’s lips. “I’m going home now Angel, and see if I can get some rest. I’ll be back in the morning, and then I promise I’ll be by your side until the end. Ayor anosh'ni yishdlį́į́h,” he whispered. “Always Sara.”

  ------------

  Nadine fastened Beth in her carrier and strapped her in. Then she buckled herself in the passenger seat.

  Jared folded his arms over the steering wheel of his father’s black Mercedes and broke down again. “Oh God Mother!” he cried. “It’s not meant to be this way. Why does it hurt so much?”

  Nadine’s eyes glossed with tears. “Because part of your soul that you shared with Sara is coming back to you. The connection you felt with Sara is breaking, and it feels like part of you is being ripped out. It will get better Jared. Once you’ve pulled the plug, and Sara is at last at rest, the pain will get better.”

  “Will it Mother? Will it get better? What if I don’t want it to? What if I can’t do this? No matter what I know, in my heart, it will still be me that killed her. If I pull that plug, whatever chance there might have been, whatever remote possibility she might have had at surviving will be gone, and the blood will be on my hands.”

  Nadine stroked Jared’s black, glossy hair. “No it won’t Shiyaazh!” she scolded him. “I don’t believe that. Your father doesn’t believe that. Myra doesn’t believe that, and neither should you. One of the most important parts of loving someone is knowing when to let go. Knowing when you have to let go. The time has come Jared. It’s not anybody’s fault. This is what has to be. So stop blaming yourself. See Sara in Beth, and love them both that way now. Know every time you hold her, that she is part of both of you – you and Sara.”

  Jared wiped his eyes, sighed deeply and sat back in the seat. He started the car, turned on the headlights and put the car in reverse. Words of comfort lasted but for a fleeting moment, for as Jared pulled on the highway, and the hospital faded in the distance, the pain was back. Memories crashed against him like a tsunami. It was all he could do to hold it together until he parked in the garage at the house. “You take Beth, and go on in,” he choked. “I’ll be in shortly. I just need a few minutes alone.”

  “Will you be all right?” Nadine asked, concerned as she rested her hand on his shoulder.

  “I’m fine Mother. I just need time to be alone.”

  ------------

  Nadine unlocked the door and opened it as quietly as she could. She figured Tom and Myra would already be in bed, and she didn’t want to disturb them. None of them had slept a lot in the last two weeks. Jared didn’t want Sara to be alone. It was a miracle that she’d convinced him to come home with her now. Maybe it was because he knew he had to let go.

  As she walked through to the lounge, she could see the light was on in the kitchen. She took Beth out of her carrier, rearranged her blanket and cradled her in her arms. She smiled and softly caressed Beth’s tiny cheek. Beth wriggled, yawned and went back to sleep.

  Nadine walked to the dining room door, about to reach in and shut off the light, when she realized Tom hadn’t forgot to turn it out. “Come in and sit down,” Tom said. “We need to talk. Where’s Jared? Didn’t you convince him to come with you?”

  “He’s in the garage. He said he needed some time to be alone.”

  “How long is this going to take? I need to put your granddaughter in
her crib.”

  “Not long. I think there’s something we should discuss. It’s about Sara.”

  “Here,” Nadine said, passing Beth to Tom. “I’m going to make some goan. I think we all could use some, especially Jared.”

  Tom held Beth in his arms, watching her sleep. “Nizhoni Little Angel,” he whispered, and placed his index finger near Beth’s tiny hand. As a reflex, Beth wrapped her fingers around it, holding it tight. Tom smiled.

  Jared stood, lounged against the door facing, watching his father. It was obvious to Jared that Tom worshipped his granddaughter. Jared imagined Tom would spoil her to no end, but then he was going to do that himself. Once he got past the pain of losing Sara. “What are you still doing up?” Jared asked. “Where’s Mother?”

  “Right here,” Nadine said as she entered the room with three cups of steaming goan. “Your father has something he wants to talk to you about.”

  Nadine passed out the goan and walked next to Tom. “I’ll take her now,” she said, reaching.

  “Jared, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, about the situation with Sara and the Council. I believe they’re wrong. I believe Sara should be given final funeral rites, but since they didn’t overturn Seth, there’s not a lot we can do about it.”

  Jared furrowed his brow. “There is something I can do about it. I can kill the bastard! Once he’s out of the way, you could take your rightful place as head of the Council, and no one would challenge you.”

  “Yes, you could kill Seth, and I would be head of the Council again, but then you’d be in jail for the rest of your life. No, Jared. You need to stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about Beth. It won’t bring Sara back. Nothing is going to bring Sara back. Have you spoken to your Spirit Guide, and asked her for help?”

  Jared tightened his jaw. “No Dad, I haven’t. I don’t see the sense in running off to Mother’s Mountain and spilling my guts out to an invisible being that doesn’t care anyway.”

  “Jared,” Nadine scolded. “You know that’s not true.”

  “No?” Jared asked rhetorically. “Then why didn’t she warn me about Sara’s aneurism? Why didn’t she tell me, so I could stop it?” he countered, fighting to keep his voice down, so he didn’t wake Beth.

  “Sometimes,” Tom added, speaking softly. “Our Spirit Guide speaks to us and says things we don’t want to hear. Truths we don’t want to accept, and so we block them out. We pretend we didn’t hear them. And then, when the thing they warned us about happens, we blame it on them, and say they didn’t warn us. I did it. The night I called you and told you about Granddad.”

  Tom swallowed hard, and then continued. “Jared, Granddad was alone when he collapsed. He and I had an argument, and I was so mad, I called him a stupid old man, and walked out. When Myra stopped off on her way home from college to take him his mail, she found him. We rushed him to the hospital, but it was too late, and I blamed myself for that. Because I couldn’t stand the pain alone, I started doing the same thing you’re doing with Sara. I blamed my Spirit Guide.”

  Jared’s eyes filled with remorse. “Dad I… I didn’t know about Granddad. I didn’t know he was alone.”

  “Yeah – well – it doesn’t matter now,” Tom sighed. “What matters now is stopping you from making the same mistakes I did.”

  ------------

  The nurse glanced at the monitor screen and dropped her coffee cup to the floor. “Code Blue ICU 3!” she yelled through the intercom, grabbed the crash cart, and headed down the corridor.

  David Whitefeather heard the call and immediately responded to the code. “What the hell happened?”

  “I don’t know Doctor Whitefeather. I just checked her EKG, and it was fine. The next thing I knew, she was coding.”

  “Charge to 250 - clear!” Dave yelled. There was no response. “Charge to 300. Give her 2mg atropine IV push. Get somebody on the phone and call Jared now!”

  “Charged!” the nurse called out.

  “Clear!” Dave said again. He looked at the nurse in front of him, whose eyes were glued on Sara’s EKG monitor. She frowned and shook her head.

  “Charge to 400!” Dave shouted again. “Come on Sara. Don’t leave him like this! I know you’re tired Honey, but you need to hang on for Jared.”

  “Charged!”

  “Clear!” Dave called out and watched for the nurse’s response.

  Jared jumped in the car, spun out of the circle drive and sped down the dirt road. He saw the semi coming, and instead of slowing down, he pushed down on the accelerator.

  The driver of the truck saw Jared, and his heart jumped in his throat. He stamped on his brakes and laid down on his air-horn. Tires started squalling. Blue smoke rose from the asphalt, as the smell of burnt rubber filled the morning air. The trucker saw his end.

  Jared didn’t even look back. He didn’t care. His only concern was to get to his wife. He had to at least say goodbye.

  The trucker managed to stop, inches from the back bumper of the black Mercedes. He started cursing and flipping the finger at the crazy man in front of him with a death wish. The trucker was hauling a full load of hazardous chemicals. Both he and the driver wouldn’t have known what hit them.

  Jared pulled in one of the emergency vehicles bays, shoved the car in park, and ran through the emergency room doors.

  The alarm started sounding, as workers scrambled to meet the emergency.

  Jared didn’t even look up. Knowing the elevator would be too slow, and the stairs were likely to be empty, he took that route. Using his enhanced speed and strength, Jared was at the top, long before the elevator would have been.

  Jared entered the room.

  “Time of death,” Dave said. “5:45am.”

  The nurse reached to shut off the resuscitator.

  “No!” Jared said as he approached the bed, eyes full of sadness. “You can all leave. I’ll take care of her now,” he said, tears filling his eyes.

  The nurse glanced at Dave, who nodded.

  “She wouldn’t make me do it,” Jared whispered. “She wouldn’t make me – make the choice. She knew I couldn’t take her life.”

  “I’m so sorry Jared. If there’s anything I can do, just let me know. I’ll leave you alone with her. You can tell the nurse when you’re done,” he said, touched Jared’s shoulder and left the room.

  “You think I don’t know what you’ve done?” Jared choked. “Even now, you’re still doing it. Aren’t you Angel? You think I’m strong? You have no idea. I’m not strong! You made me strong. You think I taught you about love, and loving somebody? Wrong again Angel. You taught me,” he said, leaning down to kiss her cooling lips. Slowly, he removed his grandmother’s ring and squeezed it in the palm of his hand. “Goodbye Angel,” he whispered, kissed her lips again and left.

  ------------

  Four Days After the Funeral….

  Jared stood by the window, looking out at the hot desert sun. What was left of his life, snuggled tightly against his bare shoulder, peacefully dreaming. It was all over now, all but the crying and trying to forget.

  Jared sat in the rocking chair, and started gently rocking Beth as he sang her a lullaby.

  Myra stood, just on the outside of the door, listening, fighting waves of tears. Sara had been her best friend, and the sister she always wanted. She looked down at the small leather book in her hands. She took a deep breath and gently rapped her knuckles against the door.

  “Who is it?” Jared asked softly.

  “Myra,” she answered back. “Can I come in? I’ve got something for you?”

  “Come in, but keep it down. Beth is sleeping.”

  Myra quietly pushed the door open. She smiled as she walked over to Jared. She knelt by the rocking chair, gazing lovingly at her niece. “God she is so beautiful Jared,” she whispered. “She looks just like Sara,” she choked and swallowed hard.

  Jared sighed deeply. “Yes she does,” he said, softly caressing Beth’s tiny cheek with the back of his index finge
r.

  Myra softly stroked Beth’s cheek with her index finger and smiled again. She held the book out in front of her. “Sara gave this to me, the night she went into labor before we left for the hospital. She told me if anything happened to her,” Myra stopped and swallowed, breathing away another wave of tears. “She told me if anything happened to her, to make sure you got this. Goodnight Jared,” she said, kissed his cheek and left.

  Jared’s eyes filled with tears as he opened the book with one hand, and began reading as he continued gently rocking Beth.

  Chapter 32

  ‘Stop it! Stop it right now! You didn’t make this happen. It’s not your fault, so stop brooding and take care of our daughter. Yes, I know it’s going to be a girl. It took me a while, but I put two and two together. Remember the two wolves? The white alpha male and the little white female cub? They were you and her, and you were saying goodbye to me. That’s why I faded away.

  I’m so sorry I had to leave you, but I’ve known this was going to happen to me since we found out about her – our little girl. I’ve seen her Jared. The Dine’é Yá let me see her. They said it was their gift to me, for what I was doing for future generations. For whatever reason, I don’t care.

  Beth is so beautiful. She has my eyes, and your temper. Her eyes can dance with fire when she’s angry. You’ll know her. You’ll know her, and you’ll share eternity with her, and our grandchildren. Eternity was not ours to share in this World, but it will be yours.

  You said once that it was destiny that drew us together. Destiny did play a role in our meeting, but not in the way you thought. My being in your life was paramount, not just to your future, but to the World’s. I bridged the gap. I provided a key to unlock endless possibilities, but I was not the girl in your dreams. I’ve always known that, and so have you, no matter how much you fought it. Oh yes, I know. The instant your eyes met hers I knew, you knew, but more importantly, so did she.