Strawberry Wine

by Darly Jamison

We stared at each other for a long minute, neither one of us saying a word until the moment was broken by the arrival of our drinks.

  “Here you go,” the waitress said, setting down a glass of wine in front of me. “One strawberry wine for you, and one Mad Horse Bock for you. Now you be careful with that, handsome,” she said, setting down a dark-colored drink and giving Jake the eye. “That’ll have ya windin’ your ass and scratchin’ your watch if you’re not payin’ close attention!” She let out a loud laugh and reached into her apron. “And here’s a bag of ice, sweetie. I know how much your grandma loved you, she was always braggin’ about her granddaughter in the big city. I’m gonna make sure I take real good care of you.”

  I thanked her and leaned down to place the ice on my ankle. When I settled back in my chair, I took a sip of wine, anxious to keep my mouth busy so I wouldn’t say anything stupid. It had been years since I’d last tasted that particular strawberry flavor, and it was just as delicious as I remembered. Nostalgia and present day began to swirl around me, and I took another drink to calm my nerves. Before I realized it I had emptied the glass.

  “I guess you were thirsty,” Jake said, amusement thick in his voice.

  “I guess so.”

  Patrons were starting to filter in through the door, settling at tables nearby. When Nell stopped back, her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Well, would ya look at that? I see you like our wine. How about another glass?”

  If I was going to find a way to get through the day, I would need something a whole lot stronger than strawberry wine. “Actually, I’ll have what he’s having.”

  “If you’re sure, sweetie,” she said, giving me a doubtful look.

  I turned to Jake to see the same expression plastered across his face. “I’m positive.” My eyes followed Nell as she made her way behind the bar. I’d never been much of a beer drinker, but no one here had to know that. “So, Jake. What have you been up to? Are you still living in Houston?”

  He nodded, his eyes never leaving mine as he lifted the chilled mug to his lips, taking a long pull. He set the drink down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “I own a small horse ranch thirty minutes outside of town. I bought the place shortly after college. It’s nowhere near as profitable as your grandparents’ farm, but I really enjoy the work. I also work as an environmental engineer, so the ranch can’t be too big. It’s just enough to keep me busy.” He took another drink. “I hear you work in the medical field. Following in your mom’s footsteps, are you?”

  I smiled, my stomach twisting in knots just listening to the sound of his voice. “Yes and no. Mom’s a nurse, but I work as a physician assistant. That basically means I can care for my patients without the direct supervision of a doctor.”

  He looked suitably impressed. “Does that mean you can prescribe medication?”

  “I can. I can even assist in surgery if I wanted to.”

  “Is that the plan?”

  I shrugged, trailing my finger over the rim of the empty glass. “I’m not really sure, to be perfectly honest, I’ve only been working for a couple of years. I haven’t given much thought beyond what Christopher wants to do.” As I said the words out loud, I realized how lame they sounded and I wanted to kick myself in the shin for letting that information leak out. The last impression I wanted to make was that I couldn’t think for myself.

  “And Christopher is your fiancé?”

  I released the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “Yes. He’s a doctor in Atlanta. He’s always said he wants to open a practice of his own, and he’d like me to come work for him when he does.”

  We looked up in time to watch Nell approach with a chilled mug in her hands. “Here ya go, Addy,” she said, setting it in front of me. Picking up the empty wineglass, she fastened me with a look. “It’s strong, don’t say I didn’t warn ya. You just let me know if you’d rather have another glass of wine instead.”

  I smiled, grateful for her concern. “Thank you, Nell. I will.”

  “And is that what you want?” he asked, after Nell walked away.

  “What? To work for Christopher?” I shrugged. The truth was I didn’t know what I wanted. “I’m really not sure.”

  Jake stared at me for a moment, then pushed his chair away from the table. “I’ll be right back,” he said, standing up. “I just need to make a couple of phone calls.”

  His torso twisted and he walked away, my eyes following his every step. I propped my elbows on the table and buried my face in my hands, sucking in a slow, deep breath.

  So much had changed since we’d last seen each other. Ten very long years had gone by. Yet for some reason seeing Jake had rattled my nerves in a way that felt out of place in my carefully composed life.

  Jake Grady was water under the bridge. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  As the minutes ticked by, I sat thinking about the summer I turned eighteen. The summer I’d been bullied by my date to junior prom, the summer Ruby won Strawberry Queen, sultry nights spent at the lake, the moon the only witness to the things I’d been up to. The summer I fell in love for the very first time.

  Thoughts of Jake’s lips melting into my mine swam before me, and something I hadn’t felt in a long time slammed into my chest. Memories of that summer collided inside my head, each one sweeter than the last.

  By the time Jake came back into view, swaggering toward me in his confident stride, my heart was working overtime. Each beat pulsed against my chest in a way I found maddening. Reaching for my drink, I took a large gulp, nearly choking on the rich, malty flavor. He sat down in his chair, the corners of his lips tipped up into a lazy smile.

  Don’t stare at his mouth. Don’t stare at his mouth. Don’t stare at his mouth. Damn. It was too late. Once my eyes landed on those full, kissable lips I couldn’t drag them away, and I was lost once again remembering how they felt brushing up against mine.

  “How’s your drink?” he finally asked, his expression telling me he already knew the answer, he just wanted to hear me admit it was strong.

  “It’s great,” I lied. “Exactly what I need right now.” To drive my point home, I took another large sip of the dark, golden liquid, licking the cold froth away from my upper lip. I took a deep breath and smiled. “It’s great to see you again. You’ve barely changed at all.” Except for the fact you’re even more magnificent than before.

  “It’s nice to see you, too. The years have been good to you, Addison. You’re more beautiful than I remember, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

  Mind him saying so? Yeah, right. “Thank you.” I smiled and looked down at my hands clasped tightly in my lap and realized they were moist with sweat. Again, something twitched inside me, something deep and intense. Trying desperately to brush away the frenzy of emotions, I began to question why I was there, allowing feelings from the past to resurface. What am I doing? I’m engaged to a wonderful man! How can I be sitting here thinking the things I’m thinking?

  But I knew why I was there, and it wasn’t just because I needed to get away. I wanted to be there. I needed to be there. Seeing Jake again after all these years brought back feelings I’d buried a long time ago, at least I thought I had, and I needed to figure out why. Was it because he was my first love, and first loves have a way of rooting themselves deep inside you? Was it because I was disappointed in Christopher? Or was it something more?

  My thoughts drifted over the events of the past few days, and I let out an ill-humored laugh.

  “Is something funny?” he asked softly. His voice was warm and husky.

  I lifted my eyes and locked my gaze with his, mesmerized by his hypnotizing tone. “I was just thinking how our running into each other is only one of several ironic things that have occurred this week.” I turned and watched as another couple was seated at a table near ours. Instead of sitting across from one another they sat side by side, holding hands. I took a slow breath. “I just happened to be in town
when Mags passed away. Christopher and I came in for the weekend to announce our engagement.”

  I watched as he listened to what I was saying, his eyes softening with each word. “I’m sorry. I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through.”

  Lifting the drink to my lips, I took another swallow. “Thanks, I appreciate that.” My fingers tightened around the handle of the mug as pent-up frustration moved over me. “You know what?” I asked, cocking my head to the side. “I don’t think Mags liked Christopher. She basically said I was making a mistake. She wanted me to think long and hard about getting married and promised we’d talk about it more the next day. And then she died.” I laughed again, this time more bitter than before. “How’s that for irony?”

  Jake sat there and watched me, not saying a word.

  I shook my head, unable to keep the words from falling out of my mouth. “I mean, how can she drop a bombshell like that and then die, for Christ’s sake? It’s just not fair.” I took another drink. It occurred to me that perhaps I was talking too much, but I could feel the alcohol beginning to buzz through me, releasing my inhibitions. My jaw clenched tightly. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  He pursed his lips as his eyes fell to his drink. “I don’t know, Addison. Life’s not always fair.” He lifted the glass to his lips, allowing the cool beverage to slide inside.

  But there was no stopping me, I was on a roll. “Not always fair? You can say that again. The same day she passed away, Christopher drove back to Atlanta, claiming he needed to be with a patient. He left me after this tragedy, and expects me to understand. Can you believe that? How am I supposed to understand?”

  Jake raised his eyebrows. “You don’t?”

  I forced down the last of my drink and shook my head. “Hell no, I don’t understand. He knew how close I was with my grandmother. He knew how much I cared about her. How could he just leave? I would have never left him.” My eyes searched the room for Nell, and once I saw her, I waved her over. “Can I have another drink? And one for my friend, too.”

  “Comin’ right up.” She began to turn on her heel but Jake stopped her.

  “Wait a second, Nell.” He looked back at me. “Addison, are you sure you don’t want something to eat? You just ordered your third drink.”

  The warm rush moving through me was only getting stronger, but the last thing I wanted to do was eat. Combing my fingers through my hair, I gathered it together and twisted it into a low knot, securing it with a band I found in my purse. “I’m not very hungry; I just want to drink.”

  The look on his face was difficult to read. I could sense he was amused yet also uncertain. He turned to the waitress. “Could you bring us an appetizer? A sampler platter if you have it?”

  Nell’s eyes moved from Jake and then to me. “You got it,” she said, then turned and walked away.

  “I’m sorry.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “I’ve been doing all the talking. Tell me about you, Jake. I’d love to hear more about what you’ve been up to.”

  He shrugged his shoulders and looked away, seeming to study the photographs on the wall. “There’s nothing much to tell, really. I work for the city as an environmental engineer. I help develop solutions to environmental problems, which is something I’ve always been interested in. I have an office in Houston but spend a lot of my time working at construction sites. When I go home, I have the ranch to keep me busy. The truth is, I’d rather be there than traveling between construction sites, but all in all, I enjoy what I do.” He looked back at me. “It’s a good life. I’m very happy.”

  A feeling of emptiness settled upon me, hungry for him to say more. What had gone wrong with his engagement? Why had he never married after all these years? “Is there anyone special in your life?” I asked, the influence of the alcohol easing my reserve. I had burning questions that needed to be answered. Like now.

  Jake shrugged. “I date quite a bit, I’ve just never met anyone I’d like to settle down with. I thought I had not too long ago, but I was wrong. We broke things off a few months before we were supposed to be married.” His eyes suddenly grew serious. “What about Christopher? Is he good to you?”

  I didn’t answer right away. I’d always believed he was good to me. He was always kind, he would bring home surprises like flowers and small gifts, but in hindsight his presents were a prelude to his absence. “He’s a good man, hardworking and dedicated. I’m very proud of all he’s accomplished. But I’m beginning to think he likes his job more than me.” Whoa, hold on there! Way too much information shared. “So, how’s your family?” I asked quickly, changing the subject.

  Jake opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, then closed it again. Finally, he gave me a small smile. “They’re doing well. My parents still live in Houston with their spouses, and my brothers stuck around, too. They’re both married now with children,” he said, then swallowed the last of his beer. “It’s funny to watch them as fathers. I still think of them as my annoying little brothers.” His eyes sparkled when he spoke of his family, revealing the love and admiration he obviously felt. Then he shrugged. “But I guess we all grow up sooner or later.”

  “Would you like to have kids one day?” I asked, unable to tear my gaze away.

  Slowly, he nodded his head. “Kids are great, I love spending time with my nieces and nephews. I’d definitely like to have my own someday.”

  The desire to know more about him stung like a knife to the stomach, or what I imagined a knife to the stomach would feel like. I wanted him to tell me every single thing I’d missed over the years. How he spent his free time, what he thought about right before he fell asleep.

  Biting the side of my cheek, I swallowed the personal questions and asked a safer one instead. “Do you still swim?” I finally asked, wishing Nell would hurry up with the drinks.

  Jake toyed with the empty mug in front of him, spinning it in circles before he answered. “I do. Not competitively any more, just for fun, but I’ve been thinking about getting into coaching. I’ve always kept up to date on my CPR and First Aid training from when I was a lifeguard. It’s something I might try to do someday.”

  We were quiet as Nell finally appeared with our drinks and a large plate of appetizers. “Let me grab y’all a couple small plates and some napkins. I’ll be right back.” She took the empty glasses and walked away.

  The smell of deep fried awesomeness swirled around me and I picked up a chicken strip and took a big bite. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until that bite hit my empty stomach. “Appetizers were a great idea,” I said, popping the second half of it into my mouth. “Good call.” Before he could answer, I had already started in on a loaded potato wedge covered in gooey gobs of melted cheese.

  The corner of Jake’s mouth twisted up into a smirk. “I thought they might be. Especially with the way you’re pounding back the drinks.” He reached for an onion ring, dipped it in sauce, then stuffed it into his mouth.

  I exhaled sharply. “I am not pounding back the drinks. I’ve only had two.”

  “With a third one sitting in front of you.” He tapped his fingers against the side of his glass and watched me with those eyes. Those eyes, damn it. They were really unfair. “How’s your ankle?” he asked, swiping another onion ring from the plate.

  Leaning down, I picked up the ice pack and set it on the table. “It’s fine. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.” I stared at him staring at me and felt a slow burn crawl over my cheeks. “What?” I asked in defense, unnerved by the look on his face. Picking up my mug, I took another healthy swig, willing him to turn away, but he wouldn’t. He just kept staring.

  “I was just thinking about the summer we met,” he said slowly. An expression I didn’t understand covered his face. “How much fun we had together. You broke my heart, you know.” His lashes swept upward and our eyes locked once again.

  An uneasy feeling collected in my stomach, just as it had done countless times in the past. Every time I got caught up in those bi
ttersweet memories, that same sinking feeling would creep its way back.

  Ten years ago, when we were together, the thought of Jake going back to Texas made me feel sick. I’d come to rely on him more than I had realized, more than I’d ever expected I would. And after the accident, I decided I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t watch him leave knowing he might never be back.

  With the help of the alcohol sliding through my veins, I lifted my chin. “If I didn’t break your heart, you would have broken mine. I was only protecting myself.”

  “Addison,” he began, and his voice. Damn it. So deep and soft. It curled around me, each syllable pulling, unraveling a desire I’d buried a long time ago.

  I took another long drink, determined to stay strong. No way was I going to fall for him all over again. “Please don’t, Jake. Don’t say you weren’t going to break my heart, because you were. You had no choice. You were going back to Texas no matter what happened between us. And I would have been left in Lakeside, pining away for you. I gave you a piece of myself,” I said, my words beginning to slur. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the googly-eyed couple at the next table looking at me funny but I didn’t care. I obviously needed some kind of closure, and you bet your ass I was going to get it. “I gave you something I’d never given anyone else. God, I was so stupid! I should have known better.”

  “Are you saying you regret being with me?”

  No, that’s not what I was saying! What the hell was I saying?

  “No, I’m saying I shouldn’t have fallen in love with you knowing you weren’t sticking around.” There, I said it. It was out in the open for everyone to hear, including that stupid eavesdropping couple. “And the longer you were around, the harder I fell. If I leaned on you after the accident—well, let’s just say it would have been too much. Saying good-bye was a defense mechanism. It was the only thing I knew how to do. And it was the one time in my life I ignored Mags’s advice.”

  A shadow of confusion fell over his face. “What do you mean you ignored Mags’s advice?”