Solace Within

by Gavin Zanker

  ‘Here,’ he said to Leigh who was gazing around the cave in awe. ‘This should suit you. It’s lightweight, easy to maintain, and won’t jam on you. First lesson: when someone hands you a gun, you check if it’s loaded.’

  ‘I trust you,’ Leigh said, accepting the pistol in her upturned palms.

  ‘It doesn’t matter. You always check, no matter what anyone tells you. It’s too important to leave to anyone else.’

  Aiden showed her how to open the cylinder. As she copied the action, she idly waved the gun, pointing the barrel at Aiden.

  ‘Second lesson,’ Aiden said, snatching hold of her wrist. ‘Never point it at anything you don’t intend to shoot. Even if you don’t think it’s loaded.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Leigh said, looking guilty.

  ‘Don’t be sorry. You’re learning. Just be careful. It’s a weapon, designed and perfected over hundreds of years to kill people as efficiently as possible. Always remember that.’

  Aiden grabbed a box of .38 special rounds from the locker and they headed back out through the workshop, closing the secret door as they left. They passed Hitch who was sleeping on his bed by the fireplace, and headed outside. A short distance from the house, Aiden had already set up a series of old cans on a tree stump for a firing range. He counted ten paces away from the targets then drew a line in the soil with his boot. He beckoned Leigh to stand beside him, then showed her how to load and operate the pistol.

  ‘It’s loaded now,’ he said passing the firearm to her. ‘When you’re ready, hold the gun firmly towards the target, turn off the safety, aim for the cans, and pull the trigger.’

  She followed his instructions, and fired a round towards the targets. She jumped as she fired, the noise surprising her, causing the shot to go wide. The bullet buried itself in a distant tree trunk.

  Hitch appeared in the doorway of the house, his ears pricked and alert at the sound of gunfire. He watched them for a moment then, seeing no threat, slowly drifted back into the house.

  ‘Try again,’ Aiden said, ‘this time don’t hold your breath when you fire. Just breathe as you normally would.’

  Leigh continued under his instruction, but each shot she fired missed the cans. After a few minutes, she dropped her arms to her sides and looked at her feet. ‘I can’t do it,’ she muttered. ‘It’s pointless.’

  ‘Yes you can, you just need to keep trying. You think everyone who picks up a gun instantly knows how to shoot?’

  Aiden walked up behind her and raised her arms again. ‘Like this,’ he said, moving her fingers and adjusting her grip. ‘Don’t tense your arm when you fire. Just squeeze the trigger as you exhale.’

  He stepped back and watched her try again. She took aim, fired, and missed again.

  ‘Better,’ he said noting the shot was closer to the cans, ‘but you’re still pulling to the left.’

  Leigh put the gun on the floor then slumped down on a nearby stump, resting her elbows on her knees. ‘I just can’t do it,’ she said, staring sullenly.

  ‘I thought you wanted to learn,’ Aiden said. He hadn’t expected such a defeatist attitude from her.

  ‘What’s the point? I won’t be able to do it anyway. It’s just a waste of time.’

  He took a seat next to her on the stump. ‘What’s going on? Talk to me.’

  ‘I’m too little,’ she grumbled. ‘I’ll never be like you. I’ll never be able to look after myself, or protect anyone. I’m useless.’

  ‘So that’s it, you’re quitting that easily?’

  Leigh grunted and dropped her head down on to her knees.

  ‘All right, I’ll put the gun away then,’ Aiden said, rising and collecting the pistol from the ground.

  ‘Hey, where are you going?’ Leigh asked, picking her head up.

  ‘No point trying, right? May as well roll over and die.’

  ‘Wait… wait!’ Leigh said, her voice breaking.

  Aiden stopped and turned. ‘What?’

  ‘I don’t want to roll over and die.’

  ‘Seems like it to me. You’re quitting, so no point trying, right?’

  Leigh picked herself up as her eyes started to glisten. ‘I don’t want to be pushed around anymore,’ she said, her voice barely above a whisper. ‘I don’t want to be hurt again.’

  Aiden walked back to her, and knelt down to her level. ‘Survival comes from here first,’ he said tapping her forehead, ‘not from the strength of your arm.’ He squeezed her small biceps as he looked her in the eye. ‘You understand?’

  She nodded as a tear rolled down her cheek. Aiden wiped it away with his thumb and handed her the pistol.

  ‘All right, let’s try again then,’ he said, moving back to his spot behind her.

  Leigh wiped her nose along her sleeve and took up position on the line again. It took another half hour for her to hit a can, but when Aiden saw the satisfied smile on her face, he knew it had been worth the effort.

  CHAPTER 23

  AIDEN WOKE EARLY, his shoulder stiff and painful. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep any longer, he climbed out of bed and headed to the kitchen. He boiled the kettle and brewed some tea. He stood there, still groggy as he sipped the steaming drink and considered the events of the last few months.

  After Leigh had latched on to him, she had upheaved almost everything in his life. On the one hand she had pulled him into dangerous situations that had nearly killed him numerous times, but on the other she had saved his life too. Her company made him realise how lonely he had been, and she helped him feel more alive than he had in years. He wondered if because of those reasons, wanting her around was purely selfish on his part. Was he so burned out inside, so numb to the world, that he needed to rely on someone young and unjaded to make him feel alive again?

  He finished his drink and left the kitchen, walking past the living room where Leigh and Hitch were asleep on the sofa by the burned-out fireplace. Aiden had told her the second bedroom was hers, but for some reason she always slept on the sofa. As Aiden walked by, Hitch raised his head and blinked slowly before curling back up.

  Heading out into the dawn, Aiden raised his hand to shield his eyes from the shafts of light that sliced through the trees. Birds chirped their songs back and forth in the branches above. It was serene enough to almost believe the world hadn’t ended. Despite the sun, there was a chill in the air and Aiden pulled his jacket closer around his neck.

  He made his way around to the rear of the house, coming to the two slate memorials. Some old flowers still littered the ground from when he was last home. He knelt down and brushed away the faded petals and debris, touching the cold stones with his fingers.

  He had inscribed Kate’s name on the older stone, but could never find any other words to add beneath. Wife, lover, they all described what her life was to his, and it seemed too selfish to put the words down. So he had left it simple, just her name on a smooth slate stone. His memory of her was enough. The other memorial was similar, just a name on a stone. Aiden had put this one down for Faye after he had finally had his revenge against Trent, the man that had murdered both her and Kate.

  Despite so many years, the pain and guilt he felt at their passing still hadn’t faded. He had cared for both of these women, and still felt responsible for their deaths.

  ‘What are you doing out here?’

  Aiden turned to see Leigh approaching, yawning sleepily. He rose, surprised at the interruption.

  She came up alongside him and looked down at the stones. ‘Kate Fielding,’ she read aloud. ‘You never told me who that was.’

  Hearing her name in the past tense stung him. He looked away into the trees, trying to find the words. ‘Kate is… was… my wife,’ he said lamely.

  ‘Oh. What about that one?’ Leigh asked, looking at the other stone. She leaned closer to read the inscription. ‘Faye Maddison. That’s a pretty name.’

  ‘Someone else I failed.’

  Leigh took Aiden’s arm and wrapped her own around it, leaning her he
ad against him. ‘Is that one of the apple seeds you planted?’ she asked.

  Aiden looked at where she was pointing nearby and saw a tiny green sprout emerging from the ground. He had kept the seeds from the apple he had found at the Oak Arms, planting them here soon after they arrived in the hope that they might grow.

  They stood for a moment in the chill morning, just staring at the memorials and the seedling, each lost in their own thoughts. Aiden understood then why Leigh was here with him. He needed her as much as she needed him. As long as he didn’t fail her, she was his chance for redemption. His chance for self-forgiveness. He looked down at her by his side, and smiled at the sight of her dishevelled bed hair.

  ‘What is it?’ she asked, returning his smile. ‘What are you smiling about?’

  ‘Nothing. Come on, it’s cold out here, let’s head back inside and get something hot to eat.’

  AIDEN SAT AT the dinner table set against the wall of the living room as he watched the rain drum against the greenhouse window. The water lashed down in torrents as a log in the fireplace popped and crackled. Hitch lay asleep in his bed beside the warming flames. The bird Leigh had rescued, who she had named Sid, was hopping around the wooden cage they had built and placed amid the plants in the greenhouse. The bird seemed fine enough now, and Aiden wasn’t looking forward to the inevitable teary goodbye when Leigh released him.

  Leigh stepped into the room carefully carrying an oversized tray laden with food. As she placed the tray on the table, the smell of the food made Aiden realise how hungry he was. She placed a hand on his wrist, then leaned forward and gently kissed his stubbled cheek.

  ‘What was that for?’ he asked in surprise.

  ‘I just like you,’ she said with a shrug as she began serving the food onto plates. She glanced at the rain and smiled. ‘Nothing nicer than baked potatoes when it’s raining out.’

  Aiden frowned. ‘You washed and cut your hair,’ he said, noting her dark hair was cut back to chin length and no longer lank.

  ‘You like it?’ she asked touching it mindfully. ‘I tried to copy what I remembered from the girls I saw in magazines.’

  ‘What magazines?’

  ‘I dunno. Just old magazines I saw.’ Leigh pushed a plate in front of Aiden then took a seat next to him.

  ‘What’s going on with you?’ Aiden asked, confused at her strange behaviour.

  ‘Nothing, I just wanted to make an effort for you.’

  ‘For me? Why?’

  She smiled again, her eyes dancing as she watched him. Aiden shook his head, then picked up a fork and began eating. The food was hot and filling, though a little burned in places. Despite her affinity for gardening, cooking was a skill Leigh didn’t seem to pick up as naturally.

  ‘You like it?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows hopefully.

  Aiden nodded and carried on eating warily. She was acting out of character. Somehow the scrappy little tomboy he knew had been replaced by a doting girl.

  ‘Hitch seems fine these days, doesn’t he?’ she said, picking up her own fork.

  Aiden glanced at the glowing fireplace where Hitch was sprawled out on his bed, twitching in his sleep. ‘Yeah, I think we’re past any real risk now. He definitely enjoys having you around to play with.’

  ‘I like being here,’ she said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

  ‘Are you worried I won’t let you stay or something? Is that why you’re doing all… this?’ Aiden waved an arm over the table. ‘I’m not going to kick you out, so you don’t have to do whatever this is. Just be yourself, all right?’

  ‘I know you won’t kick me out. I just wanted to show you I was grateful.’ She looked down at her plate, her hair falling across her small face. ‘Don’t you like it?’ she asked, her tone meek.

  ‘I like it fine, I just don’t understand why that’s all.’

  Aiden stopped eating and put his fork down as he noticed Leigh’s shoulders were shaking. She was crying. He was completely out of his element at the emotional display. He rose from his seat and moved beside her, putting an arm around her narrow shoulders. At his touch, she turned and threw her arms around him.

  ‘There’s no reason to cry,’ he said, patting her back ineffectually.

  Now he was closer he caught the scent of her hair and recognised it immediately. She must have used Kate’s old soap unknowingly. Conflicted, Aiden tried to break the embrace, but Leigh wrapped her arms around him more tightly. She turned her face upwards, then darted forward and quickly pressed her lips against his before burying her face in his neck. ‘I love you, you know,’ she whispered.

  ‘Leigh,’ Aiden said as he gently pulled her off. ‘Listen to me, okay?’

  She looked up at him with wide eyes. ‘I love you too, but…’ he said, struggling to find the words, ‘but this isn’t a romantic kind of love.’

  ‘Why not? We love each other. I want to show you how I feel about you.’

  She moved forward to kiss him again, this time he saw it coming and stopped her. ‘I know you care about me, Leigh, but I think maybe you’re confusing some of your feelings for me. We’re friends, remember?’

  She hung her head as tears streamed down her cheeks. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, her voice barely a whisper.

  Aiden wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly, pulling her head against his chest. ‘I love you too, okay? So just be you. You’re just attached to me because you’ve never had a proper friend, that’s all.’

  ‘I more than like you. I want to be closer to you.’

  ‘I care about you too much to let you down like that.’ He lifted her chin. ‘We’re friends. It’s not worth messing that up, is it?’

  Leigh looked up at him with her saucer-large brown eyes and wiped her face with her sleeve. ‘Okay.’

  ‘Come on then,’ he said, brushing the hair out of her wet face. ‘Let’s finish this meal you put so much effort in to. I’m starving.’

  They returned to their seats and ate with Leigh being uncharacteristically silent. Aiden tried to start a conversation a few times, but his attempts were met with one word answers. When they were finished, she cleared away the plates to the kitchen. Then she walked over to the fireplace and curled up on her usual spot on the sofa, falling asleep without another word.

  Aiden walked across and threw some more logs on the fire. He was still in shock, having no idea she had been harbouring such strong feelings for him. He sighed, then draped a blanket over her and headed for his workshop.

  He picked up his toolbox and opened it, laying out the contents on the workbench. Cleaning his tools was an old habit he had picked up when he needed to think.

  Spending so much free time together here had brought him and Leigh closer together, that was clear, but she must be confusing her feelings of friendship and gratitude for him saving her life for some sort of romantic interest. He didn’t like the idea of her sitting around and working her feelings up into something they weren’t. Maybe a change of scenery would do her good. Hitch was fully recovered now after all.

  He reached into a drawer to pull out a cloth when he saw the decoder laying on the documents he had found in the bunker. He flicked through the papers, still understanding none of it except the reference to Protocol 62, Project Solace. He picked up the decoder and examined it again. No larger than his thumb, the metal cylinder was notched like a key. And the broken shield symbol stamped on the black handle above a printed serial number of some sort. It was such a small artefact, but ever since he had stumbled across it in that bunker, his life had taken a strange turn. First it had led him to Leigh, pushing them together. Then to Blanc where he had caught her attention, and fury. While he had been held in the town hall, she had described it as the key to Project Solace, a gift from the old world. She had spoken like it was something of immense power with the ability to change the fate of the world.

  Aiden squeezed the object in his palm. He decided it was time to find out what Project Solace really was, and why Blan
c so desperately wanted to get her hands on the decoder.

  CHAPTER 24

  ‘YOU KNOW, I THINK this is the first time I’ve actually been inside this place,’ Blanc said, adjusting the bandage she still wore on her head to cover the scar. The old car dealership was trashed, and the sight of it in ruins brought a satisfied smile to her lips. ‘I have to say, I was expecting a bit more from the notorious Kendal.’

  Kendal stared at the Crimson Wolf leader from the chair she was strapped to. ‘I imagine you get that a lot. Lowering the tone of places just by being there.’

  ‘You’re an ignorant bitch, Blanc,’ a man growled, one of Kendal’s workers who lay against the wall clutching his bleeding leg. ‘Someone is going to end you one day, and I’ll be there to piss on your grave.’

  Blanc tutted and shook her head. ‘There’s no need for such gutter talk,’ she said as she drew her pistol. ‘Why do people try so hard to make me hate them? I don’t go in with prejudice, but every time they open their mouth they just prove what a waste of skin they are.’ She fired the weapon, killing the man with a clean shot to the head.

  Kendal closed her eyes. ‘He was a good man, Blanc. He didn’t deserve to go out like that.’

  ‘I’ve yet to meet someone who didn’t deserve their fate. Speaking of which, you should consider your options very carefully from this point on.’

  ‘Options,’ Kendal said with a forced laugh. ‘I don’t see many of those lying around. I suppose it all had to end some day. If I go down spitting in your eye, then that’s enough for me.’

  ‘You might want to rethink that. If you do me a favour, maybe I’ll show you a bit of gratitude.’

  ‘You’ve done nothing but cause me and my people hassle since the day I set up shop in this town. And now you come in here, killing my friends and destroying my business. Don’t expect anything from me.’

  A gunshot sounded from somewhere inside the dealership. Blanc twirled the ring on her finger and sighed. ‘I’m not here to rehash this old argument about territory.’ An amused look spread over her face. ‘I suppose it’s not really a matter to discuss now anyway, what with my men swarming over your dealership.’