Always the Bad Guy

by Shane Briant

  However, I was thinking of Coco's biography, so my thoughts were of a photo opportunity for Coco.

  Towards the end of the lunch, I rose and walked across to Rutger. Coco followed me, as she normally did.

  I smiled at Rutger and held out a hand.

  "Good afternoon, Mr. Hauer. My name's Shane Briant, and I wondered if…" I began. But before I could finish the sentence, Rutger rose and smiled broadly. "Yes, of course. I would be most happy."

  It was at that instant I realized what he was thinking – that

  Prince Andrew had asked me to invite Rutger to his table, which he had not.

  This was embarrassing, but I had no choice but to continue my sentence. "I just wondered if you might allow me to take a photo of you with my dog. I've so much enjoyed all your films."

  To give him his due, Rutger reacted like a gentleman.

  "Of course! My pleasure."

  He then picked Coco up and I took the picture. I thanked him and he sat down again and continued his lunch.

  On the way home, no one wanted to drive our lead speedboat. Prince Andrew said he'd spent his life doing it and it was his day off. Steve observed with a twinkle in his eye. "Got to have my hands free to protect the Prince." I thought I'd had too much wine and I could hardly be DUI with the Prince aboard! So Wendy drew the short straw.

  Not having had much boating experience she took off through the moorings way too fast, and within fifteen seconds we had a Maritime Services vessel behind us. They were signaling both boats to stop. Prince Andrew was unperturbed, he knew what would happen. Our second boat dropped back and the Federal boys held out the IDs and told the Maritime Services boys that they had to back off because there was a VIP on board the speedboat in front. They asked who it was and the Feds replied. "You don't need to know, mate."

  They did as they were told. I revel in these kinds of 'nah-nahnenaaaah-nah' moments, but then I'm a big kid.

  Back home we had afternoon tea and Prince Andrew allowed me to photograph him with Coco.

  It's a wonderful snap.

  I think the years we spent in Avalon were amongst the happiest of our lives. We'd walk to the beach in ten minutes and watch the sun set as Coco swam and chased seagulls. Then home to a barbecue in the summer or an open wood fire in the winter. On the minus side, I was being bitten by grass tick and my allergy was increasing – on several occasions I was hospitalized. After eleven years it was time to leave.

  Coco and HRH Prince Andrew, in our Avalon home.

  As a footnote to this story, the following week there was an irate 'Letter to the editor' in the local paper, The Pittwater Press, complaining that there was clearly 'one rule for a Prince and another for the rest of us,' when it came to the no dogs in restaurants rule.

  I don't believe Prince Andrew ever saw this letter. Nor was he aware he was causing anyone any inconvenience. All my fault – very bad form!

  But that's the sort of hound Coco was, friendly to everyone. She wasn't impressed by princes, actors, directors, or sports celebrities; everyone got the same nip in the ankle if they walked past her too closely.

  Oh! I completely forgot the letter President Bill Clinton sent Coco!

  The first week of January 1999 I'd had enough of Mr. Starr harassing the President. Every day they were giving Bill a hard time, and to my mind it was proving damaging to his administration and America as a whole. Not that I thought he was blameless; far from it. But I eventually thought after he'd come clean about the events, that Starr might give the President a break. So, during a dull morning, I decided to write Bill a note of support. As I composed the letter, I noticed Coco at my side, pawing my shoe. She wanted to go for a walk, but I reinterpreted her behaviour as wanting to add her name. So I composed a very short note:-

  'Mister President, all my friends in Australia think you and your administration have been doing a great job over the last few years, and we think the people who are giving you a hard time right now should back off. So, all the best from us girls in Sydney! Good luck.'

  I signed it: 'Coco Briant,' and sent it off, addressed to:

  The President of the United States,

  The White House,

  Washington D.C.

  U.S.A.

  I never expected a reply.

  A few weeks later I saw a letter in the mailbox that was certainly not Basildon Bond – it felt like wonderfully soft vellum. On the back was the understated embossed 'The Office of the President of the United States, Washington D.C.'

  I opened it carefully in the kitchen – Coco was too busy eating to listen to my reading it aloud.

  'Dear Coco,

  Thank you so much for your message. I've been touched by the many expressions of support and encouragement I've receive from people everywhere who cares deeply about my Administration and about the future of the United States and the world. I am doing everything I can to help us meet the crucial challenges that face all of us.

  Sincerely,

  Bill Clinton (signature)

  A year later, I wrote another letter on my own behalf, thanking the President for his reply. I didn't mention Coco was my dog – I didn't want him to think I was having a joke at his expense. I did mention that Coco had a serious kidney problem and would be cheered greatly by a photo.

  A week later a White House staffer sent me three signed photos – one of Bill and Hillary, one of their cat Sox, and one of their dog buddy. They remained in Coco's basket till she passed away.

  President Clinton achieved some wonderful things while in office and continues to work tirelessly with his foundation, as well as in Haiti. He's still one of my heroes.

  The President's letter to Coco

  Aussie Movies.

  ORGIES & SOUTH AFRICAN MERCENARIES.

  The same year as 'Barracuda' was aired, I started work on a film that had more of an edge to it. Written by Warwick Hind, 'Grievous Bodily Harm' starred John Waters, with whom I had worked on 'Nancy Wake,' and Colin Friels. Mark Joffe directed.

  With John Waters on 'Grievous Bodily Harm.'

  The story revolved around a schoolteacher who becomes obsessed with the idea that his wife Claudine did not, as everyone else thinks, die in a car accident. Joy Bell, played the girl everyone thought was dead. She was exceptionally beautiful so consequently was featured in close-up on all the film posters. She left Australia for America at the end of the shoot and appeared in the daytime drama 'Another World' for many years. Joy Bell was terrific fun. She really enjoyed life and didn't take too much seriously. I'll give you an example.

  One of the threads of the story took the form of a three-way sex tape that the twisted shrink, played by me of course, had made of John Waters wife Claudine played by Joy Bell, my wife played by Caz Lederman, and me. It had to look very sexy and cutting edge because everyone in the film is trying to hush up the tape's existence. So, naturally we had to spend some time shooting the sex scenes on videotape.

  On the day we shot the tape, we had a stripped crew of just four people – make-up supervisor, wardrobe supervisor, one lighting guy, and Mark, our director.

  "Okay," Mark began, "why don't we take off our dressing gowns, hop into bed and see how this scene plays out."

  We all stripped buck-naked.

  I've never been totally at ease in public in the nude. Who is? I suspected Caz felt the same, but with a long career in modeling, Joy Bell couldn't have cared less. We lounged on the bed for a few moments, and then noticing our shyness, Joy Bell took command. Thank heavens she did.

  This is Joy Belle… No wonder she was on the poster!

  "How about this?" he started. "Shane's massaging K-Y jelly into my bum. Caz is stroking my breasts. Then she begins to go down on me. I'm just kind of…moaning with pleasure. Sound like a plan?"

  Sounded like a plan to me. Providing I kept a lid on my feelings. Not so easy when you're confronted with Joy and Caz's naked bodies – not too shabby.

  "Right. Let's shoot the rehearsal," Mark said.

  Wi
thin seconds I was massaging warm jelly into Joy Bell's butt and enjoying every second. Almost immediately Joy Bell started these incredibly convincing moans, with extempore lines such as "Oh my God, that feels soooooo good." I was taken by surprise at her intensity, especially when she pushed her backside into my groin. "Do it to me…do it now…" she continued, heatedly.

  Somehow I didn't disgrace myself, but when I look at the finished product I am amazed at my restraint. Always the professional? Well, that's not easy sometimes.

  We shot another two scenes in different sexy locations; one was in a spa pool and one, at Joy Bell's suggestion, was in an elevator.

  Both were equally exhilarating. Take a look at the poster with Joy Bell featuring and tell me if it'd be hard to spend a day making a porn video.

  In the summer of 1988 and the spring of 89 a dream came true for me – I worked twice with 'Jim Phelps' in 'Mission Impossible.'

  I'd been watching the series from its inception in 1967, and had never missed an episode until the series ended in 1973. Now Peter Graves was to return as Jim Phelps in the new series, with a fresh cast, to be filmed in Australia at the Warner Brothers studios on the Gold Coast. I knew I had to score a bad guy role somehow. I let Barbara know I'd kill for a part.

  She obliged. I played a man everyone hates – a Zurich gnome. A man who controls vast sums of Nazi money but won't say where. The joy of this role was that I would be the patsy who Phelps and his crew drug and manipulate. As I anticipated, Graves was a delight. I couldn't believe that even in close-up he looked as if he'd had just a two-week break from filming the previous series – and that was after a fifteen years hiatus! He never once stumbled over a line, lost his cool, did not miss a mark – even by half an inch – nor did he ever muss-up his perfect hair.

  Producers very rarely bring back a guest star for a different role in the same series, as they're afraid the audience will spot the actor doubling up in another role. I was lucky enough to do exactly that with 'Mission Impossible.' I came back months later as a KGB operative with an appalling accent.

  It's no accident that people categories actors. If the first role you play is critically acclaimed, then producers will always want more of the same – or at least bear you in mind when a similar role is up for grabs.

  Because I started out as a murderer in the grip of a psychosis in 'Children of the Wolf,' those were the roles I played for a good while onwards; Emil in 'Demons of the Mind,' Peter in 'Straight on till Morning,' being just two examples.

  When I came to Australia I was categorized firstly as: 'Englishman: Import,' then as: 'Australian resident: Plays English bad guys: Can do accents.'

  That's most likely why I was chosen as the Russian Spy in 'Mission Impossible,' the thinking being that if an actor can 'do German' he can surely 'do Russian.' I was lucky they hadn't seen or heard me 'do French' in 'The Flame is Love.'

  It was good to work in American series television in Queensland at that time. At that time American producers had real money. The guest stars would be driven around in ridiculously long limos, stay at the wonderful Sanctuary Cove, and earn great money.

  Incidentally, talking of accents, I remember on my first day working on the BBC series 'Huntingtower,' in 1978. Bob Hird, the director, walked over to me and said, "I know you are supposed to be a Russian, but since your character has spent so long in Australia, do you think you could play him as Russian but give his voice an Australian twang?"

  I was speechless. I was two minutes from shooting my first scene and he throws this spanner in the works. Should this ever happen to you, simply hide any expression of surprise, and reply without hesitation. That day I said something like, "Russian with an Australian twang? Coming up." I seem to remember I kept the accent the same as before, while constantly asking Bob if he could hear the twang. He usually nodded affirmatively.

  One other incident comes to mind. The motorbike they gave me to ride – an original 1930 Triumph – was so heavy, when I mounted it for the first time the weight of it topped me over and I was trapped underneath it.

  The crew simply looked at me in disbelief. 'Stupid boy,' as Captain Mainwaring might have said in 'Dad's Army.'

  'DARLINGS OF THE GODS.'

  In 1989 Thames Television got together with the Australian Broadcasting Corporation to make the mini-series 'Darlings of the Gods,' a biographical representation of the period when Vivien Leigh and Lawrence Olivier toured Australia.

  UK actress Mel Martin was picked to play Vivien Leigh, and Anthony Higgins was cast as Lawrence Olivier. There were a great many cameos to be had – Ralph Richardson, the young Peter Finch, Cecil Tennant etc so I put my hand up for Cecil Beaton, and the director, Catherine Millar, kindly cast me.

  Beautifully written and observed by Garry O'Connor, as well as wonderfully realized by Catherine, it proved very popular in both the U.K. and Australia. Mel Martin was particularly touching as the emotionally unstable Vivien Leigh, and Jerome Ehlers was a very convincing Peter Finch.

  It's a strange thing, yet very often the shows you believe will be successes, kicking your career forwards, don't amount to very much, while the work you accept because you've got nothing better to do end up changing the course of our life. You simply never know.

  'Children of the Wolf' was the runaway hit of the 1971 Irish Theatre Festival but failed to impress the London critics.

  I was certain I was part of a big hit film when I scored a role in 'The Mackintosh Man,' but how was I to know that the production had been put together in somewhat of a hurry as a money-spinner, and shot in the same vein because the major stars wanted to go skiing at Christmas.

  So, despite three star names, and the legendary Huston at the helm, it remains one of Huston and Newman's weaker movies.

  By contrast, I was once asked to take part in a pilot for an Australian children's series, one that was to be shot in one day, and it ended up as a European, Australian, English and Japanese classic series; one of the most enjoyable series I have ever been a part of. But more of that later.

  'TILL THERE WAS YOU' & MARK HARMON.

  In 1989 I was offered a really interesting role in a film that Southern Cross Films, in conjunction with Paramount Pictures, planned to shoot in Papua New Guinea. In some ways the script, written by Michael Thomas, author of 'The Hunger,' 'Scandal,' and 'Ladyhawke,' reminded me a bit of a Hemingway story. Jim McElroy was the producer and he'd offered the film to award-winning John Seale to direct. John had already been nominated twice for an Oscar as a cinematographer ('Witness,' and 'Rainman,') and was to go on to win one in 1996 for 'The English Patient.' It was to be John's debut movie as director. Our Director of Photography was to be Geoffrey Simpson, winner of the Australian Film Institute Award for Best Cinematographer for 'The Navigator.'

  I became good friends with Geoffrey and his wife at that time, Sally. Wendy, Coco and I would later visit Sally and Geoffrey at their home in Berry. It's such an incredibly beautiful spot. Wendy in fact knew Geoffrey from the time they both grew up in Adelaide.

  With these kinds of credentials it was hard to see how this film could be anything but a huge success; the script was great, Mark Harmon was to be the American lead, Jeröen Krabbé and I were to be the bad guys, and an Australian newcomer, Deborah Ungar, a girl who had already gained a reputation for herself in the television mini series titled 'Bangkok Hilton,' was to play the female lead.

  Before we even had time for a preliminary read through, it was decided it would be far too dangerous to even consider shooting in Papua New Guinea at that particular time – a shame, because I thought without this sense of danger Michael Thomas' script would lose it's edginess.

  The new location chosen was The Republic of Vanuatu, an island nation in the South Pacific, around two hours in a plane from Sydney.