The Little Cottage in the Country

by Lottie Phillips

  She spotted Horatio talking to a petite blonde in pale-pink skinny cut-offs and a dazzling white shirt. The pearls around her neck swung in time with her elaborate hand gestures. Anna thought the woman didn’t need to laugh quite so loudly at Horatio’s jokes. She couldn’t even imagine Horatio was all that funny. The woman’s body language screamed ‘snog me now’ and Anna could almost see the aura of oestrogen emanating from her pores. The woman may have been well dressed but there was no excuse to act quite so cheaply, Anna reckoned. She gazed at the throng of adoring mothers and noted that Horatio was, in fact, the only man to be seen. Another woman, this time a redhead with legs up to her armpits, smiled at him and flicked her hair as she walked in what appeared to be three steps to her car on the other side of the road.

  ‘You guys OK?’ Anna looked down at the twins and they nodded. ‘You know, you’re going to have lots of fun.’

  ‘We know,’ said Freddie, tugging free of Anna’s hand.

  ‘Hi.’ A man’s voice.

  She turned and found herself face to face with Horatio, a young boy by his side.

  ‘Oh, hi,’ she said, as if she had barely registered his existence.

  ‘First day at school for the twins?’

  ‘Yes.’ She nodded, staring ahead. ‘Thank you for the—’

  ‘Did you get the—’

  They started speaking at the same time.

  ‘This is Jeremy.’ Horatio indicated the boy. ‘He’s six. This is your second year, isn’t it?’ Jeremy nodded shyly. ‘Your children will love it here. Jeremy, why don’t you show the twins the hall?’ Horatio gently pushed his son forward. ‘I’ll be here at three o’clock, OK?’

  The boy looked as if he might cry and Anna wanted to bend down and hug him. Horatio, sensing his son’s tears, knelt down. ‘You OK?’

  ‘I miss Mum,’ he said.

  ‘Me too,’ Horatio said, pulling his son in awkwardly. ‘Me too. You going to be brave for me and show these guys the ropes?’

  Anna reeled at Jeremy’s words, ‘I miss Mum’. What did he mean? Clearly, Horatio was divorced or something had happened. She furrowed her brows. He seemed genuine and she realised she hadn’t given him enough credit; he was a single parent, just like her, doing the best he could.

  Jeremy nodded and Freddie and Antonia looked unsure as to what to do next. Anna kissed them on their heads and urged them to follow Jeremy.

  Then it was just Anna and Horatio.

  She looked at him and, in that moment, exchanged a look of deep understanding and something inside her shifted. They were single parents.

  ‘Why does Jeremy miss his mum? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’

  His eyes clouded over and he clenched his jaw. ‘It’s um, hard…’

  ‘Oh, OK…’ Then something clicked inside her head. ‘Have you had an affair?’

  ‘What?’ His hardened look changed as quickly to pure disbelief.

  ‘I saw you with that woman the other night.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ He rubbed his forehead. ‘Oh, outside the Rose and Crown?’

  ‘Yes, outside the Rose and Crown.’ She glared at him. ‘I thought it was your wife and then, when you didn’t bother introducing us, I knew it had to be your mistress.’

  He burst into laughter, his shoulders shaking.

  ‘This is not funny, Horatio.’ She exhaled loudly, a rush of relief at getting the issue out in the open.

  ‘Anna,’ Horatio started to say, ‘let me explain.’ He waved at someone behind her and, when she looked, she saw it was the very same woman she had spotted him with the other night: the quite attractive brunette. She was beckoning him over. ‘Look, I have to go. Sorry. You are coming to the party?’ His eyes met hers.

  ‘Well…’ Anna jutted her chin out, but then remembered the one compelling reason she would have to attend his ridiculous soiree. ‘I’m not sure…’

  An image of Barry with a wad of cash flashed through her mind.

  He paused. ‘Why won’t you come? I hope you’re not feeling awkward about the plus one situation.’

  She gasped. ‘Situation? There is no situation there, Mr Horatio. I am very happy in a relationship now, thank you.’

  She enjoyed the look of surprise on his face. ‘Oh.’ He furrowed his brow. ‘Only, you were in the Rose and Crown the other night waiting for a speed-dating event, which suggested…’

  ‘Which suggested that I’m such a good friend to Diane, I would accompany her to such a thing.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Yes, I’m involved with someone,’ she lied, immediately wishing she hadn’t felt the need to.

  ‘Do I know this person? Or is he from London?’

  ‘He is a land owner, much like yourself, only he has the humility not to flaunt it in quite the same manner.’ She smiled, victorious. ‘His name is Richard.’

  Horatio’s face clouded quickly with displeasure. ‘Richard? Richard who?’

  She hadn’t thought about his last name: this was a minor detail in comparison to his status. ‘The owner of Briars Farm.’ Anna turned on her heels and started to walk towards her car. She could feel Horatio’s eyes on her, boring into her back. Anna realised halfway across the road that her car was, in fact, in the opposite direction, but not wanting to give Horatio the satisfaction of seeing her mistake, she continued to walk up to the corner of the road where she stopped and looked over her shoulder.

  Horatio had joined the brunette and held the woman’s yoga mat while she bent her ridiculously lithe body to tie up her laces. Anna could see she was wearing a pink velour tracksuit and her perfect glossy hair was trailing perfectly down her perfect back and swished perfectly as she rose.

  Horatio, as if sensing her gaze, looked down the road and Anna, like a rabbit in headlights, panicked and walked into a postbox. Once she had finished nursing her throbbing knee, she walked once around the park and, by the time she had returned to her car, they were gone.

  Date Night and the Birds and the Bees

  On Wednesday morning, Anna had written a list of things she hoped to achieve that day in preparation for date night:

  Lose weight

  Clear up skin

  Buy slinky outfit

  Read and memorise interesting facts from Farmers Weekly

  Practise kissing

  As she munched on her fourth crumpet slathered in butter, she debated where to start. Her mother trotted into the kitchen, hair removal cream on her upper lip and her hair in rollers, whistling.

  ‘Today is a good day, darling, isn’t it?’ She smiled broadly at her daughter. ‘You’re going to finally spend time with someone of the opposite sex and, if you can believe it, I’ve decided to ask Tony on a date.’

  Anna nodded, barely looking up from her list. ‘I can.’

  ‘I mean, he clearly can’t get enough of me,’ her mother wittered on. ‘And, you know, unlike my daughter, I don’t play hard to get. I mean, I have to some degree, and he clearly wants me badly.’

  ‘Really?’ Anna finally looked up.

  ‘Oh, most definitely. It’s in his eyes.’ Her mother came over and looked over Anna’s shoulder at the list. Anna tried to hide it but wasn’t quick enough. ‘Darling, I don’t know how to tell you this but there isn’t one thing on that list you can do in the space of…’ She looked at the clock. ‘Wwelve hours.’ Linda walked from the kitchen, her mules clip-clopping on the stone, and called over her shoulder, ‘Though, you can practise kissing on a melon.’

  ‘A melon?’ Anna said, incredulously.

  Her mother popped her head back around the door. ‘Yes. It’s very real. Just don’t use the one in the fruit bowl because I had a go at it last night.’ Her mother withdrew her head and she could be heard thumping up the stairs, greeting the children.

  Anna looked at the fruit bowl, then, grabbing the Marigolds off the side, delicately picked up the melon and dumped it in the bin.

  Freddie and Antonia came in and sat wordlessly at the table, their eyes bl
eary and hair ruffled.

  ‘How are my two favourite people in the whole world this morning?’ she said. ‘I found a slip in your bag for a bake sale this Friday. What would you like me to bake for it?’ She smiled. This could be her Nigella Lawson-type defining moment when she would saunter up to the school with two Black Forest gateaux and the other women would fall over themselves trying to get the recipe off her. Horatio would be so flabbergasted at her domestic prowess he would beg her forgiveness for laughing at her all the time.

  ‘Nothing,’ Freddie and Antonia chimed.

  ‘Oh.’ She tried to hide her pained expression. ‘Why?’

  ‘You burn stuff,’ Freddie said.

  ‘Ah,’ she said, ‘that was the old Mummy. This new one is going to get it just right. I will write on here that I’m making two Black Forest cakes and bring them with me on Friday morning.’

  Freddie nodded and, with his mouth full of Sugar Puffs, asked, ‘What’s in it?’

  ‘Well,’ Anna said, her smile fading, ‘um, I think it has some chocolate and some, um, nuts.’ She paused. ‘No, not nuts.’ Anna nodded. ‘Not to worry, I’ll look it up. How hard can it be?’

  Once the kids had been dropped off at school, Anna plastered on a green face mask, painted her toes using separators and started to clean the house (surely, she figured, she would lose a couple of pounds doing the mopping alone). She stopped, every so often, to read a couple of paragraphs from the copy of George Orwell’s Animal Farm she had found on her aunt’s bookshelf. She wasn’t entirely sure it was giving her much insight into farming, but she could, at least, impress Richard with her knowledge of talking animals. Above all else, she was grateful to have some time alone as her mother had dragged Diane to Cheltenham to advise her on silk thongs.

  A knock at the door startled her and she wrung out the mop and waddled over to the door. Pulling it wide, she found the petite blonde from the school gates on her doorstep. Today she was wearing a sky-blue version of the same pink cut-offs, an oversized, but outrageously cool, black blazer, and a handbag half her size hung off the crook of her arm. She wore glasses and didn’t bother taking them off, so Anna was confronted with her own reflection: which was squat and green. Oh, she had forgotten about the face mask.

  The blonde lady snorted. ‘Um, you’ve got something on your face.’

  Anna tried to smile but she could feel the dried gunk on her face cracking. ‘Um, goodness, um. This is embarrassing.’

  ‘Hi, I’m Lucinda,’ the woman said, holding out a bouquet of flowers.

  Anna took the large bouquet of lilies and smiled. ‘That’s so lovely of you. How wonderful. Thank you.’

  ‘You’re welcome. I won’t stay.’ She pointed at her white Land Rover, showroom-white, parked on the drive. ‘I just came to introduce myself and tell you there’s a group of us who do yoga and coffee mornings and so on…’

  Anna smiled broadly, sniffing the flowers. ‘I’d love to.’

  Lucinda shook her head. ‘No, sorry, it’s exclusive. What I meant to say is that if you wanted to try and gain membership to our club, you need at least two members who can vouch for you, yah? One of them has to be the president.’ She pulled her glasses down with her forefinger and looked over the rim at Anna. ‘I’m the president.’

  ‘Oh, right.’ Anna cleared her throat. ‘Well…’

  Lucinda cut in. ‘Anyway, we’ll all be at the cake sale on Friday. Maybe you can meet the others then.’ She turned daintily and moved off, leaving Anna clutching the flowers, a lump in her throat.

  Anna knew what might get Lucinda’s attention. ‘Well, I will be at the cake sale. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. In fact, when I lived in London, Nigella asked me for tips on how I kept my cakes so moist.’

  Lucinda turned back. ‘As in Lawson?’

  ‘Yes,’ Anna said, her heart hammering as she realised she was diving into dangerous waters. ‘Will you be at Horatio’s little soiree on Friday evening?’

  ‘Of course. Have you been invited?’ Lucinda’s wrinkle-free forehead creased ever so slightly.

  ‘Yes. Horatio invited me personally.’

  ‘Well, he’s a charitable man.’ Lucinda made a dismissive gesture with her hand. ‘Oh, and Anna?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Your zip’s undone.’ With that, Lucinda slid into her Land Rover and roared off down the lane.

  Anna looked down, flushed: she was indeed displaying her greying M&S undies. She went inside and dumped the flowers in the bin. She had never met anyone like Lucinda before: so in control, so slim, so manicured, so perfect. She felt a strange mix of indignance and a yearning to be just like her.

  Anna touched up her red lipstick and pulled down her old faithful black cocktail dress. Diane told her she looked like a goddess, but she couldn’t banish the image of perfect Lucinda from her mind, and instead felt frumpy.

  ‘Just you wait until I get my hands on this Lucinda. Parading up here like that. She should be ashamed,’ Diane had said.

  ‘Yeah, but she probably meant it all in a nice way.’ Anna tried to give Lucinda the benefit of the doubt.

  ‘Uh, hello?’ Diane pretend-knocked her friend’s head. ‘Anna, normal people just invite you to join a club, not tell you you’re excluded until two people, herself conveniently being one of them, give you permission to be a member.’ She shook her head. ‘I mean, who wants to go to fucking yoga and drink coffee with a bunch of botox-brain bimbos anyway. Yoga’s not even healthy.’

  ‘Isn’t it? I thought it was.’ Anna looked at her friend.

  ‘Yeah, healthy if your body’s made of plasticine. No one in their right mind should be able to put their legs behind their head and not expect repercussions later. It just hasn’t been around long enough for the doctors to find this out.’

  ‘I thought it was an ancient Indian thing?’

  ‘No, that’s just marketing.’ She shook her head emphatically.

  Diane, who had just commenced urban dancing with the children, noticed Anna look in the downstairs mirror for the umpteenth time.

  ‘You look a million dollars,’ she said breathlessly, giving Anna a hug. ‘Forget Lucinda and just enjoy yourself. The kids will be fine.’ Diane clutched her heart. ‘I may not be, but they will.’ She smiled. ‘I’ll make sure we’re all out of the way by the time you get back in case…’

  ‘No chance.’ Anna shook her head.

  ‘No, not you. In case your mum comes back with Tony and wants to parade her new silk thong.’

  Anna felt nauseous. ‘That is something I definitely don’t think anyone needs to see. Tony included.’

  A knock at the door and Anna felt a fluttering in her stomach. She hadn’t been on a date since the guy who referred to his manhood as Spartacus. With that in mind, she pushed down her nerves and opened the door. Richard wore jeans, a blazer and a white shirt showing off his olive skin.

  He smiled at her. ‘You look beautiful.’

  Diane came up behind her and squeezed her shoulder. ‘Told you. Now, go and have a good time.’ She nodded towards the twins. ‘We’ve got to figure out our moves.’

  Anna followed Richard to the Jaguar parked up on the drive and he held open the passenger door. ‘I thought we might go to a little Italian place I know.’

  They barely spoke during the drive over and Anna realised that the ‘little Italian place’ was in fact a Michelin-starred restaurant. Once inside, they were led to a table in the corner and Richard took her coat from her and passed it to the maître d’ before ordering champagne.

  ‘I hope I’m not being presumptuous. Do you like champagne?’

  Her heart was pounding. Why couldn’t she just calm down? It had only been a couple of years since she’d been close to a man in this way.

  ‘I might just pop to the, um, powder room.’ She nodded, hoping ‘powder room’ still meant the ladies and hadn’t become some sort of slang for ‘drug den’.

  ‘Of course.’ He nodded and stood as she left the table.

 
Her mouth was dry and she knew she’d relax once she’d had a drink, but first she needed to check she didn’t have lipstick on her teeth or eyeliner anywhere but around her eyes. She went to the loo, checked her make-up and took a deep breath. With renewed confidence she walked back to the table with a bit more of wiggle in her hips. As she passed fellow diners, they stopped to stare and whispered to one another. It was true, she had figured it out: the key to looking sexy really was in the mind. The rest just came naturally after that.

  As she neared the table, she smiled sexily at Richard who was moving quickly towards her, his eyes desperate. Even her date was finding her magnetism irresistible.

  ‘Anna,’ he took her arm firmly, ‘come to the table quickly.’

  ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘I didn’t realise you would miss me so much.’ She giggled.

  ‘Look.’ He pointed at her dress.

  She stared in disbelief at the train of loo roll hanging from somewhere within the depths of her dress. ‘Oh, that’s awkward.’ Anna glanced up at Richard’s face, unable to read his expression, and smiled. ‘Not used, though, so that’s something.’

  Anna pulled the loo roll and it trailed across the floor and then, with as much elegance as she could muster, hoisted her dress a couple of inches and removed the other end from her knickers.

  ‘Anna, let’s just drink some champagne and forget about it.’ He raised his glass. ‘Cheers.’

  She balled up the loo roll and dumped it on the floor, raising her own glass. ‘Cheers.’ Gratefully, she gulped at the champagne and it went some way to making her feel better.

  ‘So,’ he smiled, his face relaxing, ‘I heard on the grapevine that you’d thought you might leave when you saw the state of the cottage.’

  Anna scrunched up her nose. ‘It wasn’t so much that. It’s just I’ve got two young kids to think about and I wondered if I was doing the right thing by them.’