Twisted Pursuits

by Krystal Morrison

  More tears trickled down her ashen cheeks, “Jordan I never meant…” she began.

  “Save it”, he barked turning his back to her, “I’m really not interested in anything you have to say”, he added as he marched from the room.

  Lauren had known that she had hurt him but she could never have guessed how much until a moment ago. He was right she was a selfish person. In her moment of madness she had not considered that her actions would have such far reaching implications. She had only wanted to save him from marrying a woman who could not bear him children.

  She had not thought of the fact that he would have to face the embarrassment of telling his colleagues and friends and family the news that his wedding was cancelled a mere week before the scheduled date. The worst part was that he would have had to do all this while he himself was hurting and now she had hid his own children’s existence from him.

  She remembered an old folktale that said ‘you never hurt the ones you love’. Yet she had managed to hurt Jordan at every turn when she loved him so much it hurts. After all the pain and humiliation she had caused him, couldn’t she grant him this one little favor and marry him she asked herself. If only there was a chance that he could forgive her or at least grow to care for her a little bit, she would marry him in a jiffy. A forlorn sob escaped her at the thought.

  She stroked the place where her babies were growing, she would probably have little or no say in how her children were raised but she had to bear in mind that Jordan could give them a life that she could never dream of ever providing. She sighed. Either way she would have to marry him as it seemed that she had no choice.

  She frowned as a thought occurred to her. What if he was just as desperate as she to share in their children’s lives? Would she have been equally angry if he had been the one trying to runaway with their kids? Guilt prickled at her conscience. She decided not to dwell on it too much as she went to shower and get dressed, Daniel would be waiting. She would take things one day at a time she told herself, first she had to get through tomorrow.

  THEY WERE MARRIED AT TWILIGHT the following afternoon at one of Jordan’s hotels. The day had been so nerve racking that she had forgotten for awhile that their marriage was not a real one. After a chilling drive to the hotel with Jordan during which they had barely said two words to each other Lauren had expected to be ushered into a room where they would sign the marriage documents and that would be it. Thus she had received the shock of her life when Jordan had left her in his hotel suite and returned with a stylist to do her hair and makeup, after which he had disappeared again.

  Two hours later she could not believe it was her reflection staring back at her as she glanced in the full length mirror. Her lovely white spaghetti strap chiffon gown hid any signs of her pregnancy. Her hair was knotted in an elegant French twist with a few fresh lilies and her makeup was flawless. They all came together to give her an angelic appearance.

  She had barely expressed her thanks before she was led from the room to a small cliff overlooking the Caribbean Sea, a bouquet of white lilies thrust into her hands along the way. She had been taken aback to see that there was a short isles decorated with the customary wedding apparel and Jordan standing at the altar along with the minister.

  He looked so handsome that she had wanted to cry because she knew he would never truly be hers in the way a husband should belong to a wife and vice-versa. The vows were quickly exchanged with Lauren faltering over some of the words, nervous about making such a mockery of such a holy ritual.

  Her heart leapt as upon the minister’s instruction Jordan leaned forward to touch his lips to hers. He had tasted so good that she had wanted to devour him but the kiss ended almost as soon as it began as Jordan pulled away from her, his expression as cold as marble.

  They paused for a few pictures before they proceeded to his suite for a private dinner on the terrace. Her stomach was so knotted that she barely ate any of the delicious meal but Jordan it seemed had no such qualms as he ate every morsel.

  “You’ve barely eaten anything”, he noted halfway through dessert, “and you look a little pale, are you feeling ok?”

  Her heart warmed at his concern. It’s only for the babies, she told herself sternly, stomping down the feelings.

  “I’m fine”, she said, forcing a smile.

  “You should eat”, he said almost gently as he took a forkful of chocolate cake and brought it to her lips.

  She opened her mouth to protest and he took the opportunity to pop the fork inside. She was too busy chewing and swallowing for her to say much after that until her plate was empty. Still not satisfied, he summoned the butler who was standing a polite distance away, “can I get a glass of milk for my wife please”, he said and Lauren blushed.

  “Certainly Sir”, the man said before he disappeared from sight.

  “We’ll be staying the night here”, Jordan murmured flatly, “and I‘ll take you to the estate which we will be using as our main residence. Do you have any objections?”

  “I didn’t bring a change of clothes”, she said breathlessly, “and there is only one bed…”

  “I asked Mrs. Stewart to pack an overnight bag for you”, he replied, “and I’ll sleep on the couch”.

  She tried to hide her disappointment at the latter. She had wondered, even hoped that there would be at least physical intimacy during their marriage but apparently that was not to be. Perhaps he found her unattractive because she was pregnant. The butler return and she accepted and drank her glass of milk in silence. Once finished the butler cleared the table and departed followed shortly by Jordan.

  She rummaged through her bag for a nightgown, which happened to be one of her sexiest, showered and crawled into bed feeling sad and painfully alone. She could hear Jordan milling about in the next room and she willed him to come to her. Eventually the movements died down and she gave up all hope of spending their wedding night in his arms. She would have gone to him but she knew that even if he still desired her his anger would not allow him to take her to bed.

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

  LAUREN AWOKE THE FOLLOWING MORNING with a new perspective on life. She had had a long, lonely night to consider her plight and she had decided to take a stance. Sure she was in a marriage due to convenience rather than love but she was not about to sit and wallow in self pity. Instead she was going to do everything in her powers to make her marriage work. She owed it to her unborn children who deserved to be raised by both parents, to Jordan and to herself. She loved him for Christ sake and she had resolved that he might still care for her a little. After all he had allowed her to live in his house for almost three months and not once had he made any demands on her for anything in return.

  She showered and dressed purposefully in the cotton dress Mrs. Stewart had packed for her and plastered a smile on her face, ready to meet her new husband. Her smile faltered along with her courage when she opened the bedroom door to their suite and found the sitting room empty. She glanced at her watch, only eight thirty, he must have gone down to breakfast she thought.

  She rummaged through her purse for her cellular phone and dialed his number. He answered promptly on the second ring but he could not speak long as he was about to board his jet as he had to attend a meeting overseas and he would be back later on that night. He was sorry and according to him the matter needed his urgent attention and Daniel would take her to the estate where the rest of staff would be expecting her. She ended the call with a damper on her spirits but decided not to concede defeat just yet.

  Everything seemed to traverse downhill from then on, as no matter how hard she tried to seize Jordan’s attention, the less inclined to her he seemed to become. She had arrived at the Myles’s Estate to a warm welcome from Ms. Clarke, a woman in her late forties and Grace who appeared to be a little older than Lauren. She remembered Ms. Clarke from her last visit but Grace apparently had been recently employed to the estate. The formalities concluded she had immediately called Anna to fill her in on
the resent happenings of her pregnancy and marriage omitting the unpleasant details surrounding the entire affair.

  She recalled having to lift the phone from her ear as Anna had screamed in delight. However as the initial shock had worn off Anna had given her a good ‘cussing’ for not telling her about the babies sooner and for not inviting her to the wedding. However Lauren had calmed her with the promise of photos and by admitting that even Jordan’s parents had not been present at the wedding. Forever the optimist, Anna had instantly launched into plans to go shopping for both mother and babies. Lauren had been groaning in despair by the end of the conversation as Anna had taken her time to list all the items Lauren would need and the various stores she would have to visit to get them after which they both agreed on a day the following week.

  She had sat in the living room that night awaiting Jordan’s return, watching a movie to occupy her time. Hours after the movie had ended she began to worry that something might have happened to him so she had called his cellular phone countless times without answer. Disturbed by this she had proceeded to call Daniel who had advised her that Jordan was alright and that there was just a slight delay and the jet should be landing soon.

  Time stretched on and there was still no sign of Jordan and the truth of what her life had become began to sink in as she stared into the semi-darkness of the room, empty. Fatigued both mentally and physically, she had settled into the sofa, tossing and turning as silent, unmindful tears streamed down her cheeks until finally she fell asleep right there on the sofa.

  She awoke to the buzzing of the phone the next morning. It was Jordan, claiming that he had returned late so he had opted to stay at the house in town. Thus he would just go straight from there to the office but he would try to be home for dinner later. As it turned out he was not home in time for dinner and long after the meal had grown cold and the staff had turned in for the night she lugged to her bedroom and went to bed in much the same manner as the night before, not even bothering to answer her phone as it rang.

  Depressed and hopelessly under the weather she was pleasantly surprised to see Jordan seated at the dining table reading the morning paper over coffee the following morning. Her initial pleasure at seeing him melted away to be replaced by the anger and hurt of the night before as he folded the paper and put it aside as she entered the room.

  “Good morning”, he said.

  “Go to hell!” she retorted and marched from the room.

  She had barely made it to the door before he caught her by the arm. “What is the meaning of this? Are we supposed to be bickering at each other along with everything else?” he asked.

  She shrugged free of his grasp. “Not to worry as you won’t be around for any of it, if the past two days are any indication”, she spat.

  “So that is what this is about”, he murmured, a cold smile curling his lips, “I thought we both agreed to lead separate lives in this marriage, apart from the children of course”.

  All the color drained from her face at his cruel words. Was that his way of saying that he had another woman? Had he been with her last night and the night before? The idea of him being with another woman so soon after their marriage, real or fake made her want to vomit. She clamped her hand over her mouth as she rushed from the room to the nearby powder room where she was viciously ill. She had not heard him come up behind her until cool hands pulled back her hair from her face as she heaved until her stomach seemed to be empty and nothing came. Exhausted she sank limply to the hardwood floor. He wiped the perspiration from her brow with a damp cloth and gently scooped her into his arms and carried her to the couch in the living room.

  “Don’t move”, he ordered as he hurried from the room.

  Her eyes filled with tears as she watched him leave, sadness settling inside her heart. Her foolish idea of making their marriage work seemed to be just that; foolish. She had suspected that he had another woman but she had not thought it was anything serious; now she was not so sure. There was no sense being coy, she had lost him forever. She dashed the tears from her cheeks as Jordan reappeared apparently not fast enough as he frowned when he saw her.

  “Are you alright”, he asked anxiously, “should I call Doc”.

  “I’m fine”, she said but the tears wouldn’t seem to stop, “don’t you have to go to work or something”.

  Jordan stared helplessly at her. He hated seeing her like this. He cursed himself for saying those retched words a few moments ago. Placing the small container of crackers he had brought back from the kitchen on the coffee table; he did the one thing he saw fit which was to pull her into his arms and croon softly to her.

  Eventually the tears ceased and she pulled away from him. “You should go”, she said not looking at him.

  He retrieved the container of crackers and gave it to her, “I thought it might settle your stomach”, he said.

  “Thank you”, she said, retrieving a cracker and delicately nibbling at it.

  “You look tired”, he noted, tucking a lock of hair that had fallen over her brow behind her ears, “I’ll take you to bed”, he offered gently.

  Before she could protests he lifted her from the couch as if she were as delicate as china and carried her to her bedroom. He carefully placed her beneath the covers, a melancholy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach as his hand brushed the swell of her stomach. Perhaps it was just him but her stomach seemed to have grown noticeably in the short time he had not seen her. He would have like to peel away her cotton dress and examine the changes his children had brought about to her body but he did not think she would take kindly to such an intrusion.

  “Sleep”, he commanded unnecessarily as her eyes had drifted closed the moment her head touched the pillows.

  His heart softened involuntarily as he stared at her face serene in sleep. He would give anything to be able to lie beside her and stroke her rounded tummy. Would the babies move under his palms as they had that one forbidden time when he had discovered their existence. Even now he marveled at such a small wonder. Perhaps he could touch her for a second and find out, he told himself. What the hell he thought as he stretched his hand towards her but drew back at the last minute deciding it was a bad idea.

  He would do well to remember to keep his distance from her; regardless of the temptation. She might be vulnerable at the moment because she was pregnant but that would all change soon and she would leave again and he would get hurt. He glanced at her one last time, a regretful sigh emitting from his lips and left the room.

  JORDAN WAS NOT THERE WHEN SHE awoke some time later but he did make it to dinner that night and as often as he could the following weeks according to him at least. Not that it made a difference as they always ate in strained silence, even polite conversations proving too much of an odious task for them. She made attempts at small talk but he always seemed so cold and aloof that she had eventually given up on even such a small victory.

  Gone was the peaceful solitude that had sustained her ever since she had found out that she was pregnant and all through her stay at Jordan’s townhouse to be replaced by sadness. Jordan’s parents called a week after their marriage congratulating her on her nuptials and the babies. Lauren had felt guilty at the recollection that she had hurt them terribly by leaving all those months ago; hence she was relieved when the older Myles finally hung up.

  Two weeks after her return to the estate her health took a downward spiral. While she had accepted that nausea and vomiting would be a constant disruption throughout her pregnancy, it had grown so terrible that she could barely eat and the dizziness and fainting spells followed suit. Thus she was forced to remain in bed more often than she would have liked.

  Anna always said that what you do not know cannot hurt you and Lauren had come to prove it. Even though her reading had provided useful information it had also made her privy to some disturbing details which made her worried sick about the birthing process; fearful that something might go wrong resulting in some unknown harm to her babies
or to herself. Along with everything else she was lonely. So lonely that she sometimes felt as if the walls were closing in on her.

  Jordan was hardly ever home and as much as she tried not to, she missed him terribly. She wished that he would hold her in his arms and she could tell him all her fears and she knew he would dispel them. She was due for another appointment with Doctor Hedley in a few days and she found herself being worried that he might have bad news to tell her.

  “Lauren!” Anna’s exuberant voice broke through her unpleasant reverie. It was late afternoon and she was seated in the garden enjoying the late afternoon sunshine.

  Lauren visibly brightened as she turned to see Anna pushing a bouncing Cara towards her in her stroller. Anna had called earlier asking for directions to the estate so Lauren had been expecting her.

  Lauren rose to embrace her. “Oh my God, you are huge”, Anna exclaimed, “how far along are you?”

  “Twenty five weeks”, Lauren replied stroking her engorged stomach fondly.

  Anna laughed. “You look like you’re about to deliver”, Anna exclaimed.

  Lauren smiled in response sparing a few moments to tickle Cara who gurgled with pleasure. Lauren requested refreshments, careful to select something that would not disrupt her stomach and they settled down to eat.

  “Can you believe it”, Anna gushed, “last year this time I was pregnant and now it’s you”.

  “Yes”, Lauren forced a smile, she wished she could confide in someone about her problems but she was not sure if it was appropriate and she did not want to burden Anna with her problems. She did not realize that she was crying until Anna mentioned it.