by E. L. Todd
“Maybe.”
“He’s my best friend…the only constant man in my life. Maybe this makes sense. Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be.” My marriage to Cameron had been a sham. Maybe he loved me at the time, but his love was only skin-deep. And then Neil… Neil was just a dream I would never have. I knew I would get hurt, I just thought it would be worth it. But Kyle was the opposite of both of them, because he loved me with his whole heart. It wasn’t the adrenaline-pumping kind of love I had with Neil…but it was beautiful. It was constant, safe, easy…and maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be.
“I think Kyle is the man,” Stacy said. “He stepped up with Kingston when he didn’t have to. That’s real love, girl. I think you’d be stupid to ever waste your time on another man besides Kyle and Kingston.”
“Yeah…” I rocked Kingston back and forth, feeling good for the first time in forever. I felt like my injuries had finally healed, my broken heart had finally fused back together. The last time I saw Neil was eighteen months ago, and now that he was gone, I could finally move on. “Yeah.”
Thirteen
Neil
Life on the red planet wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.
Every time I looked out the window, I could hardly believe the red color, the empty surface, the sound of silence…since there were no birds or nature of any kind. Sometimes I sat there and just stared, knowing how much I’d wanted this and how long I waited for it.
But now, it felt miserable.
Everyone I knew on Earth thought I was dead.
How was I supposed to live with that?
NASA wouldn’t have given up hope right away. They would have given us a reasonable amount of time to get our communications back online. But that time had long expired, so we’d been classified as deceased. And even if we were alive, getting back home with just our knowledge and skills was incredibly unlikely.
So, they gave up hope…and they told our families to do the same.
It hurt to think about Charlotte, but it really hurt to think about my brother. He was more devastated about my departure than my own mother. It was the first time I’d ever seen tears in his eyes. I’d promised him I’d retire from the space flight once I returned, and that promise was enough to give me his blessing.
Now that might never happen.
We always stayed in the ship once the sun was gone because it was too difficult to continue our work in the dark and we needed to conserve energy as much as possible. So, we sat in the conference room, sitting around the round table with our space food in front of us. It was pot roast and potatoes…or at least that was what it was supposed to be. We were drinking each other’s recycled urine, which was always a popular discussion from young people learning about space travel.
I took out my notebook and sketched out my idea, doing my calculations to see the trajectory of the return journey home. “In a few weeks, we can launch for the return journey.” We’d be returning home sooner than planned, but we had enough fuel to make it, especially since we’d be cutting the energy we were using on Mars. I held up the paper. “We can piggyback on a couple of moons on the way, picking up extra speed to save fuel. It’ll add some time to the trip, but at least it’ll allow us to recalibrate as we go since we’re relying on the stars and planets to figure out where we’re going.”
Amelia considered the suggestion with a somber face. “Without Houston, we’re taking a shot in the dark—literally. We might just get stuck out there in space and drift forever. And NASA may never know we’re there to send a rescue mission. It depends on where their telescopes are pointed.”
“I agree,” Evelyn said. “Our chances of success are so slim…”
“What other choice do we have?” I asked. “We can’t stay here. If this mission is considered a failure, they aren’t going to send a rescue crew. It’s too far away—and they probably think we’re dead anyway.”
“We have enough resources and equipment to stretch our life span to five years,” Amelia said. “We can cultivate Mars as much as possible. At some point, NASA will send a second team, and we’ll have done so much work in preparation. We can document everything we’ve done and leave it on a flash drive for them.”
It was noble, but suicidal. “The mission was to return home—and that’s what we should do.”
“But we are more likely to accomplish good work here than survive out there,” Amelia countered.
Hyde looked at me, his stance clear on his stressed face. He had a wife and kids at home. He didn’t want to die out here, especially when he couldn’t even say goodbye.
I was committed to this project as much as everyone else, but staying here wasn’t the mission. We were supposed to go home. “It’ll be a much bigger victory for everyone on Earth to see their astronauts returned, just when everyone lost hope. We have vital information that can prepare the next crew—”
“You say that like it’s guaranteed we’ll make it back,” Amelia said. “There’s a good chance we won’t. We’ll get lost in the solar system, and when NASA does return to Mars, there will be nothing for them there. Neil, returning home is a gamble—”
“I will get us back.” I was so relieved I was the commander, because if Amelia was, then I would never have a chance to go home. “And I have complete confidence in every person’s ability to contribute to that mission and make it a success. Hyde and I are the best pilots in the world. Evelyn is an astrophysicist. You’re a mathematician. Have more faith in us, Amelia. You have a son waiting for you.”
The second he was mentioned, she winced slightly. “My family knew I might not come back—”
“You’re going to come back. We are all going to come back. We’ve done enough on this planet, have collected more data than we could have possibly imagined. The best thing to do is return it all to Earth, so the next mission can go much better than this one. Humanity will benefit far more from our return than our demise.”
Hyde nodded. “Neil is right. We’ll make it happen.”
“Let’s put it to a vote,” Amelia said.
“No.” I was the commander of this vessel, and for now, I was a dictator and this wasn’t a democracy. “That’s what I’ve decided, and I’m confident that NASA would give me the same orders. So, let’s get to work—and bring us home.”
Fourteen
Charlotte
Kyle made dinner in the kitchen while I fed Kingston in the high chair. I made the red plastic spoon fly through the air like a plane before I put it into his mouth. “You like those plums?”
He giggled and chewed the sauce before he swallowed.
I took a bite myself. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Kingston raised his hand and made a fist, like he didn’t want to share.
“I can’t have any? I’m your mother.” I gave him another spoonful.
Kyle finished dinner in the kitchen then set the table.
Torpedo lay on the ground, hoping to get a crumb at some point.
“This looks great.” I took a bite before I returned to feeding my son.
Kyle took a couple bites, devouring his food like he was starving. “Yeah, not bad.”
I switched from feeding Kingston to feeding myself.
“My parents invited us over for a barbecue on Saturday.”
“Oh…that’s great.”
He detected my change in tone. “Don’t want to go?”
“No. I just…are you going to tell them the truth about Kingston?” His family loved me, and they were thrilled when we had a baby together, even if we weren’t married. But now I wondered if that would all change when they realized Kingston was the son of an old lover who was now deceased.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I understand why Neil’s family needed to know, but I don’t see why anyone else does.”
It was still weird to hear his name since it happened so infrequently now. It wasn’t that people forgot about him. It was just too painful to talk about him. Vic had never been
the same after his brother died. There was a permanent shadow on his face. “You think your family would be upset about it?”
“Not sure,” he said. “But I don’t want Kingston to grow up thinking I’m not his father. When he’s old enough to understand, that’s fine. But for all those years in between…I just don’t think it’s necessary.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I wanted Kingston to view Kyle as a father, not a stepfather.
“So, is that a yes for the barbecue?”
“Of course.”
“Good. My mom has been bugging me to bring Kingston by. I don’t know why—she’s already got grandkids.”
“Well, he’s beautiful…” I placed the spoon in his mouth again, looking at him with pride. “I mean, look at that face.”
Kyle smiled as he looked at him. “Yeah…he’s definitely cute. You know what you should do? Bump into Cameron casually with Kingston in your arms.”
That was too cold, even if he deserved it. “No, not my style.”
“I know it’s not. You’re too nice, sweetheart.”
I’d rather be nice than cruel. “Well, Kingston loves barbecues so he’s excited.”
“I think he just loves being spoiled by my parents,” he said with a chuckle.
“He’s got such good grandparents.” I squeezed one of his feet that were wrapped in warm socks. “Which makes me happy because he deserves everything.” I had no family to give him myself, so at least he had Neil’s mother and Kyle’s parents.
Kyle finished dinner then did the dishes in the sink.
“I’m gonna put him to bed.” I wiped his face and then lifted him from the high chair. I carried him to where Kyle stood at the sink. “Say night night.”
Kingston just stared at Kyle, his eyes soaking in his features.
“Goodnight, baby.” Kyle leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.
I carried him into his bedroom, Torpedo following behind me. I put Kingston in his crib, swaddled him in his favorite sack, and then flipped on the baby monitor on the dresser. I turned on his favorite toy, a toy that sang a quiet lullaby, and it usually helped him get to sleep since he was still getting used to sleeping alone.
I turned off the light and left the room.
Kyle finished the dishes and put the leftovers in containers. “What was better? My dinner or the plums?”
“Hmm…that’s a tough one.”
“Really? I was hoping it wouldn’t be.”
I chuckled. “No, your dinner was great.” Without thinking twice about it, I leaned into him and kissed him, like it was the most natural thing in the world, a wife kissing her husband after dinner. My heels rose from the ground to give me height, and I pressed my palm against his chest for balance. It was a simple kiss, gentle, and then I pulled away.
Kyle’s expression changed, softening noticeably, his shoulders dropping slightly. One hand was on the counter, and he looked down at me, his eyes on my lips for a couple seconds before he looked into my eyes.
I didn’t even realize what I did. It was just an urge I couldn’t control. It felt right, like I was kissing a partner, not a friend. My attraction for him had always been there, but now it was different.
His hand slowly moved to my neck, his fingers sliding under the fall of my hair. He straightened, coming closer to me, tilting my chin up so I looked into his face, looked into those possessive eyes. He held me that way for a long time, like he was treasuring the pause before the moment, like he wanted to relish the silence, the chemistry between us that exploded in invisible sparks.
Then he brought my face to his as he leaned down, our lips coming together with a soft landing, our skin sticking together momentarily before our mouths broke apart and came back together. Our kiss slowly became wet when he gave me his tongue, just a gentle slip, an introduction.
I gave mine to him, reciprocating, my skin burning with the heat. My hands went to his arms, feeling those strong biceps and all the other chiseled muscles that made up his upper arm. The more he kissed me, the braver I became, the more excited my fingers felt. I dug into his skin, moaned into his mouth, felt his arms wrap around my waist and tug me close.
He was a great kisser.
Up against the counter, he kissed me, his hand moving to the back of my hair and tugging my head back, exposing my neck for more kisses. He pressed his lips to my sensitive skin, kissing me as he breathed into my ear. He forced me to arch my back farther, his hand gripping my ass through my jeans.
I hadn’t been touched this way in so long.
He turned me into the counter so he could press his body into me, his hand digging into my hair and controlling the position of my head as he kissed me again, his mouth more aggressive this time, claiming me as his.
My hands moved up his back and touched his chiseled hardness, felt the individual groups of muscles separated by more muscle. And he was tall, so tall. My fingers moved into the back of his hair, and I brought us closer together, kissing him with shaky breaths, panting like I wanted him then and there.
He grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my body, revealing me in just my bra. His mouth went to my shoulders and kissed the skin as he pulled down the straps, getting it off my body until my tits were bare.
I had no reservations. This felt right.
My hands yanked his shirt over his head.
Piece by piece, our clothes fell away, leaving us totally naked in the kitchen.
“Oh wow…” My arms circled his neck, and I looked down at his body, my forehead against his.
His hands glided over my body, feeling my thighs, my stomach, my tits. He moaned in a manly way, like a caveman about to take a woman who belonged to him. “You want me?” He pulled his head back so he could look me in the eye, so he could see my reaction to him.
“Yes.” I kissed his chin, his sexy jawline.
He lifted me into his arms and carried me into the bedroom, leaving the clothes behind on the counter and the floor. We walked past Kingston’s room, forgetting his existence entirely for the moment, and then fell onto the bed.
He moved on top of me, spread my thighs, crushed me into the mattress with his size. He was a heavy man, so muscular, so tanned, so strong. And he was so beautiful, all the way to his soul. His thighs separated mine, and he prepared to move inside me.
I was so ready for this.
He tilted his hips and started to sink, started to move inside me, inching farther until he was completely sheathed.
“Kyle…” My arms hugged him close, and I moaned at his size, moaned at the pleasure. After having a baby, I wasn’t sure if sex would still feel so good, but it did, like nothing was different.
He was still turned on by my body despite the marks another man had caused. He didn’t care that another man had knocked me up and given me a baby to care for on my own. Kyle loved me like I was his own, like Kingston was really his. “Damn…” He moaned as he felt me. “Jesus…” He looked into my eyes as he breathed through the goodness between my legs. “Fuck, you’re mine. Finally.”
I went to Stacy’s to pick up Kingston after work. “How was he?”
“Perfect—like always.”
I picked him up from the crib and smothered him in kisses. I missed him all day while I was at work, even though he hadn’t even said a word yet. He was my whole world, my best friend, my blessing. “He is perfect, huh?” I rocked him back and forth. “Did you enjoy spending the day with your cousin?” I talked to him even though he didn’t say anything back. Sometimes I thought we spoke through eye contact alone.
Stacy eyed me from the couch, her eyebrow raised. “You’re in a good mood.”
“I’m always in a good mood when I get my baby.”
“No, you’re in a really good mood.”
Did I make it that obvious? “Well…he finally stuck it to me.”
“He did?” she asked. “Oh, that’s great. Good for you, girl. It’s been like…forever since you last got some D.”
“Yeah…too l
ong.”
“And how was it?”
“Why do you think I’m smiling even though I’m exhausted?”
She smiled. “Exhaustion is good.”
“Oh yeah…” I continued to rock Kingston from side to side.
“And how is his…you know?”
“Stacy.”
“Come on, you know how big Vic is.”
“And I’ve never asked,” I said with a laugh.
“Girl, tell me.”
“You’re such a perv. How would Vic feel if he knew you were asking about Kyle’s dick?”
“I’m not asking for myself. I’m asking for my girl.”
“Well, it was perfect.”
“I want inches, girl.”
I rolled my eyes. “I wouldn’t want Kyle telling his friends about the size of my tits or the tightness of my coochie.”
“Well, I hate to break it to you…because he already does.”
“He does not.”
“He does. And take it as a compliment. Guys only talk if they have something to brag about it.” She winked.
Fifteen
Neil
We spent the week preparing for the mission, double-checking our calculations a million times, having endless meetings to make sure the trajectory was correct. Without the crew on the ground in Houston, we were entirely on our own, trying to figure it out without a hundred experts to feed us information. Since we couldn’t contact them, we couldn’t contact the other satellites to extrapolate information, so we really were navigating in the dark.
Once we finally approved everything, we prepared for takeoff. We had to attach to our rocket that was in orbit then leave from there. That was the easy part, but the rest of it…was challenging.
Hyde and I sat in the cockpit, going over all the safety checks before we prepared for launch. The look of Mars was so surreal, and all the pictures we took would never do it justice. I stared at it for a long time before I initiated the takeoff sequence.