by E. L. Todd
She turned around at the edge of the porch. “Neil?”
It took all my strength to raise my head and look at her.
“I’m really happy you’re home…and I hope we can be friends.”
I went to the house and pounded on the door.
Victor immediately started to cry.
“Shit…” I forgot they had a kid in the house.
Stacy opened the door, the crying getting louder. “Text. Don’t knock.” She opened the door wider and pulled me inside. “But I’m very happy to see your face.” She hugged me quickly before she went down the hall to attend to Victor.
Vic was shirtless in the kitchen, twisting off the cap to a beer. “You want one? Game is about to come on—”
“Why didn’t you tell me Charlotte was engaged?”
He stilled at the accusation, his expression immediately hardening into annoyance.
“I looked like a goddamn idiot talking to her.”
“Why would you have looked like an idiot?”
“Because I…I tried to get back together with her.” Was I stupid for thinking it would be that easy? I was used to Charlotte being head over heels for me, but all that went away when I left. It was fair, but I still couldn’t accept it. Now I wanted her more than anything, more than the fucking universe, and I couldn’t have her.
“What?” He set down his beer and turned to me, Victor still crying. “Well, you didn’t tell me that—”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I asked if she was married—”
“And she’s not, Neil.” He grabbed his beer again and took a drink, immune to the screams because that was just a part of daily life to him.
“But then you elaborate. It’s called a conversation.”
“Look, I didn’t even think you were gonna see her. You didn’t tell me you were going to hunt her down. Of course, I would have said something. And you didn’t tell me you still felt this way, so that’s your bad.”
I sighed as I pushed my fingers through my hair.
“How do you still feel this way? It’s been years.”
“Being lost in space…changes your priorities a bit.”
He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and handed it to me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ripped off the cap and tossed it on the counter. “There’s gotta be a reason.”
He looked at the ground for a second, sighing loudly, like he didn’t know what to do. “You just got home…didn’t want to bombard you.”
“But I asked, Vic.”
“And I didn’t want to tell you the answer, okay?” he snapped.
“So…what is this? Does she really love him? Is this a rebound? Do you like him for her?”
“Are we really gonna have this conversation?” he asked. “You haven’t been home for two weeks yet.”
“Vic, come on.”
He set his beer down. “It’s been two years, Neil. You didn’t ask her to wait, you didn’t tell her how you felt, so what did you expect?”
“I understand that…” And I regretted it more than anything else in my life. “I just…”
Pity moved into his eyes. “We like Kyle a lot. Honestly, he’s a really good guy. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
No. “Does she really love him?”
“I…I can’t answer that.”
“How long have they been together? When did all of this happen?”
He stared into my gaze, like he was debating with himself.
“Vic?”
“I think you should talk to Char about all this…”
“I can’t ask her about Kyle. That would make me look like a huge dick. That’s why I’m asking you. I need to know if I still have a chance.”
“Are you in love with her or something?”
It took me a while to respond, to finally admit the truth to someone after so much time had passed. “Yes.”
His eyes turned remorseful.
“When I lost communication, I regretted not telling her. I regretted not at least sending her a video. I regretted leaving Earth to risk my life when I should have stayed with her. Vic, I don’t want to be a dick that interferes with Charlotte’s happiness, so I need to know if she’s happy. Because she’s not married, which means she’s fair game to me.”
“Neil…”
“Vic.”
“Kyle didn’t come between you when you were together.”
“But he knew she was happy. Is she happy with him? If she’s head over heels, then I’ll let it go, but I don’t believe she is.”
He sighed. “Just…give it some time.”
“Give what some time?”
“Everything will make sense in a little bit.”
“What will make sense?” I asked. “Vic?”
“I’ll tell you about how their relationship started and where it stands when it’s the right time. It’s not the right time at this point.”
I couldn’t believe this was the answer I was getting. “You’re serious right now?”
Stacy finally got Victor to stop crying.
“I need you to trust me, alright? I’m in a really awkward position right now, so stop pushing.”
Awkward position?
He held up his hand to silence my oncoming protest. “Look, we’ve been living our lives down here while you were gone. You can’t just come in and start demanding answers like this. You need to be patient. Just…be patient for a little bit.”
This was still making no sense. “Vic…”
“Just give me a couple days, okay? Please. No more questions.”
I had no idea what was going on, why there was a need for secrecy, but I wasn’t in a position to ask for anything. He was right. I was the one who took off. Now I was a stranger to this world, more Martian than earthling. “A couple of days…”
Twenty
Charlotte
I sat at the table with Kingston in the high chair. I was watching him eat his grapes, his favorite snack.
Kyle washed dishes in the kitchen. “I wish I could have some grapes…”
“He doesn’t like to share.” I smiled as I looked at my son, realizing he looked even more like Neil than I realized. Now that I’d seen Neil again in the flesh, I noticed all the other subtle traits they had in common.
“Just like his mom.”
I chuckled.
I didn’t tell Kyle about the conversation I’d had with Neil. Neil had confessed there were still feelings there, and instead of being elated, I was hurt. It hurt to watch him put himself out there when there was only one answer I could give him. It hurt that I had to accept the fact that he was indifferent to me because he couldn’t find the strength to send me a goddamn video. How could he risk his life for two years, but be too afraid to send a single video? I was resentful that he came home after all this time and expected anything from me. I’d moved on with my life, and I would have made very different decisions if I’d known the truth.
So, I hated him for that.
The conversation was said and done, and there was no reason to tell Kyle about it now, not when it would just make him upset. So, I let it go.
My phone started to ring, Vic’s name on the screen.
I answered. “Hey.”
“What are you doing?” His voice was immediately serious, like something was on his mind.
“Watching Kingston somehow make a mess out of grapes. What are you doing?”
“I just left the office. Is Kyle there?”
I glanced at his back, seeing him scrubbing the dishes. “Yeah.”
“Could you leave the room?”
The request was unusual, but I did it. “Yeah, let me see if I have it in my room.” I left the kitchen and ventured into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. “Alright, I’m alone. Everything alright?”
“No. Neil told me what happened.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.
“I had no idea he was going to do that. I would have talked him out of it.”
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“I was surprised he didn’t know about Kyle…”
“He asked me if you were married, and I said no. But that was all I said.”
“Oh…” So, I had to do the dirty work.
“Char, you’ve got to tell him about Kingston. He’s really confused right now.”
“What’s there to be confused about?”
“I think he’s a bit surprised you’re marrying Kyle.”
It wasn’t surprising. He was a great guy.
“And I think if he knew everything that happened, it would all make sense to him. And…he’s gonna know the second he looks at Kingston. He’s a smart guy, Char.”
“It’s just so soon…”
“I know, but…it’s not gonna go away. I know you wanted to give him time, but we don’t have that.”
I sighed into the phone.
“Stacy watches Kingston all the time, and Neil can stop by at any time. That would be a really shitty way to find out. You need to talk to him.”
“God… I don’t want to do this.”
“But you have to.”
I turned quiet, knowing it was inevitable.
“Char, it’s none of my business, but I have to ask… Is there a chance?”
I knew he was asking for Neil. “I made a commitment to Kyle.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
I knew where my loyalties lay. “Neil left. Kyle stayed. No, there is no chance.” It didn’t matter if there were still feelings there. I still had feelings for Cameron, in my own complicated way. Once you loved someone, did you ever really stop? But I wasn’t going to throw away something good just because Neil was back, just because he was the father of my child.
“Alright,” Vic said. “If it comes up again, I’ll tell him that.”
“I’m gonna tell Neil tomorrow.”
Kyle lay beside me in bed, the baby monitor on his nightstand. “That’s soon.”
“Vic wants me to do it. Says Neil will know the second he looks at Kingston, and since Stacy watches him all the time…Neil might walk in, and that would be a bad way to find out.”
“I guess.”
I lay on my side, in his t-shirt, my hand on his arm.
“How do you think he’ll take it?”
“I really don’t know.”
“Me neither. Well, I’m here, no matter what his response is.”
I smiled. “I know, Kyle. You’re always here…”
When I got off work, I picked up Kingston and took him home. I put him down for a nap then made the call.
As if Neil had been staring at the phone, he answered quickly. “Char?”
“Hey…” Now that I had him on the phone, I didn’t know what to say. I was nervous, emotion in my throat. Those old butterflies were back, like they’d never left. My response to Neil was uncontrollable, so I didn’t make myself feel bad about it. “If you’re free, can you come by?”
After a long pause, he answered. “Yeah. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
We got off the phone, and then I waited.
There was baby stuff in the living room, so I put all of it in the spare bedroom, hid every sign of Kingston’s existence. If Neil stepped inside my house and saw the toys and blankets, he might make the conclusion on his own…and that wasn’t good.
I kept my eyes on the peephole so I could watch for him, make sure he didn’t ring the doorbell and wake up Kingston. I opened the door before he came close to prevent that from happening.
He was in dark jeans and a navy-blue t-shirt, tall, handsome, with that nice jawline. His eyes were gorgeously warm chocolate, and while his muscle mass had changed, he still had a sexy frame, nice broad shoulders, a big chest, and narrow hips. He stopped in front of me, staring at me the way I was staring at him.
There was a long, strained pause, as if neither one of us knew what to do.
I was so happy he was there, so grateful he’d survived that mission, that he’d been returned to us. But I didn’t necessarily want him on my doorstep, haunting me. He was the love of my life…and would always be. “Come in.” I stepped aside and let him into the house.
He came in and looked around, seeing how much things had changed and how much they stayed the same. He went farther into the house and looked into the backyard, where Torpedo was napping in the shade under a tree. He stared for a long time, as if he was being hit with every memory that had ever happened here. Then he turned around and faced me, so tall, his chin angled down to regard me.
I saw the universe in his eyes, saw everything he’d experienced, saw his beating heart, his tarnished soul. I’d never expected to fall in love with Neil when we got together, but it happened so quickly, so naturally. It made me wonder if Cameron had ever meant anything to me in comparison.
But Neil had left me.
It was done.
“Thank you for coming…” I didn’t know how to start this.
He continued to watch me, like he didn’t want to say anything until he knew the purpose of this conversation.
“There’s something I need to tell you, and I thought it was better if you heard it from me.”
His eyes remained glued to my face.
“I…I had a baby.”
His reaction was immediate, like that was the last thing he expected to hear. He turned his head, rubbed the back of his neck, took a second to process what he’d just heard. “I…I thought you couldn’t have children?”
“Cameron found out he’s the problem…not me.”
The confusion faded away as happiness returned. “That’s…that’s so great. That’s what you wanted. I’m so happy for you.” He didn’t think about himself at all, just focused on the good news. He smiled, like he meant those words.
“Thank you…”
“I guess I understand why Vic didn’t want to tell me that. You should be the one to tell me the good news since we talked about it so often when we were together.” He moved closer to me, still wearing his handsome smile. “Well, congratulations.” He peered down into my face, looking like the selfless man I used to know.
I knew he assumed Kyle was the father, based on his reaction. “Yes, I’m really happy.”
There was a slight wince, a slight look of disappointment, like he’d been stabbed with a small knife. “I apologize for what I said to you the other day. If I’d known, I never would have put that on you. I…I feel really stupid right now.” He shook his head, sighed, but kept his eyes on me.
“Don’t—”
He dropped his head and cleared his throat. “I guess I should go… It was nice seeing you.”
I grabbed his arm and steadied him.
He stilled, like my touch affected him, regardless of its innocence.
“There’s something else I need to tell you.”
He turned back to me, like he expected bad news instead of good.
“The baby isn’t Kyle’s…”
He stared at me for a few seconds, his eyes slowly narrowing, slowly arriving at the correct conclusion.
“He’s yours, Neil.”
He didn’t have a reaction. He was still, not even breathing.
“I was avoiding you because I didn’t want to drop this news on you so quickly. I wanted you to enjoy your life at home for a bit before announcing this. But it just didn’t work out that way…”
There was still no reaction, like there were a million thoughts in his head so he couldn’t react to any single one individually.
“I want you to know that there’s no obligation whatsoever. It’s my fault that this happened, because I didn’t use birth control since I assumed I didn’t need it. I don’t hold you responsible at all. Kyle and I have been great parents to him, and he’s a great father, so there’s really no need—”
He held up his hand to silence me.
I turned quiet, unsure what he would say.
“Why would you assume I’d want nothing to do with my son?” He seemed a little hurt by the accusation, his eyes still narrowed, a
little hostile.
“I mean…you’ve always said you don’t want a wife and family—”
“I said that before I went to Mars. My priorities are different now, Charlotte.”
Now, I was speechless.
“When I came over here, I wasn’t expecting anything like this, so it’s difficult to process. But make no mistake, I will be a father to my son. I don’t need another man to take my place.”
“That’s not what I meant—”
“Just to be clear.” He was subtly hostile, like the idea of Kyle taking care of his son actually pissed him off.
“Why are you so angry right now?”
He closed his eyes for a second and sighed.
“If you don’t want to do this, there’s absolutely no pressure. I don’t want a man in my son’s life who doesn’t want to be—”
“I’m very happy you and I have a son together. Trust me, you have no idea. I’m not conveying that right now, so I understand your confusion. But the reason why I’m angry…is because I was gone, because I left. I made the same mistake as my own father. He has to be…eighteen months old right now.”
I nodded. “Yeah, pretty close.”
“I never would have left if I’d known. So, Charlotte, did you know?” His eyes gave me a look of accusation, like he expected the answer before I even gave it.
I didn’t want to lie, not to him, not ever. “Yeah…”
His nostrils immediately flared. His hands moved to his hips, and he looked at the ground, furious.
“Look, you said you didn’t want to have a family. I did the best thing for you—”
“The best thing for me?” He lifted his gaze, pressed his fingers into his chest. “By letting me explode into the fucking sky and leave my son behind?”
“You would have gone anyway, and I didn’t want that hanging over your head—”
“That was my decision to make, Charlotte. How dare you take that away from me?”
Now, I started to get mad. “Neil, you knew how I felt about you, but you still left.”
He stayed angry, but the rage dimmed slightly.
“You knew I was in love with you, but you still left. So, if I wasn’t enough for you to stay, why would a baby be enough?”