Dane Monday Saves Christmas (With Help)

by Dennis Liggio

  "Of course there's a spot for you," said Mikkel. "First off, we always have folding chairs. Second, you think you being crabby is really going to make me disinvite you to Christmas? You're my brother."

  "Well, I also want to stop being so crabby," said Szandor. "Maybe this is a year to turn over a new leaf. Or something."

  "Now I think I'm still asleep and dreaming all this," said Mikkel. "Hey Carly, Szandor's going to be a nice guy now. It's a Christmas miracle!"

  "I... never mind," said Szandor. "I'll be over later, okay? I need to catch at least an hour or two of sleep first once I get home. Oh, and you may or may not be getting a delivery of a ham. He wasn't sure if they deliver today. I just wanted to warn you in case there's a mysterious ham."

  "What?" said Mikkel. "Sure, I guess we could use some ham. Oh, and brother, bring some canned cranberries. We still need that."

  "Oh yeah, I forgot about that," said Szandor. "Well, I'm across town. Someplace around here has gotta still be open."

  Along his long walk home, Szandor managed to find a tiny Midtown minimart that was still open. According to their hours, they were due to close at two, but all Szandor cared was that they were open now. He grabbed a can of cranberries, then spent a minute or two looking at their beer selection before deciding it was too early to drink. Or late, since he had been up all night.

  He joined the line for the cash register. Being one of the few places open meant there was a long line of people who had forgotten things for their holiday feast. The man in front of him had only a roll of tinfoil. Szandor stood in line for a while, humming and wishing he had some headphones.

  "Szandor?" The voice was familiar, but he hadn't heard it in a long time. Still, even after this long absence it still gave him a pleasant flutter in his chest.

  He turned and saw behind him in line his former coworker Yasmin. They had worked together at a call center until Szandor had been fired when he had to lay low. There had always been a spark of attraction between them, but circumstances never worked out. They were supposed to talk, but he had never been able to get in touch with her due to the firing. He had thought about her a few times, but when he finally had enough courage to go to the office, he learned from Rhys that Yasmin had taken a job elsewhere.

  As he looked at her, he saw that she was as pretty as he had remembered, even if she was wrapped up for the cold weather. He had missed that smile far more than he admitted.

  "What happened to you?" said Yasmin, her smile lapsing into concern. "Is that ash on your face?"

  Szandor absentminded rubbed his cheek. He smiled. "It's been a crazy night. Hell, a crazy year."

  "I know that feeling," said Yasmin. Then she looked down at his hands and cocked her head. A strange smile crossed her face. Then she raised her hand, showing the only item she was buying. A can of cranberries. "I guess you forgot the cranberries too."

  Maybe it was the early hour, maybe it was the long night, maybe it was seeing Yasmin again, or maybe it was just a touch of the Christmas spirit, but Szandor smiled and they laughed.

  Perhaps this would be a much better Christmas after all.

  About the Author

  Dennis Liggio is the author of eleven books, including I Kill Monsters, the Damned Lies series, The Lost and the Damned, and the novella Cthulhu, Private Investigator. He is a veteran of the game industry, enjoys long walks on the beach while thumbing through tomes of unspeakable evil, and rumor has it that if you say his name three times in front of a mirror at midnight he will appear and give you Hostess Fruit Pies. He writes primarily in the genres of geeky absurdist humor, horror, and urban fantasy. He lives in Austin, Texas with his wife and two furry monsters.

  www.dennisliggio.com

  Subscribe to the mailing list for news, free books, and the secrets of the universe! http://eepurl.com/bacVYT

  Books by Dennis Liggio

  I Kill Monsters (Nowak Brothers #1)

  Mikkel and Szandor kill monsters. They're not government funded, they're not from a time-honored lineage of hunters, nor are they rich kids with lots of toys. They're two twenty-something brothers from the poor side of town who have taken it on themselves to rid the streets and underground of creatures who would prey on the innocent. Donning gas masks and using makeshift weaponry, they delve into the labyrinthine sewer system of New Avalon to grapple with snarling zombies, flesh-eating ghouls, insectoid hive creatures, and more. It's a dirty job and it rarely pays, but someone has to do it.

  Hired by a woman from the rich side of town who believes she's being stalked by monsters, the two brothers think they've finally gotten an easy job that will pay well. But as they follow the clues, things are not adding up. Kidnappings, jackbooted commandos, and mysterious emails are just the beginning. Soon they find themselves involved in something bigger than monsters. It's anybody's guess whether they'll come through it alive, much less get paid.

  I Kill Monsters is an exciting punk rock urban fantasy for those who enjoy their protagonists with a mouth on them and a weapon in their hands.

  Jabberwock Jack (Nowak Brothers #2)

  Mikkel and Szandor are back! Everyone's favorite monster hunters return for a new adventure, and this time it's a monster that's bigger than they have ever dealt with before! While on a routine job in the city's underground tunnels, they stumble on a creature thought lost for years. They are then invited to join a hastily assembled team of hunters going underground to try to kill the enormous serpent. Delving deeper into the dark tunnels than they have ever gone before, Mikkel and Szandor find themselves searching for this massive beast in dark overflow tunnels and the endless labyrinth under New Avalon. But creatures beneath the city are not their only problem. Soon tensions begin running high among the assembled hunters, threatening to derail the mission and put them all in danger. Will they succeed, or will they fall prey to the gigantic monster known as Jabberwock Jack?

  Manic Monday

  Dane Monday deals with weird stuff. Mad scientists, sorcerers, robots, time-travelling cats, cyborgs learning the concept of love, and more. Whether it's a death ray, a doomsday ritual, or simply magic gone wrong, Dane Monday is there to stop them. He's even got a rogue's gallery of megalomaniacal villains who want revenge. Armed only with his wits, some reluctant allies, and a satchel full of gadgets, Dane steps forward to save the city of New Avalon.

  While investigating an abandoned building, Dane encounters the remnants of a magical ritual shortly before the building explodes in spectacular fashion. Narrowly escaping this destruction with his new ally, the aspiring journalist Abby Connors, Dane follows the threads of this mystery while evading a menagerie of homicidal robots, kidnapping thugs, and the wrath of a mad scientist. At the bottom of it all is a scheme to destroy New Avalon involving a century-old architect, a historic hotel, and something not of our world.

  Can Dane and Abby brave the dangers and the strangeness to save the city of New Avalon? Find out in Manic Monday!

  The Case of the Dead Girl in my Apartment

  When Jake arrives home to find his not-quite-girlfriend Melody murdered in his apartment, things seem like they couldn't get any worse. But when the killer, a ferocious man turned monster, is still there and looking for something of Melody's, Jake fights for his life, just barely getting out of the apartment to safety. Now he's on the hook for the murder of Melody. To clear his name, his college friends put together a reluctant Mystery Gang: Anna, the mystery-obsessed Criminal Justice Major; Eva, Jake's best friend and escapee from New Avalon's high society; Nathan, cynical Philosophy Major; and Thomas, the weird Physics grad student from across town. Together they investigate the murder and the object they murderer was looking for, stumbling onto something bigger and stranger than they ever imagined. Monsters, memory wipes, magic, men in black, and a secret war of Good versus Evil for the fate of the city and possibly the world. Mysteries have never been this strange.

  Damned Lies

  Damned Lies is the true story of things that never happened. It is a fictio
nal memoir of fantastic events. It is a chronicle of self-cloning, of adventure, of magic, of bare-fisted hobo boxing tournaments, of zombies, and more. It's the autobiography of a wild summer adventure out beyond the fields we know. It's the secret of what's hidden in a government bunker, it's the story of helping a nun with a crossbow hunt a vampire, it's the explanation of why you can't have that death ray you really wanted. It's a cautionary tale of just why cloning yourself is a really terrible idea.

  Damned Lies is a big fish story for those who don't fish. It's a shaggy dog story for cat lovers. It's the scifi fantasy humor memoir we'll all wish we dictated on our deathbed. It's why we can't have nice things.

  Damned Lies Strike Back

  Damned Lies Strike Back follows in the great tradition of sequels in that it is bigger, bolder, and dripping with franchise potential. Like a good sequel, it answers all the unanswered questions of the original (except for the ones it doesn't). It is exactly the sequel this world needs.

  This time around, our intrepid hero and friends battle the evil apocalyptic plans of his homicidal clone and a dangerous cult. At the same time he is facing his clone in the present day, he recounts the story of his first year in college where he formed a mystery gang to stop the nefarious plot of evil college professors. It all leads to a climactic sword fight and then a desperate epic battle against a true evil that we all know well...

  Damned Lies of the Dead 3D

  Damned Lies of the Dead 3D is not the zombie novel we need, but it's the zombie novel we deserve. In 1995, Austin, Texas was nearly wiped out by a zombie outbreak. This fact has been long suppressed, but the truth cannot be silenced. Now there is a firsthand account from our intrepid hero of just what happened... and how he survived. Only the dead know the truth...

  The Lost and the Damned

  There is a darkness waking up in the Bellingham mental hospital. Around this evil, the building is twisting and distorting, becoming a place of monsters and murders. With each death, the darkness grows stronger. Doors are opening to other times and other places, reality is shifting.

  Into this comes John Keats, a private detective more accustomed to catching infidelity than missing persons. In pursuit of a half a million dollar bounty, he has tracked down missing rock star Katie Vanders to Bellingham, but he has no idea what waits inside. It should have been easy money: go in, get the girl, and leave. But now that he is in the hospital, he has no way out. The exits are blocked, the hospital is falling apart, and something is chasing him. Even after finding Katie, there is no escape from this trap. His rescue mission has become a game of survival as the hospital twists apart across time and space.

  As deadly secrets are uncovered, a malevolent intelligence is awakening. Can John and Katie figure out how to stop it and escape the hospital, or will they find themselves forever lost in darkness?

  Voices of Madness

  Compelled by screaming voices, sorcerer William Drake travels across America in a desperate attempt to free himself from his misery. But the end of his pain may mean the resurrection of a god long banished from our world. Ripped apart and trapped, this god has gone mad over the centuries.

  As Drake carries out his plans, there is collateral damage. People die, prized possessions are stolen, vengeance is sworn. His actions disrupt the lives of four unlikely heroes who band together in an awkward alliance to stop him. Armchair occultist, Taoist exorcist, college dropout, and punk rock musician - they are a strange set of companions, but they're all that stand between Drake and the mad god.

  Will these four heroes stop Drake in time? Or will the voices spur Drake on to the resurrection of a cosmic madness?

  Cowards and Killers

  "In the end, most of humanity are one of two things: cowards or killers."

  When Michael died, there was no Heaven waiting for him, no eternal rest. There were only two choices: Hell or killing his fellow man. Waking up after death in his own bed, he began receiving calls from a mysterious voice. The voice offers a simple option: become an assassin and kill those it designates. Refuse and the power that keeps him in the world will be removed... and he'll go straight to Hell.

  Coward or killer, he accepts the deal. In a black suit and tie that conceals his identity with a black gun that never runs out of bullets, he is their assassin. But he is not alone: there are other tortured souls who have agreed to the same bargain. They are all Hell-bound; only by killing their targets before the timers on their phones count down do they postpone their fate.

  But this is a fate Michael won't accept. Together with other agents, he plots to rebel against the mysterious voice and the blood-soaked deal. But can they really win this fight when the voice holds all the cards? With each kill, his humanity slips away. Is there a way to escape, or do all roads lead to Hell?

  Cthulhu, Private Investigator

  Cthulhu's partner, Dagon, has been found floating dead in the water at the docks. The Elder Gods have given him three days to find Dagon's killer, or Cthulhu is going to take the fall for it. Starting on the trail of a femme fatale that had hired Dagon, Cthulhu begins searching for the Pnakotic manuscripts and finds himself on everyone's hitlist. Navigating a web of lies and betrayal, he becomes involved with a rogue's gallery of untrustworthy Old Ones who are after the coveted Silver Key. As things hurtle towards their inevitable confusion, he discovers to what deadly lengths the others will go to obtain the Key.

  Table of Contents

  Author's Note

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  About the Author