Thriving Through Uncertainty
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Advance praise for
THRIVING THROUGH UNCERTAINTY
“This brilliant book is your ‘Get out of Fear Now’ pass! You have dreams to create and a marvelous life that awaits you. Tama Kieves shares how to be in the middle of all sorts of things and find your way to everything you deserve. She’s funny, real, and smart, and Thriving Through Uncertainty is essential reading for those who want to live a ‘great-full,’ authentic, FULLY EXPRESSED life.”
—SARK, bestselling creativity author, and coauthor and artist of Succulent Wild Love
“Anyone pursuing their heroic dreams faces uncertainty every single day. How you deal with your uncertainty makes all the difference to your bottom line and to your peace of mind. Tama Kieves has written the guidebook for those in the trenches. Thriving Through Uncertainty will help you shift your mind-set from anxiety to powerhouse focus.”
—Michael Port, sales guru and New York Times bestselling author of Book Yourself Solid
“Tama writes like someone who has been there before you because she has. She is a qualified and experienced guide. Her words and images land on you like a novel, descriptions that stir the soul as she guides you through a gentle and important transformation. Let this book usher you to a new place where your every wish can get a chance at becoming real.”
—Laura Berman Fortgang, author of Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction and The Little Book On Meaning
“We’re living in a crazy time where many of us are stuck and afraid to make the wrong move, so we don’t actually move at all. With moxie and wisdom, Tama Kieves has written this timely guidebook to help answer some of those daunting questions that continue to keep us running in circles. If you want to unlock your power and laugh your way back to happy, Thriving Through Uncertainty is the book you should be reading right now.”
—Tammi Leader Fuller, former Today show producer and CEO of Campowerment
“Tama Kieves is the perfect tour guide through challenging times. Thriving Through Uncertainty is brilliant, funny, practical, motivating, and, most of all, inspiring (like Tama herself). If you are experiencing uncertainty in any area of your life, this book is a must!”
—Joel Fotinos, author of The Think and Grow Rich Workbook
ALSO BY TAMA KIEVES
This Time I Dance!: Creating the Work You Love
Inspired & Unstoppable: Wildly Succeeding in Your Life’s Work!
A Year Without Fear: 365 Days of Magnificence
A Course in Miracles for Life Ninjas (e-book only)
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
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New York, New York 10014
Copyright © 2018 by Tama Kieves
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Kieves, Tama J., author.
Title: Thriving through uncertainty : moving beyond fear of the unknown and making change work for you / Tama J. Kieves.
Description: New York : TarcherPerigee, 2018.
Identifiers: LCCN 2017031598 (print) | LCCN 2017051040 (ebook) | ISBN 9781101992302 | ISBN 9780143109532 (paperback)
Subjects: LCSH: Success. | Change (Psychology) | BISAC: BODY, MIND & SPIRIT / Inspiration & Personal Growth. | SELF-HELP / Motivational & Inspirational. | SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / Happiness.
Classification: LCC BF637.S8 (ebook) | LCC BF637.S8 K46 2018 (print) | DDC 650.1—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017031598
While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, Internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.
Cover design: Jess Morphew
Version_1
I read recently that snowflakes are all alike. However, when they fall through the atmosphere and interact with the elements, they crystallize into their own unique patterns. The way you fall in this life, the way you meet the elements, this is your love song to the Universe. The journey creates who you are. Today, I know that how I respond to my trials, creates who I am.
TAMA KIEVES—from A Year Without Fear
Naturally, I have empathy for those with demanding minds—who want to know how to do things, and how to take charge of their lives. I know what it’s like to want to know everything up front—documented, certified, and notarized—before you budge a single half step. But, of course, the inspired path is one that asks you to dive into an ocean in the moonlight—when there’s no lifeguard in sight.
Then and only then do you understand what you’re doing.
And by then, you couldn’t care less. Because the love and goodness is overwhelming and you no longer need facts because, let’s just say, you’ve already bought the farm and you’re singing to the daisies.
It’s a different path, to be sure.
Love is so much bigger than control.
TAMA KIEVES
CONTENTS
Praise for Thriving Through Uncertainty
Also by Tama Kieves
Title Page
Copyright
Epigraph
An Introduction and Initiation
I’m Holding This Door Open for You
Everything You Need to Know About Reading This Book
Chapter 1—The Superpower of Uncertainty
How to Move Forward in an Uncertain Life
Any Choice Is a Risk, Except the Right One
You Are Just One Thought Away from a Miracle
What’s Falling Apart Is What’s Coming Together
It’s Impossible to Create a Bad Life If You’re Good to Yourself
Do Try This at Home: Jump-starts, Inquiries & Exercises
Chapter 2—Finding Faith When You’re Freaking Out
Everything You Need Is Here
Now Take a Vow: I’m Never Giving Up
Finding Faith When You’re Freaking Out
Dare to Experience How Loved You Are
You Are Being Given the Chance of a Lifetime
Do Try This at Home: Jump-starts, Inquiries & Exercises
Chapter 3—Trust Yourself and You Will Know What to Do
To Thine Own Self Be True
No One Has a Better Life Than You
Dare to Be Unfaithful, Sporadic, and Unusually True to Yourself
Think Twice Before You Take Advice
Do Try This at Home: Jump-starts, Inquiries & Exercises
Chapter 4—Action Isn’t the Sharpest Tool in the Shed
Happiness Is an Action
How to Be Unabashedly Alive
Drop Your Demands, Raise Your Possibilities
Move On with Love
Do Try This at Home: Jump-starts, Inquiries & Exercises
Chapter 5—It Takes a Different Way to Find a Different Answer
Your Answer Is Never Where You’re Looking
Stop Figuring It Out, Let It Out
How to Listen like a Lover of the Truth
Follow the Bread Crumbs to the Banquet
Clarity Is in Your Feet, Not Your Brain
Do Try This at Home: Jump-starts, Inquiries & Exercises
Chapter 6—Trade In Your Comfort Zone for the Stellar Zone
Wait for the Other Shoe to . . . Fly
Sometimes, You Have to Feel the Pain
Become Your Own Comfort Zone
You Owe It to Yourself to Make Braver Choices
Do Try This at Home: Jump-starts, Inquiries & Exercises
Chapter 7—Make Progress, Not War (with Yourself)
Making It Simple to Move Forward
It’s One Step That Leads You Everywhere
Remember When You Got It Right
How Come It Takes So Long to Succeed? (And How Come You’re Asking That Question?)
It’s Coming: More Good Than You Can Imagine
Do Try This at Home: Jump-starts, Inquiries & Exercises
Now What? Continuing to Thrive
Thrive Is a Verb
Three Practices I Recommend
Resources to Keep You Thriving Through Uncertainty
Acknowledgments
About the Author
AN INTRODUCTION AND INITIATION
I’M HOLDING THIS DOOR OPEN FOR YOU
Y ou may feel like things are challenging at this moment in your life. But let’s get this straight right now: It’s not because you’re failing or broken. It’s because your spirit demands soaring—not coping. It’s your time.
The Doorway
You’re standing at the doorway.
On one side of the door, you can decide that life has not turned out the way you desire. It’s unfair. It’s too hard. Maybe the same thing keeps happening to you—or not happening.
You might feel anxious or discouraged. It’s a young techie’s world. Or a blonde’s. Or someone luckier and other than you. You don’t have real money. Stable true love. The recognition or freedom you deserve. It almost works out sometimes. But then it rains. You lose your ticket. The job is taken away. Your lover turns out to be a tiny bit misleading, what with being married to eight other people and all. And the disappointments seem familiar, and yet cut you to the bone, because some part of you knows, it doesn’t have to be this way.
This is a life that is “happening to you.” This perspective denies your power. I am not demeaning your feelings of frustration. It’s just that I have something more useful in mind.
You can walk through this doorway.
You may have to crawl. You may need to breathe deeper than you have ever breathed. You may do it while kicking stones and cans in resentment, but doing it nonetheless, giving yourself a shot. You may have to grow. You may have to choose to do things in a way that you have never done them before. You may have to become a superhero in your own lifetime. It’s what you really want. It’s what the deepest part of you desires.
So, are you going through the doorway?
I want you to join me. I want you to step into the life you didn’t plan. I want you to loosen up on your control over everything you think needs to happen.
Everything that hasn’t exactly worked out in your life brought you to this wooden doorstep. It is the doorstep of willingness. It’s a precipice. It’s an adventure. It’s a choice. It is time to unlock your powers or your destiny. Congrats, you’ve arrived.
Uncertainty is your new best friend. It will help you discover your certainty. It will help you reach for freedom.
Because when you let go of your plan, you open to a powerful path, the path of being led. It’s the end of emptiness. It’s the beginning of your True Life, the one of following your inspired instincts instead of your fear.
This takes courage. Or desperation. Or curiosity. Or ambivalence. I don’t care how you get here. Let’s just do this. Let’s begin in this second. Let’s give life a new chance. It’s the only life you have. I’d say bet your life on it.
Let’s step into the greatest life ever, the life we didn’t plan.
You are growing beyond where you have been. Your life isn’t diminishing. Your old life is diminishing. Your True Life is expanding. It’s roaring for your love and commitment.
You may think you’re stuck. I’d say you’re standing at a threshold.
Are you willing to thrive through every aspect of your life right now—and not just when things change? Things change because you decide to thrive.
Where is uncertainty creating discomfort for you? Making you feel small? Or making you play small in your life? That’s where you’re getting fooled. You’re letting the circumstances of your life define who you are.
Oh, but butterfly, grasshopper, lover of transformation—you are here to define (or redefine) your circumstances. You are the storyteller in your life. And you are here to live a great story with a happy middle as well as a happy ending.
I’m here to teach you how and ease your way.
Here’s Why I Wrote This Book—and a Shift I Want You to Have Right Now
This is the secret superpower that successful people have: They can stand uncertainty. They can get past their past and create their ultimate soul-stirring relationship. They can spin a new entrepreneurial venture out of thin air, fail, and spin three more. They can run for office, write a memoir, or trek around the globe even if it seems foolish at their age or level of inexperience. They can stay with things for as long as it takes for their desires to come true. They can hold on where others let go. They can trust instead of trying to control every single outcome. They don’t need to have a guarantee in order to succeed.
They already have a guarantee.
Showing up is the guarantee.
Because as you show up for your true desires, life shows up for you. You feel alive when you show up. You feel flattened and hollow when you don’t. You may have your “reasons.” But it doesn’t matter. Anything that keeps you from showing up is poison.
I’ve seen a Broadway actor belt out a song that practically reshaped the bones of the audience—and helped them remember what it feels like to be redeemed. And I’ve wondered, what if that singer had stopped going to auditions after a brutal round of rejections? Someone else quit.
And I had a client adopt the Chinese daughter of her dreams after experiencing illness, mishaps, obstacles, and enough paperwork to wipe out a forest. But what if she had closed her heart or stopped jumping through the hoops? I wouldn’t get those yearly Christmas cards. And I’ve met others who were betrayed or faced a major health challenge or other difficulty and they were happier than others I knew in perfect health and with jobs.
Why do some people keep going? Why do some people come up with creative angles that immediately get attention? Why do some people meet the right connection? Or bounce back from setbacks? Find the right doctor? Get funding? Meet that incredible partner? Get the breaks? Enjoy where they are, no matter the circumstance?
They have mastered the art of showing up with love for their lives. Acting with intentionality. Choosing with love. Glowing. Possessing that something extra. They are not forcing their lives. They are discovering them. Working with their own indispensable spirit, instead of against it.
I’m sensitive this way, because I have almost given up or settled, lost my own fight with anxiety and frustration too many times. And it’s unbearable to me to think of the life I would have missed—and I so don’t want you to miss the life that is calling to you.
I know what it’s like to have everything change and to have to make up your life out of thin air and fight back tumultuous fears to do it. Years ago, I walked out of an established life into the terror and wonder of transformation. I had been practicing law with an elite corporate law firm. I’d graduated Harvard Law School with honors. Everything looked “set.” But while I li
ved in the illusion of security, that “established, safe life” was crushing and killing the real me, every single day.
Finally, feeling broken and, at the same time, as though I were breaking free, I left everything without a plan for the future or a safety net. I abandoned “conventional wisdom” and followed inner wisdom instead, an instinct, a drive, a hope, and an inner authority that spoke to me about living my life from love instead of fear.
It took a different voice within me to create a different life. I’ve walked through so many other transitions too, and, always, when I listened to my heart, I experienced a secret footpath through the world, even though I couldn’t see this path. And this is the practice of powerful self-discovery I’ve taught in my workshops, retreats, and programs. At this point, I’ve written four books, gained a following in the United States and throughout the world, and have been featured in national media. But more than this, I’ve discovered that I can trust an inner wisdom, and it is more instrumental than anything in this world.
I just couldn’t find my way in the world. I had to find myself first.
I found myself by learning how to listen to a loving voice inside myself. It’s been a quantum shift in how I think about and approach everything in life. When I began, I thought I was just going through a career transition. But that career transition turned out to be an identity transformation. It’s been a spiritual pilgrimage of shedding old, limiting, and “rational” beliefs. I couldn’t have a different life until I realized I was so much more than who I thought I was. We all are. And that’s the journey I’m hoping you’ll take with me.
The Pivot Point
I’ve now been a career, life, and success coach for almost thirty years. I’ve also worked with thousands in workshops and retreats. Having sat with individuals at the frontiers of their most pressing moments in relationships, work, health, true desire, grief, and everything else, I know firsthand the pivotal difference the right support makes. I wrote this book because I want you to have that support.