Just...Breathe: The Love They Had Always Wanted, and Now Try to Fight... (The Broken Series #1)

by Angela Fattig

“A week after we return from the island,” I answered.

  “You said he gave you an expense account?” she inquired and I nodded. “Good, now you can get out of the dump.”

  I shrugged. “I know he said I can use it for business and pleasure, but I don’t feel right,” I admitted. Lori gave me a questioning look. “Come on Lori. You heard what he said to me. You know what he thinks. If I start using it for personal, it will confirm what he thinks he knows about me. I can’t start this job like that.”

  She leaned forward and placed her hands on the table. “Jaden the only thing that matters is that you know the truth,” she said. “It doesn’t matter what he thinks or anyone else. As long as you know, in your heart who you truly are, to hell with the lot of them.”

  ‘Lori is right,’ I thought, but… “He kissed me last night, twice.” I confessed looking down at my balled hands. One of which still bared the swelling of my anger.

  Lori gasped. “He did?” she questioned, “When?”

  Still looking at my hands, I answered, “After he saved me from Steven outside the restaurant. I saw what I had done to his face and cleaned it. He took my hand and placed kisses over it. Then he refused to leave me outside my apartment, so he walked me to the door. He asked me if I was still going to work for him and there was a confusing tone to his voice, as if he was begging me. Once I had agreed that I was, he leaned down and kissed me.”

  “See he does like you,” Lori said crinkling her nose, “Even if he is a little confused.”

  The waiter appeared halting all conversation for the moment. After taking our orders, he rushed off to bring back the drinks. I studied Lori. Knowing Lori as well as I do I knew Lori was hiding something, but I could not put my finger on it.

  Once the waiter delivered our drinks and I took a sip, I whispered, “Why?”

  Lori looked at her, brows raised. “Why what?” she asked.

  “Why would Chase or any guy like me?” I asked.

  Lori’s eyes flashed red. “Your bitches of a mother, sister, and Steven really have done a number on you,” she huffed. “Jaden, talk to me about the ten years you disappeared. If I knew what happened, I might be able to help you. You once said it was the darkest time in your life, darker than your father passing was. Until then, I just don’t know what to do for you.”

  Lori’s pleading tone had my heart beating faster. I was so afraid to tell anyone. So afraid that the people I have come to love will look at me differently and leave me. Could I do it? Could I dare to risk losing Lori by revealing my ugly past? If I did this I would be risking bring back all the nightmares.

  As the tears stung my eyes I whispered, “My mom prostituted me off for ten years while she made Sammie ready.”

  “Oh dear God, Jaden,” Lori exclaimed. “Made Sammie ready? Ready for what?”

  “To do what she said I would never be able to do,” I answered as I downed the glass of wine. I took a deep breath, might as well tell her all of it. “My mom only married my father for his money. Dad discovered the truth, but it was too late, I was on the way. In spite of the truth, he still loved her and gave her another child to hold over his head. She never loved me, merely tolerated me as I reminded her too much of the man she hated. When my father died, she sold the company and the money ran out, we were forced to live in a small trailer. During that time, she used me to make ends meet while she taught Sammie how to pull in the big money. She said that all men would only want someone who looked like me for one thing, sex. I was an ugly disappointment and Sammie was her only chance in hell of making it out. When I left, I thought I was finally free. I met Steven and he showed me attention outside the bedroom. I was so in love with the dream of love that I did not see the truth until it was too late. Steven was Sammie’s final test. If Sammie could win Steven from me, she was ready.”

  I finally looked up at Lori. I saw the tears running down Lori’s face and pain in her eyes. ‘Here it is,’ I thought. ‘This is where she walks away.’

  Before anyone could utter a word, the waiter brought the food and refilled our glasses. “Just bring us the bottle,” Lori told the waiter and sent a text message.

  “You’re not going back to work?” I questioned.

  Lori’s eyes grew wide. “After that revelation, I don’t think so,” she answered. “Now I understand why you fight me about money.”

  I shrugged. “If I can’t earn it honestly, I don’t want it,” I said.

  “When did your mother start on you?” she asked.

  “When I was eleven,” I answered. “I lost my virginity in a cold, dark, sleazy motel room.”

  Lori shook her head. “How have you survived this long?” she inquired sadly.

  “I met you,” I said. “You help keep me grounded. However, after yesterday, the dreams have come back, and this time they involve Chase.”

  “Oh dear, you feel something for him, don’t you?” she asked.

  “I really don’t know,” I said. “One minute he’s cold, the next, warm. I closed myself off to emotions years ago. It is all so confusing. Besides, even if I could put a name to what I feel, it would not matter. I can’t date my boss, that’s just wrong.”

  “There are worse things in this world that is wrong, but I won’t push you,” she said. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Sure. Can I ask a favor?” I said.

  “Anything Jaden, you know that,” Lori responded.

  “I have been given a company car. Will you take me to get a manual?” I asked.

  Lori chuckled. “I knew you didn’t have a license. I didn’t know you couldn’t drive,” she admitted. “Yes, let’s go.”

  After picking up the manual Lori said as a troubled look crossed her face, “I need to catch up with John so I will drop you off home. I will pick you up Friday evening for the flight to the island.”

  “That sounds like heaven; a week on the island,” I said with a dream like sound in my voice.

  “Uh, I hate to burst your bubble,” Lori said and I turned to look at her, “But I believe I see Chase’s car in front of your apartment.”

  I groaned. “What the hell does he want now?” I mumbled.

  Chapter Eleven

  Lunch with John

  I had one fucked up night. Nightmare after nightmare about the day I had left Samantha. I knew I never really loved her. I was so in love with the dream, not her.

  I was sitting in my office listening to Evanescence ‘Bring Me Back to Life’ on repeat, trying to clear my schedule for the day and next week when John walked in.

  “Damn Chase, really?” he joked nodding to the IPOD.

  “Hey, back off,” I joked back.

  John laughed. “I can see Jaden really left her mark on you,” he said, smiling. “I’ve never seen an eye that black.”

  I reached up, lightly touching my eye. “Yea, and it still hurts like hell,” I said dryly. “What can I do for you?”

  “Have lunch with me?” he said.

  I eyed him. “You’re not going to try setting me up again?” I asked.

  John laughed. “No, seeing as last night didn’t go as planned,” he answered. “Come on. I’m driving, seeing as I have two working eyes.”

  I laughed. “Very funny,” I said. “Let me just send one last email.”

  John nodded as he became serious. “I’m not sorry about last night,” he said. “I still believe Jaden could be good for you.”

  I clicked send and looked up at John again wrinkling my brows. “You could be right,” I admitted shaking my head. “But it’s too late now. Even if she wasn’t working for me, she doesn’t like me.”

  John let a breath out. “No Chase, it’s not you, it’s all men,” he said. “The world hasn’t been kind to her. I think a guy finally affected her and she is running scared. She has not had anyone except Lori and I care about her for a long time now. Even her mom and sister…never mind. Are you ready?”

  I stood as I shut my IPOD off. “Don’t ‘never mind me’, John,” I grumbled. “F
inish, please.”

  “Chase, it’s not my story to tell,” he said. “I shouldn’t even know as much as I do.”

  I stopped in front of John, looking him in the eyes. “So she’s not a gold digger?” I asked.

  John smiled and said, “No, Chase she’s not. She has been on her own since Steven left. Even then, I think she was alone, she just wouldn’t admit it.” I gave a pleading look and John cracked. “Fine, I will tell you this much, most of the time she cannot pay her bills or put food in the fridge. She refuses any and all money from Lori. Most of the time Lori has to trick her into taking anything.”

  I ran a hand through my hair as an unfamiliar feeling washed over me. “I really was an ass to her, wasn’t I?” I whispered.

  “Yes Chase, you were and then some,” John said then turned and left the room.

  ‘He’s right. I was an ass and then some,’ I thought as I followed him out.

  Once outside we decide to go to the bar around the corner. When seated and drinks ordered, I said, “I kissed her and not just once.”

  “Wow, Chase. That’s some admission,” John said in surprise. “When was the last time you kissed anyone?”

  I shrugged. “Four years, I think,” I admitted. “You know how I am. I do not believe in just casual sex. I have to feel something.”

  “Damn, four years celibate,” John said shaking his head. “Well, there’s your proof.”

  Confused, I asked, “Proof, what are you talking about?”

  “Jaden doesn’t let men touch her,” John answered. “Hell, I’ve known her for several years now and she won’t even let me near her. She freaks. So it’s obvious she does, in fact, like you.”

  I thought about this for the rest of lunch. We set the plans for the trip to the island and I looked at my watch.

  “Got to go John,” I said.

  “Sure, I’ll see you Friday,” John said and I nodded, and then left. Once I collected my car, I headed over to Jaden’s.

  I parked and slid out. “She’s not here,” I heard Larry say.

  “Where is she?” I asked.

  Larry shrugged. “She left with the sexy blonde in the red car,” he answered.

  “Lori,” I mumbled. I nodded and slipped back into my car to wait. I flipped on my CD player to listen to Chris LeDoux.

  I saw Lori’s red BMW coming down the road and stepped out. I felt out of my element and shoved my hands into my pockets.

  Lori parked and waved. I sent her a nod. “My God Chase, your eye!” Lori exclaimed.

  I shrugged. “I deserved it,” I said as Jaden emerged from the car and Lori left.

  I walked over to stand in front of Jaden. “Hi,” I said.

  She studies my face, a question in her eyes. “What do you want?” she asks.

  I looked down and saw she had a driver’s manual and looked back up smiling. “I see you beat me to it,” I chuckled. “Do you need help studying?”

  “During your search into my background you would have seen that I have never needed help studying,” she hissed.

  I flinched. She was still mad. I saw see that now. “I am sorry for what I said,” I admitted. “I have a sick feeling I was wrong about you.”

  She put her hands on her hips and I saw her flinch. I looked down and saw that her right hand still showed evidence of where it had been the night before.

  “It’s about time, Mr. Daniels,” she said. “Now, if you will excuse me I have some studying to do.”

  She turned to the building. I did not want to see her go, yet. Then an idea struck me. “Do you have plans for dinner?” I asked.

  She stopped and slowly turned. “Mr. Daniels, I think that is really not any of your business,” she fumed.

  “Damn it, Jaden,” I shouted running my hand through my hair. “You don’t start for another two weeks. Enough with the Mr. Daniels crap. I will be by at seven with takeout. With your high IQ, I plan to take you tomorrow for your written test. I want you comfortable behind the wheel before you start.”

  I did not give her a chance to respond. I turned, stalked to my car and left.

  Chapter Twelve

  Is That All You Have

  By six, I had been through the manual a hundred times. I tossed it to the table and turned on my IPOD. I flipped through until I found my track with Randy VanWarmer singing ‘I Guess it Never Hurts to Hurt Sometimes’. I put it on repeat and pressed play.

  I lay back on the couch closing my eyes. I allowed his soothing voice to wash over me. Before long, I was asleep.

  Sometime later, I was startled awake by a knock on the door. I groaned. “Chase,” I said remembering he said he would be back. “Come in,” I called pulling myself up trying to clear my head.

  I heard the door open and footsteps across the floor. “Hello beautiful.” I froze. Damn it is Steven.

  I turned. Without hiding the venom in my voice asked, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  He smiled. “I missed you too Jaden,” he said.

  “I don’t have time for your shit. Get out,” I ordered. He made a move towards me. “No, don’t touch me!” I screamed.

  Before I could register what was happening, Steven was flying through the air towards the door. “I believe she said not to touch her,” Chase growled as he stalked towards Steven.

  “Chase don’t, he’s not worth it,” I begged, “Steven just leave, please.”

  “You heard her,” Chase shouted. “Get out and never come back.”

  Steven stood and threw his hands up. “Fine, I’m going,” he said. “Have fun with the cold fish bitch.”

  Chase growled and lunged at him. Jaden grabbed his arm. “Chase no, please.”

  Steven turned and stumbled out the door muttering, “Just like her mom and sister.”

  I felt the sting of Steven’s parting words and forced myself not to cry.

  Chase turned to look at me. “Did he hurt you?” he whispered.

  I saw the concern in his eyes. I needed separation. “No, he didn’t hurt me,” I lied. He didn’t hurt me physically but he did emotionally. “Did you bring food?”

  He nodded. “Yea, Chinese,” he answered.

  “Make yourself comfortable and I’ll get plates,” I said and left the room.

  I collected the plates when something dawns on me. “Chase I don’t have anything to drink,” I called.

  “Not even water?” he asks from the door, making me jump. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  I turned biting my lip and shook my head. “My water was shut off this morning,” I admitted as the embarrassment set in.

  He groaned. “You have an expense account,” he said. “Why didn’t you pay it yesterday?”

  I looked down at the plates in my hands. “I haven’t earned it yet,” I whispered.

  He pulled out his cell and sent a text. “Charlie will be here in a bit with something,” he said. “Let’s eat.”

  I nodded and he stepped back to let me go ahead. “Who’s Charlie?” I asked when we were sitting on the couch eating.

  “My driver,” he answered. “You needed to meet him anyway. On days you don’t drive, he will take you where you need to go. He will also be driving us to events and such.”

  There was a knock at the door and I froze with fear. Chase touched my shoulder. “Easy, it’s just Charlie,” he assured me. “I’ll get it.”

  I nodded but did not relax. I was not comfortable around men and hated meeting new people.

  Chase led a man into my living room. I stood and walked over until I was partly hidden behind Chase.

  “Charlie this is Jaden Smith,” he introduced us. “Jaden this is Charlie Evens, our driver.” He turned to see my face. I knew the fear I felt was written all over me. He took my hand and pulled me next to him.

  “Hello Ms. Smith,” Charlie said smiling and not reaching for my hand.

  “Hello Mr. Evens,” I whispered.

  “Please, call me Charlie,” he responded and I nodded.

  Charl
ie handed a bag over to Chase and bid us good night.

  “I’ll get us glasses,” he said. “You sit and finish eating,” then he strolled into the kitchen.

  I was shocked by Chase’s tenderness and the fact he didn’t make a big deal of my behavior. Most of the time people did. I walked back to the couch and noticed that in the background my IPOD had been playing the same song this whole time. Not once had he said anything.

  “Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what they really are,” Chase said as he returned.

  “Jim Morrison,” I gasped.

  He smiled and sat next to me handing me a glass. “Yes,” he said. “I see by your IPOD we have the same taste in music.” He raised his glass, “To us, may we survive each other.”

  I chuckled, touched my glass to his and took a sip. “This is good. What is it?” I asked.

  “Luc Belaire Rose, my favorite,” he answered. “A dramatically beautiful sparkling Rose: a rich, vibrant pink color. A rich red fruit bouquet precedes an elegant palate of strawberry and black currant, resulting in a perfect harmony of aroma, taste, body, and finish: refreshing but not too sweet. A delicious, delicate blend of France's three most famous Rose grapes: Syrah, Cinsault, and Grenache, aged for the perfect effervescence and blended with a 100% Syrah dosage.”

  I laughed. “Did you just quote the label?” I questioned.

  He chuckled. “Guilty as charged,” he said, “Although, I do agree with it. That is why it is my favorite. I can’t go a day without a taste,” he reaches over and strokes my cheek. “I love the sound of your laugh.”

  My breath caught and I stared into his eyes. “Chase you don’t know what you’re saying,” I whispered.

  He stroked my cheek again and I closed my eyes. An unfamiliar feeling started to build deep in my stomach. My skin burned and my pulse quickened. I opened my lips, just a bit, so I can breathe.

  “God you’re beautiful,” he breathed against my lips.

  I opened my eyes and saw my own desire reflected in his eyes. I sighed and he claimed my lips. I stilled and he pulled back.