Just...Breathe: The Love They Had Always Wanted, and Now Try to Fight... (The Broken Series #1)

by Angela Fattig

  When I had left John that night, I called and woke Sandy. I told her everything and she understood, as I knew she would.

  I called my father, waking him, who was a doctor and got a few pills for panic and anxiety. Sandy said that Jaden had shown fear when they discussed flying in the contract. Since they were leaving early for the island, I knew they didn’t have any for her.

  I sent John a text, telling him I would meet him at the strip with them. John didn’t even ask how I knew, he just agreed.

  Then I stood back, like a mad stalker, waiting for Lori to pull up. I was taken back when John hugged Jaden and after a moment, she returned the embrace. John had said she would not even let him touch her, and look at her now.

  Then she spotted me. I had watched her inspect the bottle and then its contents. Our eyes locked and a burning sensation filled me to the core. Before I could put a finger on what it was, she lifted the bottle in a thank you gesture and I nodded, smiling. I wanted to rush to her then, but forced myself to stay where I was. Lori said something to her. She flushed and turned away. I decided that was my cue to leave. I went home lonely, but full of hope.

  I had buried myself in work hoping like hell I would stop thinking about her. I failed. When her birthday come around I had to physical restrain myself in order not to call her. She needed time to process what had happened. If I made the first move, it could destroy any chance in Heaven I had with her.

  So, why was I sitting here feeling like a teenager again with butterflies in my stomach, because she asked me to? I would do anything for this beautiful woman. On that thought, my heart skipped a beat and I felt my skin burn. No woman, not even Samantha, had ever affected me like this. I wanted to spend the rest of my life making her smile. Maybe, just maybe, I will get the chance. She gave me real hope when I got that text.

  If I thought the plane ride was long, the boat ride to the island was longer. In the airport, I picked up a bouquet of red roses. I had brought with me the bracelet I had got for her birthday and I hoped she would accept it.

  Once the boat had docked, I grabbed my bags, the flowers, and rushed up to the house. I reached the door, nervous as fuck. I let myself in and placed my bags down next to the stairs.

  There was soft music playing and as I rounded the corner, I saw her. She was sitting on the deck with drink in hand. I groaned deep in my throat. She was an angel, a goddess from my dreams. She stood, putting her drink down, and turned to face me with a shy smile on her lips.

  I crossed the room in a few steps until I was standing in front of her. I searched her eyes. I saw fear, doubt, and something I could not put my finger on.

  I handed her the roses. She took them and inhaled their sweet smell. When she looked up there were tears in her eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered. “No one has ever bought me flowers before.”

  The music changed to one by Berlin, Take My Breath Away. “Dance with me?” I asked.

  She laid the flowers down, but not before she smelled them again. I took her hand and walked her to the middle of the floor. Then I pulled her close to my body, wrapping my arms around her. Her arms went around my neck as she laid her head on my chest and sighed.

  I pulled her closer loving the sound of her being content in my arms. I rocked her gently to the rhythm of the music filling the room. Bending down, I began to sing to her.

  “Through the hourglass I saw you

  In time you slipped away

  When the mirror crashed, I called you

  And turned to hear you say

  If only for today

  I am unafraid”

  She pulled back to look at me. After a second she whispered, “I’m sorry Chase.”

  I shook my head as I stroked her cheek. “Shh… There’s no need to be sorry,” I said. “I understand now.”

  She frowned. “You know and you still came,” she said, “I don’t understand.”

  I sighed. “Jaden I won’t lie,” I started to explain. “I want you and not just for sex.”

  She shook her head. “You don't want me Chase, you can't.”

  I brushed a stray hair behind her ear, “Why Jaden?”

  She got a faraway look in her eyes and whispered, “Because I'm damaged goods. I am broken. You do not want to walk through my darkness, no one does.”

  “That’s not true and you know it. John and Lori are there for you,” I argued. “I am too, Jaden. I will follow you into your darkness in order to show you that there is a light at the end. You just have to want to see it.”

  The track changed then to Angel, Aerosmith. I pulled her close again, swaying to the music, and sang.

  “I'm alone

  Yeah, I don't know if I can face the night

  I'm in tears and the cryin' that I do is for you

  I want your love - Let's break the walls between us

  Don't make it tough - I'll put away my pride

  Enough's enough I've suffered and I've seen the light.”

  She leaned into me, wrapping her arms tighter around my neck, pulling me further down to her. “I want to see it,” she whispered into my ear. “I just don’t know how. I also do not know what you want me to do. I was taught to be submissive and give men what they demand. That is all I know. When I didn’t comply…”

  She stopped. I could feel her body tighten and I closed my eyes on her pain she was sharing, pulling her closer.

  “Can I be what you need, what you want?” she asked. “I can’t have babies. I can’t give you that if a family is what you want.”

  “Jaden I want- need whatever you can give me,” I breathed next to her ear. “Of course I want to make love to you, but I also want you to want it, need it. I only want you to do what you want to do. That will be enough for me.”

  “You want me to want to touch you?” she choked. “You want it to be because it will make me happy?” I nodded. “You won’t hurt me, physically, if I do something wrong?”

  I tightened my hold. “Never baby,” I breathed. “You could never do anything wrong. Love is about being able to be yourself. Feeling, touching, and learning what the other person likes/wants and never being afraid of asking for what you need,” I took a deep breath. “Making love is more than sex. It is the ultimate connection between two people who care for each other. At the end of the day, words mean nothing. It is that physical connection, actions that tell a person how much you care. It can be tender. It can be rough, or both. The two involved have to explore and communicate. You have to trust in the other person not to hurt you.”

  “Trust is a very big step,” she admitted. “But I think I can do that if it’s with you.”

  “I want you to trust me baby,” I said, “More than anything. I also want you to be able to talk to me about anything. I want you not to be afraid to tell me what you need from me.” I stroked her bare back. “I will assume Lori told you about my past?” She nodded. “Trust is also a hard thing for me. So we both have a lot of learning to do. I will fall down. I will make mistakes. I am only human, we both are. I need you to trust that I will fix it. I will learn to trust the same from you.”

  She leaned back to look at me. “I’m sorry about your eye,” she whispered.

  I shook my head. “I deserved it and then some,” I said. “I had no right to throw accusations at you.”

  I looked deep into her eyes. Searching for some indication that she understood everything I had said. I brought my hand up to stroke her face and she closed her eyes, leaning into my touch.

  When she opened them, they were dark with want- need. I cupped her face and leaned down, just a breath away. “Can I kiss you?” I asked.

  She smiled. “Please,” she begged, pushing her body into mine.

  My skin heated, but I pushed the feeling back. Not tonight. Tonight was about us and finding solid ground. I pressed my lips to hers, claiming her. Her lips parted, inviting me inside. I groaned and plunged forward dancing my tongue with hers. When the kiss began to push past my resolve, I pulled back. Her eyes slow
ly opened. I could see what the kiss had done to her. She wanted me, as I needed her.

  “Are you going to make love to me tonight?” she asked in a shaky voice.

  I shook my head, “No, not tonight baby.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Just Feel

  I pulled away. He does not want me after all. “Oh, ok,” I said stunned, looking away.

  “Jaden stop,” he demanded in a quiet voice.

  I snapped my head up, looking at him. “Stop what?” I asked.

  “Thinking,” he answered. “I know you’re thinking I don’t want you and that’s not true. I did not come here for sex, at least not tonight. Tonight I want to just sleep with you, hold you. Is that ok?”

  “Sleep all night next to someone?” I questioned silently. This scared me almost as much as having sex with him.

  His brows creased and he tilted his head, just looking at me. “Didn’t you do that with Steven?” he quietly asked.

  I bit my lip as I slowly shook my head. “No, he always left after he was finished,” I answered.

  He looked at me, I saw what appeared to be anger flash in his eyes. The track changed on the IPOD. Chris LeDoux, Look at You Girl, filled the room.

  I saw him quickly blink and the anger was gone, replaced by…surprise? I was so confused, I was not sure.

  He smiled. “Do you use music as a way of expressing what you feel?” he asked.

  I was struck speechless by his question. ‘How does he do it?’ I thought. ‘How does he know what is inside of me?’ I nodded.

  “Good,” he said as he walked over to where the IPOD sat playing. He picked it up and searched through it. “Ah, just what I suspected. We are so much more alike than I thought.”

  I have never liked people touching my IPOD. It was such a private thing for me. The music I kept on there was mirrored in my heart. Right now, I felt very open, very exposed. However, as he continued to look through it I didn’t make a move to stop him. Even Lori wasn’t allowed to touch it. So why was I allowing Chase free access to my soul?

  “That’s what I was hoping to find,” he mumbled as he pressed play and what looked like the repeat button.

  He turned with a devilish smile on his lips. As he walked across the floor to stand in front of me, the room filled with soft music. I was surrounded by the voice of Stoney LaRue and his melody, Let Me Hold You.

  The rush of tears surprised me as much as when Chase pulled me back into his arms. He held me close, swaying to the music and humming.

  Relaxing into him, I allowed the words to fill my mind. He wanted me, but on my terms, with my permission. It had always been the other way around. I just did not know what to think or feel anymore. He began to sing again and his beautiful voice melted my heart.

  “Close your eyes

  Hold on tight

  Let me run around inside of your mind

  Baby, just for tonight

  Let me just hold you”

  “My terms, what I want?” I questioned before I realized I had spoken aloud.

  He held me tighter. “I won’t make a move until you say so,” he whispered next to my ear. “You have to want it too.”

  He was running his hands up and down my back. The rhythm and the music were making me relax. “And you just want to sleep next to me?” I asked.

  He groaned. “Yes baby, just sleep,” he said. I leaned my head back, searching his eyes, yet I was not sure what I was looking for. “Can I stay?”

  I blinked and took a deep breath. “Yes,” I answered. He took my hand and started to walk to the door. “Wait,” I said. He turned back to look at me and he looked worried. “I just want to grab my IPOD.”

  He smiled as relief washed over his face and released me. Without turning it off, I picked it up and turned back, he was smiling. I sucked in a breath. ‘My god this man is beautiful,’ I thought. He reached for me and I took his hand, allowing him to lead me from the room.

  In the entry, he collected his bags and turned to me. “It’s your turn to lead me,” he said. I nodded and started up the steps.

  Once in my room I walked over to the nightstand. I fumbled with my IPOD until I found the rain track, pressed play and repeat. The sounds of storms have always relaxed me. I set it down and turned. “Is it ok if this plays all night?” I asked.

  “Whatever you need,” he whispered.

  I picked up my nightclothes. “I’m going to change,” I informed him and he nodded. I rushed into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

  I looked down at the t-shirt and panties in my trembling hand. “Can I walk out there dressed in only this?” I whispered. Then John’s words came back to me.

  “The sexiest thing a woman can do is be herself. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who is confident in herself and her man,” he said.

  “I can do this,” I said. Before I could change my mind, I stripped and slipped the shirt and panties on. I opened the door and stepped into the room.

  He was standing where I had left him with his hands in his pockets. His eyes traveled my body and it felt like a caress. His eyes met mine. He closed them and groaned. When he opened them they had gone dark with desire, I shivered.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I admitted in a weak trembling voice. I felt the pull and wanted to touch him, but was afraid.

  Holding my eyes, he whispered in a husky voice, “Whatever you want to do.”

  For what felt like hours, I studied his eyes. Then I allowed my eyes to travel his body. I saw that he was breathing heavy as I was. My eyes found his again. ‘I can do confident,’ I told myself.

  I stepped directly in front of him and reached for the buttons of his shirt. Confusion flashed in his eyes and he tilted his head to the side. “I want to do this,” I whispered. He nodded and removed his hands from his pockets.

  “Anything you want baby,” he breathed.

  His words fueled my confidence. I slowly slipped each button free. His breath quickened and his eyes closed. I smiled, happy that I could make him feel like this.

  I slid the shirt off his shoulders and it landed on the floor. Leaning into him, I took a deep breath. He smelled of dreams, Heaven, and the light. I could not lie to myself any longer. I wanted, no needed this man.

  Running my hands through the hair on his chest made him jump. I looked up and his eyes were open, I smiled. He gave me a questioning look.

  Looking back at his chest a thought struck me. I flicked my tongue over one nipple. His breath caught. “Baby, I’m trying real hard to keep my promise,” he breathed through clinched teeth.

  Liquid soaked my panties and my stomach felt full of butterflies. I could feel the waves building in me and he had not even touched me yet. I flicked the other nipple with my tongue and sucked. He still did not touch me. Was he holding his breath?

  As I ran my hand over his chest and down his stomach, I asked, “Anything?”

  His body was trembling. “Yes,” he hissed, closing his eyes again, “Anything.” I cupped him through his pants. “Shit.”

  “You smell good,” I breathed against his skin. He stumbled and I chuckled. I unbuttoned his pants and pushed, they fell to the floor along with his boxers. I gripped him again. “You feel even better,” I whispered as I dropped to my knees.

  Stroking him, I glanced up. He was watching me. “Jaden do you know what you’re doing?” he questioned.

  “Yes Chase,” I breathed on him. “I want to taste you.” He swallowed and nodded.

  I looked back to his cock, stroking it still. I used his name so he would know I was still in control. I wanted him. I could not explain it, but for once, I was going to do what he said. Stop thinking and feel.

  There was a drop of dew on the tip, and I licked it. He shuddered, bringing his hands to my head, lacing his fingers in my hair. “You taste even better,” I whispered, using his words, as I took all of him in my mouth.

  “Fuck!” he hissed.

  Using my mouth, tongue, and hands, I brought him to th
e peak and he released his seed in my mouth. My panties were soaked when I finally stood, a smile on my face.

  I waited while he got his breathing under control. “You look pleased with yourself,” he joked.

  I giggled and nodded. “I am,” I admitted. “Now it’s your turn.”

  He smiled. “My turn?” he questioned.

  My smile faded and I yanked my shirt off. His eyes widen in shock. I stood there in just a pair of lacy panties. “Make love to me.” I said nervously and he just stood there looking at me. I tried to hold his gaze, but my confidence started to leave me and I looked away. “You…”

  He stepped closer cupping my face. “Yes, I want you,” he whispered against my lips. “More than you know.”

  I placed my hand over his heart. “Show me,” I whispered. Closing my eyes and leaning my head back.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Luckiest Man in the World

  I skimmed my lips over Jaden’s. “Open your eyes baby,” I whispered and they shot open, dark with want and need. A hunger I have never seen before. “I have to know that I won’t lose you. I need to know you’re with me all the way.”

  She brought her hand up to stroke my face. “I won’t leave this time Chase,” she assured me. “I promise.”

  “Do you know what you do to me?” I ask. “Do you have any idea just how beautiful you are?” Her skin flushed, telling me she didn’t. I lifted her in my arms, carrying her to the bed.

  I let her body slide down mine as I put her feet back on the floor. She came up on tiptoe, and kissed me. She nipped my lip then kissed the spot with her tongue and sucking my bottom lip.

  Her tongue pushed at my lips asking for entrance. I shivered, separating my lips allowing her inside. She danced with my tongue, sending ripples of pleasure right to my heart and cock. I keep my hands rested on her hips, allowing her all the control.

  I pulled back, rested my head on hers, trying to catch my breath. “I have a present for you,” I said.