by H. L. Logan
I liked this kid; she was cute and smart. I liked a little wit with my flirting.
“A year until graduation, huh? And what degree, might I ask?”
“Civil engineering.”
“Wow, nice. I’d always wished I’d had the brain for a STEM degree. Decent job security and good money.”
“That’s what I’m hoping for,” she told me, “but who knows how it’ll really turn out. What about you? What line of work are you in? Or, what degree are you going for, if you’re still in school?”
“Not in school.” I shook my head. “Never was, actually, and I have no plans. I’m a musician, actually. Yes, a starving musician, the stereotype holds.”
She looked me up and down. “Don’t look starving to me.”
“I guess you can thank my ex for that,” I told her. “She had the money. She kept me well-fed. I was the heart in the relationship, she was the function.”
“And that’s what killed it, I take it?” she asked.
“Pretty much. Eventually someone working at a big fancy corporation making ridiculous amounts of money isn't going to have interest in a failing musician, no matter how creative and loving she may be.”
She frowned. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh, don’t be,” I said, trying to play it off. “I’m really looking for a change of scenery. And I’m excited to be a little more independent. Where my ex and I used to live, there was no opportunity to do street performance and earn a little cash.”
“Is that how you make money, street performance?” she asked.
“Oh, that and other things. I plan to start offering guitar lessons pretty soon here, and I’d love to get a paying gig now and then. But, honestly, street performance is a love of mine. I love the bare-naked interaction you get with other people, you know? It’s just so raw and real. If I could get paid to do that for the rest of my life and just make enough money to get by, I’d be happy.”
She nodded, seeming to take all this information in slowly.
“I really admire that,” she finally said. “I’ve never been the kind of person who’s comfortable without security. I’m not really one to want a lot of money or luxury in life, so I’d be fine just getting by and paying my bills, but the uncertainty of it all would drive me crazy.”
I smiled. Usually, when I talked about my career ambitions or lack thereof, I felt like people were judging me. She seemed to genuinely appreciate my point of view. It was a nice change of pace.
“It certainly isn’t for everyone, but I’ve always been naturally spontaneous. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain, but something about a scheduled and certain life bores me to death.”
She laughed. “I’d bore you to death, then. Everything about my life is scheduled and certain.”
I looked at the way her mouth wrinkled softly in the corners as she smiled, and I was in awe of just how beautiful she was.
“I don’t think you could ever bore me,” I said, rather boldly.
She started to blush and smile but didn't say anything in return.
“Hey, I was going to order a shot, do you want one?” I asked her.
She paused, thinking on this for a moment. “Well… yeah, sure, that sounds good.”
“Perfect,” I said, trying to hide my enthusiasm. When I flirted so boldly like this, I really preferred to play it cool, to a degree.
I was about to wave over the bartender, who was out on the floor wiping off tables, when Emily’s phone vibrated. I glanced over at her and watched her read a text message. I knew it wasn’t good news for me when her face fell.
“Oh, no, I’m sorry… I can’t take that shot, I actually have to go.”
“Really? Right now?” I asked, hoping she could stay at least a few more minutes.
“Yeah, right now, sorry. Emergency with my roommate. But it’s been lovely chatting with you!” she said, as she grabbed her keys and stood up from the bar counter.
“Right, yeah, nice talking with you, too.” I nodded at her as she started to walk out of the bar. “Have a good one!”
“You, too!” she hollered back, as she left out the front door.
The second she did, disappointment and regret washed over me.
Shit, why hadn’t I asked for her number?
4
Emily
Shit, why hadn’t I asked for her number?
Well, I knew why, of course. I’d been totally distracted by the text I’d just gotten from Abby.
>Abby: Hey, can you pick me up outside of Cake My Day? I’m okay, but I just got in a car accident.
Obviously she was fine, or she would be at the hospital instead of standing on a sidewalk waiting for me to pick her up, but still, it was stressful, because I knew she must be a mess.
Abby didn’t have a lot of money, and she didn’t get any from her parents. She really relied on her car, so depending on how bad the damage was, she may have just walked into a very stressful situation.
Still, as I drove over to Cake My Day, a bakery we had once picked up cupcakes from for a bachelorette party, I couldn’t help thinking about Kaitlyn.
Despite being in college, I obviously hadn’t dated around, and though I blamed that on my studies, the truth was that I hadn’t really met anyone who’d truly caught my attention. Except for Kaitlyn, right now, just a second ago in that bar. I truly believed that was the first time I’d been actually interested in another person.
It was weird; it wasn’t as if I really knew her or anything, but for some reason, I’d been so intensely interested in the small talk we’d been making. I mean, she was damn cute, but I’d seen a ton of cute girls with whom I hadn’t cared to explore conversation. I guess it was something in her personality. She was different, eclectic, not like any person I’d met before. Certainly not like me.
I pulled up to Cake My Day and Abby waved at me from the sidewalk, exasperation on her face. I pulled over quickly and she hopped in, groaning the second she stepped in the car.
“What happened?” I asked her.
“Some asshole rear-ended me.” She rolled her eyes. “Then I rear-ended the person in front of me because they threw my entire car forward so far.”
I looked around as I was pulling away. “Wait, where’s your car?” I asked.
She let out a deep breath. “A tow truck already took it. I’m pretty sure it’s totaled. There’s no way the damages to the front and back are going to be less than what the car is worth. My insurance isn’t going to pay for repairs, I know it.”
I frowned at her. “Abbs, I’m sorry. But insurance will give you money for it, right? I mean, the accident wasn’t your fault…”
“Oh, I’m sure they will,” she agreed, “I just don’t know if it’s going to be enough money for another car. Insurance companies are so shady. I’m so not looking forward to dealing with this.”
I glanced at her as I drove and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure it’ll work out.” I really wasn’t. How the hell would I know? I just didn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah, yeah…” She looked out the window. “Anyway, how was your day? How’d your test go? Distract me!”
Now was my turn to sigh. “Well, I overslept…”
Her jaw dropped as she turned to me. “Overslept? Like, you missed it?”
“Not quite, but almost. I definitely didn’t get there in time to finish it. I’m not even sure I’m going to pass.”
“Oh my god, Emily, how are you not losing it?” she asked.
I didn’t even know. Before I’d walked into the bar, I kind of had been. And it certainly hadn’t been the one drink that had calmed me down. I hadn’t even gotten a buzz going from that. No, it was definitely the distraction of Kaitlyn that had me not thinking about my impending academic doom.
“Well, you’re having a worse day than me, so...” I told her.
“Uh, I’m not even sure of that!” she said in surprise. “I mean, you might have failed a test!”
I gave her a sideways glance. “Y
ou’re not helping, believe it or not.”
“Sorry, sorry.” She shook her head. “I’m just so confused about how you’re so… okay with all of this. Like, don’t get me wrong, if I failed a test, I probably wouldn’t blink an eye, especially if I did as well as you overall, but… you care about grades more than you care about life.”
“Not true!” I tried to defend myself.
She gave me a suspicious glance.
“Okay…” I said slowly. “I care about them the same.”
“Uh huh.” She shook her head and laughed.
“And honestly, I don’t know why I’m not freaking out,” I told her. “But I did kind of meet a girl at King’s Tooth, so maybe that’s helping.”
“You went to King’s Tooth?!” she asked, sounding shocked again. “In the middle of the day, and without me bugging you to? Like, totally by yourself?!”
“Yes… is it really that much of a shock?”
“Uh, yeah! It is! God, you failed a test, and you went drinking in the middle of the day… Who even are you? Wait, should you even be driving?”
I rolled my eyes. “You think I’d drink and drive? Of course not. I only had one drink.”
“Okay, didn’t think so. But I had to ask. You know my two fundamental rules in life: no glove, no love, and more than one beer, no steer.”
I laughed. I loved this about Abby; she was funny when she wasn’t even trying to be.
“Has anyone ever told you you're a little crass?” I asked her.
She put on a fake expression of shock. “Me? Crass? Why, I never!” she responded in an exaggerated accent.
I chuckled again. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”
“You and me both! We haven’t even gotten to the most shocking part of your day yet!”
“Yeah?” I asked. “What’s that? What could be more shocking than me failing a test and drinking without you in the middle of the day?”
“You met yourself a woman!”
I raised an eyebrow. “And why is that shocking? I’m not attractive enough to pull women, huh?”
“Oh, no, you’re definitely cute. But I’ve seen you be attracted to literally nobody in the entire time we’ve been roommates.”
“I’ve been attracted to people…” I argued.
“Well, you’ve clearly been way too busy to act on it!” She said. “Always studying, no need for fun… I’m not even sure if I see you eat most days.”
That part was definitely an exaggeration, because she and I binge ate junk food and watched reality television together at least twice a week.
“So, about this girl…” she continued. “Tell me about her.”
I shrugged. “You know, I’m not sure what there is to tell… we talked for a bit, not too long or anything, but it just felt… nice. Like, we weren’t making small talk, you know? She recently moved here because of a bad break-up, and we were just getting into that and stuff. I don’t know, it was cool to talk so personally to someone new.”
“Is she cute?” she asked.
I could feel myself blushing. “Yeah… yeah, she really was.”
“And you know for sure she’s gay, right?”
“Oh, definitely. It was her girlfriend that she broke up with. And some guy actually came to ask her out, but she turned him down. He was a cute guy, too. I thought for sure when he walked over it would be the end of our conversation, but, nope, she had no interest.”
“Oh my god! Emily, this is so exciting. You actually like someone! I’m melting!”
To be honest, I was a little bit, too. It sounded dramatic, though. I barely talked to a cute girl at a bar, and now I was fantasizing about her like we were actually dating or something. Which, in reality, we never would be.
But I couldn’t help myself, because this was a first for me. I’d never ever had someone to fantasize about before. I was going to take advantage of this small burst of fun in my life.
“So, when’s date number two?” she pressed.
“Well, there was no date number one, first of all. And probably never, if I had to guess.”
“What?!” she said, in her usual high-pitched, whiny voice which she used whenever she didn’t like something. “But why? She’s cute, and you liked her!”
“Because I’ll probably never see her again. I didn’t get her number.”
She pushed my shoulder. “Emily, how could you chicken out? This is the first girl you’ve ever liked.”
“I didn’t exactly chicken out,” I defended myself. “The thought didn’t even cross my mind until I’d walked out of the bar. I was too distracted by your text and worrying about what had happened to your car.”
“Ugh!” She threw her head against the headrest. “My car accident ruined both our days.”
“Eh, it’s fine.” I shrugged, “I really don’t think it would’ve become anything. She was just a girl in a bar.”
“A girl in a bar that you liked! I wouldn’t have wanted to waste the opportunity for you. Especially after you’d had such a shit morning.”
I’d nearly forgotten about that. “Right… well, now it’s your job to distract me.”
“Yeah? How so?”
“Pizza, wine, and trashy reality television?”
She smiled. “Deal. I’m due for a long night in. Especially when I no longer have a car…”
“Good. A night in with my best friend is just as good as any night with some random, cute stranger at a bar,” I told her.
I wasn’t so sure that was true. But I didn’t want to waste my time thinking about the cute girl I’d missed out on.
And clearly, I couldn’t have any distractions right now, anyway. After failing this test, school needed to be my life for the rest of the year.
5
Kaitlyn
I wasn’t really the type to get hung up on one person, unless I’d been dating them for a while, but for some odd reason, I was hung up on that girl I’d met at the bar.
Ever since a few days ago, I couldn’t get her off my mind. I wished I could have gotten to know more about her. There were a million questions running through my mind. What kind of music did she like? What was her favorite television show? Did she like to read?
They all sounded like such mundane questions, but when I thought about her answering them, they suddenly became intensely interesting. There was no denying it; I had myself a little crush.
But it was totally useless, because I hadn’t gotten her number. I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe that was what she’d wanted. It’d seemed like we were vibing, but she’d run off so quickly.
I mean, she totally could’ve had an emergency, but she hadn’t asked for my number, either. There was always that chance she was bad at saying no to people and had to come up with a reason to run out the door. Maybe she’d just been waiting to get a text to pull that act, who knew.
Either way, it didn’t really matter. We were never getting together, that was definite. I probably should’ve tried to stop thinking about her.
On the other hand, it was actually really nice to be thinking about her, because it kept me from thinking about Julia. Since I’d run into Emily, Julia had barely crossed my mind.
In fact, speaking to Emily had reminded me of just how much I needed to move on from Julia. With Julia, I’d never felt any more than judgment for my choice to be a musician. Emily had actually seemed fascinated by it.
Even if I never saw Emily again, I was glad I’d run into her. She’d reminded me that there were people out there who would appreciate my good traits. People who would actually like my creativity, the way Julia used to.
As usual, I was woken up early by the sound of pots and pans banging in the kitchen. Ryan was kind of a health nut and liked to cook himself eggs every morning, which he ate with whole wheat bread.
I didn’t mind him being loud in the morning. How could I? I was an intruder in his world. I wasn’t even paying to be here, so of course I couldn’t complain.
Even beyond that, I app
reciated having something that woke me up early. I was the kind of person who really only needed six hours of sleep to function, but when I was depressed, I’d sleep in all day. That only made me feel more depressed.
With Ryan waking me up, I was able to force myself to get out of bed and say good morning to him. And after he left, I would make myself get ready to go out into the world.
Ever since my first day, I’d gone out with my guitar and performed on busy corners around Beasley. Surprisingly, it had been pretty decent money for the amount of foot traffic. I had quite a few people stop and listen to me, and I’d managed to rake in forty to sixty dollars every day. It had only been a few days, of course, but if things stayed like this, I could make a good little chunk of change for myself. Nothing amazing, but certainly enough to live on. I could offer Ryan rent money or get out of his hair, if he wanted.
And that was on top of what I’d make doing lessons. For the first time since the break-up, I was starting to feel happy. Like I could make a little home for myself in Rosebridge. One of the biggest struggles with a break-up after a long-term relationship was that you’d made a bunch of plans with your partner, so when you left them, it felt like your future left you, too. Everything you’d once imagined your life might be with them came crashing down, and suddenly, you didn’t even know what was going to happen to your life.
That was what it was like for me, anyway. And the only way to heal from that kind of pain was to start imagining a new life… imagining a new future, without that person. A future centered on yourself and what you wanted. I was starting to force myself to do that, as much as I could. I didn’t want to continue pining for him pathetically. I wanted to be my own person again.
Here in Rosebridge, maybe I could do that.
I walked out into the kitchen to find Ryan dressed for work, hovering over the stove. Usually he cooked before he dressed, since he wore business suits to work, so this was different from the last few days I’d woken up with him.
“Hey, I made too many scrambled eggs. Do you want some?”
“Sure, that sounds great,” I said as I grabbed a plate from the kitchen cabinets and sat down at his table.