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by Lynn Rider

  “I don’t know how that happened. Girls are supposed to take after their mom, not their dad.” She looks up to me with a soft smile.

  “I love that.”

  She looks at me questionably.

  “Mom, Dad… shit, we’re parents.” Even I can hear the awe in my words.

  “I know, sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m responsible for that little person.”

  “No, we’re responsible for that little person.” I wrap my arm around her and draw her in closer. We stand silently for several minutes, watching Sophia sleep.

  “Want a drink?” she asks when we step into the hall.

  “You have milk?”

  “Two percent.” She grins.

  “That’s not milk. That’s water with a splash of milk,” I reply sarcastically, following her to the kitchen.

  “Noted.”

  We drink in silence. It’s not uncomfortable, but there’s some things we need to talk about and I can feel the weight of it in the room. “Am, we need to talk. I thought this could wait, but after the day I’ve had I don’t think it can.”

  “Okay,” she says nervously.

  “You asked me what we were doing last week. I told you we were enjoying one another’s time while we were together. That was a pussy response. It is true—I’m enjoying my time with you, but what I’m doing is so much more. I came here with every intention of trying to win you back. When I met Sophia, I knew then that I didn’t want to try to win you back.”

  I see a brief pass of disappointment on her face until I continue. “To only try is no longer an option. I’ll spend up to my very last breath proving that I’m the man for you.

  “I’m not the same man I was and I want to prove it to you. Please let me.” I whisper the last as I step closer.

  Her gaze lifts when our chests meet. A single pooled tear overflows, gently falling down her cheek when she blinks. I rub the moistened line with my thumb before pressing my lips softly to hers. I wrap my fingers around the back of her neck, pulling her tighter. Her body softens as her mouth opens, allowing the gentle tangling of our tongues. Her arms wrap tightly around my waist, fusing the few inches that separate us. When I feel the soft moan reverberate from her body, I subtly pull back, tugging at her bottom lip with mine before pressing soft kisses against her jawline and down her neck.

  My dick strains against the denim that’s containing it, but it has to stay there. This time is going to be different for us and I’m determined to prove it to her.

  “Austin.”

  Her voice is full of want. She’s pulling me in. I shake my head, but don’t release her. When she looks up, I see the desire and groan inwardly at my choice.

  “Amber, we can’t.” My voice is gruff in my state of excitement. I frame her perfect face with my hands and capture her eyes with mine. “The old Austin would take you right now, anywhere, but I want this time to be different. When I bury myself in you again, I want you to know without a doubt that you’re home.”

  Amber…

  I hear the faint sound of the living room TV as my eyes flutter open. I focus on the ceiling for a few seconds before looking to the empty side of my bed. A giddy feeling overcomes me, a smile crossing my face as I recall falling asleep in Austin’s arms last night. Getting up from the empty bed, I sigh heavily. It was the best night’s sleep I can remember having in years. I’d like to think it was simply exhaustion, but I know better.

  I was so relieved to see Austin when Drew and I topped those stairs last night. It was the mixture of pain and anger that was so clearly etched on his face that stopped me from running directly into his arms.

  I know we still have things to talk about, and I don’t know how to approach the topic of Drew. With Austin’s promise for this time around being different, I need him to understand what he’s promising. I know Emma thinks I don’t need to tell him, but I disagree. Without a doubt I want Drew in mine and Sophia’s life, and don’t want to start holding secrets from Austin. As important as it is that there are no surprises down the road, I don’t want to taunt Austin with Drew either.

  He’s lying on the couch flipping channels when I walk into the living room. His head turns in my direction with a genuine smile. Not the smile he uses on stage, but a real heartfelt “I’m happy to see you” smile. Sophia’s sprawled out sound asleep on his chest with her little arms extended over her head. The vision stops me in my tracks. He doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t need to. His green eyes pierce mine with sincere happiness. This is the sight I’ve waited my entire life to see. Lured to him by the swelling of my heart, I settle on the only sliver of couch that remains. My eyes dance with emotion between the two of them.

  “Did you sleep well?” he asks quietly as he tucks a lock of hair behind my ear.

  “Yes, thanks for getting up with her.”

  “It was my pleasure,” he says softly, holding me in place with the tenderness in his eyes.

  “Austin, we need to talk. Not now, but we need to get some things out in the open. Can I make you breakfast and then talk after?”

  “Sure, babe. You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m better than I’ve been in a long time, but I’ve been thinking about how this time is going to be different, and feel like there’s still more to be said before you make any promises to me. To us.”

  “I don’t need to know anything to promise you that this will be different.”

  “It already is.” I honestly feel it. Austin is taking accountability for his actions. I saw the way he dealt with what happened in the hall yesterday. He held his temper and I saw the struggle, but his control won. And in the end, I feel like Sophia and I did too.

  “You haven’t seen anything yet,” he says with a wink, releasing his gentle hold on my arm. His playful grin puts a smile on my face as I get up to make us breakfast.

  “Did you ever have a roommate?” Austin asks while looking at his plate.

  My heart rate increases with his words, knowing it’s not a random question. “In college.” He cocks his head sideways with a knowing look. “You mean recently?” I ask for clarification.

  “The old lady next door said you lived here with your boyfriend.”

  Realization of what fueled his pain and anger yesterday hits me like a truck. She’d told him about Drew.

  “She’s mistaken. I never lived here with anyone other than Sophia, but I can understand why she may have thought that. I was involved with someone,” I answer meekly while judging his reaction.

  I see a subtle cringe before he straightens. “Before or after Sophia?”

  I consider his statement and contemplate how to answer. Knowing my response could sound worse than it is, I decide not to answer, but to give it to him straight. “Since we’re doing this now, there are things I need to tell you.” I see the tension tighten his muscles with the straightening of his posture.

  “Before I moved to Seattle, I called Emma and she said this apartment was available. I didn’t know that it was Drew’s, but since he lived mostly in LA, she talked him out of it so that I could move in. Naturally, I hung out with Emma and Reeder, so when Drew was in town, he came around a lot. We became close friends.” I see his jaw tick as he considers my words.

  “Drew was a great friend. No, actually he is a great friend. Two days ago was another example of that.” I see pain register in his eyes for a brief second. “Drew and I have a brief history.”

  A small sound came from him as he sits back, crossing his arms over his chest. “Did you sleep with him?” he asks staring into my eyes intently.

  “Yes,” I admit without shame.

  His gaze drops and his hands go up to cradle his head. I hear several deep breaths before his eyes lift. “Did you love him?”

  My heart clenches as I register the pain in his eyes. “No,” I answer around the lump in my throat.

  “You sure about that? You took a minute to answer,” he challenges.

  “When I came here, I was broken—a fragment of my
old self. You may think leaving you was simple, but it devastated me. Drew scooped me up and, piece-by-piece, he glued me back together. He’s kind, strong, and loyal. Friends like that don’t come along every day.”

  He nods, but he doesn’t look sure. “Austin, I’ve been yours since the tenth grade. I could never give my heart to anyone else when it’s been with you all along.”

  “Amber, I’m going to give you the happy ever after I promised you back then.” He softly pulls me into his lap.

  “I love you, Austin. Always will.” I caress his face as he presses his mouth softly against mine. My arms wrap around his neck, pulling our bodies flush. Heat covers my body like a blanket as my desire grows with each roll of his tongue over mine. I snake my hands up his shirt, needing to feel the soft warmth of his skin.

  “Amber,” he mutters in my mouth as he tries to pull back.

  “Austin,” I reply huskily.

  “You’re testing my resolve, babe. Please,” he pleads in a voice that matches the same gruffness I carry in mine. “Amber, when I have you for the first time, it’ll be in a bed where I can take my time,” he says against my skin.

  “Aus, we have a daughter. Time for making a first impression is long gone.” I reach for his belt buckle.

  He shakes his head. “Woman, I think you’re just using me.” He grins playfully.

  “I’d like to use you if you’d just stay still,” I tease back, tucking my fingers into the waistband of his jeans and tug.

  He laughs, holding my wrists. “Amber I want to make love to you so bad, but please let us do this differently. I promise I’ll let you use me all you want once I give the green light. In fact, I’ll encourage it.” He laughs naughtily.

  “Tease.” I feign hurt as I lift from his lap.

  “Let’s go, family,” he says with the same sexy crooked grin that makes my heart skip a beat each time I see it.

  “You coming, woman?” he asks playfully as he holds the door to the SUV open.

  “Austin, you sure this is a good idea? Someone may recognize you.”

  “Relax, babe. This is an old hat.” He slides a ball cap over his hair, pulling it tight to his head and popping the collar to his jacket. He helps me from my seat before opening the back door and releasing Sophia from her car seat.

  We walk with my arm laced under his as he pushes her stroller around the outdoor market. When he stops to pick out fresh fruit, I smile. He holds up a single apple with a raised brow, silently asking. I decline with a shake of my head. “What are you smiling at?”

  “You. The quintessential rock star is being domestic,” I joke quietly.

  “Damn right. A day with my girls is what this rock star needs.” He kisses me chastely on the lips with a smile.

  “You don’t look like a rock star.”

  “That’s the idea. Told you—old hat.” He smirks with a single finger pointing to the ball cap. He steps up to the scale and hands the woman money. I notice her eyeing him as he steps away. I’m not sure if she recognizes him or is just taken by his good looks. Regardless, Austin ignores her eyes as we casually walk away.

  “Since I can’t take you out on a date, can I cook for you?” he asks as we approach a seafood counter and watch the men throw fish around.

  “You cook?” He doesn’t miss the surprise in my voice.

  “I can cook,” he says confidently. I tilt my head to the side in question. “New and improved Austin.” He smiles.

  “I would love for you to cook. Only if you’ll let me help.”

  “Deal.”

  He lights up with a boyish quality that makes me remember the Austin I fell in love with years ago. He wraps his arm around my shoulders as we casually walk deeper through the market. A few people turn and look his way.

  “People are noticing you,” I whisper.

  “It’s not me they’re noticing.” He presses his lips to the top of my head. “I have to go back to New York again soon. I got a text from Kyle that said he’s booked studio time later this week.”

  Sadness knocks me from the cloud I’ve been floating on since he returned to Seattle. I haven’t wanted to address the stark reality of having to figure out how we’ll handle a relationship while living on different coasts.

  “Can you come?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “It kills me to go. I want to be with you all the time and on times when I can’t, I don’t want you living on the other side of the country.”

  “Were you asking me to visit or move back?” I look up at him.

  “Both,” he says firmly, stopping to look me in the eyes.

  “Austin,” I plead quietly.

  “I won’t rush you. I know I’ve fucked up in the past but, Amber, I want our family together.”

  I nod before looking away. I can’t speak or see the sincerity in his eyes—it’ll crumble me. The resolve I’ve built over the years of Austin’s using has disintegrated in a just couple short weeks.

  “Amber, let’s start with a visit. We’ll figure how to address the rest another time,” he says confidently.

  His green eyes and easy smile hold me hostage. Yep, a lifetime of protection gone. I’d give this man everything if he’d just insist. Sophia’s squeal has him turning in her direction with joy. I watch as he plucks her from her stroller and bounces her up and down in the air before cooing into her belly.

  “Are you ready for Reeder and Emma to get back tomorrow?” he asks as we begin to walk again.

  “Yes, but I know they’re moving,” I say assuredly.

  “They told you?” His tone implies he knows something I don’t.

  “No, she said she needed to tell me something when she got home. Austin, are they moving?”

  “Yes, they’ve got a deal with one of James’s labels and go on tour this spring with another band. It’s not a huge deal but it’s a start, and better than playing gigs in bars. Ashton said James and his people really liked their sound.” I hear the guilt in his voice.

  My gaze falls to the concrete, my emotions in conflict over wanting them to make it and wanting them to stay with me.

  “Amber, I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to take them away. I just saw the talent you saw and knew it needed to be heard outside of Seattle.”

  I lift my gaze to his and blink back the tears that have formed. “I’m happy for them. Just not ready to say good-bye,” I admit quietly.

  “It won’t be good-bye, I promise,” he says confidently. His eyes flick over my shoulder and I hear a giggle. I blink several times, trying to absorb the tears.

  “Excuse me. My friend and I are trying to figure out if you were that guy from Silver Knight?” an attractive twenty-something-year-old woman asks when she approaches.

  “Yeah, I’m Austin,” he replies with a fake smile in her direction.

  “I told you,” her friend says from behind her. “I told her you were Austin. She thought you were Ashton,” she says with a grin at her friend.

  “No, I’m Austin, but if you ladies would be so kind as to not tell anyone I’m in Seattle and leave me and my family to our day I would appreciate it greatly.”

  Their attention turns to me briefly and then to Sophia before they look back to him. The one looks back at me, probably noticing my tears. Austin jumps in drawing their attention from me. “She’s a little torn right now because her best friend’s band, Secret just got a record deal. She’s happy for them and sad they’ll be moving to record their first album. Have you heard of them?”

  Disbelief laces their features as they shift on their feet with giddiness at having a conversation with him. “Yes, they play locally, right?”

  “They did. If they do another show be sure to come out, okay?” he says dismissively. They get the hint, nodding and giggling off through the sparse crowd.

  “Wow, you’ve mastered that,” I tease, wiping away the remnants of my tears.

  “Kyle. He’s big about being friendly. Ashton used to piss him off because he refused to entertain th
e fans. Once he met Meagan, all women were worthless to him.” He shrugs.

  “So you’re saying if he didn’t want to fuck them he didn’t like them?”

  He laughs. “Maybe. I never thought about it that way,” he finishes with a smile.

  “Maybe that’s why he hates me,” I mumble.

  “I heard that, and to clarify, he doesn’t hate you. He likes you. Says you’re too good for me.”

  My gaze shoots up to his. He nods silently, reiterating his words. “He hates the stupid shit I do when you can’t take my crap anymore and run.”

  I nod and begin walking again, not knowing how to respond. I’ve spent my entire adult life running from the one person I wanted to run to.

  “What are you thinking?” he asks.

  “That I’ve spent ten years running from you and here we are.”

  “You can’t get away from me.” He smirks before laughing.

  “Like a hamster on a wheel,” I say dryly.

  He stops, his smile fading into a frown. “Wrong. We’ve come a long way. We’ve both changed, and maybe it was a higher power’s way of saying we needed that time away from one another.”

  “That’s an interesting take on all that heartbreak.”

  “We’re meant to be together, Amber. We both know that.”

  Austin….

  The insistent banging wakes me from my sleep.

  “What the hell?” I mumble quietly. I climb from the bed to go inspect its source. As I approach the living room the sound is accompanied by someone yelling in the hall.

  I open the door and see an all too familiar sight.

  An addict.

  He’s pacing back and forth in front of Reeder’s apartment, his fists lifting with a slow defeated bang as he pounds the wood.

  I step outside into the hall while closing Amber’s apartment door. “What’s going on, pal?”

  My soft tone startles him. His face turns so that he can see me over his shoulder, but he keeps his clenched fists against the wood. “I need to see my sister.” He slides onto the ground.