Becoming More

by Lane, Bayli

  Colton leans over and kisses my cheek as he straps on his guitar. Once he does that, he cups my face in his hands and looks me in the eyes. “Babe, stop worrying. Just have fun.”

  I nod and he leans in and kisses me. “Just pretend like it’s just you, me, and the guys.” I nod again.

  I hear Colton introduce me as his “smokin’ hot girlfriend.” I hear some girls sigh and other ones moan with dissatisfaction that he’s no longer a single man. The men whistle. Colton laughs, “Hey now guys. Watch it; she’s mine.” The guys in the bar laugh with him.

  He strums the beginning of the song I’m singing with them. All the instruments join in and Colton leans towards the microphone and sings with a sultry voice about finding love. As the chorus nears, I wrap my hand around the mic and picture me and Colton in a room where I’m singing to him about how much he’s changed me, how he’s shown me what love is. I sing it to him and don’t even notice the utter silence that has taken over the entire room as everyone stares, watching us as our voices combine into a harmonic climax. Our love shines like the brightest stars in the sky. I sing on as Colton moves over to me and watches my lips as they sing to him.

  When the song ends I’m breathless and panting. I look over at Colton. He has a bright smile on his face, and he throws his arms out, gesturing to me. Confused, I look out at the crowd and watch them clap, hoot, and holler for us. My tension leaves my body in a whoosh and I smile and jump up and down giddily.

  Colton walks over to me and leans down so that his lips touch my ear. “I told you I’d get you up on this stage one day,” he says arrogantly.

  I turn my head so that I can now whisper to him. “You can be very convincing,” I say huskily.

  His eyes widen and he looks up at his band mates. “I need a five minute break,” he says and then looks back at me; I lick my lower lip seductively. “Fuck,” he mutters underneath his breath. He turns back to the guys. “Make that fifteen minutes.” He grabs me and leads me to the back room where bands usually store their instruments. As soon as the doors close, he’s on me, his lips on my lips, neck, chest. He hikes up my skirt and unzips his pants.

  “You have no idea how hot that was, babe. You’re singing with me more often,” he says and pulls his pants down just enough...

  I bite his lower lip and suck on the silver ring. “I love you,” I say against him mouth.

  “God, baby. I love you too.”

  6 Months Later…

  Colton is taking a few summer classes because he wants to graduate early. Tonight he’s staying up late to study for a huge humanities exam. I plan on surprising him with a cup of his favorite coffee from our favorite café. I walk in the doors and smell the comforting scent of strong coffee beans and a hint of chocolate. I take in a deep breath and walk towards the small line. That’s when I notice a pretty blonde with a rounded belly. I look closer, but I know exactly who it is.

  “Lauren?” I say quietly, not sure if I should say anything at all. I haven’t seen her since the day I packed up my things from our dorm and moved them to Colton’s house.

  Lauren turns around and her mouth drops, forming a round “o”.

  “Lilly,” she says. Her eyebrows rise and then her hands wrap around her stomach.

  “You’re-”

  “Pregnant,” she answers. “Yeah, eight months. I was really craving a piece of their cheesecake,” she rambles. “You know it’s really good here; you should try one sometime. I mean if you want too.”

  “Is it…” I stutter, gulp down, and then finally ask. “Is it Sander’s?”

  Her eyes fill up with tears, and I instinctively move in to comfort her. She nods her head. “Yeah, Lil. He’s Sanders.”

  “He?” I ask tensely.

  “Yeah, it’s a boy.”

  I stand still trying to figure out my feelings on all of this. Am I upset? No not really. Do I feel angry? Not so much anymore. Do I want to be her friend? Hell no. Do I feel bad for her? Yes. I can’t imagine having a baby at our age, let alone with Sander.

  “Congratulations,” I say. “Are you and Sander… together?” I ask.

  She shakes her head and tears spill down her cheeks. “He got caught with drugs, Lilly. He’s in trouble. He got kicked out of school. His parents were able to pay his way out of jail, but he’s a mess,” she says as tears continue to fall. “I stopped drugs as soon as I found out I was pregnant! I went and told Sander. He freaked! He said that it couldn’t be his.” Her hands turn to fists. “But the baby is his!” she says loudly. A few heads turn our way.

  “What did his parents say?” I ask.

  “They don’t know.”

  I let out a sigh, “Well I hope it works out, Lauren. Are you still going to school?”

  She grimaces. “Part time, but I had to get a job.”

  It is her turn to order. She asks for three slices of the raspberry cheesecake and a bottle of water. I order my coffee. An awkward silence takes place as I stand there looking at the girl who used to be my closest friend. Her shirt fits tightly around her stomach. She has her hands at her hips to take some of the weight off her back. She looks good, much better than the last time I saw her when she was all strung out on whatever drug she could get her hands on.

  “Lauren, I really hope everything works out.” I give a genuine smile and grab my coffee. I turn to leave.

  “Lilly!” Lauren says behind me. I turn around and take a few steps closer to her. “I am so sorry,” she says and wipes under her eyes. “So so sorry.”

  I nod my understanding and then turn and leave. Back to my new life.

  5 Years Later…

  Colton takes my hand as we continue to drive further in the car. Just a couple years ago we moved out of the house we were sharing with the band mates and now have our own small, two-bedroom home a few towns over. He graduated early like he planned and is now working for a graphic designing company and making a little extra money on the side playing with the band. I graduated a year early, too. I ended up taking summer classes for two years in a row just so I could finish quicker. It worked, and now I was working for a public relations business down the street from our house.

  We’re happy. Of course we have those small arguments that all couples have, and the passion I have for Colton sometimes leads to my unnecessary frustrations and anger. But, we always work through it. Usually we don’t last ten minutes being mad at each other before one of us causes the other to laugh by some stupid thing we say. I never imagined love being like this.

  Colton squeezes my hand and I stifle a gasp of shock when I see what road he turns onto. I whip my head around and stare at him. He just gives me that small, sexy grin and goes back to looking forward. I follow his eyes and have to hold back a sob.

  He surprised me this afternoon, telling me to dress warmly, because he had something he wanted to show me tonight. I didn’t know what to expect, but this wasn’t the first time Colton’s spontaneity brought us driving in the middle of the night. So without question I put on a pair of jeans and one of his hoodies. It smelled like him.

  When the night started to set, Colton came rushing into our room with a huge smile on his face, and I knew it was time for us to head out.

  We’ve been in the car for about two hours now, and I’m just now realizing where he’s taking me.

  We’re headed to our field, the field where things between he and I changed. We’re headed to the same place where I once looked up at the stars and wondered silently to myself if maybe there were other stars that would shine brighter than the ones I was so comfortable seeing. I sigh wistfully as he pulls over on the side of the road and parks the car.

  Colton is out of the car and on my side helping me out before I have the chance to thank him. Once out of the car, Colton goes to the trunk, pops it open, and grabs a blanket that we use back home to lay out in our yard.

  “Follow me, baby,” he says simply, taking my hand and leading me through the high grass. I watch his ass in the dark and thank the stars abov
e for being bright enough for me to watch as his jeans shift with every step. It really is an amazing sight.

  “Are you checking me out, Lilly?” Colton says peeking over his shoulder.

  I giggle.

  “I thought so,” he laughs. “Not that I can blame you.”

  I roll my eyes and continue to follow him until he stops. He unfolds the blanket and lays it out on ground. Then we both start walking all over the blanket to flatten it down.

  Colton tugs on my hand and we both lay down on our backs on the ground. He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses my knuckles.

  I close my eyes and then open them back up and glance up at the expanse above us. The stars take up a majority of the sky. Just like last time, some are brighter than others. Some are big, and some are small little flecks barely gracing the darkness.

  I can’t help but think about how much things have changed since our first night out here. I remember feeling utterly lost and not knowing what my future held. I remember getting angry at the stars who’s light shined down on me but probably didn’t exist any longer. I felt lied to, betrayed. But now I know that I wasn’t actually mad at the stars, I was mad at where my life was headed. I was mad at Sander. When I looked at him I thought I was looking at a bright, happy future. In reality, the future was never bound to happen. Like the stars, our future blinked out and no longer existed in the vast world. And in that star’s place, a new one took its hold. A large, bright light illuminated up the dark, black painted canvas and never winked out. It was one of those stars that would last for the rest of my life. It wasn’t going anywhere.

  I feel happy tears brim my eyes, and I blink until one falls down my cheek. Colton’s finger rubs it away, and I turn to face him.

  “I love you so much, Lilly,” he says, the love he feels showing through his eyes and his small smile.

  “I love you too, Colton,” I say back and kiss his lips softly.

  He pulls me towards him and wraps his arms around my waist, his eyes never leaving mine.

  “I wanted to ask you something,” he says nervously.

  I cock my eyebrow up, wondering why he would be so nervous. Automatically my heart rushes with fear that our happily ever after is about to come crashing down. I bite down on my lower lip.

  With his thumb, he takes my lip away from my teeth and then kisses me soundly before pulling away. “It’s nothing bad,” he chuckles, “at least I hope you don’t think so.”

  “Just say it Colton, you’re making me nervous!” I squeal out.

  “Baby. You know you’re my everything right?” he starts. I nod and he continues, “You know that I didn’t believe in love until I met you. I didn’t believe two people could ever meet and stay together for the rest of their lives. It seemed like some phony ideal that never actually worked out. I’ve watched people who believed they were in love, and I saw them fall apart. I watched my dad rip our family apart and crush my mom’s heart. After that I swore I would never be in a serious relationship, because I never wanted to get hurt. That was weak of me.” He watches my reaction.

  I sit up and he follows suit. I lift my hands up and cup both of his cheeks. “Colton you aren’t the only one that has made mistakes in the past. I didn’t know this is what love felt like until you. You showed me what it means. What’s going on, babe? Why are we rehashing the past?” I ask him, thinking that he’s sad.

  “What I’m trying to say…” Colton takes a deep breath and looks into my eyes. His hazel eyes are bright with excitement, “I don’t regret any of the decisions I made, because I would have never found you, Lilly. I would do it all over again if it meant I still ended up right here, next to you.”

  Tears flow from my eyes. I smile at him. I don’t know what I did to deserve these words or his love.

  “Lilly, waking up next to you is like waking up and living a dream. With my arms around you, I’m holding my entire world. Making you laugh is the best part of my day. Losing myself inside of you is more than words can describe. You’ve been the other half of me, the better half of me. You make me want all the things I thought I wanted to stay away from. I want it all with you, baby. I want you as my wife, I want you having my kids. God, Lil, I want to grow old with you. I want to watch as your hair turns grey and I want to see you holding our grandchildren. I’ve never wanted anything more.” He stops. My breath is coming rapidly, tears falling freely. His eyes glisten in the moonlight.

  He tugs me forward and puts his lips on mine. His tongue sweeps across my lower lip and I open for him. Our kisses are slow and tender and full of promises.

  “Lilly, marry me?” he says breathlessly.

  My hands fly to my heart and I pull away, looking at him for any sign of hesitancy or to see him laugh like it’s a joke.

  “Are you teasing me, Colton?” I ask and wait.

  “Lilly…” He takes my hands into his. “I’ve never been more serious in my life.”

  He takes his hands away and reaches into his jean pocket. He pulls out a small black box and opens it. Inside rests a princess cut diamond ring with a thin band. It’s simple and perfect, exactly what I would have picked out for myself. I cover my mouth and look back up at Colton. “Yes,” I say firmly but quietly.

  A huge smile spreads on his lips, and he puts the ring on my finger. “Lilly, this is forever. This isn’t me saying ‘let’s try.’ This is me saying ‘you are it for me.’ You’re mine, baby.”

  I throw my arms around his neck and pull his mouth to mine. I take that silver ring into my mouth, pull gently, and then let it go. Colton pushes me down until my back lies on the blanket. He climbs up over me and looks down on me. “Say it, Lilly,” he demands and kisses my neck.

  “I’m yours.”

  And then we lose ourselves underneath the moon and the stars.

  My husband. He read my book about as many times as I did. Oh, did I mention he edited it? Yes he did. Crazy man, he can do anything.

  My parents for always asking me how my book is going and making sure I never stopped working on it.

  My in-laws. Specifically, Tim Lane and Uncle Ray. You’ve been excited for me!

  Michael Drohomyretsky. The wonderful, talented photographer that provided the picture for the cover.

  Angie Fields. My sweet, hard-working cover artist.

  I’ve made some amazing friends through this process and I can’t name all of them. If I did I would be writing an entirely new book. But I do need to name a few:

  Stacy Borel, Heather Maven, Holly Ray, Kristen Karwan (Other Half), Jennie Wurtz, Jennifer Popino, Jennifer Smith, Carol Sales, Nikki Targum, Andrenella Dielingen, Fred LeBron, Elizabeth Gunderson (You’re the best), Melanie Giannelli, Olivia Grochowski (You know you’re dating my girl), Judi Cuypers, Alison Helms, Brandilicious, Ellie Lovenbooks, Hillz Lovenbooks, Courtney DeLollis, JamieLynn Booth, Stephanie McGill, Tabitha Bell, Lynda LeeAnne (Pervy!), Rosarita Reader, Megan Hang, Jaime Guearard, Tessa Teevan, Lori Clark, Gwen Jacobs, Audrey Thunder, Lisa DeJong, Jake Bonsignore, Colleen Park, Stacy Darnell, and Audrey Orielle.

  The Writers’ Block. I started this group because I needed help with self-publishing and these ladies and guy (yes one guy haha) have helped me endlessly. Thanks for always being there to help me out.

  Love N. Books Blog and Group. All I’m going to say is this—we are all kindred spirits. That’s for sure!

  Book Babes. Love you hot women. Talk about supportive. You all have gone above and beyond supporting me.

  Love Between the Sheets Blog. You ladies have been so helpful! Thank you for throwing my blog tour! It means the world to me!

  Lane’s Lovely Ladies and . Angie’s Dreamy Reads. My AMAZING Street Team <3

  Fictional Formats. Angela- THANK YOU. I’ve been a fan of yours for awhile now. I feel honored to have you make my novel beautiful :D

  All the authors that have supported me. Whether it’s a kind word or donation for giveaways. Being a new kid on the block can be difficult, but you’ve never made me feel out of
place.

  And to all the blogs who were willing to help. Whether it was posting my cover, spreading the word, or playing a part in my blog tour. You have made all the difference.

  There are so many people that have been with me throughout this process. If for some reason you are not listed or not part of any of the groups I’ve named—Please forgive me. My brain hurts and it’s so hard to sit here and try to think of every single wonderful person that has been there. Just know—I am utterly grateful.

  Bayli Lane didn’t realize how much she loved creating a world from nothing until college. She went to Marian University where she majored in Communications but in her spare time wrote and read. Her love for reading is what really brought out her desire to create her own novel. After starting loads of stories and not finishing them, she finally decided it was time to put her passion to work. Becoming More is her first novel but certainly not her last. Bayli lives with her husband, Tim, in Indiana where she is probably sitting with a large cup of coffee and her computer working on her next book.

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/authorbaylilane

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  Twitter: www.twitter.com/BayliBooks