Family for Keeps & Sadie's Hero

by Margaret Daley

  Visions of Kevin lying in his own blood, his life forces draining away while she held him cradled to her, hounded her all the way down the hall to the waiting area. People milled about, waiting on friends and loved ones. She joined them, crumpling into a chair where she could keep an eye on the door to Room Three.

  She knew she needed to tell Mac’s family, but she couldn’t bring herself to get up and make that call. She didn’t know what to say to them. She was afraid she would break down and cry, scaring them more than was necessary. As she twisted her hands together, she prayed as she had never prayed before.

  Dear Lord, please don’t take Mac away. He’s a good man with two children who depend on him. Please be with him and watch over him. Two years before, she had whispered similar words concerning Kevin, and he had died. Please, it can’t happen a second time.

  Unable to sit still, Tess bolted to her feet, her breathing so rapid that the room tilted. She paused, willing herself to take calming breaths before she headed toward the nurses’ station. She needed answers. She needed to do something before she went crazy, worrying and wondering if her past would repeat itself.

  As Tess grabbed the phone to call Mac’s mother, Justin arrived with Alice next to him. Justin headed for the nurse at the counter while Mac’s mother strode to Tess. Alice gripped Tess’s hands, her lips compressed in a worried expression.

  “Are you all right, my dear?” Alice asked.

  Her concern touched Tess. “Are you?”

  “My son is in God’s hands now.”

  Tess wished she had the self-assurance Alice did, but all she could think about was how Kevin had died and that history could repeat itself. “I was just about to call you. How did you find out so quickly?”

  “Someone at the halfway house called me. Then I talked with a policeman. All I know about what happened is what he told me.”

  “Who did this to Mac?”

  “Some man named Harry got upset and began waving a gun around. Mac tried to talk him into giving it to him.”

  All color drained from Tess’s face. She thought of the scene a few weeks before at the halfway house when Harry had gotten upset. She could easily imagine what had happened an hour ago. The man was like a powder keg, only needing a spark to explode.

  “Do Amy and Johnny know?” Tess asked, needing to focus on something other than her imagination.

  “Not yet. I wanted to see Mac first. I only called Justin to bring me to the hospital. I was afraid to drive.”

  “I’d like to go with you when you tell the children.”

  “Sure.” Alice sandwiched Tess’s hand between hers. “He will be all right. I know it.”

  “Do you know he asked me to marry him yesterday?”

  “That’s great. I was praying he would.”

  “I haven’t told him my answer yet.” Tess cast a glance at the door down the hall, wondering what was going on in the room and yet not daring to find out. What if—She didn’t want to think about what if. It only sent alarm streaking through her, making her realize how little control she had.

  “I know it’s a big step.”

  “Mac doesn’t want any more children. I want children,” Tess blurted, surprised she was telling Mac’s mother the reason they weren’t engaged.

  Alice shook her head. “He still feels guilty about Sheila.” She patted Tess’s hand. “Give him time. He’ll come around. He adores children and is a wonderful father. It would be a shame if he didn’t have any more.”

  Tess didn’t have a chance to reply to Alice. The doctor emerged from Room Three and headed toward them. His expression was neutral, giving nothing away.

  “Tess.” The doctor nodded toward her. “Is this the man’s family?”

  “Yes. This is Alice MacPherson, Mac’s mother, and this is his brother Justin.” Tess shifted to allow Justin to stand next to his mother.

  “The bullet went through the upper left shoulder, nicking an artery but just missing the lung. He’s weak, but barring any complications he should be fine. We gave him a transfusion and we want to watch him a few days. Rest and time should take care of him.”

  “When can we see him?”

  “They’re wheeling him up to surgery now to repair his artery. Once he’s settled in his room you can see him.” The doctor looked at Mac’s mother. “I need some information, Mrs. MacPherson, and to go over a few things with you.”

  Tess sank back against the counter, feeling as if she had lost a pint of blood, not Mac. He should be okay, but what if an infection took hold and—Hadn’t she promised herself not to think about what if? She had to have faith in the Lord to watch out and care for Mac.

  Tess stood at the window, watching the sun disappear behind the mountains and the shadows of dusk descend. Like the end of day and the start of night, she felt as though she’d come to a crossroads in her life. She leaned against the wall, her arms over her chest as though to protect her heart. Seeing Mac in a hospital bed churned up all the emotions she’d been desperate to suppress. Dread. Fear. Anger.

  Yes, the doctor said he would be fine. But what if this happened again? Mac worked in a halfway house, counseling people who were often distraught, living on the edge. What was to stop some other person from getting upset and taking his frustration out on Mac? All the emotions she’d experienced when Kevin had died flooded her, crushing the breath from her. She sank onto the love seat and doubled over, hugging her arms tightly to her. She couldn’t go through that a second time. She didn’t have the emotional strength to fight those demons again.

  The walls of the room seemed to press closer. She needed to get out before she suffocated from the stale, sterile-smelling air that so reminded her of how close Mac had come to dying. A few inches, and the bullet would have pierced his heart. She surged to her feet and headed for the door.

  “Tess.”

  She froze. She heard Mac try to shift. The sound of his groan forced her to his side. “Don’t try to move.” She slipped into the chair by his bed, her hand on his arm to still him.

  His eyelids fluttered. He licked his lips and swallowed several times. “I’m so thirsty.”

  Tess, glad to have some mundane task to do, quickly filled a plastic cup with water. Carefully she lifted his head and placed the plastic straw to his mouth, fighting the temptation to hug him to her, to check to make sure nothing else was wrong.

  He took a few sips, then smiled, the gesture fading almost instantly. “Thanks. I’m lucky to have my very own private nurse.”

  The hoarseness in his voice magnified his situation in Tess’s mind. Again the need to escape bombarded her. She fought the strong urge, knowing she couldn’t leave.

  “How do you feel?” she asked, putting the cup on the bedside table.

  “Like a herd of wild elephants stomped all over me. Otherwise great.”

  She stiffened. “Don’t!”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Make light of what happened to you. You could have died. An inch or so to the right, and you wouldn’t be here. You’d be in the morgue.”

  “But I’m not. I’m alive, Tess.”

  She clamped her mouth closed, refusing to say anything, afraid of what she would say if she allowed her emotions free reign.

  Mac fumbled for her hand. “Tess?”

  Tears stung her eyes. She blinked, and a few coursed down her cheeks. “What happened?”

  “Harry didn’t like how things were progressing at the halfway house. He wanted me to make some changes. To be honest I don’t think he intended to hurt me. I think things just got out of hand for him.”

  “Are you going back?”

  Mac’s forehead creased. “Yes, why wouldn’t I?” He tried to shift again and winced.

  “That’s why. Look at what Harry did to you.” She tried to keep the worry from her voice, but she knew Mac heard it.

  “That was a freak accident.”

  “You breaking your leg was a freak accident. What Harry did wasn’t.” The force behind her wo
rds surprised her.

  Mac sighed, his eyes drifting closed for a moment. “I’m gonna be fine, Tess.”

  This time, Tess thought, but kept her opinion to herself. “You need to rest.”

  “Will you stay until I fall asleep?”

  He looked so vulnerable lying in a hospital bed with tubes attached to him. It took a great deal of effort to sit next to him and not fall apart at the sight of him. “I won’t go anywhere.”

  His eyes slid closed. “Good. When I wake up, I want to talk about us getting married.”

  Tess watched his face relax in sleep. Pain contracted her chest as though she had been the one shot. Married. How could they? She wanted children. He didn’t. He wanted to continue his work at the halfway house. She didn’t want him to. She felt the gulf between them widen. One of the hardest things she would have to do was tell Mac she couldn’t marry him. She knew her limits, and today she had hit a wall.

  Tess ushered Amy and Johnny into the hospital room. Bright light poured through the window, accentuating the dozen arrangements of flowers Mac had received over the past forty-eight hours.

  Propped up in bed, Mac grinned at the children. “It’s about time you came to visit. I’ve missed you two.”

  Amy hopped up next to her father and hugged him. “Tess said you’ll be coming home tomorrow.” Her face screwed into a frown. “Why did that bad man hurt you, Daddy? I don’t like him.”

  “He didn’t mean to. He has problems I was trying to help him with. He isn’t bad, just hurting and confused.”

  “I was scared.” Amy snuggled close to Mac, sticking her thumb into her mouth.

  “Me, too,” Johnny mumbled.

  “As you two can see, I am fine. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll always be there for you.” Mac looked over his daughter’s head and straight into Tess’s gaze. “Always.”

  The door clicked open, and Alice came into the room.

  “Mom, I’m glad you’re here. I bet these two would love to sample the ice cream sundaes they have downstairs in the cafeteria. I hear they are the best.”

  “Ice cream!” Amy’s eyes widened. “Yes!” She pumped her arm in the air as she had seen Johnny do so many times.

  “I can take—” Tess started to say.

  “I want to talk with Tess for a moment. You two go with Grandma. I’ll see you when you get back.”

  Amy planted a big kiss on Mac’s cheek. Johnny gave him a quick hug, looking somewhat embarrassed by all the emotions being expressed. When the children followed Alice from the room, the silence that descended was thick and heavy. Tess could hear the hammering of her heart in her ears. She avoided looking at Mac for a long moment—just as she’d avoided being alone with him the past two days—but she knew the time for reckoning was at hand.

  “Okay, Tess, what gives? You’ve gone to a great deal of trouble to make sure you’re not alone with me these past few days. What are you not telling me?”

  “This isn’t going to work.”

  “What?”

  The question hung in the air between them for a moment. “I’d rather talk later when you’re feeling better.”

  “So you want me to be in good condition before you dump me.”

  The accusation cut through the tension that captured Tess and tore at her defenses. “I want children. You don’t. I don’t see a future for us.” She looked away from the anger that sparked in his eyes, wishing their situation were that simple.

  “Is that all?”

  “Isn’t that enough?”

  “I think there’s more to it than just not agreeing on the number of children we would have.”

  She bit the inside of her cheek. How could she tell him she would be afraid every day he walked out of the house that something would take him away? “You said yourself you wanted to settle the issue before getting married. Have you changed your mind? Do you want more children?”

  His forehead wrinkled in a deep, thoughtful frown. “I don’t know. I’ve been pretty out of it for the past few days.”

  “You wanted this discussion. I was willing to wait.”

  “To tell me it was over?”

  “I don’t see there’s anything to discuss. We want two different things in life.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, determined now that he had started the conversation to end their relationship so she could start healing. The road to recovery would be long, one she wasn’t sure she would ever finish. Her heart ached with wants and needs only Mac could fulfill.

  “I want to talk about it some more. I love you, Tess.”

  Emotions, all wrapped up in her love for this man, swamped her. But she remembered the terror that gripped her when she saw him in the emergency room, his blood everywhere as the nurse tore his shirt away to reveal his wound. “I just can’t.”

  “Can’t what?”

  Johnny, Amy and Alice entered the room, saving Tess from having to answer. She fled before she broke down in front of the children. She felt the tears flowing down her cheeks. She saw people staring at her as she rushed toward the elevator. Sounds and smells faded from her consciousness. She focused her attention on one thing—finding a sanctuary.

  Without realizing it, she ended up in front of the double doors that led into the hospital chapel. She pushed through them and sank onto a pew. Lacing her fingers together, she bowed her head. Her mind went blank for a few seconds, then the words poured into her.

  Dear Heavenly Father, I’m lost and don’t know what to do. I love Mac so much. What if he had died the other day?

  The silence in the chapel amplified the loneliness she felt. What would she have if she walked away from Mac?

  Please, God, I need You. I need Your help. What do I do? What do You want from me?

  “Tess.”

  She pivoted in the pew and saw Mac standing in the doorway. He moved into the chapel, his gaze trained on hers, such tenderness and love in his eyes that her heart screamed out the injustice. The pallor of his features and the slowness of his gait attested to the ordeal he had been through, reminding her why she was afraid to commit.

  He sat next to her, one corner of his mouth lifting in a smile. “I knew you would be here.”

  “How?”

  “Because this is where I would have come.”

  “Oh,” she murmured, the single word enhancing their bond more than anything.

  “Tell me what is really bothering you. Let me help you.”

  “What if you had died?”

  “But I didn’t.”

  “You’re going back to the halfway house when you’re better. It could happen again.”

  “Yes, it could.”

  Pain stabbed her heart as though a bullet had ripped through her.

  “But I could be sitting in my easy chair at home and die. When it’s my time to go to the Lord, I will go, not one minute before. In the meanwhile, I can’t stop living because I’m afraid of what might be.”

  “I don’t want you to go back to the halfway house.”

  “Is that what you really want? Do you want me to turn my back on my ministry?”

  “No—yes. I don’t know.”

  Mac cupped his hand over hers. “I will if that’s what you want.”

  Confusion reigned in Tess. She wanted to shout no, but the word wouldn’t come out. How could she ask him to give up something that was so important to him? His strong faith and ministry were an intricate part of him and one of the reasons she loved him so much.

  “Now, about having children?”

  Tess twisted and pressed her fingers over his mouth. “I love Amy and Johnny as though they were mine.” She paused, her throat clogged with emotions. “A family of four is plenty.”

  “So, we each give up what we want? You think that’s fair? You think that’s what God wants?”

  “I love you, Mac. I’m not sure how this can work. You’re right. I can’t ask you to give up the halfway house.”

  “And I can’t ask you to give up your dream of having children.”<
br />
  “It looks like we’re at a standstill.”

  “Then we’ve come to the right place. Our Father will show us the way. We just have to open our hearts and listen to Him.”

  She wanted it to be that simple. Could it?

  With her hand still linked to Mac’s, Tess bowed her head. She wanted the fear gone. How could that happen when she had lived with it so long? She wanted a family. Could she make the emotional commitment without fear of being hurt?

  “Our Father, guide us through this challenge You’ve laid at our feet. Help us to see Your path and to surrender our fear to You. Help us to put our lives in Your hands.”

  Mac’s prayer held the key. The words weaved their way into her heart, and she felt the tension slip away. If she turned her life totally over to the Lord and trusted in Him completely, then she would no longer experience the terror she’d had on that mountaintop two years before. Wasn’t that what true faith was all about?

  God is with me every step of the way. I will be all right.

  Tess angled her head to peer at Mac. Their gazes touched and she realized he felt the same way. A bond, forged through pain, solidified between them as she rested her cheek against his good shoulder and relished the moment of total peace and surrender.

  In order to love God, to love Mac, she had to open herself up and let them in with no reservations, no conditions attached. Mac should continue his work because that was part of the Lord’s plan. That was a part of Mac, the man she had fallen in love with.

  Mac slipped his arm around her shoulder and she nestled into the curve of his body. “I love you, Tess Morgan. I want you to be the mother of my children. Together we both can let go of our fears. We can put our pasts behind us. You were right about life’s risks. I can’t stop living my life to the fullest because I’m afraid of what could happen.”

  “Because we will go to the Lord when our time is here, not one minute sooner.”