Nuallan

by Catherine Lievens

  * * * *

  Nuallan had let Alex talk him into going back to Kameron’s house. He’d even let Alex talk him into choosing a room and leaving his stuff in it, but that was all he’d agreed to do. He still wasn’t sure moving in with Kameron was a good idea, no matter how many times Kameron had told him it was fine and that he didn’t care about what Nuallan had done. Nuallan would probably sleep with one eye open for a few days.

  Not that he thought anyone would hurt him—Kameron had given him his word, and Nuallan trusted Kameron. There were only a few people he trusted more, and they all agreed Nuallan was doing the right thing.

  It still felt like he wasn’t.

  “So, are you the guy who couldn’t even manage to kill a sleeping couple?” someone asked from behind Nuallan.

  Nuallan tensed. He turned to look at whoever had decided talking to him was a good idea. He’d never seen the guy before, but if he was there, it meant he’d been authorized to be.

  He was short and had black hair and green eyes. He was wearing jeans that were so tight they seemed to be painted on his body, and a just as tight T-shirt. He was also wearing make-up, and his nails were black.

  “What do you want?” Nuallan asked.

  The guy shrugged. “Just to know if you’re the guy who didn’t manage to kill Kameron even though he was sleeping.”

  Nuallan cocked his head. “Would you rather have had me succeed?”

  “Nah. I don’t really know Kameron, but he gave me a place to stay. I would be living with an old lady and missing my balls if he hadn’t, so I’m glad you were too much of a pussy to do it.”

  Nuallan wasn’t sure what the guy wanted. Was he trying to reassure Nuallan or to tell him he was a mess? “Your balls?”

  The guy grinned. “Of course that’s what you got from my speech.” He cupped his groin protectively and Nuallan looked away. “Yeah, my balls. I’m a cat shifter, and the old lady who found me wanted to neuter me.”

  “You’re Rabbit.”

  “Oh, I’m already famous?”

  “I guess it depends on what you think being famous means. Dan told me about you. Well, he told everybody about you, I guess. He’s been quite vocal about not liking you.”

  Rabbit’s grin widened. “I must be doing something right, then.”

  Nuallan shook his head. He didn’t know Dan very well, but he was all right. Nuallan didn’t understand why Rabbit liked antagonizing Dan like he was, but he was obviously enjoying it. Who was he to say anything about it?

  He turned back to the window, thinking his conversation with Rabbit was over. Why would Rabbit want to talk to him? He should have known he wouldn’t get rid of the man as easily as he wanted to from what Dan had told him.

  Rabbit came to stand beside him and looked out the window. “What are you looking at?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Why are you staring out the window then?”

  What was Nuallan supposed to say to that? “I’m waiting for someone.”

  “Your mate?”

  Nuallan looked sideways at Rabbit. “How do you know that?”

  “I was here yesterday, you know. I know Kameron brought in your brother and your tribe leader.”

  “I didn’t see you.”

  Rabbit shrugged. “No one ever notices a black cat sleeping under the couch.”

  “You were under the couch the entire time?”

  Rabbit nodded. “Yeah. I know I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, and it’s not like I actually wanted to. I, well, I’m not used to sleeping in my human form. I spent so much time on the street before Mrs. White adopted me, it feels weird to sleep in a bed in my human form. “

  “You’re more comfortable as a cat.”

  “Yeah, and I like to hide.”

  Nuallan nodded. “That’s something you learned on the streets as well.”

  It wasn’t a question. Nuallan might never have lived on the streets, but he did understand Rabbit. His life hadn’t been rainbows and butterflies either. Living with the tribe had been hard. They’d never had much, and he’d had to work his ass off to have enough to feed himself and Neriah.

  The tribes were generally poor, and Nuallan’s hadn’t been any different. His life had been harder because he didn’t have adults helping him and he’d had to take care of his brother. He didn’t resent the other tribe members for not helping much. He knew they’d wanted to, but their own families came first. Besides, it was all behind him now.

  “So, where’s your mate?” Rabbit asked.

  “I don’t know. He went home last night.”

  “But he’s coming back, right?”

  “That’s what he said.”

  Rabbit was silent, long enough that Nuallan looked at him again. He was frowning, and Nuallan didn’t understand why. “What?”

  “Why don’t you believe him?”

  “Believe who?”

  “Your mate. Why don’t you believe that he’ll come back?”

  Nuallan shrugged and looked at the falling snow again. “I don’t know him. I can’t be sure he’s trustworthy.”

  “But he’s your mate. He wants to be with you.”

  “In theory, sure, but how can you be sure of that? He’s human. He could walk away if he wanted to.”

  “Yeah, but he’s still your mate. He feels the bond, even though it’s not as strong as you feel it.”

  Nuallan swallowed. He couldn’t deny he’d been antsy since Ethan had left him yesterday. He wanted to shimmer to him, to make sure Ethan was fine. He wanted Ethan to wrap him in his arms like he’d done the day before and shield him from the rest of the world. There wasn’t anything that threatened Nuallan anymore—Titus wasn’t a danger, at least not as much as Nuallan had thought, Neriah was with him again, and Nuallan wouldn’t end up in jail. He had nothing more to fear, yet he wanted to climb into Ethan’s arms and never let go.

  Ugh. He kind of wanted to kick his own ass for being so needy. He really needed to grow up. He had a chance at a whole new life. He couldn’t depend on Ethan.

  The sound of a car jerked Nuallan out of his thoughts. He looked toward the driveway, and his heart skipped a beat when he recognized Ethan’s car. He watched as Ethan stepped out, a bag in his hand.

  Rabbit chuckled next to Nuallan, and damn, Nuallan had forgotten about him. “You should go greet him at the door.”

  “But what if he doesn’t want me?” The words were out before Nuallan could stop them. Damn, he hated himself sometimes.

  “He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want you. I think you need to talk to him.”

  That was the last thing Nuallan wanted to do. How was he supposed to explain how insecure he was? What would Ethan think about it?

  “You don’t have to do it now,” Rabbit said, “but you should probably do it soon. He’s your mate. You’re supposed to get to know each other. That’s why he’s here, right? He can’t get to know you if you keep part of yourself hidden.” Rabbit smiled. “You’ll be fine. The two of you are mates. I wish I’d find mine, because I’ve had enough of being on my own. Don’t fuck this up just because you think you know how he feels.”

  Nuallan stared at Rabbit for a few moments, but the sound of the front door opening reminded him Ethan was there. He was in the house, and he’d come to see Nuallan. Nuallan could run away and hide, but was that really what he wanted?

  He wanted Ethan, and Ethan looked like he wanted him. What was Nuallan going to do about it?

  * * * *

  Ethan hesitated before entering. Kameron had told him the lower part of the house was open to everyone and that he didn’t need to knock, but he’d been taught to be polite. He knocked quickly and waited for a few seconds before pushing open the door. The entrance was empty, and Ethan wasn’t sure where to go. He should probably check the kitchen or the living room, though. Those were the rooms where people gathered.

  “Hello?” he called out.

  He heard footsteps co
ming from the living room, and a guy exited it. Ethan hadn’t met this guy the day before, so he held his hand out. “I’m Ethan.”

  “I know. You’re looking for Nuallan?”

  “Uh, yes.”

  “He’s in the living room.” The guy took Ethan’s hand and shook it. “I’m Rabbit. I’ll see you around.”

  Ethan blinked at Rabbit’s retreating back. “Well, that was... interesting.” Ethan turned and walked toward the living room. Nuallan was there, looking out the window, but Ethan could tell Nuallan knew he was there. His back was ramrod straight and his hands were closed in tight fists.

  “Why are you so tense?” Ethan asked. Was it because Nuallan had changed his mind? They hadn’t really talked about their relationship. Hell, they didn’t have a relationship yet. They’d kissed once, and Ethan had held Nuallan when he’d told Neriah about what had happened to him, but those things didn’t make a relationship.

  Nuallan had seemed to want more, but he might have changed his mind now that he’d had the time to think about it without Ethan’s presence.

  Ethan swallowed and nodded to himself. No matter what Nuallan had decided, Ethan wanted to hear it. “Hi,” he said, smiling when Nuallan’s shoulders relaxed. It wasn’t much, but it helped Ethan. Maybe Nuallan as just nervous. God knew Ethan was too.

  Nuallan turned around. He didn’t look at Ethan, but rather at Ethan’s chest, but that was fine. He’d have the time to get used to Ethan and feel comfortable with him. “I wasn’t sure you’d be back.”

  Ethan frowned and put the bag containing his clothes on the floor by the living room door. “Why? I told you I’d come back today.”

  “Well, yes, but I thought maybe you would change your mind. I know you wanted to talk to your mother.”

  “I did.”

  That finally got Nuallan to look up. “You did?”

  Ethan walked closer. He stopped by Nuallan’s side, but he didn’t touch him, not yet. “Of course I did. She already wanted to talk to me since she was in the town hall yesterday.”

  “What did she say? What does she think about shifters?”

  “She’s... wary, I guess. She’s not scared, but confused.”

  “Did you tell her about me?”

  “I did.”

  Ethan watched Nuallan’s throat work as he swallowed. Damn, he wanted to lick Nuallan’s Adam’s apple and taste his skin, maybe even leave a mark on his pale neck.

  “What did she say?”

  Ethan obviously needed to reassure Nuallan before he could even think about leaving marks on him. “She’s a bit confused about you too, to be honest. She doesn’t know you, and Kameron didn’t exactly explain everything there was to say about mates. But she’ll come around. She didn’t have much to say against you, and I’m sure once she meets you she’ll love you.”

  Nuallan bit his lower lip and looked at Ethan. “Are you sure? I don’t want you and your mother to fight over me. I’m not worth it.”

  Ethan reached for Nuallan. Nuallan jerked, but Ethan just pulled him into his arms and kissed the top of his head. “Don’t say stuff like that, honey. You’re worth fighting with my mother and so much more.”

  “How can you say that?” Nuallan asked, his voice slightly muffled against Ethan’s chest. “You don’t even know me.”

  “I don’t know you well, but I do know some things about you. You love your brother. You were ready to sacrifice yourself to save him. You’re quiet and reserved, but I don’t think you’re shy. I think that once you get to know me better, you’ll open up like a lovely flower. I can’t wait to see that. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “A flower?”

  Ethan grinned. “I never said I was a poet.”

  “No, it’s... sweet. No one ever compared me to a flower.”

  Ethan nodded and gently pushed Nuallan away, enough that he could look down at him. “So? Have you changed your mind? I know I’m just a middle-aged human. You could probably do much better than me.”

  Nuallan frowned. “I could never do better. You’re my mate. That means you’re the best, at least for me. Besides, you’re not middle-aged.”

  “Well, not exactly, but I’m not that young either.”

  “How old are you exactly?”

  “Older than you.” Ethan wasn’t sure how old Nuallan was, but he knew there had to be at least ten years between them, maybe more.

  Nuallan rolled his eyes and smiled. Ethan was glad to see that. It meant Nuallan was already forgetting about his fear of Ethan and opening up, even if only a bit. “I’m twenty-six.”

  Ethan nodded. “I’m thirty-six, going on thirty-seven.” Probably too old for Nuallan, but unless Nuallan thought the same thing, Ethan wasn’t going anywhere. He wasn’t stupid.

  “That’s not old.”

  “Maybe not for you, since you guys live over a hundred years. But for a human, it’s almost middle-aged.” And God knew Ethan felt all of his thirty-six years. He’d even started to wake up with a backache lately.

  “You’ll live more than a hundred years too, if we mate.”

  Ethan looked at Nuallan, who was again not looking at him. His cheeks were flushed, and he was adorable. “And is that something you want?”

  Nuallan nodded and looked down at Ethan’s throat. “Of course it is.”

  “Good. Good.”

  “Do you... want it too?”

  “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

  “Okay.”

  “Nuallan... just tell me what you want, please. I want to hear it.”

  “What if you want something else?”

  “I don’t think I do. That’s why I need to hear what you want.”

  Nuallan’s shoulders tensed again, but he looked straight at Ethan. “I want you to take me to my room and make love to me. I want to put my hand on your chest and bond with you, and be with you forever. I know it’s soon and that we probably should wait, that you’re human and that you’re not used to thinking this way. You don’t want to rush into a relationship with a man you barely know, and I understand that, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to rush this and make sure you’ll never leave me.”

  Ethan shook his head. “I don’t think I ever heard you talk so much.”

  Nuallan blushed and looked down again, but Ethan cupped his cheek and forced him to look up. “As for what you said, why should we wait? I know I’m human, but I think you told me everything there is to know about mating, right? You didn’t leave anything big out?”

  “No.”

  “So I know all I need to know to make a decision. I know about the bond, about how we’ll be able to talk to each other in our minds. I know I’ll live longer, and I know about your powers. Is there anything else I need to know?”

  Nuallan shook his head. “No.”

  “Then I’ve made my decision. I don’t know you well, but I can’t deny I feel something strong for you, something I’ve never felt for anyone. Not that I had that many significant relationships in my life, but I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you. I’ve never felt as close to anyone as I feel to you, and I don’t want to lose that just because there might be problems in the future. I had the entire night to think about it, and to be honest, I thought we’d wait, but now that you’re in front of me, I can’t think of a good reason to do that. The only thing I can think of is spending the rest of my life with you, loving you.”

  Nuallan licked his lips. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

  “What do you think I’m saying?”

  Nuallan finally smiled. “You’re going to make me say it?”

  “Yep.”

  “I want to mate with you, Ethan. Now.”

  Ethan grinned. “Good, because it’s what I want, too.”

  Chapter Six

  Nuallan knew it was crazy, and that Ethan would probably regret it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. Ethan wanted to mate with him, and Nuallan wasn’t going to
say no. If Ethan ever decided it had been a bad idea, if he walked away, well, Nuallan would deal with it if it happened. He’d always have Neriah, and Alex. He wouldn’t be alone anymore, even without Ethan.

  God, how much he wanted Ethan. Ethan talked as if Nuallan could have something more, someone better than he was, but Nuallan didn’t know how that was possible. Nuallan knew no one was perfect, but Ethan came close to it, at least for Nuallan.

  Ethan was sweet and compassionate. He’d said he’d be with Nuallan even if his mother wasn’t all right with it, and Nuallan had a hard time accepting anyone would sacrifice their mother for him, to be with him.

  Nuallan trusted fate. He’d seen some matings that didn’t end well, of course, but mostly, mated pairs were happy. He wanted that, too. He wanted someone who would love him for who he was and accept his defects. He wanted someone who’d always be there, through thick and thin. He knew Neriah and Alex would always have his back, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same type of love. They’d each find their mates sooner or later, and that would inevitably put some space between them.

  “Well,” Ethan said. “Why don’t you show me your room?”

  Nuallan swallowed. He’d blurted out what he wanted without thinking too much about it, but now he had to, and it was scary. “Uh, sure. All right. It’s this way.”

  Ethan nodded and stepped aside so Nuallan could pass by him. Nuallan made a beeline for the hallway, thinking it would be easier to get through this if he didn’t look at Ethan. He wanted to bond with Ethan, but he was also scared. It was a big moment for him, and until now, all his big moments had been bad ones.

  He’s lost his parents, had been sent to kill Kameron, had tried to kill himself. Those were big, but they were bad. Why was it that the idea of mating with Ethan made Nuallan just as nervous, maybe even more?

  He paused at his room door, his hand on the handle. He could feel Ethan’s presence behind him, his warmth close to his back. This was it. This was where the rest of Nuallan’s life began.

  He pushed open the door.