To the Edge

by Anna del Mar

  “Get the fuck out,” Noah rumbled, “before I pound your ass to hell where you belong.”

  Durant flew into the arms of the giant of a man who caught him. Perhaps because I’d been around my mother’s security detail all of my life, I could tell without even asking that the newcomer met all the hallmarks of a very impressive agent.

  “Keep him out of here,” Noah said. “Make sure he gets back to the party in one piece.”

  “Roger that.” The agent grabbed Durant by the arm and, ignoring his protests, dragged him up the stairs. “This way, sir.”

  Durant shoved the man’s grip and straightened his jacket, huffing as he went up the stairs. He stopped at the landing, turned and pointed a crooked finger at me. “You and I, we’re not done.”

  “We are if you want to keep your marriage intact.” I waved my fingers in the air. “Goodbye.”

  With a last glower in my direction, he straightened his spine, marched up the stairs and disappeared out of my sight.

  “Who the hell is that?” I asked, watching the tall suit trailing behind Durant.

  “Reinforcements.” Noah shut the doors to the greenhouse and bolted them for good measure. “Delta Force’s got my back.”

  “Who?”

  “Never mind.” Noah wiped his fingers on his trousers as if manhandling Durant had soiled his hands. “Nobody else will bother you tonight. I swear, I could’ve killed that son of a bitch. You do know that the rat is going to want to get back at you, don’t you?”

  “Oh, yeah,” I said. “Which is why I coupled my research by setting up an interesting conversation between my mother and Ed Durant very soon, about the IRS and his tax returns. It’s the kind of leverage that may convince him to leave us alone for good.”

  “Your mother knows?” Noah cocked his eyebrows. “You enlisted her help?”

  “She knows enough to realize Durant is a threat to me and therefore her.”

  “Impressive.” Noah flashed his sexy smirk. “I do love it when you’re thorough. And I may have some facts to add to the discussion. Durant is in trouble. He’s under the heel of not one, but two Luzes. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost, but not really.”

  “It’s over,” I said. “I’m putting him behind me.”

  “Good to know.” Noah’s stare burned through me.

  To this moment, I’d been thriving on adrenaline, standing strong on the wings of my convictions. But now Durant was gone and I faced Noah instead. The doubts. I had no idea if Noah would understand. The fear. We’d hurt each other pretty badly. I didn’t know if we could overcome all that junk. I didn’t even know if Noah wanted to try.

  The adrenaline drained from my veins. My knees buckled. I leaned against the cage. The dark emotions roiling in Noah’s eyes did nothing to stabilize my knees. I’d rather face Durant again.

  I cleared my throat, but still, my voice came out shaky. “How...how did you figure out about...you know...him?”

  “I’m an intelligence analyst,” he said. “I watch. I listen. I make connections for a living. It’s what I do. You were so upset every time you met with Durant. You didn’t want to go to the gala with him. Your eyes dimmed when you talked about him. Once I identified the pattern, I went back two years in your calendar and located your first appointment with Durant. Same day as your first annual board meeting. I checked the foundation’s books and saw his huge donation, dated that very day. That’s when I knew for sure.”

  My fingers tightened around the bar. “I made a monumental mistake.”

  “We all make mistakes,” Noah said. “As you put it on the blog, perfection is the realm of fools.”

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I... I couldn’t really talk about it.”

  “Still can’t, I gathered that much.” His mouth set into a stern tilt. “You won’t talk about things that really bother you. You won’t ask for help either. I don’t like it, but I get it. You were young and naive and you wanted to help those people.”

  “My problems seemed so shallow and first world compared to theirs.”

  He scoffed. “There’s nothing shallow about you. You acted out of a misguided sense of duty. You didn’t like doing it and you got nothing but guilt and regret out of it. Hell, you couldn’t even come after that. The only time you’ve ever used your safe word has to do with this shit. But then you grabbed your demons by the throat like the brave woman you are and set things right.”

  My mouth fell open. “You think I’m brave?”

  “Yeah,” he said, “reckless, but brave. And hey, you get things done.”

  I was so glad I didn’t have to explain, so grateful that he understood. I’d gotten dirty, but I’d also gotten clean. I’d made a mess of things, but I’d also made things right.

  I took in a deep breath and tried to steel my nerves. “It’s sort of amazing.”

  “What is?”

  “You.” I forced myself to gulp. “Here.”

  “Well...” He hesitated. “Before you get all cheerleading, bushy tailed and bright-eyed on me, I should tell you. I didn’t get here on my own. I wish I had, but I didn’t.”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?”

  He wiggled his white-tipped fingers in the air.

  I covered my mouth in horror. “Please tell me you didn’t drink any of that liquid courage stuff?”

  “Okay,” he said testily. “I didn’t drink any of that shit. Instead, I drank all of it. I’m afraid it took every drop of it to get me here.”

  I groaned. “Oh, Noah.”

  “It’s going to be a bad one in—” he looked at his watch “—T minus four hours.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll get you home.”

  The surly look he gave me told me he wasn’t sure about that. The bottom dropped out of my stomach. His mood wasn’t promising.

  “So you’re mad at me.”

  He beamed his obsidian glare. “Yes.”

  “Then why did you come?” I said. “Why did you put yourself through the misery of drinking that vile stuff and leaving your house, traveling, coming out to a public place with tons of people, all things that upset you so badly?”

  “You were in danger,” he said. “I will not have you in danger. Plus, I needed to ask you some questions.”

  “Noah, I—”

  “Just answer my questions,” he said, then his voice softened. “Please?”

  I sighed. “I can try.”

  “You reneged on Collins.”

  “Yes,” I said. “How do you know that?”

  “You know how I do things,” he said curtly. “Why did you decide not to write the RelevantSex.com article? What made you change your mind?”

  “Us,” I muttered.

  “What do you mean, us?”

  “Noah, I don’t think you’ll understand...”

  His glare cut me off. “Try me.”

  “I don’t want to have to explain us to the fad crowd,” I said. “I don’t want to share something as private and sacred as what happens when we are—were—together, with people who want to judge us.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Do you think that what happened between us was sacred?”

  “I do.”

  His throat rippled with a swallow. “Go on.”

  “I don’t want to field the same old questions and prejudices for the sake of selling online magazines. I mean, not in Annette’s setting, not like that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Um...well... I don’t mind sharing tidbits and insights with others in my blog, joining discussions, giving opinions, that sort of thing. But...”

  “But what?” He rolled his hand in the air, urging me on.

  “Well...” I hesitated. “If I ever decided to write about us—I mean—what happened between us in
the last few weeks, it would have to be in a different way, like in a story maybe, told for people who see sex and kink as something fun, meaningful and fulfilling.”

  “Hell, Clara, to hear you talking about it now, you almost make me want to pen my side of the story.”

  I thought I saw a break in the straight line of his mouth but then his stare steeled.

  “If that’s how you feel,” he said, “why the hell did you walk out on me?”

  “I was mad and confused. I was afraid that you’d hate me if you knew about Durant. And...”

  “And what?”

  “I needed to sort out things on my own.”

  “I get that last part,” he said. “But that’s not what you said when you left. You wrung me out and then left me out to hang on the line. You knew I couldn’t follow and you walked out on me all the same.”

  The pain on his face killed me. My throat squeezed. I’d been so angry. I’d been so afraid. I’d been running away from my guilt and the nightmare had brought my fears, doubts and insecurities to the surface.

  “It took me days to recover from that clusterfuck,” he said. “For the first couple of days, I couldn’t think. It was like Clara-induced PTSD. I don’t think I can go through that ever again.”

  “Noah...” What could I say? “I’m sorry.”

  His stare probed my face. “Are you?”

  “I swear.” I pressed my hands together as if in prayer. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  “But you did, Clara, you almost wiped me out,” he ground out the words. “I can’t stand that I’m trapped. I can’t take it when you take off like that. It makes me feel so...powerless.”

  I knew powerlessness. It sucked. “I don’t want to run away from you,” I said. “I don’t want to be away from you either. And I really like being your sub.”

  “My sub?” He shook his head. “It has a nice ring to it. If it were true.”

  “It’s true.”

  “You disobeyed me,” he said. “You left when I asked you to stay.”

  “I couldn’t cope and honestly, I don’t think you could either.”

  “You may be right about that.” He let out a long sigh. “Look, I’m sorry too. I should’ve done better. I should’ve recognized that you were suffering from PTSD.”

  “PTSD?” I frowned. “Not me. I didn’t go to war.”

  “You don’t have to go to war to suffer from PTSD,” he said. “You grew up in a battlefield, you just didn’t know it.”

  He was right. Until this moment, I hadn’t made the connection.

  “There are ways of tackling that shit,” he said. “But Clara, you’ve got to learn to deal with your feelings. You’ve got to stop keeping secrets. Honestly? I’m not sure you’re cut out to be anyone’s sub.”

  “Yeah, me neither.” I rolled my eyes and then, “Any chance you could teach me how to become a better sub?”

  At last, a smile lit his eyes. “Maybe,” he said a bit too reluctantly for my taste. “But, I’m afraid it won’t be easy. And you’re going to have to show me how much you want it.”

  “Now?” I stared at him incredulous. “Here?”

  “No time like the present.” His gaze perused the aviary. “This big, beautiful cage seems like such a waste of a fantasy.”

  My belly fluttered. My thighs pressed together. Now that he mentioned it, the cage did seem particularly suited to our fantasies.

  “But...” I hesitated. “The place, the cameras...”

  “The perimeter is secured.” Noah pulled out a twisted black wire from his pocket and twirled it between his fingers. “The cameras aren’t recording. Nobody will ever blackmail you under my watch. So get to it. You’ve got some convincing to do.”

  The joy. He was giving us another chance. The elation. I was giving us a fair chance. I ambled to the door and climbed inside the cage, powered by a burst of hope. Sex was another way to communicate between Noah and me, the language in which we understood each other best. And, boy, I was so ready to talk.

  My heels tapped on the floor’s wooden boards. I ran my hands over the center pole and traced the spokes that radiated from it, perches in the aviary’s heyday. Noah’s intense stare tracked me as I turned around and faced him. Drinking his expression, I held up Durant’s cuffs and hooked one cuff to my wrist and then the other.

  “I should ask before it’s too late.” I cocked an eyebrow. “Do you remember how to open these?”

  He dipped his fingers in his pocket, held up a tiny key in the air and smirked. “I wasn’t going to let that jackass walk out of here with this key in his pocket and those cuffs in your hands.”

  His actions were pure Noah and so very thrilling to my heart.

  “In that case...” I closed the cuffs around my wrists with a pair of quick clicks.

  “Clara,” he rumbled, circling the cage. “You better not be teasing me, not when I’ve gone days without you and I’ve got that liquid courage stuff burning through my veins.”

  “Me? Teasing you? No way.” I stepped back and, raising my arms, hooked the chain that connected the cuffs on the perch overhead. “I’m not provoking you. I’m offering myself to you like the exemplary sub I’d like to become someday.”

  In a blink, he stole into the cage, overtaking the space between the bars with his presence, transforming it into a cozy, intimate place that offered very little oxygen to my brain. He stood before me, chest rising with deep breaths, stare scouring me with blistering heat.

  “Turn around,” he said in the stern tone that tested my knees and quickened my heart.

  Obediently, I turned on my heel, faced the pole and pressed my forehead against the post, keenly aware of the difference between the cool metal and my hot skin.

  Noah’s hands settled on my shoulders. His lips landed at the base of my neck. His teeth raked my skin, a quick nip that put my body on notice. I gasped and went liquid inside. His mouth slid across by back, planting random kisses along my shoulders while his fingers undid my gown’s fastenings.

  The bodice slipped off me and dropped to the floor, followed by the gown’s skirt, which pooled at my feet with a soft swoosh. I stood there, wearing only my lace thong. I glanced over my shoulder and shivered like a cat in heat. The greenhouse’s cool air pebbled my skin, but it was Noah’s gaze roaming over my body that sharpened my nipples and set my pussy on fire.

  Note to blog: desire is just another word for admiration.

  “You were made for pleasure,” Noah murmured as his hands settled on my hips. “To give it, to take it, to realize it.” His fingers hooked on my thong and slid it down my legs. “Offer me your ass. Bend over.”

  I stepped out of my garment, braced my legs apart and bent forward as much as I could, considering that my arms were fastened above my head and the cuffs pulled on my wrists and arms. I curled out my spine and raised my ass high in the air, body feverish with a surge of heat.

  Noah’s breath burst out of him. I grinned. I so liked to surprise him.

  “What’s this?” he said, parting the halves of my ass and inspecting me closely.

  “I’m no slacker.” I craned my neck while standing very still. “I’ve kept up my training. I didn’t want to undo all of your hard work.”

  “I see that.”

  His fingers brushed around the rim of my asshole, from where the knob of my brand-new plug protruded in the shape of a big, round, shiny crystal that looked like a sparkling gemstone. I shivered from his intimate touch. When I’d inserted the plug earlier, I’d liked the sparkle it brought to my body. But I hadn’t known that Noah was going to show up tonight, so I didn’t wear the plug for looks. I didn’t wear it for comfort either. God knew, the plug’s presence grated on my senses. The truth was I’d chosen to wear the plug in preparation for my battle with Durant, to center my body and str
engthen my resolve, to remind myself that I was strong and I could stand life’s rigors. But now that Noah was here, I was even happier with my choice, because his eyes gleamed with appreciation and his mouth curved up.

  “So this is where the princess likes to wear her bling.” He planted a kiss on my ass.

  I laughed a happy, bubbling giggle, then held my breath. “Do you like it?”

  “Let me show you how much,” he said, straightening on his feet.

  The hum of his zipper echoed in my sex. He nudged my feet farther apart. With a scalding touch, he gripped my hip with one hand and splayed his other hand over my lower belly. Then he was in me, in one firm thrust, the hardness of his cock striking deep and hard.

  I gasped at the fullness of him, at the blow of pleasure revived in my body. My pussy was wet and ready for him. I knew as soon as he was in me that we’d be all right. We fit together perfectly.

  My fingers tightened around the chain as Noah’s cock negotiated my channel along the plug’s snug bulk. I shut my eyes and felt my sex give way, my body opening up to him and settling in to accept the rigor of his slow, thorough strokes.

  “Is that how you like it?” he murmured in my ear.

  “Yes, Noah,” I rasped. “This is exactly how I like it.”

  “How about a little harder?” He tightened his grip on my flesh.

  “Oh, yes,” I whispered, pressing my cheek against the pole. “A little harder, please.”

  He groaned and bore down with stern thrusts that splashed in my pussy, journeyed through my flesh and reestablished his domination. I threw my head back and hummed with the pleasure.

  “This is how I want to fuck you.” His teeth raked over my earlobe. “This is how I’m going to fuck you every day and night of your life, if you want to be mine.”

  “I want to be yours.”

  “And I swear to you, Clara, I’ll teach you need beyond reason and pleasure to the edge of madness.”

  I was already there, at the brink of madness, at the edge of myself, where only pleasure mattered. It was the lesson I craved from him, what I needed to satisfy my needs and nourish my nature. It was also the truest post I had to share, if only with him.