Deadly Portent: An Uncanny Kingdom Urban Fantasy (The London Coven Series Book 3)

by M. V. Stott

  ‘A little fire in the belly, familiar?’ asked L’Merrier, one eyebrow raising with amusement.

  Eva inhaled noisily, ‘You know, Giles, it really bloody reeks in here. It smells like you’ve been farting out your own brand of magic in a sealed room for twenty years. Crack a window, mate.’

  L’Merrier swept one hand in front of himself and Eva found herself pinned to the ceiling.

  ‘Let her down!’ I yelled, stepping automatically into a boxer’s stance, my hands raised, boiling with magic.

  ‘Short temper on you, chubs,’ said Eva, ‘you should speak to someone about that.’

  There was a heavy, silent pause, then L’Merrier burst out laughing, which was more disturbing than it sounds. With a twitch of his head he killed the spell and sent Eva tumbling back down to the floor.

  ‘L’Merrier,’ I said, slowly relaxing and allowing the magic to putter out from my fists, ‘Are you going to tell me why you asked me here or not?’

  L’Merrier bowed his head, then looked up, fixing me with his eyes. They shone like golden coins in the dark.

  ‘You know why I have asked you here.’

  ‘No, I don’t.’

  ‘But you must suspect.’

  David.

  ‘There,’ said L’Merrier.

  ‘What about David?’

  ‘I believe you had a very particular visitor to your coven recently.’

  I shuffled, uncomfortable. ‘I’m not sure I—’

  ‘Do not play dumber than you are, familiar, you know exactly of whom I speak.’

  Eva raised a hand. ‘Not sure I do. Unless it’s me. Is it me?’

  ‘The Knot Man,’ I said.

  ‘Exactly so.’

  ‘The Knot Man?’ replied Eva. ‘Have I heard of him? I think I’ve heard of him. Far as I can tell, having him show up on your doorstep is never a good thing. Though, when is anyone turning up on your doorstep unannounced ever a good thing, am I right? Give me a “praise Jesus” if you know what I’m talking about. Okay, I’m bored now, I’m going for a ciggy outside.’

  The doorbell jangled as Eva left the shop, pulling a tobacco tin out of her inside pocket.

  ‘First your pet detective, and now that stray,’ sighed L’Merrier. ‘Such delightful company you keep.’

  ‘What do you want to say about David?’

  L’Merrier moved over to a glass display case, inside of which was what looked like a large hunk of rock.

  ‘Do you know what this is?’ he asked.

  ‘No,’ I replied.

  ‘This is a piece of Apoc Hill.’

  ‘Is that supposed to mean something to me?’

  ‘No, it is not of this reality, it is of another, parallel earth, but it is relevant to this conversation. The Apoc Hill came to rest in the north, heralding a game. A battle between the light and the dark that almost resulted in that reality’s version of Hell rising and taking control of the Earth. Well, of that Earth. The Knot Man was there, as he walks between realities. Any time he pays someone a visit, it is just before a point of calamity. So forgive me for being curious when my web jangles and twitches and I look up to see him knock, knock, knocking upon your door.’

  The idea that L’Merrier kept watch on things—kept watch on my coven—shouldn’t have creeped me out. Knowing his power, I should have expected it. But the idea of him watching me, peeping into my home, still made me squirm.

  ‘What do you think is going to happen?’ I asked.

  ‘David is no longer what he was,’ L’Merrier replied. ‘He’s been altered in some way by you introducing him into our world. I wonder what you made him face that changed him so. That is still changing him.’

  I thought about the black magic I’d used to bring David back to life after Mr. Trick left him for dead, but I kept it to myself. Despite his own fondness for it, L’Merrier was known for turning others who used the dark arts to dust.

  ‘What is he changing into?’ I asked.

  ‘You already know. The Knot Man told you.’

  A walking apocalypse.

  ‘He has no control over it, the poor thing,’ L’Merrier continued, ‘he’s just walking around blind in his little life, oblivious to the fact that his body is drawing in more and more power, more of the Uncanny, more potential, and, sooner or later, there will be a tipping point. He’s like a black hole, only instead of dragging light into his belly, he’s pulling in magic. At a steadily increasing pace, I might add. And then…’

  ‘And then what?’

  L’Merrier spread his hands out, his face grave: ‘Boom.’

  He wants to destroy him. To destroy David. That’s what L’Merrier wants, it’s what the Knot Man suggested too. No chances, no help, just cold-blooded murder.

  ‘He can control it,’ I said. ‘I can teach him.’

  ‘Oh no, not even I could do that, and compared to me you are but an ant, crawling across the toe of an elephant. The die is already cast. The power is filling him up. It will turn him monstrous, and then goodbye, London. His end must come, for the good of all.’

  I stepped forward, not caring who it was I was talking to, how he could knock me into another plane of reality, David was my friend. ‘No one is going near him. I’ll help him. I’ll stop this and I’ll save David Tyler’s life. You hear me?

  L’Merrier chuckled. ‘Headstrong. Always have been. But stomp and pout all you wish, if you do not take care of David, others will. Do you think a visit from a being such as the Knot Man to our fair city will have been seen only by me? No, no. Word is spreading even now among the Uncanny of London. They will come for him. It would be a kindness if you brought David here, to me, I could put him out of his misery. What do you say?’

  I felt my head getting hotter and hotter, my nails digging into my palms as I clenched my fists so hard I thought my knuckles might burst.

  ‘Don’t you dare threaten him.’

  L’Merrier smiled thinly. ‘I do not threaten, familiar. I say, and I do.’

  ‘No one is touching him. No one but me. Do you hear me, Giles?’

  L’Merrier raised an eyebrow as I tossed his summons card onto the floor and turned to head toward the exit.

  ‘Have no doubt, familiar: David must be destroyed.’

  I turned from the door as the bell rang above my head: ‘Over my dead body.’ I left Eva in my wake as I stormed out of L’Merrier’s Antiques, the door crashing shut behind me.

  ‘Oi, wait a minute,’ she said from around the cigarette clasped between her lips. ‘What’s up? What did old Giles L’Chubbier have to say for himself?’

  ‘He wants me to kill David.’

  ‘Right. Bit harsh. I mean that aftershave he’s wearing isn’t for everyone, but still.’

  ‘You have to help me with him, Eva.’

  ‘Whoa now, what gave you the impression I was the helping sort? I’m the drinking, the lounging sort, but very much not the helping sort.’

  ‘Then why are are you even here?’

  ‘I’m passing through. Always passing through. On my way from there, to here, to somewhere else.’

  ‘We’re familiars, it’s our duty.’

  ‘Ha! I washed these dainty, rough knuckled hands of any idea about getting involved in things like this a long time ago.’

  ‘So you’re happy for my friend to just die?’

  ‘Well, I wouldn’t say happy, but what’s your alternative? Let the poor sod massacre millions? Bit out of order, that, love. You just do your best, but be ready to do your worst if you need to.’

  My heart was thumping in my ears, my breath short. No one was going to hurt David. It didn’t matter what was happening to him, I would find a way to stop it, and nobody, not even the mighty Giles L’Merrier was going to take David away from me.

  Whatever it cost me, he would survive.

  9

  Another alleyway, another dead body. It seems like I’ve spent half of my life looking at corpses in narrow, damp, dingy passages. The dead stowed away, behind bins, in
piss stained gutters. Something for the rats to gnaw at.

  David waved and began to weave his way towards us, leaving his partner, Layland, behind.

  ‘Here he comes,’ said Eva, ‘the old walking apocalypse.’

  I watched David as he approached and felt my heart ache. My witches had died; no, been murdered. I should be alone, but I’m not, because at the same time as the worst thing to ever happen to me came about, I met David. I had a friend, a partner, someone who liked and trusted me, and I wasn’t going to let anyone or anything harm a hair on his head.

  ‘Hello ladies, beautiful day to look at a dead body in a piss-scented alley, hey?’

  As David lead us toward the corpse I thought again about what Eva had said as we made our way over: ‘Why are you still doing all of this? Your coven is dead. Walk away, live a life free of a duty that no bastard ever thanks you for doing anyway.’

  I supposed it was a fair enough question. If a coven has, for all intents and purposes, “fallen,” why pretend? I was a genie who had been set free, I didn’t have to stay in the bottle anymore, didn’t have to grant wishes to anyone who picked up my lamp. I could just walk away. Walk away from London, and the constant churn of death and evil and horror.

  I could live a normal life.

  But what even was a normal life? Normal for me was smashing my fist into a monster’s mouth. Running around after unspeakable danger, my heart thumping like it might explode out of my chest. Going to sleep knowing I’d made the city safe for one more night.

  I’m a familiar. This is what I was created for. How could I just walk away and pretend like every part of me didn’t want to carry on?

  I don’t know how Eva finds it in herself to stay away from her coven, from her whole county, without going mad from shame. She didn’t belong anywhere. Anywhere but watching out over Cumbria, over the lakes, whether her witches were at her side or not.

  ‘There she is,’ said David, as we stood over the body of a woman. She wore dirty clothes and a pair of boots years past their best. Just like the last body we saw, hers was drained and mummified.

  Eva crouched and sniffed at the body, leaning in so close the tip of her nose practically scuffed it.

  ‘If she licks the corpse I’m never going to hear the end of it from Forensics,’ said David, nervously glancing around at the other officers on the scene, some of whom were giving the still crouched Eva some odd looks.

  ‘What is it?’ I asked, as Eva stood and pulled out her cigarette case.

  ‘Nothing. Just, you know, the stink of death.’

  ‘Oh,’ said David, ‘who doesn’t enjoy a lungful of that?’

  It was a succubus attack, I was sure of it. The face was the same, eyes and mouth wide, a reflex action in the last moments of being drained.

  ‘No I.D. on her, but judging by the location and the way she’s dressed, we’re pretty sure this one was a rough sleeper,’ said David.

  ‘Poor fucker,’ said Eva. ‘A shit life and a shittier death. Ain’t life grand?’

  Layland approached, cup of coffee in hand. ‘Oh, you invited two weirdos for the price of one; my lucky day,’ she said, her narrowed eyes practically piercing my skin.

  ‘Whoa,’ said Eva. ‘Now that is a face you have nightmares about.’

  ‘Stella, is there a reason my numbskull partner invites you to these things, because I see a second dead body now and not a single helpful word from you.’

  ‘I’m working on it.’

  I didn’t like the way Layland looked at me. Sometimes it felt like the suggestion magic I pushed out to make the officers accept my presence didn’t quite work as well as it should have on her. I probed at her a little with my senses, wondering if there wasn’t a distant bit of Uncanny about her, but came up with nothing. Maybe she was just strong-minded enough to notice that something was playing her.

  ‘I think God did it,’ said Eva, blowing out a cloud of smoke.

  ‘Oh, God, okay,’ replied Layland, and never had a sentence been spoken with so much sarcasm.

  ‘Oh yeah. I mean, if you think about it, God’s to blame for everything. Every death. That is if you believe in a God of course.’

  ‘And you do?’

  ‘I try not to think too much about it, love, that way leads to madness, know what I mean?’

  Layland gave Eva a long hard look: the wild mess of black hair, the ragged clothing that made her look a bit like a goth Stevie Nicks. ‘Oh yes,’ she said. ‘I know what you mean.’

  Eva saluted and turned on her heel, wandering away from us.

  ‘You have the best taste in friends, Tyler,’ said Layland.

  ‘What can I say,’ David replied. ‘I attract damaged women.’

  Layland sighed. ‘You know my previous partner wasn’t much for talking, or jokes. We worked together for three years and barely exchanged a dozen words a day. God, I miss Terry.’

  David grinned and put his arm around her, ‘Come off it, you know you love me, you big grump.’

  She looked at him, eyes half shut, and sighed.

  ‘Stella, if you can’t give us anything useful, I don’t expect to see you on my crime scene, got it?’

  ‘Got it.’

  Layland gave me a last contemptuous look, then walked away.

  I turned my attention back to the body.

  ‘So, are we still thinking the same thing?’ asked David. ‘One of Anya’s nearest and dearest out on the prowl?’

  I stared into the poor woman’s wide, dead eyes, all colour drained from them. As far as I was concerned, there was no doubt.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Well that’s not good, is it? I mean, that’s very, very bad. Three “verys” even.’

  He was right. It didn’t get much worse.

  10

  I was surprised to find Eva waiting across the street from the alleyway as I stepped out, still puffing away on a cigarette. I’d expected her to have done a bunk again.

  ‘Hey girlfriend,’ she yelled, raising a fist as I approached.

  ‘You know those are bad for you, right?’ I said.

  ‘Ah, fuck it. What isn’t bad for you these days?’

  ‘Not smoking.’

  Eva snorted at that.

  ‘How long have you actually been alive now? It’s running into the hundreds of years, correct?’

  ‘Yeah, and it fucking feels like it, believe me. I may have the appearance of a youthful, sexy-as-all-damn-hell female, but my joints ache to buggery and I wake up to take a piss about five times every night.’

  ‘Information I wasn’t desperate to hear.’

  ‘So, a succubus gone feral, eh?’ Eva continued. ‘Nasty shit.’

  I nodded, nasty shit was an understatement of epic proportions. Going toe-to-toe with a succubus was practically suicide as it was. There was also the matter of whether or not this was a fresh succubus, new to the city, or whether it was one of Anya’s family gone rogue. Neither option was appealing, but the second one meant facing off against Anya and her entire family, and that sounded like a one way trip to the cemetery.

  I felt myself shudder a little and reached out a hand towards Eva, who looked at me in surprise before handing over the ciggy. I inhaled and held it for several seconds before letting it fog out of me with a sigh.

  ‘That’s it, lady,’ said Eva, ‘just give in. Life kills you in the end, why try so hard? That’s my motto. Not that I have a motto, because that would make me a prize pillock, but if I did. Which I never would. Scratch this whole thing and give me that.’

  She grabbed the cigarette back and slumped on a bench, pulling a half-full bottle of gin from her pocket and unscrewing the cap.

  ‘I’m not sure I can do everything that’s expected of me,’ I said. ‘Whatever magical safeguards my witches put in place on the city have decayed and the bad is just getting badder. I’ve never had so much work, and it’s just me and David now, who I’m lying to, and it seems like I’m supposed to kill him or someone else will and it’s all a bit, you
know, much. What if I’m not good enough?’

  ‘You’re not. Accept failure, it’s easier in the long run.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  She grinned and toasted me with the gin bottle before suckling at it like a hungry newborn. I sat next to her and stared towards the alley’s opening as the body of the homeless woman was placed into the back of an ambulance and driven away.

  ‘My masters are dead and I’m here trying to keep some sort of order in London. One coven for a whole city, what were they thinking?’

  ‘That they were witches and therefore unkillable and above questioning. Arrogant sods, the lot of them. Well, death sure showed our respective creators, hey?’

  Is Eva what I’d become if I took her advice and just walked away? If I said goodbye to the coven and washed my hands of my duties? How could she have done that? A familiar is built for one purpose and one place. How could shirking her duties not eat her insides away?

  I looked to Eva, her eyes half closed, trying to drink from her gin bottle and inhale her cigarette at the same time, her hands trembling slightly. She’d been hiding from her responsibilities for years, and look what it had done to her.

  I couldn’t become that.

  I wouldn’t.

  ‘Hey,’ said David, making me jump. I’d been so caught up in my own dreary thoughts that I hadn’t noticed him approaching.

  ‘Hey,’ I said back.

  ‘Thirsty?’ asked Eva, holding out the gin bottle and giving it a wiggle.

  ‘Thanks, but I think I’ll pass for now.’

  ‘Suit yourself, more for Mama.’

  David widened his eyes at me briefly, smiling. I looked past him to see the bulk of the officers leaving, the alley now taped off with a couple of coppers sat slumped in the front seat of their patrol car out front.

  ‘So,’ I said, ‘What are they making of all this? Layland and your bosses?’

  ‘They haven’t got a clue, which for some weird reason really pisses them off.’

  I smiled. ‘What are they expecting from you?’

  ‘The same as always, results out of thin air, and fast. Only, no matter what happens here, I’m not going to be able to give them any actual results, because the killer is a monster that doesn’t exist. Or doesn’t exist as far as anyone else knows. All I can do is help you stop it, then it’s just another unsolved crime on my ledger. I’ve gotta say, joining up with you is not bringing any extra sparkle to my career prospects.’