TooDangeroustoLove

by AliyahBurke

  Brandt slid out of bed and lifted her in his arms, ignoring her protest. He held onto her until they were in the bathroom and then slowly lowered her to the floor.

  “You sure you will be all right?”

  “Fine. Go.”

  He did with no argument.

  “I am ready now.”

  Brandt opened the door, scooped her shaking body back up into his arms, and carried her back to the bed where, once she was settled back on the mattress, he curled up with her as well. That alone had taken a lot out of her.

  He pressed a kiss to her forehead, “Good morning.”

  “Morning. How did you sleep?”

  “The best I have in two weeks.” His lips kept brushing her head. “This is too dangerous work. You need to quit.” His words were a command.

  “Who are you to order me around?” Her question was sharp. “I have been doing this kind of work for a long time. I know what the risks are.”

  “I was out of my mind with worry for you. I can’t go through this every time you go on an assignment.”

  “What are you talking about? There is no us, so it is no concern of yours.” Her body began to stiffen in his arms.

  “I want there to be an us. I love you, Raven Da…”

  “Don’t,” she snapped. “Don’t say that to me.”

  “What? That I love you? Why not, it’s true.” His exasperation was easy for her to hear.

  “Any of it. Just don’t.” I can’t stand to hear it. Not knowing that we can never be. The simple fact that you can’t call me by my real name because you don’t know what it is. “There can’t be anything between us. I told you that before, that hasn’t changed.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? You were willing to give your life for me. Of course our relationship has changed.”

  She shook her head as she told herself, just say it and be strong. “I told you before, it was my job to do that. I would have done it for anyone. That is what I do, I kill people and I protect people. That is it. Got it? It doesn’t change anything between us. Nothing. I am leaving in a day, today if I can pull it off, and I will be out of your life. That’s it. End of story. Chapter closed. No us. Period.”

  “So that’s it then?” He asked as he blinked away tears of frustration and grew cold.

  “That’s it.” Before she could say anything else, the nurse came in with her daily regimen of shots. Brandt left the bed and went to the bathroom while Raven got checked over.

  * * * *

  As he emerged, he found her in an argument with the doctor.

  “No,” the man was saying in a firm voice.

  “Yes.” Raven was sitting up in bed with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She still wore the paper gown from the hospital but some of her bandages were gone, giving Brandt a look at her remaining bruises.

  She had a few scabs and stitches on her head and neck. Her shoulder was still bandaged and he knew that was from a gunshot wound. But her voice was still determined.

  “Look, I need to get out of here. This place is driving me crazy. I’ll just go back to my apartment and take it easy for a while. But I need to leave the hospital.”

  “I would rather keep you for some more observation. I also want to learn how you heal so fast. Run some tests on you, that sort of thing.”

  The doctor was a tall blond man. Hair hung down to his shoulders, giving off a mixture of ruggedness and classical handsomeness. Very attractive and confident. His eyes were a sharp jade green. Brandt didn’t like him anywhere near Raven. Apartment? Brandt thought she lived in the country.

  The stethoscope hung around his neck and showed how broad his shoulders were. The man was fit; his white coat advertised that fact. Right now his whole attention was on Raven and that boiled Brandt’s blood, even though he knew the man was a professional.

  “I could just check myself out, you know. I can’t stay here. I’m leaving today. Not a single test…I feel fine, a little tired, but fine.”

  A look of resignation filled the doctor’s eyes and he smiled fondly at her as he took a pen and paper from his pocket. He scribbled something and handed it to Raven, who took it and nodded as she read it.

  “That is what the charts say, you are fine. Okay, I give up. I never could strong-arm you, Raven. I will have someone contact Morgan. I will be by your apartment in a few days to check up on you since I know you won’t let me run more tests. The paperwork will be at the nurses’ station by the time Morgan comes. My cell number is on there if you need anything before I get there.”

  “Thanks, Tom. For everything.” She spoke with familiarity to the man in the white coat and that made Brandt wonder just how well she really knew him.

  “I don’t ever want to see you like this again, Raven. Ever. You had me scared for a while.”

  “I don’t plan on it, but I know I couldn’t have been in better hands. Thanks.”

  Tom nodded at her and left the room silently with the nurse, leaving an irate Brandt in there with the lone woman on the bed.

  “What the hell did he give you?” Brandt asked.

  “His number and my prescription. Chill. Look, thanks for coming to see me. I am glad you are all right, but maybe you should go now.”

  Brandt put his eyes on her rich chocolate ones and found himself gazing into emotionless pools. “I guess you are right. There is nothing left for me to say, since you made your position on this perfectly clear.” Bitterness tinged his voice.

  “Don’t be like that. I never gave you any ideas that it could be more than what it was.”

  “Don’t be like what? Like I care about you? You’re right. You are paid for your services. I should know, I paid you fifty grand. Have a good life, Raven Dare.” He tossed her a mock salute and stormed from the room, slamming the door behind him, almost knocking over Falcon, who stood outside the door.

  * * * *

  Raven furiously blinked back tears as Falcon came into the room with his eyebrows raised in silent question. Brandt’s words had cut her to the quick. How he must hate her.

  “What happened between you two?” Falcon asked.

  “Nothing. I sent him away, better all the way around.” She fought to keep the tears at bay.

  “I just wanted to tell you what an honor it has been to work beside you. Both here and before in the Corps. I will miss you. Take care, Serenity.” She scowled at him. “I know, but it is time for you to become her once again. I also know that you are having a difficult time accepting yourself as Serenity. Don’t let all the anger and violence you have seen stop you from having a wonderful life.

  “Please. You are such a wonderful person. Serenity, your smile can brighten the darkest days and chase away the rain. Remember how to be happy. I will miss you.”

  Falcon leaned over and placed a brotherly kiss on her cheek. Raven put an identical one on his cheek and nodded as he left the room. Her old friend left her alone to contemplate his words.

  Alone in the room, she sat on the bed and thought about her two personalities. One Raven Dare—a cold, calculating woman that didn’t blink if she had to take a life. Knew her job and did it relentlessly. The other, Serenity Walker—warm, fun loving with a ready smile on her face. A prankster and woman who just loved to be enjoying life.

  Now she was not going to be Raven Dare ever again, but as Serenity she had no home to go to either. A vacation was definitely on the horizon. Somewhere warm, by the water like the Caribbean. Take some time to work things out in her mind. Figure out what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. Start fresh. Start over.

  * * * *

  Seth pulled up a straight-backed chair next to her and plucked her hand up with his. He had been fearful she’d never make it back here and he’d wouldn’t have been able to tell her the words that burned to get off his tongue. There were tears in his eyes as he gazed at his daughter’s healing, battered face. He couldn’t wait any longer. Because of his cowardice he almost lost the chance to tell her that she was his daughter.
<
br />   This remarkable woman, sitting near him on a couch, had defeated most of the odds that were against her. She had grown up very poor. Being African-American didn’t do much to give her a leg up in the inner city. Mother dying when she was seven, Serenity had learned how to defend herself. He hadn’t been there for her and didn’t find her until she was eleven.

  By then she was deep within a gang and looking much older than she was. It had been a long struggle to get her to trust him and accept that he wanted only to help her. Serenity was blessed with a photographic memory, so school was easy for her.

  Before long she had passed her classmates and hungered for more. She loved adventure and wanted to seek out new things. The Marines got her after graduation at the age of seventeen. Life on the street bore a dark side to Serenity that the Marines seemed to bring out in her.

  She was a damn good Marine, an exceptional shot and very good with hand to hand combat. She moved quickly up through the ranks. After her first tour was over she immediately reenlisted and was sent over to Africa with Force Recon to handle some issues with coups and things. That was when she had become MIA. All he had gotten was word that her chopper had gone down, one was dead, and she was missing.

  Two years she was gone, and one day Seth got a call saying that she had contacted her commanding officer and requested that they come get her, for she wanted to come home. He had been reunited with her that week after her debriefing.

  But she was different, she had changed. Her sunny smile had been replaced by a look of indifference. Eyes that had sparkled with humor were deadpan and expressionless, unless they became cold and calculating. Seth never knew what she had gone through out there, but she had been consumed by the darker side of her soul.

  Dylan Morgan had come to find her and recruit her for his bodyguard business. On her first enlistment with the USMC, she had worked with Dylan in a few special operations and he had been very impressed with her abilities. He had been the one to suggest they ask her to join the Force Reconnaissance team on her second enlistment. With her agreement to work with him, Raven Dare was born.

  Dylan had a special place for her in his corporation. He still did some work with the military and the country’s national securities. They required a person with some of the talents that Serenity had and, with some extra training and her experiences in the jungle, she was more than ready to become their own walking weapon.

  As Raven, she had an apartment close to the business headquarters, while Serenity had a large home in the wilderness. She worked hard to keep them separate, to protect herself and her friends she had as Serenity.

  But as he sat there beside her, holding her hand, Seth noticed that there was a deep sadness in her eyes. Violet had been right, Raven had fallen for Brandt Fowler. She was in love.

  “Can I get you anything, honey?” he asked as he rubbed her hand.

  “No. I am fine. Just a little tired.”

  “I am so sorry about the house. We can build it again if you want.”

  “I think I would like that, but not now. Well, not yet anyway. I want to go to the Caribbean for a while. Do my physical therapy down there. In the sun. I need a change.

  “Can you arrange for a trip down there for Serenity and the dogs?” Her unblinking eyes stared directly into Seth’s.

  “Right away. Give me about a week and I will have it all ready. Get you a small house along the beach.” Dylan was the one who answered her, not Seth.

  “Thanks.” She turned to Dylan as he stood there holding onto Laurie’s hand. “Raven needs to die. Two days after I leave the country, send my car off a mountain and into a deep gorge. I am done, Dylan. I can’t be at war with myself anymore. I need a chance to just be me for a while. I need to learn who I really am.”

  “I understand. I will make it so. Laurie can drive your car. If she wears a hat she can pass as you from a distance. She can drive your car to the mountains and then we can handle it for you.

  “It has been my great honor working with you, Raven Dare, but you are right. You deserve to live your own life. I look forward to the day that I will get the opportunity to see Serenity Walker once again.” Dylan moved to her side and kissed her on the cheek. “I love you, little one. If you ever need anything, let me know.”

  He stepped back and Laurie approached next. Her eyes were gentle as a soft summer rain as they looked at the woman on the couch. Her voice was soothing, “Thank you for all that you did for us. For all you have done for me. Live your life and be happy.”

  She too gave Raven a kiss on the cheek and then she and Dylan left the apartment. Dylan kept the keys, with only one last look over his shoulder.

  Seth knew she would miss him but he needed to talk to her without him there.

  * * * *

  Alone with Seth and Violet, her hand held in Seth’s strong one, Raven felt relieved. The harshness and emotionless personality that she donned as Raven had begun to slip away. Perhaps it wouldn’t be as hard as she had feared to become Serenity for the rest of her life.

  She looked up into the dark brown eyes of Seth Larkin. “What was it you were trying to tell me outside?”

  Seth swallowed hard, flicked his nervous gaze to Violet before he put it back to her. Instantly she was suspicious.

  Violet spoke up. “I’ll make something for us to eat. I know that hospital food is nothing to brag about. We need to get some meat on your bones. You two talk and I will be in the kitchen.”

  Raven nodded at her and put her eyes back onto Seth. “Well?”

  “I need to tell something. This is hard for me to say. It is something that I should have told you a long time ago.”

  “If I didn’t know better, Seth, I would think you were blushing.” Apprehension filled her as she saw the fear in his eyes. “What is it? We have been through so much, I would hope you could tell me anything.”

  She was so trusting of him. Seth took a deep breath and just blurted it out. “I am your father.”

  She smiled kindly at him. “I do think of you as a father. You took me in and gave me a life in a real home. Because of you I did not have to grow up on the streets.”

  He shook his head. “No.” He dropped her hand and ran his over his face, which suddenly looked much older than he was. “I am your biological father.”

  Shock slammed her so suddenly she jerked. “What are you saying exactly? How long have you known?” The flicker in his gaze told her more than she wanted to know. “This whole time. You knew all along and never told me. Did she know?” Her head jerked towards the kitchen, indicating Violet.

  “Yes. She has known. I wanted to tell you for so long now, but I just felt so embarrassed about. . .”

  “About what? Running out on your responsibility? Leaving your wife and unborn child alone in the slums to defend themselves?” Scorn dripped from her words. “Leave.”

  “Please, let me explain.” Seth reached for her but she jerked away.

  “No. Leave. I don’t want you here, either of you.” She snaked her eyes over to where Violet stood watching them both. “Go now. I will be fine.”

  “Raven, please give him a chance to give his reasons,” Violet interjected.

  “No!” she snapped. “I don’t want to hear excuses. I slept on a floor with roaches, huge ones. Barely had enough food to eat. Then Mom died. I had to learn to survive on my own. Find ways to stay warm and safe. Stay fed. Do you have any idea what that entails for a young girl? Do you? It takes more than one person to create a baby and you took the easy way out. You ran. Well, now is your chance to run again. You know where the door is.”

  “I’m not running. You are my daughter and we need to talk about this.”

  With a big heave she gained her feet, surprising herself. She growled, “Wrong. There is nothing for us to discuss. Thank you for telling me, but I don’t wish to talk to you right now. Leave my apartment, I don’t need you.”

  She cleared her throat and pressed on. “I didn’t need you when I was a baby and I don’t need
you know. You know where the door is.” She turned and, using the crutches, hopped off to her bedroom with her dogs following her, and shut the door on them.

  After hearing the front door, she hobbled back out to the living room. She stopped in the middle of the room and dropped her crutches, standing only on her one good leg.

  Very slow and with caution, she lowered her other leg. There was pain but she could tolerate it. So, she put a bit more on the leg and it gave out on her, toppling her to the floor.

  “Shit!” The yell reverberated throughout the room. Tears of frustration began to fall as she struggled to get the crutches and make her way to the kitchen. Violet had some soup on the stove and the table was already set.

  As she ate some thick chicken chowder, she ran over the information she had just gotten. Seth Larkin, her father? Why would he lie to her? Why wouldn’t he have told her sooner?

  This was just too much for her to handle right now. She needed something that was familiar to her. As if reading her mind, her dogs shoved their heads under her hands, demanding attention. Which she willingly gave them.

  She headed to her bed after that. Sleep seemed to be the only way for her to escape the racing of her mind. While it was a long time in coming, when it did it was peaceful.

  The next morning, she woke early and began to climb out of bed when she heard a noise out in the living room. Her dogs were out of the room so she knew that it wasn’t anyone that could pose her any threat.

  Slowly she made her way to the shower and got cleaned up before she slipped into a pair of sweats and an old shirt. Thick socks on her feet, she grabbed the crutches and headed to the living room.

  She saw the dogs out in her backyard and in the kitchen she was surprised to see Laurie.

  “Good morning, Serenity.”

  “I’m not Serenity, my name is Raven,” came her automatic response.

  “Yes, you are. Your name is Serenity Chandi Walker. Here, I made you some breakfast. Then I will take you to your first physical therapy appointment.”

  “How did you get in?”

  “Dylan.” She gestured to the table by the door where a bag of things sat. “He dropped off the stuff from your car he thought you may want to keep. If not, then I will take it back with me and it can be destroyed. But come on, sit down and eat something. I wasn’t sure what you would like so I made a bit of everything. Eggs, bacon, biscuits, hash browns, grits, some fresh fruit and some waffles.”