The Last Rogue Soul

by S E Brower

  “Dax, would you do one last thing for me?” Faith whispered.

  “What would you have me do?” he asked.

  “Please, a blessing for my daughter, please bless Jessie.” The Angel did not answer right away, instead bowing his head as he considered her request. He stepped forward to where Jessie sat by her mother’s bedside. Jessie sat up looking at her mother. Faith drew in a long breath, and with great effort she spoke, “Please, let him do this for me.” Jessie smiled, looked up at the Angel, and nodded.

  “Jessica, be still now,” he instructed her, his expression solemn, as he gazed down at her. The room went black. There was no sound, no light, and time stood still. Yet Jessie was not afraid. A soft, warm light emanated from the Angel, increasing in brilliance until the whole of him glowed. His beautiful wings rose and unfurled as his luminous presence pierced the dark. He was a magnificent sight standing there with his wings spread wide.

  Jessie felt the skin on her arms stand up in tiny goose bumps. She shivered in awe as those wings, ever so gently encircled her like a protective curtain. Beginning with the crest, the light changed into fantastic colors moving down through the beautiful plumes, sparkling like tiny diamonds.

  Transfixed, Faith could not look away, for it was the most resplendent sight she’d ever witnessed. In an instant, it was dark once more. “It is done,” The Angel whispered, “May The Father bless you Jessica Elaine.” Then turning towards her mother, “Elaine Faith Barrett, I wish you peace. May The Father be with you now, and always.”

  Faith mouthed a silent, “Amen.”

  He nodded his acknowledgement, releasing Jessie. Things seemed to return to normal, as much as normal could include speaking with an Angel. Jessie turned to him. “Thank you, Dax,” she had been feeling upset, but now, even while the tears still streamed down her face, she didn’t feel so alone.

  Jessie held her mother’s hand, a question burning in her mind the whole way from Chesapeake and so she asked. “Mom, when I was born, your Grandmother came to you in a dream, saying I was being born for a higher purpose. What does that mean? Do you know?”

  Just breathing was a labor for Faith and talking was a terrible exertion. The words came, almost inaudible with long breaths in between, “Awe, Jess, … don’t worry about it… you will know… when the time comes.”

  It wasn’t the answer Jessie was looking for, but at least she got to ask. Maybe her mother didn’t have the strength or maybe she didn’t know the answer. If she did, she wasn’t telling.

  Jessie watched with a dreamlike wonder as her mom stretched out her hand towards her Guardian. He came to her. Reaching down, he cupped her mother’s cheek. Faith looked into those beautiful blue eyes. “Thank you… for my life,” she whispered. Again, Drummondax only nodded.

  As Jessie watched, she thought about all the bizarre things she had just witnessed, wondering if she would ever see Dax again after this. But she didn’t want to interrupt to ask him, when she sensed her mother was slipping away.

  All thoughts of getting in touch with the Angel again vanished. Breaking the silence, she asked in a panic, “Can I call my dad and brother in now?”

  Without him speaking, Jessie heard his answer in her mind. “Yes, be swift dear Jessica, her time is short now.”

  Jessie stood up calling out to them. “Dad, Travis! Come in here quick. She’s awake!” As they ran from the kitchen, Drummondax faded into the realm of the celestial, until all that remained of the Angel were two steely blue eyes, silent and watching.

  Harrison and Travis hurried into the bedroom. Harrison went to Faith, when he reached her he dropped to one knee taking one of Faith’s hands in both of his. They looked into one another’s eyes briefly when Harrison leaned forward, and gently kissed his wife upon her forehead. Lowering his head, placing his lips close to her ear he whispered, “I love you my Sweetheart, forever and always.” Faith smiled at him.

  She gazed lovingly at her children. Looking at Jessie she said, “Thank you … for being … the music … in my life.” Faith’s breathing was labored. Jessie’s tears flowed anew. Glancing at her brother, she saw he was crying too. Their mother, then looked at Travis. “Thank you for being … the theater in my…. life.” Travis wanted to speak but could only shake his head. His eyes told her how much he loved her.

  Faith turned her attention back to her beloved Harrison. “Thank you, my Love, for being my … Prince, I … love … you.” Faith had breathed her last breaths. Harrison held her hand in his, kissing her one last kiss. Faith looked past her family as if she saw something or someone else, the light leaving her eyes. Faith was gone.

  Harrison sat sobbing a long while as Jessie and Travis stood motionless behind him in silent tears. Standing, he leaned over his wife, kissing her forehead, and gently closed her eyes. As he sat back down next to Faith’s body once more, he laid his head on her hand and wept, his back to his children heaving in sorrow. Jessie had seen her dad cry only once before, when he buried his own father. It broke her heart to see him like that again.

  Sometimes in a person’s life things happen that define them. There is life before this moment, and life after when nothing would ever be the same. It was midnight on a Friday, and Jessie would never forget it as long as she lived.

  Jessie and her brother left their dad alone to grieve in private, retreating into the darkened kitchen, lit only by the light over the stove. Jessie tiptoed in anguish, through the dim light slipping her arms around Travis, burying her face in his chest, hugging him hard. He folded his big arms around her, kissing the top of her head much like he would do to his little girls at home, when they would fall down. The two of them stood there holding each other crying. It was all so surreal with a kind of slow-motion feeling. They realized they had just lost their mother.

  After a while, Travis looked down at her, “Okay, this is weird now, get off.”

  Jessie laughed through her tears, smacking him and backed up. Travis was at a loss, “We have a lot to do, now. Who do we call? Do we wait until morning? What should we do?” Sounding more as if he were just thinking out loud.

  “We call the funeral director, I suppose. I’m not waiting,” Jessie answered. Picking up her phone, she searched the number and dialed.

  While Jessie made the call, Travis plopped down into the armchair in the living room. Overcome with sadness, not knowing how to cope, he searched for a distraction, settling on a deck of cards which he found on the end table next to him. Mindlessly, he took a card with two fingers, flicking it deftly through the air. This was followed by another, and another as one by one, they dropped into a bowl on the coffee table across the room, plunk, plunk, plunk.

  That is until, Jessie walked into the room. Travis fired a card straight at her, and she snagged it from the air between her index and middle fingers. “I hate when you do that,” she scowled at him.

  “I can’t help it, it calms my nerves, geez,” he glared at her. “What did they say, Jess?”

  She felt ashamed for snapping at him. “I’m sorry Travis.”

  “I know. It’s okay.”

  She retrieved the rest of the cards from the bowl, handing them back to him. “They will be here within the hour.”

  “We will get through this.”

  It wasn’t long before the coroner arrived to pronounce Faith’s death. Jessie couldn’t bring herself to watch as they removed her mother’s body from the house. Instead, she went halfway up the stairway stopping at the landing. Alone in her grief, she sat on the steps staring at the beautiful stained glass across from her, thinking how much her mother had always loved that window. It was the first time she’d thought of her mother in the past tense and it cut her to the core.

  The hours that followed were a blur. There were arrangements that needed planning, people to call, flowers to order … it was daunting. Travis yawned, “I’m going home now. Are you okay?”

  She nodded, “I’m sure Carrie has been up half the night.”

  “Yup,” he agreed, �
�don’t worry about the kids. Leave them sleep at my house. You can get them when you get yourself together.”

  “Thanks bro,” she called after him as he slipped through the kitchen door into the darkness.

  After Travis left, she didn’t know if she should leave her dad alone or talk to him. Her dilemma was answered for her when Harrison drifted into the kitchen searching for the dog.

  “Where’s Dax? I’ve looked all over the house for him. Did he get out?”

  “I don’t know, Dad,” Jessie lied. She didn’t know what to tell him. Hating to add to his pain with the loss of Dax, she couldn’t tell him the truth of the matter, he would think she was crazy.

  Wishing she could talk to Dax, the real Dax, she sunk into the living room chair. Not knowing how to get in touch with an Angel, she wasn’t sure she would ever see him again. She wished she would have asked what to say about the dog when he left. “I’ll go look for him as soon as its daylight. Okay, Dad?”

  “That’s all right, Sweetheart, we have enough to worry about right now.” Even through red, swollen eyes from crying, his face showed her mother’s death hadn’t sunk in yet. He had a faraway look, as he slipped into their bedroom, his bedroom, closing the door.

  Jessie, drained both physically and emotionally, shuffled like a zombie through the house locking doors and turning off the outside lights as she went. Looking out the window up at the stars, she wondered if her mom was one of those lights now. She did not know how long she stood there gazing out the window. Yawning, she curled up on the sofa, not wanting to go upstairs to sleep in her childhood bed. For a long while the events preceding her mother’s death swirled in her head until once again, she felt like throwing up. Finally, exhaustion over took her and closing her eyes, she slept.

  Chapter 7

  The Devil is in the Details

  There were many details needing attention in the days following Faith’s death. Jessie determined to make her mother proud and handle it all with grace. Her father needed her to get through this, just as she needed him. Michael was unreachable and would not be coming home for the funeral.

  It had been only a little over a day since her mother passed. Jessie slept fitfully and awoke early. The reality of losing her mom sunk in, with the first thing coming to mind, being the urgency surrounding the funeral arrangements. She thought photos of her mother might be nice. Time was short, and Jessie wanted to get working on it.

  She wandered through the downstairs looking for her dad. The house felt strange without her mother in it, like it too, had somehow died. The silence was screaming Faith’s absence. Her mother’s touch in every room, evidenced by the antiquities, bits, and bobs her parents had collected together over the years.

  Jessie knew her dad would miss not having his best friend, the love of his life, to travel with on weekends, searching for their little treasures. Now, Jessie had the dubious task of helping her dad sort through her mom’s belongings. Faith knew she was dying and had asked Harrison to give her favorite things to their children and grandchildren to remember her by. Not knowing where to begin, he asked Jessie for her help.

  That morning, Jessie still couldn’t find her dad, so instead decided what she needed was coffee. Half awake, she shuffled her way to the kitchen.

  “What time was it, anyway?” she yawned, squinting at the clock on the microwave, “7:00 a.m. yay, coffee, coffee first.” She reached for the pot, still half full of a fresh brew. “Dad, you are a saint, and up early,” she thought, wrapping her hands around the warm mug, taking her first big sip.

  Unbeknownst to Jessie, Harrison had spent the early morning hours traipsing through the neighborhood searching for Dax, without success. He returned home and was sitting alone out on the deck facing the backyard, his arms folded, watching the birds like he and Faith had done so many mornings over the years.

  Jessie glanced out the kitchen window and saw him there. Poking her head out the back door, she yelled to him. “Dad, there you are. I’ve been looking all over. Where were you?”

  “Just sitting here,” he answered his back to her. Jessie didn’t want to bother him, but she needed to get working on things.

  “Do you know where all the old photos are of us when we were growing up?” she yelled out to him. He turned towards her.

  “I think they are in a box up in the attic, I’ll go look.” He welcomed the distraction giving him something constructive to do. Jessie watched as he came in, disappearing up the stairs. She could hear his footsteps two floors above her, along with the rustling of boxes and other unidentified noises.

  Soon she heard him on the steps again. Meeting him half way, she took the box he was carrying and headed to the dining room table. “You didn’t find him, did you?” she said, as she walked away already knowing the answer.

  “Find who?”

  “Dax, you didn’t find him.”

  “No, I didn’t, damned dog.”

  “You can say that again,” Jessie mumbled under her breath. She felt her encounter with the Angel was like a dream, making her doubt it even happened. The Author would damn Drummondax for eternity for what he did. “What will become of him now that Mom’s gone?” she wondered. Thinking of telling her dad the truth about the dog made her head hurt. He wouldn’t understand, and she was certain he wasn’t ready to hear it, anyway. She didn’t know if either of them would ever be ready.

  Turning her attention to the contents of the box, she found a few albums and loose photos intended for albums that never materialized. Seeing them made Jessie feel nostalgic, and for a split second entertained completing the task, abandoning the idea when she realized just how much work it would involve.

  She just needed pictures of her mom, who hated having her picture taken. There weren’t very many. Finding some proved more difficult than Jessie expected. She dove into the box of pictures, searching for something useful. Each picture retrieved, now a treasure, flooding her mind with memories of her mother’s life. The task left her desperate to keep those memories alive.

  Harrison poured himself a cup of coffee. Heading into the dining room, he sat down to help her, when Jessie found a photo of her mom with her own dad, Jessie’s Grandfather. Jessie smiled when she saw it. “Mom and Grandpa Roy, this was one of Mom’s favorite pictures. We will use this one for sure,” she tried to sound cheerful, waving the picture in front of her dad. She stole a sideways glance in his direction.

  He was quiet, an unspoken sadness written on his face. Losing his beloved Faith devastated him, aging him overnight, and it made her sad seeing him this way. Jessie put the picture aside. Looking through the photos was bittersweet for them both, but for her father, it was comforting and torturous. The remnants of the life he and Faith shared reduced to mere memories.

  There were a lot of pictures from when Jessie’s parents were young and first married. The colors now faded into strange combinations of reds and greens. Others were curled and yellowing from the heat in the attic. Some, more recent, not many though. Later, she would look through her phone, and ask Travis and Carrie to do the same. Maybe there was something they could use.

  She was about to call it a day when she came across one of herself with a black dog in her parent’s backyard. Flipping the photo over, written in her mother’s handwriting were the words ‘Jessie and Raven 1995’. “I knew I was right,” Jessie thought to herself. With great satisfaction, she shoved the picture under her dad’s nose. “What does that say?” she asked. He took the picture from her, holding it out, so he could look.

  A shadow of a smile crossed his face after he flipped the picture over and read aloud, “It says, Jessie and Star 1995.”

  “Let me see that again,” Jessie grabbed the photo back out of his hand, turning it over. Clearly the words she read were, ‘Jessie and Raven 1995’, Raven… it confused her, that what he read was Star, not Raven. Jessie looked at her dad, a puzzled expression on her face.

  “What?” he stared back at her.

  Jessie swallowed hard.
“Yep, Jessie and Star 1995, that’s what it says,” she answered. Her dad just sat sifting through the other pictures, ignoring her comment. “He doesn’t see it,” Jessie thought, “now there is no doubt. Something is wrong. It’s as if the past is being changed and no one sees it but me.”

  The queasiness in her stomach returned, and her head pounded. It did that a lot, but this was different. The pain in her head had worsened, and a worrisome feeling had crept in uninvited. It frightened her, so she pushed the thoughts away. “I have a headache, Dad,” she said, as she rubbed her temples.

  “There is aspirin in the medicine cabinet in the hall bathroom, want me to get it for you?”

  “No, thanks I’ll get it.” Jessie got up needing to step away, not wanting him to worry. She also needed time to process the now clear discrepancy discovered on the back of the old photo. The past was being re-written somehow.

  First, everyone thought Raven’s name was Star and second, no one was remembering Easter. “But why, and how could something like that even happen?” Jessie wondered. “Am I the only one who realizes it?” she thought, making her worst fears emerge now as worrisome fact. Wishing she could talk to the Angel again, she got up from the table.

  In the bathroom, she splashed cold water on her face and stared at herself in the mirror. She was half wishing, half terrified, a pair of blue eyes would be staring back at her. But it was only her face, with eyes red and swollen from crying.

  “Damn!” she chastised her reflection, her hair a mess, she grabbed a brush and pulled it up into a ponytail. “Something Mom would never have done,” she thought. Returning to the dining room, she continued sorting as if nothing was wrong.

  Her tenacity about the photos paid off, and after searching all phones, she had what she needed. Gathering up the precious images retrieved from the box in the attic, she grabbed her keys and ran it all over to Travis. Being a producer at a TV station in Philly, he could scan them to run as a beautiful presentation on Jessie’s laptop, complete with text and music if he wanted to take the time to add it.