“So tell them.”
“It won’t be that simple. Margaret and her team will eventually get back to Istriya too. And they will refute everything I say. We need proof. We need you.”
My head feels like it’s going to burst. It is all too much. Could any of it be true? Aliens? Embryos?
I touch my stomach. The most plausible explanation is that Ellis, Fallon, and Margaret are crazy, and that I somehow attract people who want to hurt me, that my life is marked for misery.
The other option is to believe Ellis. Believe in the absurdity of aliens. It’s unfathomable. Yet there’s a small part of me that questions why it can’t be.
“Ellis, we need to get going. She has to come. It’s the only way.” The meaning of Fallon’s words make all my muscles tense.
“No, Fallon. We’re not going to do that. No more forcing people. It has to be up to her.”
“It’s for her own good. And for her family’s.”
“What? What are you talking about? Is Navi in danger?” I ask. It feels like my chest is being crushed under a huge weight.
“You weren’t supposed to remember any of this. But since your memory can’t be erased. Well ….” Fallon pauses and looks directly at me, his unfinished sentence completed in his eyes.
“Margaret doesn’t want anyone to know about all of you. She wants me dead, but if she can’t find me, she’ll go after whomever she thinks I might have told? She’ll go to my home. She’ll find Navi and ….” I can’t allow myself to finish the thought. Alien or not, Margaret is dangerous.
“That’s not true. I don’t think she’d hurt your family. It would draw too much attention if people suddenly died. People who would be missed. That’s why Margaret said we had to use runaways. Women who could disappear unnoticed,” says Ellis.
“Can you promise me that she won’t hurt Navi?”
“No one can promise you anything. It’s all messed up.” Fallon stands up and walks over to me. All traces of his momentary lapse into hysteria have gone.
“So I have to let her kill me. It’s the only way to keep Navi safe.”
“No! I won’t let her touch you. I’ll die before I let her get near you,” Ellis says.
Fallon shakes his head. “Then you’ll die too, Ellis. You can’t stand against Margaret. There’s only one option that can fix all of this.” He turns to me. “You must come to Istriya. We go to the Council and tell them everything. They will keep you, your brother, and those women alive. They are the only ones who can stop Margaret.”
“I’ll do it,” I say. I have no choice. Not if there’s a chance that Navi could be in danger.
“Are you—”
I don’t let Ellis finish. “But I want to say goodbye to my brother.”
“No way,” says Fallon. “We don’t have time for that crap.”
“Shut up, Fallon,” Ellis says and then turns to me. He is pale and hollow-eyed. “Kalli, I don’t think that’s possible. The immobilizer that’s in Margaret only works for a certain amount of time. Fallon set it to four hours, the maximum. After that time elapses, she’ll be awake. She’ll inform the team, and they’ll come looking for us. We need a head start back to Istriya.”
“Can’t you just call someone on your planet? Tell them what’s happened and that we’re coming. That you’re bringing me along.” I can’t believe the words coming from my mouth. Have I actually accepted that aliens exist?
Ellis gasps. “No. They can’t know we’re bringing you. They’ll shoot us down before we even land. The Council made it extremely clear that under no circumstances are we to bring back anyone from Earth.”
“Then I don’t get it. If that’s the rule and you show up with me, they’ll be furious. They won’t listen to me!”
“I have a plan. There’s someone who can help us. I’ve already contacted her.”
“What? When?” Fallon demands. “I should have been the one to speak with her.”
“What does it matter? The important thing is that she’ll help.”
“Fine. Let’s just get going,” says Fallon. He’s standing by an open drawer in the kitchen. He grabs a handful of long silver rods and stuffs them into a bag.
My throat is thick. I know I’ve made my decision to leave, but to not even get a chance to say goodbye? Despair floods me as the reality of never seeing my baby brother again sets in. If I stay, Navi will be in danger, and if I go, I’ll never see him. There’s no easy out. Either choice results in an irreparable rip in my heart.
“Please,” I say, my voice small. “I’ll be quick. I just want to say goodbye.”
“No, there’s no time,” Fallon declares and walks out the door.
Ellis follows him outside. I wait on the bed with Lucy and Bo, who have jumped up. They’re both rubbing up against me, calling for my complete attention. Even the rhythmic sounds of their purring doesn’t calm me as it has in the past. So much has happened, and so much more is about to. Am I really going to another planet? It’s insane.
Ellis is tense and on guard as he walks back inside. “We can take you to see your family. You won’t have much time, but at least it will be something.”
I can’t help myself. The words just slip out. “Thank you,” I say, before I can stop myself.
Within minutes, all three of us are outside, bathed in the glare of the sun on the snow. I’m surprised that it’s still light out. Was it just this morning that I woke up excited to share my life with Ellis? It seems like a different lifetime. So much has happened. One day I will process all of it, but now I need to focus on the present. I’m going home. Ellis is about to take hold of my hand when I yank my arm away.
“I’m only doing this for my brother,” I say.
I look up at him. It’s as if his whole body has collapsed on itself. He is completely broken. My heart stirs, but I refuse to give in. I can’t believe I let myself love him.
“You feeling up to the trip?” Ellis asks Fallon.
I forgot that he had been hurt. Fallon’s so big, he seems indestructible.
“I’m fine,” Fallon growls.
“Hey, what should we do with Margaret? Can we just leave her alone?” Ellis asks, nodding toward the house.
“I’ll stay behind,” Fallon says.
Ellis grabs onto Fallon’s arm.
“Fallon, it might seem tempting, but ….”
Fallon snatches his arm free. The brothers lock eyes, silently glaring at each other. And then Fallon disappears inside.
“I’m sorry, Kalli, but we don’t have much time, and it’s faster if I run.” He holds out his arms.
“What about your car?”
He shakes his head. He can’t be serious.
“You can run faster than your car?”
“Yes,” he says.
“That’s ridiculous.”
“I don’t have time to argue with you. If you want to see your family, this is the only way.”
“Fine,” I say, though it’s anything but fine.
I wrap my arms around Ellis’s neck, taking in his familiar scent, unwilling to give in to it.
Ellis folds me in tightly. The rush of air pulls the skin on my face, stretching it like Play-Doh. The speed is unbelievable. I’ve never moved so quickly before. Not in a car, not on an amusement park ride. Nothing compares to this. I imagine what it would feel like if I let go of him. I don’t think I would survive. Would that keep Navi safe?
Was it only a week earlier that he raced with me in his arms? The world that I thought existed has disappeared, replaced with something much bigger. Could there possibly be life in black open space? Am I actually going to travel to another world? My head throbs.
Suddenly we stop. In front of me is the place I once called home.
CHAPTER 17
It looks identical to the box-shaped two-story homes on either side. Gray stucco exterior, black roof, and a gravel path that leads to the entrance. A black front door sandwiched between two windows. The curtains are drawn. The house looks dead.<
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My stomach turns to liquid and my heart aches. I take in my home. My bedroom window upstairs on the left. The other window on the second floor is Navi’s room.
“Hey, you okay? Do you want me to come with you?”
Ellis is standing beside me on the sidewalk. I shake my head. I need to do this alone.
I plod up the driveway, hearing the familiar crunch of stones beneath my feet. Each step I take is slower than the one before. I can do this. I have to do this. Navi is so close.
My legs shake as I make my way to the front door. I place my trembling fingers on the doorknob and turn, but it’s locked. Automatically, I crouch down and reach under the large stone that always hid our spare key. I push the stone away and there’s nothing there. I don’t understand. My eyes search the ground nearby. No key. Of course, she removed it. Sita wouldn’t want to make it easy for me to come back. This isn’t my home anymore.
I try the knob one more time. But it won’t give. I stand there, with my hand frozen on the knob.
Suddenly, there are fingers on top of mine. Warm hands against my icy ones.
“Here, let me.” Ellis fiddles with the handle and gently pushes against the door. It quietly opens.
I pass through the door with the knowledge that this will be the last time. I stand there staring into the familiar room, with smells of curries, onion, and other spices wafting all over and becoming a part of me again.
Everything looks the same. The front foyer littered with shoes. The front hall cupboard stuffed with so many coats that bits of blue and brown fabrics peek through the crack of the door. There are even coats slung over the short rail that separates the foyer from the living room.
The living room lies in stark contrast to the front foyer. Empty beige walls. A plain blue sofa set against the far wall and two stark white armchairs in front of the window. Between the chairs is the small wooden table that holds the phone.
I remember my mother sitting on one of the chairs, clutching the phone to her ear, as she beseeched strangers on the other end to have their ducts cleaned. I remember sitting around the black coffee table playing Snakes and Ladders with my dad. This room that appears so vacant holds an infinite number of memories for me, both good and bad. A lump forms in the back of my throat, and my eyes sting.
I take a deep breath and step into the living room. My footsteps feel intrusive. I jerk my head up at the sudden sound of voices. I look at the staircase. My room is up there. It was once my refuge, but Sita changed it into a prison, where all those men did…. I have no desire to go up there. I step farther into the room and cringe as the floor creaks. I think about bolting out of the house. But before I can take another step, she appears. My mother, holding my little brother in her arms. My chest tightens.
I stand there, staring at my mother. I wish I could stop time. I would have stopped my life at fourteen, just before Sita came to live with us. I miss being loved.
Navi starts to squirm. He’s gotten so much bigger. He has so much hair. His nose is all scrunched up, like he’s trying to figure out who I am. I know it’s my fault. I left him. As I take in my home, my mother, and Navi, I realize the magnitude of everything I gave up. Of everything Sita took from me.
“Kalyana. Oh my Lord! Kalyana.”
My mother rushes toward me, reaching for me with her free arm. The dark green dress she wears swishes around her ankles as she walks.
I remember that dress. She finished sewing it a couple of weeks before I left. It’s made of velvet that she bought on sale. Sita complained that it was a cheap fabric, because it shed so much when it was cut.
I suddenly long to feel the softness of the dress against me. I hold out my arms without thinking. My mother touches my face, and I bury my head into her neck. I can smell the familiar scent of her floral perfume mixed with a hint of curry. I forgot how much shorter she is than me. I feel Navi’s hands tugging at my hair. He always loved to grab at my hair.
“What did you say? Did you say …?” And then the rest of Sita’s words get lost in her sharply drawn breath.
Hand clutching her chest, she glares at me. Wearing her red sari, fringed with gold thread, she bellows, “What are you doing here?”
I can’t move. I can’t speak. My mother removes her hand from my face, and I slowly straighten up. I stare at Sita, feeling my cheeks get hot.
“Figured out you couldn’t take care of yourself?” she snarls. “I told you she’d come back,” Sita says to my mother, hands on her hips.
Navi fusses and pulls away from my mother, so she sets him down. He looks up at me, with his fingers stuck in his mouth. Suddenly his eyes light up, and he flings himself at my legs. “Kalli!”
I reach down and scoop him up, holding him close. I take in the feel of his soft cheeks, the minty smell in his curls. I’m breathing him in, trying to take in as much of my brother as I can, when I feel him yanked away.
“Don’t you dare touch him! Who knows what disgusting things you caught.”
Sita’s pulling Navi off of me, but he won’t let go. He seizes my hair and wraps his fingers around it. He pulls so hard, my scalp stings, but I hold onto him tightly, refusing to let her take him from me. We pull on my brother as if he’s a rope in a tug of war. But we aren’t playing. Finally my mother steps in and gently unwraps Navi from my arms. He wails loudly and stretches out his arms to me.
“Shh, Navi,” my mother soothes, as she pulls my brother into her and takes a step toward Sita and away from me.
Navi hollers louder and starts smacking my mother, trying to break free of her.
“Ouch. Stop it!” my mother scolds.
I can’t help myself. I step toward him, reaching for him.
Sita pushes my mother and Navi aside and blocks me from moving any farther. Then she turns to my mother. “Just give him to me.”
He screams so loudly that my ears ring.
“Is everything okay in here?”
We all turn to see Ellis walking into the living room. He looks completely out of place in the tiny room.
My mother, Sita, and even Navi freeze.
“Kalyana? Who is this?” my mother asks nervously.
Before I can answer, Sita spews out her venom.
“Who do you think he is? One is not enough for this tramp.”
I look to my mother, hoping she will say something. Hoping she will stand up for me and tell the old bitch to get the hell out of our house. But she simply stands there, looking confused and useless. A voice does rise to defend me, but it belongs to Ellis.
“You have no right to say something like that about Kalli,” he says, crossing over to me and taking hold of my hand, and this time I let him.
“Right? I have every right. She ran out months ago without a word. Now she comes back, bringing filth into my home.”
The anger and betrayal I have bottled inside me for years comes pouring out.
“Your home? This is our home. My dad’s, my mom’s, Navi’s, and mine. You are a visitor. An unwelcome, ungrateful visitor.”
“How dare you?” storms Sita.
“Kalyana, stop. Don’t speak to Sita that way.”
And then, suddenly, all the hatred I directed toward Sita ignites a million times over and rages at my mother.
“Don’t speak to her that way? What about the way she speaks to me? What about the way she treats me? Why haven’t you ever said anything to her to stop her from being an absolute bitch to me?”
My mother gasps, but I go on, fuelled by her shock.
“Where the hell were you when she was selling me to those disgusting guys?”
“Stop it, Kalyana. You must stop telling lies.” My mother’s thick accent is even more pronounced as her voice becomes shrill. Her mouth hangs open for a few seconds before she continues, “Sita was trying to find you a nice boy, from a good family.”
“A nice boy? Right. All they wanted was to feel every part of my body. And she knew it. Her only condition was that they had to marry me before they cou
ld …. What did she call it? Oh right. Before they could earn complete gratification.” I cringe at the repulsive thought. “But they were given a test drive, so to speak. And she was fine with it, as long as they came from a family with money. That’s all she cared about. She wanted to marry me off to a rich boy so that she could get her greedy hands on their money. She didn’t care that they were ripping my clothes off, touching me ….” I pull my hand from Ellis as my fingers ball up into tight fists and my legs feel like springs, ready to launch at my mother.
“That’s not true. You must stop saying such things,” my mother says.
“She’s a liar,” says Sita. “Just like her father. All those lies he told about sending money. There was no money. So I found you some highly educated boys. It was done for your good, to provide you with a good future.” Sita takes a step toward me so that her face is within inches of mine. She is almost as tall as me, but I don’t back away.
“My good? When I came to you crying and told you what the first guy had done to me, do you remember what you said?”
“You made up some stupid lie. I knew the family,” she yells back, leaning in even closer so that I can taste the mixture of curry and onions on her breath.
I pull back, repulsed by the odor.
“You said that I was a filthy piece of garbage. That I was like my pathetic mother who got pregnant and married white trash. You said that I better shut up and take it. You said you didn’t want to live in this lousy shack forever and that the only way out was to marry me into a rich family. And that the guys deserved to know what they were getting. You told me keep my mouth shut and do it.”
I walk past Sita toward my mother, who’s gripping the cuff of her own sleeve so tightly, her knuckles bulge. But still she remains silent.
“And you. You did nothing to help me. You let her use me.”
“No one used you. Stop making up such terrible things.” My mother glances sideways at Ellis. He’s a stranger and dirty laundry is never to be aired in front of a stranger. “Kalyana, please, you must stop all of this,” my mother implores.
“Get out of my house,” says Sita. “You are your father’s daughter. White filth. You deserve all the misery in your miserable life. You are not worthy of anything more.”
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