I’m about to speak, to lash back, when the meaning of Sita’s words sink in. For an instant, it’s as if I’m not physically in the room anymore. I’m looking down at a scene playing out. Then the moment passes and, for the first time in my life, I have clarity.
I take my little brother into my arms and kiss the top of his head.
“I love you, Navi.”
I whisper to my mother to keep him safe. To be watchful. To be his mother. Without giving Sita another glance, I turn and walk out of my house for what I know will be the last time.
When I reach the sidewalk, Ellis holds his arms out to me, as if he expects me to collapse into them. Yesterday I would have, but today I don’t. I stand in front of him, unwilling to be a victim, unwilling to let my past determine my future. I am worthy of love and happiness. And with this newfound resolve, I turn to Ellis and say, “Let’s go.”
CHAPTER 18
The trip back is incredibly fast. Ellis pushes himself to make up for lost time. Neither of us speaks. For the first time in a long time, my world is actually completely silent. My head is uncluttered. And I am beginning to see things as they truly are. What happened to me wasn’t my fault. What my mother allowed to happen to me—it wasn’t my fault.
When we return to Ellis’s house, Fallon is waiting for us, arms crossed.
“Took your time.”
“Shut up, Fallon,” Ellis says.
“You’re such an idiot. You know how much time we lost while you said your sweet goodbyes!”
“I said shut up.”
“So I take it your family reunion was successful?” Fallon says to me. I thrust my hands into my pockets and look away from him.
“Everything okay inside?” Ellis asks.
“Well, those cats have been circling Margaret. You need to do something about them.” Fallon nods toward the house.
“What’s going to happen to Lucy and Bo? I suppose you’ll just abandon them and let them die.” My voice rises in a whine.
“Of course not. I found them a good home.”
He is a master of his features and capable of great deception. “Really?” I ask skeptically.
“No, he’s going to dump them in some river,” sneers Fallon.
“You’re such a jerk.” Ellis glares at Fallon and then turns to me, his eyes instantly soft. “I promise. I found them a really nice home. I knew I wouldn’t be here very long. I just took them in because—”
“Because you’re an idiot who thinks you can help everyone and everything,” Fallon says, his meaning clear as he looks directly at me.
“They will be taken care of,” Ellis says.
“But how?” I ask.
“Let’s just say I can be persuasive.”
“Yeah, that I can believe,” I say, feeling the anger return.
Fallon disappears into the house, and Ellis is about to follow him. I tug at his sleeve and he stops. I know we have to get ready to leave. But I need to know. His answers won’t dissuade me from going to Istriya. Nothing will. Navi must be safe. But I deserve the truth.
“Did you already know why I ran away when you found me in the alley? Did you know what happened to me?” I try to keep my voice even.
Ellis glances toward the front door but doesn’t go inside. “I knew you ran away. That’s why you were selected. But I had no idea why you left.” He pauses and regards me with such resignation. “I only learned those things from our conversations. I’ve broken your trust in so many ways.”
“You only use women who can disappear? Isn’t that right?”
He nods.
“Women who aren’t cared for. Have no family. No friends.”
He nods again, his head hanging.
“So that’s why you wanted to know about my family? Wanted to test me to see if I would call them. Even at the clinic you were checking. What would you have done if I wanted to go home?”
He fidgets uncomfortably and looks so miserable that I steel myself.
“All the other women we used were tranquilized for the seven days it takes to incubate the embryos. But with the injuries you sustained in the alley, this was not a feasible option for you.”
“So what would you have done?” I ask icily.
He moans slightly. “Locked you up until the process was complete and then modified your memory.”
He looks so pained, but I don’t care. I need to know more. And his answer to my next question has the potential to shatter my world into a million pieces.
“Did you arrange for that guy in the alley to attack me? Did you kill Sammy?”
His eyes widen as his hands move to his chest. He opens his mouth to speak but all I hear is a gurgle. I press on.
“Was the psycho in the alley one of you? Was he part of the plan to lure me toward you? So that you could rescue me, and I would be grateful and trust you?”
“No,” he gasps, as he regains his voice. “Of course not. The attack on you was a complete shock to me. I was planning on meeting you the next morning, so I was keeping track of your whereabouts. The attack is what made your body weak and unable to incubate the embryo.” He shakes his head. “No, we did not set up the attack.”
“And Sammy?”
He doesn’t say anything. I choke back a sob. “You killed him?”
“No. Kalli, Sammy’s not dead.”
“What? What do you mean? You said you found his body.” And then it hits me. “You lied! You made me think he was dead.” I pound my fists into his chest. I hadn’t thought he could hurt me any more than he already had.
He grabs my hands and holds them still. “I couldn’t let you go back. I couldn’t let Margaret find out that the memory modifier didn’t work. She specifically targeted your connection with Sammy. All your other connections to people didn’t matter. You’d already run away from them on your own. But Sammy. If you remembered him, you’d never have stayed with me. And like I said, tranquilizing you wasn’t a safe option. So when you remembered him, I panicked. I didn’t want her to hurt you. My feelings for you were changing. I was falling in love ….”
I hold up my hand. “Don’t you dare! You sicken me. I hate you.”
“What the hell is going on?” Fallon’s yell startles us, and we jump away from each other. “So all is forgiven?” He sounds disgusted. “Are you two going to die a tragic death, or are we still going?”
“You are a complete jackass,” Ellis says to Fallon.
Fallon’s eyes blaze red, yet he says nothing. He rushes by us, heading to the forest. Ellis takes my hand. I snap it back and follow Fallon into the woods.
I’m almost within an arm’s reach of Fallon when he stops. He turns to me with his finger on his lips, his eyes searching wildly. I hold my breath, desperate not to make a sound. Ellis and Fallon rapidly gesture at each other as I stand still. I can hear the rustling too. It’s faint, but it’s there, distinct from the whistling of the wind. Someone or something is out there. Fallon runs in the direction of the sound.
Ellis steps toward me. I know what he’s about to do. What I have to let him do. He picks me up and we tear through the trees, away from Fallon. After a few moments, he stops by a large pine and lets me go.
“Did you hear? So many voices, like a small army. I don’t get how they found out. Fallon, the idiot, thinks he can take them all on.” Ellis paces, his rants muted but alarming.
Ellis finally looks at me, his eyes wide and his skin damp with sweat. He takes a couple of deep breaths. “Sorry, Kalli. Listen. It’s going to be okay.”
“Okay? What are you talking about?”
“I wish I could just let you go. I want to. But it’s too late. They’re coming. They’ll find you. I can’t hide you from them. Margaret inserted a tracking device inside you.”
Tracking device? I search my body, pulling at my skin. Where?
“Don’t worry. Fallon knows how to get it out. He’ll be back. It’s going to be okay.”
I want to believe him. I’m desperate to believe him. But I’v
e come to know his face, and all I can see is fear. The fear that made him run faster than he ever had. The fear that makes him lie to me now. He knows we’re both going to die. Ellis picks me up again, and we race on.
It’s strange how a living body reacts to the knowledge that it soon will no longer be alive. My heart beats fast, as if trying to accomplish a lifetime of beats, before it’s all over. My hands shake, trying to move as much as they can, before it’s no longer possible. But my breathing is slow, almost nonexistent. My lungs are the first to accept their fate.
We reach the workshop, and Ellis sets me down. We walk inside. It’s like entering my coffin. I’m certain that I will never leave this place again. The door creaks slightly, and Ellis curses under his breath. We both freeze and wait, but nothing happens. Someone has been here. The walls are empty, the filing cabinets gone, and only the desk remains. And sitting on the desk, taking up almost the entire surface, is Fallon.
“They’ve already been here. Packed it all up,” Fallon says, nodding toward the walls.
“Where are they? Did you see them? What happened?” Ellis asks, as he walks along the edges of the room, feeling for pictures that are no longer there.
“You need to calm down.” Fallon jumps off the desk and throws a quick glance at me. “I threw them off our tracks. We have a bit of time before they’ll be back. So we better get going.”
Ellis moves to the desk, opens a drawer, and pushes a button. The wall behind the desk pulls apart, revealing a narrow flight of stairs. Fallon brushes past Ellis and disappears down into the darkness.
Ellis smiles weakly, his eyes pleading for my forgiveness. I swallow the huge lump building in the back of my throat and feel my way down the stairs. I hear Fallon’s footsteps echoing ahead of me.
“Hurry up. I don’t know how long it will take them to figure it out,” Fallon’s voice rings out.
I reach the bottom of the stairs and Fallon’s waiting, holding a flashlight. He grabs my hand and pulls me after him.
“It’ll be quicker if we talk while we move. Once we get to the spaceship there won’t be much time.” Fallon speaks over my head to Ellis.
“Yeah, okay,” Ellis says. “Kalli, I’m sorry for what you’re about to see. But they’re not in any pain.”
Ellis’s lips part again, but this time no words come out, just a tiny moan as we all stop in front of a steel door. I’m afraid to exhale. Who’s not in any pain?
After all we’ve been through in these few hours, what could be so terrible on the other side of the door? Fallon sighs, inserts a key into the knob, and turns it.
CHAPTER 19
As I cross the threshold, the air shimmers with warmth. Lights flood my vision. Despite the heat filling the room, I feel like I’m encased in ice. I turn to Ellis, unable to comprehend what I’m seeing. But he just looks at me with despair, his arms hang limp at his side.
All around me are bodies. Women’s bodies standing in skinny glass tanks, their hair drifting like seaweed. From each tank, extends a long tube that attaches to a large container in the center of the room. Some of the women are rigid and some are slumped against the glass. A bell chimes and a scarlet cloud disperses through the tank. The tube expands as something whizzes through it from the tank and into the central container. The body crumbles against the walls. Within a few seconds the entire procedure is repeated for the next one in line.
His words come back to me. All the other women we used were tranquilized for the seven days it takes to incubate the embryos.
Fallon’s voice jolts me from the horrific scene.
“I’m going to remove your tracker,” he says, grabbing my arm.
I yank it away from him, but he easily pulls it back.
“Don’t be a fool, Kalli. You don’t want them to find you.”
I can’t believe what I’m surrounded by. It’s like some scene from a bad movie. The women’s faces are pasty, their pupils white and lifeless. Their bodies are hidden beneath a golden gleam of ribbons floating alongside them.
I flinch. My arm’s burning. I look down, shocked to see Fallon cutting the inside of my arm, just below my elbow.
“Ow,” I moan, pulling my arm away.
“Dammit. Ellis, hold her still,” Fallon hisses.
“You don’t just cut someone like that,” says Ellis.
“Fine. I don’t care. She can keep the tracker,” he says.
“The tracker has to come out. It’ll be quick and then Fallon will put some salve on it so it will heal almost instantly,” Ellis says to me.
Fallon’s hands move rapidly and precisely as he pulls back my skin. I expect the pain to be agonizing, but the burning sensation doesn’t escalate. Even when he sticks his thick fingers into the opening he’s made and fishes around, the pain never increases. But my stomach lurches, when I see what he pulls out of my arm.
Fallon holds out a tiny golden ring, from which dangle millions of thin cilia fibers.
“What is that thing?” My words are saturated in disgust.
“It’s called verbindi.” Ellis says, admiring the tiny creature writhing in Fallon’s hand. “It connects us.”
“Why was it inside me?”
“It allowed us to track you. We are given our verbindi as infants. It allows families to track their children and keep them safe. But as we grow, we learn to limit access to our verbindi and can choose who we want to be connected with.”
“Aren’t you going to tell her the other function of her particular verbindi?” Fallon juts out his chin.
My head turns to each of them. Fallon meets my gaze, but Ellis looks away.
“Didn’t you think it was odd, after all you’ve been through, that you’d so easily go off and play house with a perfect stranger? Even one as gorgeous as him.” Fallon nods toward Ellis.
“Shut up, Fallon,” says Ellis, still averting his eyes from me.
“What’s he talking about?” I ask, grabbing Ellis’s arm. He opens his mouth, but doesn’t answer me. “What’s he talking about?” I repeat.
Ellis groans. “You had to stay with me. It was critical.” He finally looks up and I know. I know the truth.
Other than Sammy, I hadn’t allowed myself to get close to anyone since I ran away. In fact, even before leaving home, I couldn’t trust people. Just Mim. Even Bradley, whom I’d known for years—I couldn’t handle his touch. But Ellis—I was drawn to him immediately. Other than my freak-out in his car, I’ve been desperate to trust him.
“What did you do to me?”
Ellis shakes his head. “Margaret added something to the verbindi, to make you trust me. It made you—”
“It made me think I love you!” Everything starts to spin. My legs can’t hold me up.
“No. It didn’t do that. I know it’s a lot to take in. But what we felt for each other…. What I still feel for you is real. You have to believe me.”
I look down at the thin cut on my arm. “I don’t have to believe anything you say anymore.”
Fallon walks toward the center canister, carefully cupping his hands over the slippery substance. He uses his fingers to turn one of the dials on the outside and a small glass compartment slides toward him. He removes the lid and gently places the squirming creature inside. Immediately, the compartment is bathed in a brilliant glare and then disappears back inside the wall of the container.
“Ellis, the process will take another thirty hours. We attached the last specimens six days ago. If we disturb it now, all the embryos will be destroyed.” Fallon’s walking around, looking at the bodies, a pained expression on his face. “Ellis!”
Ellis turns away from me. “Okay. That gives us enough time. Margaret won’t harm any of the women until the process is over. We can get back to Istriya and speak with the Council. We ask them to spare the lives of these women. It’s our only hope. We’ll take the secondary ship. It’ll be easier to operate without a crew.”
“Okay, I’ll go get it ready. I’ll leave that to you,” Fallon says, tiltin
g his head toward me. He rushes past the tanks and disappears into a hallway at the back.
I look at the spheres rolling from the glass boxes into the vessel. Waves of nausea crush me and threaten to overflow. I sit on the ground.
Ellis sits down beside me, and I purposefully slide myself away from him.
“Oh Kalli, it was real. The verbindi can’t do that. It can’t make people love each other. It just made you trust me a bit. And even that didn’t work so well. Remember the car ride? You’re a strong person, Kalli. Stronger than anyone I’ve ever met. I could never make you do or feel anything you didn’t want to.” He sighs heavily. “I know you hate me right now. But you’ll never despise me as much as I despise myself for hurting you this way. For betraying you.”
I know what he’s going to say next, and I don’t want to hear it. I cover my ears, but his words seep in anyway. “I love you,” he says.
I look up at him. Unwelcome thoughts rush through me and weaken my resolve. He chose me over Margaret, his own mother. He made sure I got to say goodbye to Navi. He stood up for me against Sita, even when my own mother wouldn’t. And all those moments we shared, surely I’d have known if he was faking. I can feel my anger slipping away, but I refuse to let it go. I cling to it, like it’s the only thing I have left.
“I’m so sorry,” he continues. “Sorry for lying about Sammy. That was inexcusable. I panicked. I didn’t want you to get hurt. If you left, they would have come for you. Margaret would have discovered that your memory was back and she would have ….” He shakes his head. “I couldn’t let anything happen to you.” His hand gently brushes the side of my cheek, and despite my conflicting thoughts, I smack him away.
“It’s ready. Let’s get going.” Fallon’s returned. “We have to move quickly. I won’t be able to give you a proper lesson on what to expect, but you will be okay.”
We head for a long object, like an upright bullet. The majority of the spaceship is made of silver metal, but one section is transparent. Ellis pushes one of the many buttons on the side and the front half pulls away, revealing a bench. On the other side is a panel with switches and levers.
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