Unamused Muse (Mt. Olympus Employment Agency: Muse Book 2)

by R. L. Naquin

  The windows were darkened, so I couldn’t see inside, and the door was a heavy wood carved with swirls and abstract shapes that vaguely unsettled me. As I approached from the walkway, the door swung open, as if someone were waiting for me.

  I hesitated for a moment. It was only a bar, right? Most likely, the ominous feel to the whole thing was for show—like theming at a Rainforest Cafe. One drink so I could look around, then I’d leave.

  When I stepped inside, darkness engulfed me. I blinked hard, trying to clear whatever obstructed my vision. The door was still wide open two steps behind me, but I couldn’t see it. I might as well have stepped through a portal into a pit.

  I held my hands in front of me and fumbled around as I took a few steps forward. The darkness was so complete, I couldn’t even see a hint of my own outstretched limbs.

  After four shuffling steps, the darkness lifted, and I stood in front of a small, grinning woman with a shock of dark hair on her head.

  She clapped her hands. “Wonderful! Most first timers back up out the door. You came right through the Night Lane without any hesitation.”

  I glanced over my shoulder, but the strip of dark wasn’t visible from outside of it. I cleared my throat and returned my attention to the proprietor. “Hi, Nyx.”

  I hadn’t expected to see Nyx herself running the place. Her name was on it, but that didn’t necessarily mean she was the owner. Or maybe in the Underworld it did mean that. She seemed to be everywhere.

  “Wynter, you look like you could use a drink. It’s on the house tonight, sweetheart.” She ushered me to a booth with a lit candle on it.

  I slid into the booth across soft fabric. The table was a dark wood worn smooth from years of use. “Thanks. I thought I’d have maybe one drink and then go back.”

  She snorted. “Nonsense. You’re here because I called you here. You’ll stay awhile.”

  I shook my head. “Nobody called me. I just kind of wandered in.”

  “I sent out the suggestion and you caught it.” She frowned and patted me on the arm. “Don’t worry, dear. It’s not mind control. More of an invitation. You were perfectly capable of dismissing the thought, but you wanted to come.” She beamed. “And here you are!”

  I was a little creeped out that the urge to come have a drink had been prompted by a goddess sending the thought directly to my brain, but I wanted to be polite. “Well, thank you for the invitation.”

  Nyx waved her hand toward the bar across the room. A tall brunette woman in a black tank top nodded back and grabbed a glass from a rack overhead.

  “It’s the least I can do,” Nyx said. “That book you suggested for the club is wonderful. So creepy!” She made a face. “Much more fun than the stuff Hecate keeps choosing.”

  My stomach did a small flip. I’d forgotten I was supposed to lead the discussion at the next meeting. I was saved from trying to figure out what to say by the arrival of the drink Nyx had ordered for me.

  A lean man in a tight black tee and equally tight black jeans carried the drink on a tray that balanced on his palm. His long, dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and his eyes were as dark as chocolate lava cake.

  My stomach rumbled, and I realized I was hungry.

  “This is David,” Nyx said. “He’ll take good care of you tonight. I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.” She winked and trotted off toward the bar.

  David placed the drink in front of me, then leaned forward so we were closer to eye level. “I think you’ll like this. It’s mostly juice and a little seltzer.” He glanced at Nyx. “Very little alcohol. I’ll keep them coming and bring you something to eat.”

  “Thanks.” I followed his gaze to where Nyx was having a serious discussion with several black-clad employees. “What’s going on? What am I missing?”

  He lowered his voice to nearly a whisper. “It’s Underworld Speed Dating night, and you’re the main draw.”

  Chapter 20

  Underworld Speed Dating was, I discovered, a monthly occurrence at House of Nyx. But things had been slow lately, and word had gotten out that Persephone’s daughter was in town. People were eager to get their three minutes with her.

  Lucky me.

  Nyx had intended to get enough alcohol in me to keep me from darting out the door. Fortunately, my server had my back.

  “I’ll lose my job if you leave because I told you,” he said. “But if you’ll stay, I can at least keep you sober and fed.”

  I frowned. “Why are you doing this for me? I appreciate it, but I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

  He set his tray on my table, squatted, and balanced on the balls of his feet while looking me in the eyes. “You helped my sister.”

  I shook my head. “I haven’t helped anyone. Who is she?”

  “Her name is Emily.” He leaned closer, nearly whispering. “She’s been trapped in Tartarus for sixteen years trying to quit smoking.”

  I felt the blood drain from my face. “Oh, no.”

  The corner of his mouth twitched. “Oh, yes. But don’t worry. She didn’t tell anyone else what you did to help. Your secret is safe with me, Muse. And you’ve got my gratitude.” He stood upright, grabbed his tray, and left me alone to nurse my barely alcoholic drink.

  What if someone else had seen me blowing stolen Muse bubbles? Were there security cameras in Tartarus? David seemed to think only he and his sister knew about it, but I’d definitely taken a huge risk.

  I’d also managed to help someone.

  I shook my head to clear it. It didn’t matter. What mattered right at that moment was that I’d been roped into a speed-dating event.

  Did the ladies room have a window I could escape through?

  I sipped my drink and watched the staff set up for what I was sure would be the most stressful night of my life. And that was saying something, considering all the weird things I’d dealt with over the last couple of weeks. Compared to three-headed dogs and drunken dark goddesses, you’d think dating would be a piece of cake.

  It was not.

  David slid a burger and fries in front of me. “Hope you’re not a vegetarian. I should have checked.”

  My stomach grumbled in excitement, and I crammed a fry into my mouth. “Mmmf.” I swallowed and grabbed the burger with both hands. “David, you’re my hero.” I sunk my teeth into the huge burger, juices running down my chin. “Heavenly.”

  My new bestie plopped into the seat across from me. “While you eat, let me tell you what to expect.” He glanced at his wrist, though there was no watch there that I could see. “We’ve got another fifteen minutes or so before people start coming in to sign up.

  I wiped my mouth with the cloth napkin he’d set out for me. “How long do you think this will take? And how likely is it I’ll be able to sneak out before anybody sees me?”

  “How long it takes depends on how many people show. And don’t bother trying to sneak out. You’ll have to go through the Night Lane to leave, and Nyx sees everything and everyone in it.”

  I groaned. “Not sure why I didn’t bolt the minute I found out what was going on.” I ate another fry.

  “Because you’re a nice person who doesn’t want to get me in trouble.” He flashed a grin at me. “Okay. So, here’s what’s going to happen. We’ve got numbers on all the tables. It’s ladies night, so all the women will stick to their assigned table. The men will rotate through. You’ll have three minutes to talk after they sit down, then they rotate, and you’ll have a new guy for three minutes.”

  I crinkled my nose. “To what end, exactly? I’m not looking for a boyfriend—or even a date. I don’t understand why everyone wants to set me up.”

  He tilted his head and gave me a pitying look. “Do you really not understand it?”

  “Not really, no.” I shook my head and bit into my burger.

  He sighed and tapped his tented fingers together while he chose his words. “Wynter, you’re…well, you’re the daughter of the queen of the Underworld. You understand?”
<
br />   I shrugged. “I guess.”

  “Around here, that sort of makes you royalty.”

  I frowned. “I do not want to be treated like some princess. That’s ridiculous.” My life was complicated enough.

  “No, that’s not the point.” He sighed and tried again. “Here’s the thing. Marrying you—or even just dating you—would increase the, I don’t know, seniority of whoever you were with. Their street cred, their job prospects, their party invitations. Everything would improve for whoever you chose. That person would have the attention of Hades. Plus, you know, you’re not hard on the eyes.” He winked. “So, yeah. There’s no escaping this event. In fact, Nyx is probably doing you a favor in the long run, getting it all over at once.”

  My burger and fries had lost their appeal. I pushed the plate away and went back to my drink. “I only found out about this myself a few days ago.”

  That look of sympathy returned to his face. “This is the Underworld. News travels fast to every corner. People identified who you were within a few days of your arrival. It’s been a race to either hook up with you or fix you up ever since.”

  I swallowed hard. That explained so much. “Is that why I found flowers and baked goods everywhere I went?”

  He laughed. “I would guess, yes.”

  “I have a teddy bear in the corner of my room taking up a lot of space. This place is a little insane, you know?” I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples in expectation of the long night ahead.

  “You’re preaching to the choir, honey.” He pushed the plate toward me. “At least one more bite. You’ll need your strength for this.”

  I took the ordered bite, then wiped my mouth with my napkin and dropped the cloth on the plate. “Okay. I’m ready. Let’s get this over with.”

  ~*~

  By the time the event started, I had a fresh drink, a sheet with letters on it, space to take notes, and a diminished trust in the motivations of others. I didn’t even completely trust David. Sure, he said he was helping me because I’d helped his sister, but if everyone believed me to be a prize to be won, how could he be any different?

  For a moment, I was even angry with Hal. He must’ve known, too. Then I realized I hadn’t seen Hal since having dinner at his house. Ever since, someone else had been running the boat across the Styx.

  I was betting Hal had found out, and they kept him in the office so he wouldn’t tell me.

  The folks in the Underworld had all been so welcoming and kind. Were they all in on the big secret of my identity? Had anyone been genuine? Had Max been looking to make points with the boss? Nemi and Roxy? A lump formed in the pit of my stomach. What about Parker and Kris? Was anyone down here my friend?

  While I sat cataloging all the people I no longer trusted, bodies filed in all around me. Women slid into the other booths, and a crowd of men mingled by the bar. I could feel their gazes, and I refused to look over at them.

  Nyx tapped her finger on a microphone to test it, then cleared her throat. “Alright, people. It’s time to get started. Everyone with a rotation list, please find your first station and take a seat across from the lady sitting there. When I hit the dinger….” She demonstrated the obnoxious buzz. “Then you may begin socializing. You’ll have three minutes to fall in love, then I’ll ding again.” She pressed the button. “You’ll have one minute to move out of the way of the next person and settle into your next station.” She glanced around the room at all the expectant faces. When she came to mine—which I imagine was more scowly than expectant—her gaze slid over me. “Ready. Set. Go!”

  Ding.

  My first speed date slid into the booth. A cloud of men’s body spray floated around him, and the low lights glittered off the multiple gold chains around his neck.

  I sighed. “Hi Scooter.”

  “Hey, Wynter! Isn’t this a hoot? I heard you were here so I figured, since you still owed me that drink, I’d drop in and give you a familiar face to start off with.”

  “Uh, thanks.” His body spray was so strong, I was having trouble catching my breath.

  “I know you probably got dragged into doing this. When it’s over, how about we get out of here? I know this great place we can go for gelato. I can get one free, since there’s this girl there who really likes me. I keep telling her no—she could stand to lose ten pounds or so—but she keeps trying to get me to take her out.”

  I tuned him out. If my entire night was set to go like this, David needed to switch things up and put more alcohol in my drinks.

  Halfway into a long-winded story about how he had to switch dentists because his dental hygienist couldn’t keep her hands off of him, the buzzer went off, and Scooter had to move on to the next station.

  I hadn’t said more than four words the entire three minutes.

  “I guess I’d better move on,” he said, sliding out. “Gotta give all the ladies equal time. I’ll swing by when it’s over.”

  I hoped to be long gone before that happened.

  A new guy, long and lean with small brown eyes and a pointy nose dropped into my booth, grinning. “I can’t believe I got second in line with you. How’ve you been?”

  I blinked. He seemed familiar, but I couldn’t place his face. Even his voice sounded familiar. “Have we met?”

  He chuckled. “You were pretty out of it. I’m Roger. Roger from Montana?”

  I stared at him, hoping something would jog my memory. I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I’ve got nothing.”

  He ducked his head and lowered his voice. “We slept together while we watched the rain. It was a pretty damn magical evening.”

  I hadn’t slept with anybody in quite some time, and certainly nobody in the Underworld. This guy was insane. I watched him scratch an itch behind his ear and felt the blood rush from my face as his sharp movements triggered a memory. “Roger the mongoose.”

  His brows rose in thin question marks. “Mongoose?”

  “I thought…well, that’s embarrassing.”

  “You thought I was a mongoose?” He stared at me for a moment, then threw his head back, laughing. “That’s the best Elysian Fields story I’ve ever heard.”

  “How is it you remember anything about that evening? I was so out of it.” Not so out of it to know sleeping was all we did. I did not have sex with a mongoose.

  “It wasn’t my first visit to the Hero’s Table, if you know what I mean. In fact, I’m going back tonight. Wanna come with?” His skinny eyebrows moved up and down in a caricature of flirtation.

  “Wait, you just go out there to get stoned on the food?”

  “And pick up chicks. But I swear, you come with me, I wouldn’t hit on anybody else. Unless you wanted me to.” Again with the eyebrows.

  I felt unclean. I’d snuggled with this guy, thinking he was a furry little woodland creature. The Underworld sucked. No wonder Mom refused to come back.

  The buzzer saved me from saying anything else, and Roger the not-a-mongoose moved on.

  David came by before my next speed date to see if I needed anything, and I let him know it was time to let the alcohol flow. So far, my first two dates were worse than anything I’d imagined. Then again, I’d imagined all my dates would be strangers.

  The new date slithered into the booth, and his snake tail coiled in the aisle, since it didn’t fit under the table. For some reason, I’d expected they’d all be human. I was so past surprise at the point, all I did was smile numbly and shake his outstretch hand.

  “I’m Harrison.” His voice was soft, as if he were embarrassed. “I’m sure you probably didn’t anticipate a naga would be part of all this.” He cleared his throat and sipped the drink he’d brought with him. “I hope I don’t make you uncomfortable.”

  I gave him a reassuring smile. “Not at all. Other than, you know, the discomfort of being roped into speed dating in the first place.” I glanced at his undulating coils, trying not to stare. The blue was a deeper navy than I’d seen before, and the gold was more orange than yellow. “Can I a
sk you a question without sounding completely ignorant and possibly rude?”

  “Of course.” He folded his hands on the table. “Ask me anything.”

  “Are you related to Roxy?” I hated asking. What if I’d insulted him?

  His smile reached to his eyes. “This is where I get touchy and tell you we’re not all related, right?”

  I nodded. “Probably. Be gentle. I’m new around here and don’t know any better.”

  He chuckled. “Roxy is my cousin. I’m sure the family coloring gave me away.”

  “Honestly, I wasn’t sure if it mattered. It was a guess.” I felt more relaxed with Harrison than I had with the previous two humans. Maybe I felt less pressure with a stranger. “So, did Roxy put you up to this?”

  “She did, yes. Roxy can be very…insistent when she wants something.”

  “I had a feeling she and Nemi were competing to find someone for me.”

  “I believe you may be correct.” He gave me a long, assessing look. “You don’t want to be here, do you?”

  “Nope.” A fresh drink appeared at my elbow, and I took a large gulp. The alcohol burned my throat. “I got dragged into it every bit as much as you did.”

  “The Underworld is a little too full of gods and goddesses. Mt. Olympus has a better ratio, I think.”

  I hadn’t considered that. The few gods I’d met upstairs had been minor deities. Down here, they seemed to be everywhere, and they all had a lot of influence.

  When the buzzer went off, I was disappointed. Harrison had been comforting to talk to, and he hadn’t expected anything out of me. The reprieve was necessary. My next date was Max.

  I stopped myself before my internal groan became audible.

  “Hey,” he said. “Sorry I didn’t call after our date.”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t call either. No big deal.”

  “No, I should have. You were embarrassed. I screwed up. I shouldn’t have spun you so close to the fountain.”

  The conversation was every bit as awkward and painful as I’d anticipated, and there was no building for me to slip into to hide. And it was made more awkward by the fact that I was now aware that he knew who my mother was and wasn’t interested in me so much as my family connections.