Lilah

by Gemma Liviero

  Poor Hanna had probably found no other solace than that in death. Protected by her money and privileges yet unprotected by the very people to whom her life was entrusted. She and Emil were together now.

  I saw what Gabriel did to Istavan and any who see my history will wonder why I was not frightened like Evie by what I saw, that I did not run screaming from the room. That night, my anger consumed the horror and the fear. My hatred for Istavan overtook any loathing of such an unnatural act. If I had to describe the union of two very different beings, it was Istavan who was the demon, and Gabriel was the one saving mankind. Evie did not see it this way however. Her father’s indiscretions were momentarily forgotten, replaced by sheer terror of Gabriel.

  During the trip to the castle I tried to make sense of my unusual companion and quickly learned more of his qualities. He had carried me for a time but I then asked him to set me down. Such closeness began to make me uncomfortable with our faces touching. We had only walked for several miles when my legs began to buckle wearily. I knew that my body had not had time to recover from Andrew’s attack, but Gabriel believed it was the shock of perhaps witnessing many traumatic events. I hoped he was unaware of the crime committed against me in Danika’s room. When he noticed my slowing he put his arm around my waist to pick me up again.

  ‘No,’ I said, gratefully. ‘I will be fine.’

  We walked a short way before I smelled smoke and further on stood a small farmhouse in a clearing. Gabriel stopped suddenly and told me to wait there but as he walked I grabbed his arm and he turned his gaze sharply towards me.

  ‘It’s not as you think,’ he said. ‘The people here are safe. They mean no harm to others.’

  I relaxed slightly and waited. He reappeared through the trees and following him was a horse with riding leathers on its back. The horse kept its nose close to Gabriel’s shoulder. He also passed to me a woman’s skirt and blouse, which I immediately dressed into; suddenly aware of my inappropriate night attire.

  ‘Is this your horse?’

  Gabriel shook his head and winked. ‘I’m just borrowing him.’

  I was amazed that the animal came willingly without a leash and told him so. Gabriel turned to stroke the horse’s nose gingerly who rewarded him with a nuzzle.

  ‘She trusts me,’ he said gently. ‘I have just spoken to her and she has offered her help.’

  He took the reins then and swung up onto the horse weightlessly, just as he had done from the window earlier. He then lifted me up behind him and I was grateful that my legs could now rest. Gabriel had a strong lean back, but there was an absence of warmth. He did not perspire nor at any point did he appear flustered from the effort. He did not gallop the horse but rode at a gentle pace.

  Several times we passed others and Gabriel nodded his greetings.

  To me, he was anything but the monster that Evie must have seen. He was beautiful to look at and I sensed that he thought deeply about everything, his pale face often fixed dreamily. I had the burning desire to tell him everything about myself. I wanted to be measured by him; to be told I was right to do and think the way I did.

  We rode through woodlands before stopping to rest by a stream. He reached into the water and grabbed at a fish with his hands. It wriggled and then stopped. He did this another time. His hands moved fast, and the movements trailed a strange arc of light. I wondered if it was my skill that gave me the ability to see this or whether humans could too.

  He returned near me and waved his hand over the ground. A fire appeared out of air and he threw the fish into the pit. The smoke rising from the sizzling flesh made me hungry.

  ‘Are you a witch?’

  ‘No.’

  I felt relieved when I thought back in the room that we were different. You ask why I wasn’t frightened and sickened by what I had seen. It is difficult to put into words. It is like a thread unseen connecting us, and none more so than at that moment. I could only find him abhorrent as much as I could find myself.

  ‘Who are you really?’

  ‘I am a strigoi?’

  ‘A demon then.’ I was remembering all the stories told by Arianne.

  He laughed then. ‘If I was a demon I would not have rescued you.’

  ‘But what I saw would have been considered demonic by humans. Is there a difference between the name of which, and what you do?’

  He considered this a moment. ‘Yes and no. I agree that what we do is unnatural to humankind but we are not demons. They are something else again. They are not of this world and there are certain practices that allow them here, though none that I have seen.’

  ‘What I witnessed was something told in human stories. You cannot change that fact.’

  ‘Humans do not know our ways and for obvious reason want us dead or wish all their stories untrue.’

  ‘You kill humans. That I don’t understand.’

  ‘You will in time.’ He turned abruptly, signalling that this part of our conversation was over. But I would need to understand eventually if I was to accept what he did.

  ‘Is it right to read other people’s thoughts?’ I asked him. I had noticed this ability getting stronger.

  ‘Yes, the older you grow the more astute you become with this skill. Take care though. It is known to drive witches mad. Eventually, you will also find that you can block out those thoughts you don’t wish to hear, but everything takes time.’

  It was only some way into our journey that I asked where this ‘safe house’ was that he was taking me, and he described the castle and told me of Lewis who would be pleased to welcome another witch into the fold.

  ‘But take no heed of him though,’ he said, ‘should he have a mind to convince you to do things you don’t want to do. He is very persuasive. You must stand up for yourself. If you prove that you can fit in and contribute somehow then he will leave you alone.’

  Gabriel explained how some strigoi, like Lewis, had lived for many centuries. I was shocked to learn of Gabriel’s age, and needing more convincing that this was possible. Then I thought to ask if other strigoi there did the same as I had seen in Evie’s room.

  ‘Yes,’ he said simply. ‘It is how we survive. And make no mistake, Lilah, Lewis will eliminate one of his own under a banner of justice, but it is not like the unnecessary killing that humans perform on one another. After so many centuries, humans still commit murder for twice as much gold and power as they need.’

  I thought seriously about this and said that I would still prefer to be more human. This seemed to upset him. He stood then and stepped around the fire to me, his face shimmering slightly in the yellow light. He put his hands on my shoulders. ‘The sooner you forget your human friends the better for you. They would burn you over this very pyre if they knew what you could do. You are very fortunate that the monastery didn’t hand you over to the inquisitors.’

  I reminisced about Arianne, the good work of the sisters, and how much I enjoyed talking to Evie, and even Danika. I could not imagine never to live with humans again yet part of me saw the truth when I remembered the faces of those sisters, like Sister Nora, who had looked upon me with such repugnance. It was for the same reason that my own parents had abandoned me.

  ‘You look worried. Just enjoy what you are.’

  ‘If I knew what that was perhaps I could. Will Lewis force me to be like you? Will I have to kill to be accepted for I cannot do such a thing. I cure, not kill.’

  Gabriel smiled and for a moment this alone disarmed me. ‘You do not have to do anything you don’t want to do.’ His hands felt cold yet sent such warmth through me. The sensation was difficult to describe but I began to feel drawn toward him, whatever he was, demon or otherwise. ‘I will make sure that you are there to learn about your origins and learn about yourself.’

  ‘Will I be working in the laundry again?’

  ‘No. We have human servants for all that. You will never have to soil your hands again if you don’t want to.’

  We wound through tall dark conifers
. The skies felt closer to the earth, so heavy they were with grey. The last night together I felt chilled and a drizzle of rain dampened my clothing. Gabriel did not seem to feel or notice it; droplets bounced off him as if the very idea of rain was rejected by his body. When he saw me shiver he then disappeared into the darkness and came back with an armful of pears, which he poured into my lap, as well as a tailored women’s coat. Where he had found these and previous gifts, and in such a short space of time, was a mystery. He had said, numerous times, that we were far from any town. He was indeed magical and mysterious.

  I took a juicy bite out of one and handed him a pear also but he shook his head.

  ‘Are you not hungry?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘But you have not eaten since we left.’

  ‘It is human food. It tastes sweet but it is of no significance to me.’

  I remembered him biting the neck of Istavan like a bat and no longer had any appetite. I had not made the connection until that moment and suddenly it came to me: ‘So human blood is your food?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Oh no!’ I exclaimed. ‘I cannot come with you. This is too much.’ I stood up in agitation.

  ‘Calm yourself,’ said Gabriel who had remained seated. ‘You saw me kill yet you did not worry. Now you worry?’

  ‘But...’

  ‘But what? That I cannot have a heart and soul because I need blood to sustain me?’

  I clutched my temples. The truth was finally catching up to me: the understanding that I was perhaps related to such a species. I was thinking of those orphans who wandered the streets stealing to survive. Were they captured, taken and fed to the likes of such creatures? ‘I knew you killed to get rid of those criminals who you felt unworthy of living but I did not understand that you also killed for food. It is too hard to fathom.’ I felt flooded with feelings of nausea and thought that I might faint. Looking back it was not just the realisation of my ancestry but a culmination of everything that had befallen me in the previous month.

  Before I knew what was happening Gabriel had wrapped me in his arms. ‘Be calm, little one. Do not despise me until you fully understand. I can accompany a witch or human and not have the desire to take their blood. I am not drawn by it as I am by human blood full of moral disease.’

  I leant against him. His arms were firm and I resisted the pressure at first. Then slowly the moment of panic had passed and I was thinking of Gabriel as a friend not as I saw him back in Emil’s house.

  ‘Do not fear me,’ he said softly into my hair. ‘I kill only those undeserved, ridding the earth of only the filth. And our rules are clear: we do not take the lives of children other than to release them from their fatal disease.’

  ‘You could heal them.’

  ‘It is not our way,’ he said.

  I did not ask how much killing he had done – I did not want to hear the truth.

  ‘Am I like that?’

  ‘No. You are something different.’

  I studied him for a moment. His expression was clear and honest and I felt some relief. My instinct was perhaps to thank him for his hospitality and be on my way. He was an enemy to people – perhaps even those I had once befriended – and as I had witnessed, he could kill quickly; in just a few short breaths. Yet even as I said this, my heart softened and I was undeniably in his debt. I had no family, and no connections to anyone. This was my destiny as much as it pained me to think of the difference between this man and the monastery.

  He held out his open palm toward me, smiling disarmingly, and I noticed a small purple circle inked at his wrist. ‘If you do not wish to come I will understand and I will take you to a village where perhaps you can find some work. But it will never be safe for you. Humans will not look after you once they know you carry magic.’

  His words had already proven true. There were no other choices. I took hold of his hand.

  ‘We must be going. I am expected,’ he said, with some urgency. ‘You must hurry your food. We must keep travelling through the night.’

  Back on the horse, the clean night air rushed at me and tiny needles of pine whipped at my legs as we galloped full speed this time.

  Some time past midnight we arrived at our destination. Through the trees, a large shape emerged from the darkness. I could see several spires rising high into the sky, and we entered tall gates guarded by stone beasts with dog-like faces and horns on human bodies. A long stone pathway led to stairs where more misshapen beasts sat waiting our arrival, their eyes made of gems reflecting the light from the stars. Above us, loomed the castle walls and several floors of grey stone.

  Gabriel turned the horse sharply and rode along a channel of water leading into a large anti-chamber where sacks of grain lined the walls and several horses were tethered. He swung off the horse still with reins in hand then helped me down so carefully as if I might break. As if we were expected, a footman greeted us with warm damp cloths to wipe our hands and faces.

  I was led up a labyrinth of stairs and hallways. We passed through a giant empty galley, making our way back to the entrance of the castle. The front hall was spectacularly filled with candle light and everything seemed edged in gold from door panels to banisters leading to two other levels. Large ornate candelabras hung from the ceilings. I asked Gabriel why everything was so well lit in the middle of the night.

  ‘Some of us rarely sleep,’ he said. ‘It does not matter too much to us if it is day or night.’

  He led me to another room. This had a high ceiling and arched windows overlooking the front of the property. There was a musty smell of age in here: old books, old rugs and something else. Large tapestries hung on the walls but not like in Sister’s Gertrude’s room of beatific Mary and Jesus and the saints, in vivid blues, browns and reds. These were disturbing landscapes of places I had never been to. But one I could not tear my eyes away from was of two undeterminable beasts standing on their back legs beneath a full moon, conversing as if they were human. Although it seemed a peaceful enough picture, it gave me chills at the back of my neck. I dared to imagine that if the Papal authorities saw something like this, what would become of a person in such possession.

  The study was also lined with books to its high ceiling. I traced my finger over some of them. On their spines was writing that I had never seen before, the covers made of what appeared to be animal skin. I was fascinated by all books. We only had a handful at the convent, which I had learned from: books on Christian beliefs and practices, the blessed saints, and holy prayers. But here, the selection seemed endless. I was about to take one from the shelf when someone spoke my name.

  Gabriel had vanished from the room and a tall man had entered in his place. He wore a white robe belted at the middle and around his shoulders a velvety red cape. He had the appearance of a cardinal yet I knew that nothing could be further from the truth. He stepped towards me with gaze unflinching, his movements so steady it was as if he were gliding.

  ‘Welcome to my home,’ he said. His voice was so deep and melodic I was temporarily transfixed. It took a moment to find my voice.

  ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘You must be Lewis. I have heard that you are something of a teacher but I did not expect you to be so tall.’

  He laughed low and throaty. ‘How very forthright and unusual you are.’

  I did not think that anything unusual was spoken but I was known to sometimes voice my thoughts too openly.

  ‘Well, now you know that teachers can be tall also,’ he said wryly, forcing me to recognise my infantile comments. There was a short knock and I was relieved by the interruption of a serving girl who had entered the room.

  ‘Lilah, you must be very tired and I have business to attend to now so we will talk more in the morning. Irene, show this girl to her room then find Gabriel. Tell him to see me at once.’

  ‘He has left the castle, Master. He said to tell you he won’t be back till morning.’

  Lewis gave an exasperated sigh and I was surprised that
my new friend disappeared to go somewhere without a goodbye, and more so that he had left me here alone. I had to assume that there was something more pressing to attend to.

  Lewis saw my expression. ‘You will have to get used to Gabriel. He is prone to whim.’ He then turned his back to me and headed toward his desk, waving his hand to dismiss us both. I wanted to know so much more, but tiredness suddenly overcome me and I was taken to a room on the top floor. It was larger than any room at the monastery and everything a lady could want seemed contained in this chamber. There was a velvet-covered lounge near tall windows, silver hair brushes and complexion paints. A closet was filled with colourful dresses that appeared to be my sizing. The bed was covered in white lace and high from the floor.

  ‘Will there be anything else, Mistress? Would you like some supper?’

  I remembered the empty kitchen and graciously declined. I did not want this poor girl working in the dead of the night. It felt odd that only days before I had been serving others.

  She nodded her head to leave.

  ‘Irene…wait!’

  She looked up warily.

  ‘Would you sit with me a moment?’

  The girl hesitated, looking uncomfortable.

  ‘Tell me about this place… I have been told very little about the building or its owner.’

  Irene told me that the castle was several hundred years old, that she had been born there, her mother serving Lewis before her. She had no idea how old he was and seemed reluctant to give too much away. It was clear she was loyal. She said Lewis was a fair master but I sensed much fear when she said his name out loud. Her thoughts came to me in steady streams. She was wondering if she had said too much, and though I was kind, she was looking forward to sleeping as she had to wake early.