Not until that moment did I look at my khaki capris and my peasant blouse. Seriously?? Today is the day I wear my peasant blouse.
“Doc,” he acknowledged. Thank you, Bert.”
I offered her a half-hearted smile as she closed the door.
Somewhere between walking in and the door closing, things transitioned to slow motion. Kieran stepped around his desk in shiny, black dress shoes and sat on the corner of his desk. He looked in-fucking-credible. I wasn’t sure my mouth could form a word. It simply hung slightly opened.
“Talk to me,” he said and I knew it was him because it was the same hoarse, sexy voice I’d learned to love.
But I didn’t say anything. My eyes traveled over the perimeter of the office walls, pictures of his family, diplomas, certificates, and out the floor-to-ceiling window—a perfect view of Mount Hood.
A nameplate sat on the front of his desk…gold plated. KIERAN SCOTT I didn’t know this Kieran Scott. I didn’t know he even existed.
“Megan,” he said, nearer me now. When he touched me, I flinched. Recoiled away from him and a painful grimace shot across his face.
I walked toward the family picture behind his desk. What a perfect, beautiful family. Refined. Together. Happy. Not a care in the world. His sister…breathtaking. His mother…elegant. His father…an older Kieran.
“I’m sorry they aren’t here anymore,” I finally whispered, not looking at him.
“I know you are. Thank you.”
I wondered what everyone thought about me showing up here today. Did anyone know a thing about me? There was no sign of me in this office…is that because he knew I didn’t belong?
In the corner on a chair, were a pair of his jeans and the shirt he wore just two hours ago at the doctor’s office. His boots tucked perfectly under the chair. The Kieran I knew was folded nicely over a chair.
His hands were hidden in his dress slacks pockets while his eyes measured every move I made.
“I don’t know you,” I barely said, taking a risk and glancing at the most stunning man I’d ever seen.
“Yes you do, Doc. You know me better than anyone. I told you I had money.”
“Money?” I gritted quietly through clenched teeth. “Saying ‘I have money’ is different than saying ‘I’m on the Forbes top 100.’ There’s a difference between ‘hey my family is well off’ and this!” I said a little louder, throwing down the magazine with him gloriously decorating the front.
His massive chest of muscles moved up and down with his deep breath.
“Was this a joke?” I asked.
“A joke?” he asked with brows raised high.
“Me…you? I mean, did you not think I’d see this? It’s a top selling magazine! The man I fuck is on the front—as the most eligible bachelor!”
He moved toward me and I back stepped away from him. Something pained him when I moved away.
“The article was done several months ago. I wasn’t sure when it was going to hit newsstands.”
“The girls…all the girls…lined up—literally to see you. To snag you?”
“I never lied to you, Doc,” he defended.
“Oh that is so noble of you. There is so much honor in not telling someone the truth versus flat-out lying. Please help me understand…was I like a charity case?” I hated my tears in that moment. I bit my lip trying hard to recall them…to pull them back but it was useless.
He slid his jacket off and loosened the tie around his neck, working it back and forth, then approached me again.
“Stop!” he growled as I moved away and casually slid around to the other side of the desk. “I was trying to protect you. Word was getting out. People were talking and I was doing everything I could to protect you, Megan.”
“Protect me?”
“From reporters. Paparazzi of sorts.”
I literally squeaked but couldn’t form words. This was bigger than me. Bigger than I could ever handle. What would become of Kieran when his girlfriend was tracked back to her roots. To my alcoholic, abusive father. To my missing in action mother. To my years in foster care.
“Megan. Have you seen me in the paper or the magazines other than this?”
I shook my head, looking anywhere but at him.
“Exactly. This will be news but only for a hot second and then we can live our lives.”
Live our lives? I opened the magazine until I found him sprawled out in the center. Posing. A picture of his sister. His family. Him in the courtroom. A picture of him standing at his parents’ funeral. Behind him…stood Joe and Vivian…JOE AND VIVIAN! What the hell? I began to tremble again. Oh my God! Had this entire relationship been contrived…set up?
Oh God. I felt sick. Blood whooshed in my ears keeping rhythm with my pulse. Vomit inched its way up from my stomach, burning my esophagus. I think it was caused from the room spinning.
When police or a social worker would remove me from my home, they would drive me to a new home and I had no control over what was happening. I’d close my eyes sometimes and just hope that I’d be OK. The anxiety of going from place to place…alone…was terrifying. I never knew what my future held. And in this moment, all those feelings and fears and insecurities took control.
I stumbled over the area rug in the center of the room and I fled in complete slow motion for the door and then it came…the vomit. Thank God, I hit the trashcan by the door.
Kieran’s arms gently wrapped around me as I heaved into the metal can.
“Baby girl…I’m sorry,” he whispered against the shell of my ear.
Embarrassingly spit dangled from my mouth and I was forced to use my hand to get it off. Then I wiped it on the God damn peasant blouse that I wanted to burn.
“Megan, don’t go,” he said grabbing me and taking me in his arms. His starched dress shirt crunched as he pulled my back against his chest and stomach. His body protecting me from physical harm but there was an emotional and mental void.
“Kieran. How do you know Joe and Vivian?” I whispered.
“Phillips? They’re my godparents,” he said. “Why?”
“Oh my God,” I gritted and in pure exasperation, I struck his chest with the bottom of my fist. He didn’t flinch. As soon as I did it, I gasped, horrified. I’d hit him!
“I HIT YOU!” I cried, panicking at the realization of what I’d done. “I’m so sorry!”
“Megan. You didn’t hit me. You barely touched me. Baby, don’t do this.” His glossy chestnut eyes bore into me.
“No. No. No. No. I have to go.” My hands violently shook but I opened the door and he let me go.
Chapter 43—Kieran
Letting her go was the hardest thing in my life I’d ever done outside of burying my parents. When she opened the door, it felt as if she were ripping the heart from my chest. It was money, for fuck’s sake. I watched her as she rounded the corner of Bert’s desk, tears streaking her face, ramming straight in to Walt, which knocked her completely on her ass. The growl that erupted from my chest alarmed Bert because her wide eyes found me. It took me three long steps to get to Doc and help her up. Once on her feet, she wiped her face.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered and glanced up at Walt. Then her face crumbled and her chest seemed to cave in. “Mr. Brown?” she questioned with her brows high…recognition of some sort settled over her face.
Walt said nothing. Not even I’m sorry. How the fuck did she know Walt? She resembled a beaten-down little girl…a cowered puppy in that moment.
“Megan?” I asked.
Enormous tears swelled in her eyes again and spilled over their dams.
“I have to go,” she quietly said and pushed the elevator button, which clearly hadn’t gone down since she had gotten off because it opened immediately.
“Dear, are you OK?” Bert asked as she stepped on.
“I will be,” Megan said and as the doors closed, I heard her say, “Thank you.”
Straightaway, I turned on Walt so fast, grabbing fistfuls of his work shir
t.
“What the fuck was that?”
“I have no idea!” he grunted.
“Kieran,” Bert cautioned from behind me.
I was like a trained, ferocious pit bull in that moment, ready to kill. “Walt. You are a 45-year-old man. Don’t tell me you don’t know where you know her from.”
“I don’t know, Kieran. Get your hands off me.”
“Kieran!” Duane shouted from down the hall, jogging toward us. “Don’t.”
I shoved Walt backward. “I was respectfully taught to respect my elders but with you…I just can’t do it. I didn’t like you when I was younger. I don’t like you now. You have twenty-four hours to figure out how you know her or you’re gone.”
“Kieran,” Duane said.
“I already told you I don’t know,” Walt repeated.
I made a clicking sound with my mouth. “Well, you best be figuring it out, you son of a bitch.”
I hit the elevator button so hard it cracked in the center.
“Kieran, honey. You need your keys and your wallet,” Bert reminded me.
I nodded, my breaths coming in short gasps and my hands shaking from adrenaline. Storming back to my office, I kicked the fucking chair, slamming it against the wall.
“Kieran Thomas Scott! That is enough. I will not tolerate you acting this way. Now sit down,” she ordered.
“I can’t Bert. I can’t. I have to…”
“SIT! DOWN!” she said in the sternest voice I’d ever heard, and I unwillingly sat.
After hobbling slowly over to a chair, she sat too.
“Now you listen to me,” she started. “Your father always had his own issues with Walt. But to your father this company was business. Never personal. Walt is a smart man. Hell, no one likes the guy. But he knows his business. You know that. Now I don’t give a frog’s fat ass if you fire him or not. But do it because of the business, not because of emotion.”
Running my hands through my hair, I grabbed handfuls and tugged. I wanted to pull it out.
“Now. Regarding this beautiful girl who clearly holds your heart, K. Love is something that you have to balance your heart and head. And that’s hard. She’s obviously hurt and I don’t know what the hell you did. But…you have some making up to do. And trust me, that can be more fun than anything,” she explained with a wink. “But Kieran. I’ve never seen that look in your eyes, honey. I’m not sure I’d let this girl get away.”
“I don’t plan on it. But Bert, I need to get to her.”
She slowly stood and suddenly eyeballed me, “Well, what the hell you still sitting here for?”
With wallet and keys in hand, I bolted for the elevator.
Chapter 44—Megan
“Hello?”
“Ruthie,” I sobbed. “Where are you?”
“Megs! What’s wrong?”
I could barely breathe, let alone talk, and navigating the downtown Portland streets with blurry eyes was a nightmare.
“It’s Kieran. Where are you?”
She hesitated. “Megs. I’m at Todd’s. Long story. Don’t freak out. But please come here. Todd’s not here. Please.”
“OK. I don’t even know where he lives,” I said, shocked that she was there. What the hell was happening? “Ruthie! I hit him. I hit him!”
“It’s OK, Megs. We’ll talk about it. It’s OK.”
****
After getting the address, I drove straight to Todd’s, of all places, fighting the urge to turn around. Kieran had too quickly become my life. There was no time to look back or regret…I would never regret Kieran…only the hurt. I’d been trained for this my entire life. Packing up and leaving with no emotion…
The brutally long 15-minute trip was excruciating as I blinked tears from my vision—mainly because my cell phone rang from the shotgun seat of my car. Sexiest Man Alive wouldn’t stop. After twelve consecutive rings, I turned it off, unable to fight temptation.
Todd’s place was as nice as Kieran’s, and Ruthie sprinted to my car when she spotted me pulling in.
“What the hell happened? Please don’t tell me you two broke up?”
After I numbly got out of the car, she embraced me in a well-needed hug then waved me into his house. I needed to find out what was going on between them…but I could barely manage my own thoughts or life.
Once inside, she immediately opened a bottle of wine she found in Todd’s kitchen and we shared a glass of wine while I told her everything…leaving nothing out. I mean literally, started from the time he walked in my office for the very first time.
She sat back on the sofa and stared off.
“So you really think this is some sort of contrived thing? What would be the purpose?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know why. But look at everything. He is court ordered to come to me by Joe. He buys me a car after knowing me like two weeks?! Gets me food. Has me move in with him. Ruthie! He could have any woman in the world. He picks the poor girl who’s been hit by her father, in and out of foster care and floundering around trying to figure out her life?” I shook my head with my hands covering my face. “It doesn’t make sense. None of it.”
“Maybe it’s not supposed to make sense.”
Snapping my fingers, I said, “Oh! And Joe and Vivian are his godparents! That’s when I hit him. I hit his chest while he was holding me. Seriously. That was the last straw. I broke. I lashed out. That’s so not OK. And, you can’t tell me these are all coincidences. There’s no way.”
Ruthie forced my head to her shoulder. “I’m sure you didn’t hurt him, Megs. And maybe he deserved it.”
“OH! And Walt? The one man I hated from foster care works with Kieran. For all these things to come together like this—well, I’d have better chances of winning a lottery.”
I lay back, closing my eyes, trying to relax and ease some of the hurt from my body.
“Did you ever think maybe he was floundering around trying to figure out his life too? Or did you ever think that maybe you did just win the lottery?”
Swallowing and forcing more tears away, I rolled my head to look at her.
“Please explain to me what you’re doing here. If that isn’t even more of a freak thing, that my best friend is going to be seeing his best friend… What the hell happened the other night?” I changed the subject.
Ruthie tucked her feet underneath her and gulped her wine.
“I think you were right, Megs. I love Jerry very much but not in the way I should to spend the rest of my life with him. Todd and I had so much fun. True fun. Driving around. Laughing. We came back here and I swear I thought maybe something would happen but he got a text that set him off and well, nothing happened. So we watched TV and talked.”
“It’s been like three or four days. Are you staying here?” I couldn’t hide my shock…my surprise.
“No! Well, not really. I think he’s put me in the friend zone. As of this moment, he hasn’t even kissed me. And that’s fine. But, I kinda dig him.” Her face held disappointment
“Ruthie! Why are you here?” I nearly yelled because she was being evasive.
“I told Jerry that I needed time to figure out some things. He said after five years if I hadn’t figured it out then it wasn’t ever going to be right. He was angry and he told me to get out last night.” Ruthie started to cry. “I never meant to hurt him, Megs.”
I went over to her and pulled her in to me and we lay down together.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered stroking her back. “So, Todd asked you to stay here?” I still didn’t understand.
She sniffed, wiping her nose with her hand. “No. Not really. I texted him and said I needed a small favor and he said OK. He’s a good guy. And I know Jerry is too, Megs.”
“Ruthie. I love you. I don’t care who you’re with as long as you’re happy.”
“I know. I think even though Todd’s just going to be a good friend, maybe I needed this to move forward. Seeing the way Kieran looks at you…it makes me want
that too.”
Her saying that brought tears back to my eyes and we were both a blubbering mess. And the last thing I remembered was her saying, “I love you, Megs,” before my eyes closed.
The ringtone brought my eyes open and I stared at the back of a sofa but it wasn’t until I heard Todd’s voice that I froze and didn’t move, further realizing where I was.
“Hey, What’s up?” I heard Todd say. “Ruthie is here, why?”
My nose was itching but I didn’t dare move.
“K. Megan’s here.” Silence as I bit on my lip. “I don’t know. I just got home and she’s asleep on my sofa.” Silence again. “No, dumbass. Ruthie is here, too. She’s asleep in my chair. What the hell happened?” Silence. “You gonna come here?”
Without thinking, I rolled over and looked at Todd. His brows shot up and he smiled with only half his mouth.
“I told you. She’s asleep.” He didn’t take his eyes off mine. “Alright. Tell them hi.”
He lowered the phone and shoved it in his front pocket.
“Is he coming?” I asked quietly.
“Not yet. But soon.” He rested against the doorframe.
I sat upright and slid my shoes on.
“You’re leaving?” he asked, sounding surprised.
The wheels were turning in my mind as I thought about what to do. I couldn’t stay here. This was Kieran’s best buddy. It didn’t matter that Ruthie was here.
“Yes.”
“I’d prefer you stay,” he said. “He wanted me to keep you here.”
I stretched when I stood. “You can tell him you tried. But, I have some things to figure out.”
He nodded at me but looked at Ruthie curled up in his chair. I assumed he knew she had some things to figure out too.
“Tell Ruthie I’ll text her.”
“I will.”
“Tell her to stay strong,” I said as I opened the front door.
“Megan. Kieran…needs…you.”
His words were like a knife to the heart and I wasn’t sure it was a wound that could heal. I felt…betrayed by Kieran in a way. Betrayed by Joe and Vivian. Betrayed by my own head and heart for not knowing better.
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