Once in my car, I pulled out my mother’s card and stared at it. The thought of being able to go somewhere besides Dad’s would be nice. But at the same time, I knew what to expect from my father. His reactions, his moods were familiar to me. When I turned 18, I’d put a lock on my bedroom door and he’d not hit me since. I tucked her card back in my purse and headed east.
Chapter 45—Kieran
Still in my dress slacks and dress shirt, I pounded on Joe and Vivian’s door. Vivian answered.
“Kieran, sweetheart. What’s wrong?”
“How do you know Megan Clark, Vivian?”
Her face fell and she looked away for a minute. She opened the door all the way to allow me entry, and I stepped past her.
“Have a seat on the patio. I’ll get us a drink.”
Vivian brought me a cold beer and she had a little something in her glass as well. I wasn’t sure how often she drank so I had a feeling this story was going to be good.
“Megan came to live with us two and a half years ago.”
I buried my face in my palms, wondering how I missed this.
“She came to the shelter after an altercation with a guy.”
“Jared,” I said, putting the pieces in place.
She nodded. “Yes. Jared. She needed a place to stay. She paid for her own college with her student loans and Preston was gone…so Joe allowed her to stay. Joe knew her from her juvenile stuff but accepted her willingly. She wouldn’t allow us to help her. She worked, stayed in the garden house and as soon as she could, she rented that crappy little place you found her in.”
“Vivian,” I said for no reason outside of exasperation.
“Joseph thought if he ordered you to therapy, it would be good for you. He also thought she’d be good for you. Joe knew you well enough to know you’d never open up to just any woman. That it would take someone special. Well, Kieran. Megan’s special. After everything she’s been through, she’s honest and good. She’s fiercely independent. And undeniably innocent even with what she’s been through.”
I swung back and forth in the porch swing, wondering if Megan had ever sat in this swing…thinking about her sleeping at Todd’s. I knew I shouldn’t be jealous, but I was.
“And when I came to you about buying her the car?”
“It made Joe happy. He knew your heart wasn’t totally shut down. He knew you were starting to care about her then.”
“Why not tell me?” I barely said.
She stared out toward the garden house. “Kieran. I encouraged him to do so. But Joe truly believed it would impede the therapeutic process. He also thought if you knew, you’d push her away.
Jesus Christ. I dragged my hands the full length of my face.
“And Megan didn’t have a clue about who I was to you?”
Vivian shook her head. “No, Kieran. Joe and I were only ever able to have Preston, though we wanted more. And I think when Megan came here, he grew more attached than he would ever willingly admit. When Megan moved out, he had old gang members checking on the poor girl but when you needed therapy, he saw an opportunity as well. And he took it.”
I shot up out of my chair trying to maintain an ounce of composure. “Vivian. Joe played with people’s lives. You should have told her….or me…” The pain echoing through my heart wasn’t bearable.
“Kieran. Have you fallen in love with Megan?”
“She saw us in a picture. I think she believes this entire thing was contrived and truth be told, it was. I just didn’t know.”
Vivian stood now and placed her hands on her hips. “Kieran Thomas, I asked you a question. Do you love that girl?”
Vivian was the closest thing to a mother I had and at this moment, she was addressing me as such. There was something about her words that warmed me. I knew she cared and it thrilled me to know she cared about Megan more.
I stared at her long and hard as a slow, timid smile inched across my face.
“Yes. More than life,” I finally admitted.
“Well then, I’m not sure what your tail is still doing here, young man.”
After kissing Vivian’s cheek, I decided that whether Megan wanted to see me or not…I was headed to Todd’s to fix this.
Instant aggravation crept into me when I cornered Todd’s street and Doc’s car wasn’t there. I slammed the Porsche door and hoofed it up to the house. Not knocking, I went in, and Ruthie and Todd sat talking. Additional aggravation.
“Where is she?” I growled.
“She left, man. I tried to keep her here,” Todd explained.
“She say where she was going?” I asked while looking at Ruthie.
Ruthie shook her head. “No, sorry.”
I started to shut the door behind me when Ruthie shouted, “Kieran.”
Hope and optimism on my face, I raised my brows at her.
“First of all, my loyalties lie with her. But she’s hurt. You should have told her all these things.”
“Yes,” I agreed.
“I’m going to be honest with you because I believe you care about her too.”
“I love her,” I interrupted.
When Todd bared his fucking teeth in a goofy-ass smile, I wanted to punch the fuck out of him. So what, I love her…bite me, dickhead.
Ruthie smiled too, but hers was warmer. “She’s not had a lot good happen to her in life. She was dealt a pretty shitty hand and even though I feel like she deserves the world on a silver platter, she still isn’t convinced of that. Don’t push her, OK? She’s always been forced to shut down emotionally just to survive. She will shut down on you too if you push. If you don’t, you may be the best therapy she ever had,” she said with a wink.
I had possession of the silver platter she spoke of and I had the world to offer her.
“Thank you,” I said to Ruthie, giving her a nod, and closed the door behind me.
Shit! When I got to our house, she wasn’t there either…but I breathed easier when I saw all of her things were still in my room and hers. After changing clothes, I sat and called again. Nothing. There was no other alternative than to wait…I hated waiting. And there was no way in hell I was cracking a beer either…If I needed to go get her, I would be ready.
Night fell and I’d fought sleep for several hours holding my phone in my hand. Without taking the time into consideration, I called Todd.
“What’s up,” he answered drowsily.
“Has Ruthie heard from her?”
“K. She’s asleep.”
“Why is she staying there? What’s up with that?” I asked, completely annoyed and worried this wouldn’t make Doc happy.
I heard him release an exasperated breath. “She broke up with what’s his name and he kicked her out. I guess his parents are staying there and she didn’t want to make this big scene.”
“Did you fuck her? I asked you not to. Megan didn’t want…”
“No, K. Jesus. It’s been hard but I’ve respected what you asked. How much longer? She has literally begged,” Todd whispered.
I rubbed my eyes with my index finger and thumb. Never would I have tolerated someone telling me I couldn’t knock it out with some girl. Todd was being more than tolerant of my request for Megan.
“I don’t know. But, I just need to know she’s OK.”
“Hold on,” he said.
As I scratched my head, I heard him talking. I swear to God if I found out Megan was there…
“Ruthie said she texted earlier and said she was staying with her dad, K.”
“Her DAD?” I nearly shouted as he said something to Ruthie.
“Yeah. I guess he lives in Hood River.”
It took me about five seconds to hang up, close the bottom of my recliner and grab the key to the gun safe. In the office, I unlocked the safe, snatched up the 40-caliber pistol along with the ammo. I loaded it without hesitation. As fast as I could, I changed into my jeans, boots and T-shirt, then headed to the garage. After pulling out my chaps and my jacket, I wrapped the gun in a co
uple of doo-rags and tucked it safely into the saddlebag. Finally ready, I fired my bike up, closed the garage and headed to get Doc.
Chapter 46—Megan
When I flipped over in my old bed, the creak of the spring mattress caused my eyes to open for the hundredth time. The clock read 12:30 a.m. Finding someplace cold on my sheets was becoming nearly impossible. I was hot. And I couldn’t sleep. And I started my period. And Kieran occupied absolutely every brain cell in my head. Tonight was one of the most miserable nights of my existence.
I knew most women would leap at the chance to sleep with Kieran, to live with him, to love him…I had the opportunity for all of those at this moment. But I didn’t understand why he kept so much from me. I pulled the tank I wore away from my chest in an attempt to relieve the dull ache in my chest, but it did no good.
Ruthie’s words echoed in my head…maybe this was my lottery. It was clear when Kieran came to me for the first appointment he was lost…but I don’t think I realized until now how lost I was too. To think that I made judgments against people because they had money. Just because one person treated you a certain way doesn’t mean that someone else that age, or race, or economic class would do the same. I should know that better than anyone. I could only hope and pray that no one would ever treat me differently because of my father or my mother or how I was raised.
I flipped over again in bed, adjusting the pillow. I needed to text Kieran. I needed to tell him where I was and what I was doing. That I was OK. I would not abandon him. I knew all too well how that felt, and it wasn’t good. But…I didn’t know how to move forward with him either. The thought of my history going public if he and I moved forward together. The thought of my mother…or my father…showing up in print because of me loving him…hurt me. Kieran would have to make excuses for loving me and I wouldn’t want that.
I’d had sixteen missed calls from Kieran earlier but when my phone buzzed, it startled me. At the same time I read the text, I heard the throttle of his bike.
I’m sitting outside. Please come out.
He’s here?? What must he think of this shithole…oh God. My phone buzzed again.
Your car is here baby. I know you’re here. Please come see me.
I stood up and slid on a pair of my ratty sweats, then heard the phone buzz a third time.
Doc. I need to see you. I swear to God, I will huff and I will puff and I will blow the house down…so get your ass out here.
He came after me…just like a fairytale. Tears flooded my eyes and I wiped them quickly, shoved a piece of gum in my mouth and quietly opened the front door. Oh holy hotness. He leaned against a tree, phone in hand, staring at me. Just the sight of him stole my breath. It was my Kieran. He had on his leather jacket. His fuck-me boots. And the most beautiful, gentle smile I’d ever seen.
The screen door slammed louder than intended and I winced at the clang. But when I stepped down the front stoop, he started walking toward me and I couldn’t help it…I ran to him. The moment he had me in the air, wrapped completely in his arms and smashed against his chest, I breathed. I breathed fully and deeply for the first time since the moment I left him standing in his office.
“Doooc,” he breathed out my name. “Don’t do that ever again. Don’t leave me.”
“I didn’t leave you…I just…”
Still off the ground, held by his arm, his other hand scoured over my face—I’m not sure what he was looking for exactly but then his hand scraped through my hair until he wrapped my neck and forced his mouth to mine. Kieran was never aggressive but he was more forceful than he ever was. His mouth and tongue in hot pursuit of mine, and when I conceded to him, a low moan accompanied his tenderness. I, too, weaved my fingers through his hair, not wanting to come up for air.
“Kieran,” I cried when we broke.
“Megan. I love you. I. Love. You.”
Damn it…my entire face scrunched up into the ugly cry—that uncontrollable cry where your face contorts into a horrible mess. That was me in that moment, unable to control the flood of happy tears.
He continued, “My world was dark and quiet before I found you. I know I was forced to talk to you in the beginning…but now…now I need you. I want to tell you about my day. I want to know about yours. I need to know you’re OK. I know it’s only been two months, but I love you! Isn’t this how it’s supposed to happen—when you least expect it? Well baby…you knocked me on my ass.”
A mile-wide grin crossed my face, and my arms wound around his waist.
“Who the hell are you?” I heard my father’s voice echo across the yard.
Fear shuddered through me. As I tried to worm out of Kieran’s arms, he protectively pushed me behind him.
Holding up one hand to my father, the other one held firmly onto me and he began sidestepping toward his bike about three feet away.
“Sir. My name is Kieran. I’m here to talk to Megan.”
My father slid off the first cement step and it was then that I saw the baseball bat in his hand. He was barely sober when I got here but I’d barricaded myself in my room and hunkered down for the night. His unbuttoned, blue flannel shirt flapped in the wind.
“I know the likes of you. Comin’ round here, sniffin’ round my daughter. I’ve seen your kind all my life. First, men sniffin’ ‘round her momma, Amanda. Now ‘round my daughter.” He was so skinny his ribs protruded.
“Daddy, please,” I said trying to get around Kieran’s arm, but he held me securely in place.
“Mr. Clark. I didn’t come here to start a fight. I came here for Megan,” Kieran said and my heart expanded.
My dad slid when he landed in the dirt after the last step, but he stayed upright.
“Get your ass outta here, boy,” he said raising the bat past his shoulder though he was still about 15 yards from us.
“Gladly. But Megan is coming with me.”
“The hell you say!” my dad shouted with crazy, drunken eyes.
“Sir. I just want to take care of her.” Kieran bent down toward his saddlebag, unfastened it and reached inside.
“Take care of her? You think I can’t, motherfucker?”
When my dad swung the bat, even though he wasn’t close enough to hit Kieran, I jerked away and darted toward my father. I was so done with this shit.
“Doc!”
“Daddy. I am 23 years old. You can’t do this to me anymore. I love him,” I cried, and was all too familiar with the look that shot through his eyes with my back talk. Before I could cower, his backhand came up and lashed across my face, sending me spinning to the ground. Grasping hair out of my face and through glossy eyes, I saw my own father cock the bat back at me…his daughter.
Kieran’s howl boomed out before I saw him tackle my father to the ground with a thud and accompanied grunt.
“Kieran, no!” I shouted, getting my bearings together and standing up. His murderous glare found me, and it softened only a little before he realized he was straddling my father with his fist reared back. In his other hand was a black gun. He quickly stood, backing away from my dad.
Confused and shocked, my hand immediately slapped over my mouth trying to hold in the scream. Why did he have a gun? He walked toward me; his tempered eyes scanned my face. I don’t know what he saw but he tossed the gun toward his bike.
Both his hands cupped my face as he trembled…shook like I’d never seen him shake before.
“You carry a gun?” I asked, with surprise coloring my tone.
He brushed his knuckles down my cheek. “NO! Yes. I brought it.”
When I squeezed my eyes shut, tears leaked out. “I’m sorry,” I wept, tasting the salty, rusty taste of blood that I hated.
“Sorry? Baby…” he groaned, and tears flooded his eyes as his fingers traced over the mistreated skin on my pulsing cheek and swelling lip.
“I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m OK,” I repeated trying to convince him and me.
“I need you out of here now, Doc. Please come with me.”
When my dad clumsily lunged for me, Kieran quickly grabbed his leg and my father fell hard, face first into the dirt. Without thinking, I grabbed the gun and brought it up, ready to shoot my father if I needed to protect Kieran.
“Doc. Don’t. Put the gun down, baby.”
I recognized the zone…the mindset…I was escaping to it slowly but surely. It was my survival mode. My eyes focused on my father lying face down in the dirt. Though I knew Kieran was there, it wasn’t until he walked toward me that I spun in his direction. He dodged sideways away from my aim.
“Doc. Please. Take your finger off the trigger.”
I did…I dropped the gun altogether. Kieran grabbed me and yanked me in to his chest. Harsh breaths blew over my face as he stared down at me with fear radiating in his eyes.
“Megan,” he panted.
My attention was drawn to my father when a low moan came from him. He appeared lifeless, face down in the dirt, and pushing Kieran away, I fell to my knees and crawled toward my dad, trying to roll his shoulders over.
“Daddy,” I cried as Kieran moved to my side, tenderly moving me aside then turning my dad over. “Is he OK?”
A mixture of dirt and blood drained from his nose and his face was scraped, with dirt embedded in the injured skin. A face that held such anger and rage before seemed innocent and peaceful now.
“Mr. Clark?” Kieran said tapping his cheek with the back of his hand.
My father didn’t move. Then Kieran rested his fingers beneath my father’s jaw at the crook of his neck and I gasped.
“He’s fine, baby but I think we should call an ambulance to be safe.”
My fingers dug into Kieran’s back, “No! He’ll be OK!” I frantically said.
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