Not Guilty of Love

by Pat Simmons

  "This isn't what you needed. It's just like the devil to show up uninvited to a party. I wondered where Grandma BB was the night of the shower. Have you spoken with your dad?" Hallison asked as she pushed the timer on the microwave for her nightly cup of herbal tea. She had slept most of the day after jail hopping most of the night, thanks to Mrs. Beacon.

  "The doctors have him on some strong pain medicine. Here's the odd thing, Hali. When he was coherent, Daddy didn't deny killing Mr. Beacon. I kept waiting for him to say, 'I didn't do it.' Girl, this has been so much drama, I could go into labor."

  "Please don't. I can't take a double scoop of anything else right now."

  "Tell me about it. Mom was on the defensive, chiding me for thinking the worst of her husband, and blaming me for moving where I did. To top it off, my siblings provided secret-service protection by his bedside against me. I couldn't get any privacy if I bribed them. I needed answers, but... ooh." Cheney gasped.

  "What's the matter?"

  "The baby kicked."

  Chuckling, Hallison could hear the smile in Cheney's voice. "What did I tell you? I've already exceeded my crisis level this weekend."

  Parke's voice boomed in the background, arguing with Kami about which pajamas she wanted to wear to bed. Cheney muffled the phone to reply, then yawned. "I guess that's my cue to hang up. Please pray, Hali that I can get through this."

  Nodding, Hallison closed her eyes. "Lord, in the matchless name of Jesus, we need understanding, strength... we need you..." Hallison wanted to cry out so many things before God, unspoken requests she didn't want to share with Cheney, one of which concerned Malcolm.

  It didn't take long for God to meet them at the crossroads. He touched her tongue, and a heavenly language poured out of Hallison's soul. Soon the power anointed Cheney to join in, speaking in unknown tongues controlled by the Spirit. For a few minutes, they indulged in one praise party, and God listened to both petitioners.

  "Finally, Father, we thank you for meeting us here. I ask that you bless my dear friend and my family. Give us peace, love, and wisdom. Save all who don't know you, in Jesus' name we ask," Cheney ended, "Amen."

  "Amen."

  "Hali, I know all of the prayer wasn't about me. You'll be all right with or without Malcolm."

  "How did you know?"

  "Because I've prayed like that before over a man," Cheney explained.

  When Hallison hung up the phone, she cried again.

  Chapter Five

  “Who told you to let peace go? Speak up! God can't hear you," the pastor of Faith Miracle Church preached the following morning. Hallison sat in her usual pew next to Parke and Cheney, but one familiar reserved spot remained empty. Hallison scanned the sanctuary and spotted Mrs. Beacon on the opposite side near the back.

  "What part of Exodus 14:14 don't you understand? The Lord shall fight your battle, or ye shall hold your peace? This is not an if scripture. It's a just do it by faith scripture. If you drop peace, the only thing you'll pick up is discord ..." Elder Baylor Scott ministered to the congregation. At the end of service, Mrs. Beacon, with her head high, headed for the west exit as Cheney chatted with Hallison.

  "We needed that message, sister," Hallison said, hugging Cheney. "Hey, where's your husband?"

  Squinting, Cheney looked around until she saw him. "You know Parke. It seems he can't leave church without speaking to at least one hundred people. C'mon. He'll meet us at the SUV."

  They walked out the building to the parking lot. Hallison found a piece of candy for Kami as Parke's heavy footsteps caught up with them. He was snarling.

  Cheney lifted her brow at Hallison's frown. "What's wrong with you? We're still on church property and you look like you left peace inside."

  Parke waved off his wife. "Never mind. Come on, let's go."

  Cheney didn't move. "I don't know what attitude you slipped into just now, but go take it back to the devil." She pointed to nowhere. "What is wrong with you, Parke Kokumuo Jamieson VI?"

  "Oh, no, not that K word," Hallison joked, snickering. When she couldn't contain herself, a hearty laugh escaped.

  "I'm glad you think it's funny because I find it downright irritating," Parke said.

  "What?" Cheney squinted.

  "That's the second guy this week. First in Bible class. Now today." Parke disarmed his vehicle. "Brother Carr and now Brother Thomas asked if Hallison was my sister and if she was available." He frowned.

  "What did you tell them?" Hallison hadn't thought about other men expressing interest in dating her or them asking her former boyfriend's brother to intercede on their behalf.

  "You don't want to know." When Parke opened the SUV’s back door, Kami insisted on climbing in unassisted.

  "Yes, we do," they snapped in unison.

  He cleared his voice. "Well, the short version is that you two are separated, and he just left jail this weekend."

  Giggling, Hallison slapped his arm. "Why would you say that?"

  "Honestly? Brother Carr has changed jobs three times within the past six months. It had nothing to do with the economy. Brother Thomas, I just didn't like him, period. Either way, neither one passes my inspection."

  * * *

  Monday morning, Hallison walked into her office and groaned at the stack of work on her desk from Friday. For three hours, Hallison sequestered herself behind closed doors until her eyes blurred. She had scrutinized a two hundred-page plan on employee safety and training procedures.

  Rubbing her stiff neck, she recalled Malcolm's departing words: "If we're not meant to be, I pray that you'll never find a greater love." Hallison cleared her head. Of all things to pray for, why that? "They were just words," she reminded herself, "and words can never hurt me."

  "I wouldn't believe that, sister-girl. Proverbs eighteen says death and life are in the power of the tongue, so watch out," Paula Silas, coworker and friend, corrected as she popped her head inside Hallison's office.

  Startled, Hallison looked up. Embarrassed, she shook her head, laughing. "You eavesdropper. What are you doing down here?"

  "I'm inviting you to dine in the boardroom. By the way, the next time you talk to yourself, whisper. It's more discreet." Paula displayed her trademark brilliant and contagious smile.

  "Oh, if we get to use the executive conference room, that means the bigwigs are out of the building."

  "You're a wise one, Hali." Paula gave a mocked bow.

  Lunch with Paula was a luxury. Hallison always felt energized after a Christ-centered fellowship with her. With the demands of running their departments, coordinating their schedules wasn't easy, but it was worth it. When Hallison hired Paula a year ago as the bank's new chief credit manager, Hallison felt as if she were chatting with an old girlfriend. Within minutes, Hallison rejected the warm and cozy feeling as Paula praised God for the salary and job. It grated on Hallison's nerve at the time because she didn't want to hear the name Jesus more than twice in one month. That was before she returned to Christ.

  "It all depends. What are we eating?" Hallison asked.

  Paula came farther into the office. Her predictable attire always complemented the highlights in her hair in some way, whether it was a scarf or jacket, summer or fall, casual or dressy. She never missed the opportunity to make a fashion statement. Today she wore a shimmery soft green top under her blazer that complemented the shimmer in her makeup. "Ursula picked up Cecil Whit- taker's sandwiches for us—the special."

  Hallison's stomach growled at the mention of a St. Louis favorite—hot ham, roast beef, salami, and double cheese sandwiches, from a family-owned chain restaurant.

  "Can't have her waste her money."

  "Works every time. C'mon. Let's head upstairs to the hide-out."

  Standing, Hallison stretched and smoothed the creases from her winter pink wool suit, then shut down the computer. After locking her office, Hallison trailed Paula to the lobby. Stepping into the elevator, they acknowledged other riders with smiles.

  "So how was Chen
ey's baby shower?" Paula asked, punching the button for the eleventh floor.

  Hallison rolled her eyes and sighed. "Unbelievable. It started off good, but ended in a nightmare. As expected, Malcolm was at the baby shower. The sight of him made me want to renege on my promise to walk with the Lord in holiness,” she said, getting off the elevator. The real surprise was Mrs. Beacon shooting Cheney's dad."

  "Did I hear Malcolm's name mentioned?" Ursula Taylor asked. Her sonic ears beamed in on any gossip. As they entered their secluded meeting place, the legal department's executive boardroom, they quelled their conversation when they saw the food set up in the middle of a long cherry oak table. Ursula closed one of the Styrofoam containers, dropped in a chair, and kicked up her heels in a nearby seat. "I'm waiting, and you know I don't like cold food." She shook her head with an added flair.

  Hallison had recently hired Ursula as the new retirement and client solutions specialist. For some strange reason Hallison couldn't explain, they bonded. Ursula packaged herself as a conservative, but had a fondness for outrageous wigs. The three formed an odd on-the-job friendship triangle. Paula's faith increased daily. In contrast, Ursula's faith seemed to diminish by the hour. Paula grabbed a container and relaxed in a chair. Also sitting, Hallison reluctantly rehashed tidbits of the story.

  "Didn't you say this Grandma BB attended your church?" Ursula queried between bites while Paula and Hallison bowed their heads in silent prayers. "Interesting. She must've taken a detour on her path to heaven." She shrugged as if she wasn't surprised.

  "Let me put it this way. Somewhere between the choir singing and the pastor preaching, she must've fallen asleep," Hallison shamefully answered after she said amen.

  Ursula chuckled. "The woman is my idol."

  On most days, Hallison overlooked her off-handed remarks, but Ursula had an uncanny talent for zeroing in on church hypocrisy. She thrived on it. She had a carbon copy attitude that Hallison possessed less than a year ago. Hallison compared herself to Saul—the pre-redemption Paul, who persecuted the Jews that followed Christ—to the forgiven Paul who proudly accepted persecution for following Christ.

  "And," Ursula paused and waved her hand in the air. "For months you've been professing you're over Malcolm. Instead of a testimony, a few hours with the man has your heart rate climbing and you giving a "lie-a-mony." Ask me, you would've done better keeping him and putting the witnessing stuff on hold. I put my money on Malcolm. You're going down, girl," Ursula said, slapping the table.

  "But not without a fight this time," Hallison countered.

  "A good man is hard to find," Ursula said.

  You're telling me, Hallison thought.

  "I'm married, and I'm still trying to find a good man," Ursula continued.

  "See, that's your flesh talking, Ursula. Anthony was good enough for you to marry. Plus, we can't cut a deal with God," Paula explained.

  For a half hour, Hallison listened as Paula and Ursula played volleyball with their opinions. She shook her head as she swallowed the last bite of her sandwich.

  "Every now and then, I feel that God has asked too much of me. I would've gladly given up anything else but Malcolm."

  It wasn't the first time God told Hallison to give up something after she defiantly left the church. Her addiction to cigarettes was short-lived after recovering from several wheezing episodes and visiting the St. Louis Science Center's cadaver exhibition. The urge vanished when she viewed a swollen, black, tar-covered lung. God whispered, Give Me your body as a living sacrifice. Cigarettes forgotten, Hallison decided to get a cutesy tattoo.

  Again, the Lord spoke, Your body is My temple. Glorify Me in your body, My temple is holy... As she walked farther away from God, the more spiritually deprogrammed she became. More than once, she partied all night and got drunk twice. There was no limit as Hallison seriously considered the advances of married men. God never stopped reminding her of the scriptures.

  Then Malcolm Jamieson stepped into her world. At the time, both she and Malcolm were minority recruiters for their respective companies at a job fair. With little effort, they sold the other on the benefits of a relationship.

  Throughout the day-long event, sparks flew and engulfed them. It wasn't long before he exhilarated Hallison's weary spirit and calmed her stormy moods. Her heart rejoiced. Malcolm was the package, and she was ready to unwrap her gift. Within two weeks, they had fit six dates into their busy schedules. By the end of the third date, they shared several passionate kisses, and Hallison had enjoyed every one of them.

  Soon they began to undress each other, but God shouted at her, The body is not for fornication, but for the Lord.

  The following months had been torture for them as she delayed their physical fulfillment. Malcolm didn't balk. Although he always respected her decision, the temptation was becoming unbearable. Hallison's flesh constantly warred against her spirit, which she couldn't quench.

  On New Year's Day, at one minute past midnight, they celebrated their official one-year-and-three-week dating anniversary. Malcolm had proposed. She could've shouted for the victory. It had been close, but she was going to make it to the altar without fornicating. Yet, God still wasn't satisfied. The Lord warned, Be not unequally yoked with the unbeliever. She was so mad; it seemed as if she couldn't win with God. Finally, when the Lord spoke to her about spending eternity in hell, she listened.

  "Well, it doesn't make sense to me," Ursula countered. "I was under the impression God only stepped in when a person actually did something bad, like stealing or killing. Girl, if you're in a committed relationship it isn't lusting. Humph! I can't believe you're still sticking to that story that God told you to walk away from Malcolm. How do you know it was God? That's when you should've gotten a second opinion." Ursula's repetitious taunt surfaced every time Malcolm's name was mentioned.

  Sometimes, you know that you know, Hallison thought. During that sermon a year ago, she knew.

  An hour later after lunch, the encounter with Malcolm was the furthest thing from Hallison's mind. She had two department managers quit. One gave two weeks’ notice. The other packed up his desk, dropped off his resignation letter to Hallison's administrative assistant, and walked out. Hallison had to replace the software support specialist and marketing assistant immediately. By five o'clock on Tuesday, the vacancies were posted on the bank's website and circulated through various networks.

  By the time Hallison arrived at church for Wednesday night Bible class, she was exhausted. Before the week was over, she had more than thirty qualified applications on her desk. She loved her job, but she disliked the hiring process, mostly because she had to choose one out of many talented professionals. Since the economy was slow, the majority of the candidates were over-qualified and their salary requirements backed it up.

  Saturday morning, Hallison prayed and danced around her bedroom, happy for some down time. After she showered and dressed, she pulled her hair into a ponytail and left for her hair appointment.

  "I need the works: a facial, nails, hair. Make me beautiful, Alexis," Hallison stated minutes after walking through the doors of The Workout, the Workup, and Workin' Hair and Body Boutique.

  The petite woman, with more earrings in an ear than ear space, grabbed her clipboard and checked off Hallison's requests. "You look like you need a massage."

  "How could you tell? Yes, put me down for that, too."

  "Good. After you're dolled up, you'll need to go shopping," Alexis suggested, leading Hallison across the marble floor to a spacious shampoo room. Once Hallison was seated, the stylist prepped her for a deep scrub and conditioner. "Since you were in last, I found this new shoe store hidden in the Central West End. It's exclusive—a membership is required," Alexis said in a hushed tone.

  "Get out of here. And how did you gain admittance?" Hallison cringed as Alexis twisted and jerked her head around during a deep scrub and rinse.

  "Through a friend of a friend's cousin married to an executive who owned a chain of auto dealersh
ips."

  "You and your connections." Hallison smirked, then shrugged. "Why not? Count me in."

  "Hey, it's a perk from owning my business. Anyway, my last appointment is at three. I can be ready in an hour once I get home." She held Hallison's head still, thinking. "You know, I'll need two hours maximum for perfection." She started to sing, "A party ain't a party unless it's a shoe party."

  * * *

  "I want visitation rights, and I will go to court to get them," Mrs. Beacon demanded over the phone. "I became Kami's grandma the same day you became her mother. She's in my will and everything."

  "You should've thought about our family ties before you shot my father. You're already going to jail for attempted murder," Cheney said, appalled at the woman's nerve. She massaged her temples. "You could've killed him." Her voice faded.

  "He murdered my husband! Am I supposed to turn the other cheek? To do so would mean I didn't love my husband, and his life wasn't worth that much."

  "But the Bible says, Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven."

  "Umm-hmm, I never read that."

  "Crack open your Bible. It's in Mathew 18."

  Mrs. Beacon cleared her throat. "Well, if it really says that, then I think you should listen to the Bible yourself and forgive me." They disconnected—or rather Mrs. Beacon abruptly hung up. Mrs. Beacon had turned the tables, and Cheney's judgment had backfired.

  Parke walked into the kitchen from work and saw that tears were visible in Cheney's eyes. He brushed a kiss on her cheek. "Hey, wifey, are you in a hormonal mood? Kami hasn't gotten kicked out of pre-school, has she?" When she didn't respond, Parke became concerned. "You're scaring me. Is it your father? Is our little prince, or princess okay?"

  Cheney held up her hand to stop her husband. She exhaled before explaining, "Nothing like that. Grandma BB called and threatened to take us to court for visitation rights to see Kami."