Canvas

by Jacob Chance

  Our tongues dance around, seeking and retreating, both of us driven by an unquenchable desire. Her fingers press into the muscles of my back, long fingernails digging through the Van Halen 1984 concert tee I’m wearing. The small sting drags me out of the moment and reminds me of all the things I wish I could say to Elle. I don’t know all the right words, but I know some. And something needs to be said. We can’t keep physically connecting on such a powerful level and then going our separate ways. Merely stealing moments with Elle is not enough for me and I hope it’s the same for her.

  Tearing my lips from hers, I place our foreheads together. Both of us are physically and emotionally rocked from our kiss and struggling to catch our breath. Each of her exhales are a gentle caress, like the hairs of my favorite fan brush softly stroking over my lips.

  “We say so much with a simple touch, Elle. This is how we communicate. It’s no different than when I paint. I convey whatever I want the viewer to feel on the canvas without a single word.” Smoothing her hair back from her face with both palms, my fingers glide down the back of her head and slip between her thick brown tresses, holding her in place. My eyes roam over the elegant angles of her nose and cheekbones before locking on hers. Hints of copper and gold glint from her brown irises, captivating me. “Elle, we’re like a blank canvas. We can paint our relationship any way we want. We don’t have to fit the mold that works for others. Both of us get lost trying to find the right words to say and when we can’t - we say nothing. Or we say something hurtful when it’s not our intention. Words can be misconstrued, but actions are the true measure of a person. We should do what we do best...forget the words and let our hearts speak for themselves.”

  14

  Elle

  He’s giving me the perfect opportunity to be with him. All I have to do is be brave enough to say yes. But what if it doesn’t work out? What if it does? My heart battles it out with my head.

  “Elle,” he whispers my name. Staring into his light green eyes, might have me agreeing with anything he wants. I have no control when he’s near.

  “What?” I question, my voice hoarse with all the emotions he’s pulling out of me. No matter how much I want to shove them back in, I don’t think I can. I want this too much. Whatever it is he’s offering me, I’m not going to refuse.

  “Are you and Johnny together?” He holds his breath, waiting for my answer.

  “No.” I shake my head. “We never have been. Are you and Liberty?” I brace myself for his answer, prepared for the yes, he’ll more than likely utter. What that will mean for us, I’m not sure.

  “No. She’s just a friend. There’s never been anything between us.”

  My eyebrows rise as high as they can on my forehead. “Really?” I ask, afraid to be hopeful.

  “Really.” He smiles and I echo one back at him. “I couldn’t get you out of my head, no matter how hard I tried.” He rubs the tip of his nose against mine. “But you know what’s even better?”

  “What?”

  “You’re in my heart too and I never want you to leave.”

  My eyes fill with tears at his sweet words. No one has ever made me feel so special before. He’s the only person who’s ever delved beneath the surface layer everyone else gets from me. He’s the first person I’ve allowed to. I don’t like to be vulnerable. Avoiding it at all costs has become a defense mechanism for me. It’s only with Josh, I’m willing to be in this position. Only he can make me brave enough to open myself and hope for the best.

  “Don’t cry,” he soothes, catching the tear slipping down my cheek with the tip of his index finger.

  “These are happy tears. I thought I’d ruined any chance of us being together. I’m sorry for running out on you that morning.”

  “It’s over and done with, Elle. None of that matters now.”

  I place my index finger over his mouth to stop his words. Sliding it back and forth, I enjoy the sensation of his full bottom lip against my fingertip. Cupping his cheek with the same hand, I stare up into his intense eyes. “Please let me explain. I was so scared of my feelings for you. I wanted to let you in. I wanted to stay with you more than anything, but I was afraid to get hurt. I still am. I’m petrified.”

  His arms wrap around me, tugging me closer between his legs and my hands rest on his chest. “Elle, I promise I’ll never hurt you on purpose. Will there be times when we fight or have hurt feelings? I’m sure there will be. It’s unavoidable, but I think the risk is worth it. I want whatever time I can have with you. If it means a week or the next ten years, I’ll be grateful for whatever we get.”

  I’m ecstatic at his words. I never imagined this opportunity. “I want the same.” I smile through my tears.

  “Are you sure? I’m not letting you go once you say yes.” His smile is crooked.

  “I’m sure. I’ve wanted this for a long time. Unfortunately, I let my own fears stop me from telling you. I’m sorry I wasn’t braver, Josh.” My hands caress over his muscular chest. “Are you sure you want this? I can’t promise being with me will be easy.”

  His hands slip into my hair, holding my head still. He lowers down, bringing his face closer to mine. “I already told you how I feel, Elle. If I have to tell you one hundred times a day before you believe it, then I will.”

  “Maybe you can convince me with some silent communication.” I smile up at him.

  “I like the way you think. Silent communication is what we do best,” he says, his lips capturing mine. My stomach flutters uncontrollably with the contact, as we lose ourselves in each stroke of our tongues. I’ve never experienced such a powerful connection with someone before. All awareness of time disappears as we show each other how we feel in the most convincing way. His hot, commanding kisses remind me of our night together. I moan when his hands slip down to cup my ass, pressing me against his hard cock. I rock against him lost in the endless hunger he stirs in me.

  He groans into my mouth when my heels dig into his ass urging him closer. Tearing his mouth from mine, he struggles for breath. “God, I want you. So fucking bad, but I don’t want to rush. I want to show you what you mean to me over and over.” His voice is a deep, husky whisper against my neck. I shiver when he skims his lips behind my ear and all the way down to my shoulder. Placing a slick line of hot, wet kisses along the front of my neck, he climbs higher until he catches my bottom lip between his teeth. Playfully tugging on it, he sucks it between his lips. His tongue is a warm caress as it glides from one corner to the other, before slipping between my lips, reminding me of when it was buried in my pussy four months ago.

  When one of my hands slip under his t-shirt to stroke the lean muscles of his stomach, he catches it with his and wraps my arm behind my back. “Are you trying to drive me fucking insane?” he growls the question against my mouth.

  “Maybe,” I answer, smiling, our lips still touching.

  “We need to stop now, before I can’t. I don’t want to fuck you in the bar break room, Elle.”

  “Does it really matter where it happens?”

  He studies my face, not answering immediately. “Yeah, it does. We need to go slow and if we’re going to give having a relationship a shot, then I want to do things right.”

  “What does that even mean? It’s not like there’s some manual we can refer to.”

  Isn’t every person’s opinion of what’s right and wrong in a relationship different?

  “It means we’re going to get to know each other all over again and not have sex until the time is right.” He says, his expression serious.

  “How will we know when the time is right?” Pressing my pelvis into his, I rock against his hard cock. “Because now feels like the perfect time to me.”

  His hands grip my hips, holding me still. “What am I going to do with you? You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”

  “What makes you think anything to do with us will be easy?” I question, my eyebrows raised.

  “Easy or hard, makes no difference,
Elle. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I’ve wanted you for so long.” His fingers tense on my hips. “Now we have this chance and I’m not letting anything get in the way.”

  His confident words have my heart racing. Does he mean them? It’s difficult for me to place my faith in another person, especially a man. There’s never been a male figure in my life who’s really cared for me. My own father has no interest in spending time with me and he helped create me. Sure, he’ll pay for anything I want, but he doesn’t really know me. Why would someone like Josh who has everything going for him want a future with someone like me?

  15

  Josh

  Her brow puckers in a frown and I can tell she’s overthinking things.

  “Hey, hey, none of that,” I say, running my index finger over the wrinkle between her brows. “Stop all those negative thoughts right now.”

  “How do you know what I’m thinking?” she asks, her lips pressed together.

  “Do you honestly think I don’t know you after all this time? I’m well aware how that mind of yours works.”

  “Okay, oh wise one. What am I thinking right now?” Her lips move into an adorable smirk I want to kiss away.

  Cupping her face with my hands, I close my eyes and pretend to focus, but I’m fighting every urge my body has to throw her down on the table and show her how crazy about her I am. “You’re thinking you want to meet my younger brother.”

  “Owen’s here?”

  My eyes open at the excitement in her tone. “He is and I want you to meet him, but not if you’re too excited about it.”

  She giggles. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Unless he’s a hot tattoo artist, you’re all set.”

  “Sean’s here too.”

  “Well then you might be screwed,” she taunts.

  “What were you saying?” Burying my face in her neck, I blow a raspberry on her skin and dig my fingers into her sides.

  “I don’t want anyone, but you.” She shrieks, wiggling in my grasp.

  My fingers cease tickling as I take in her words. Our eyes lock. Instantly, we’re both serious. “You’re the only woman I want. I haven’t been with anyone since we slept together.”

  Her eyes grow wide as if my words shock her. “I haven’t either.”

  I’m pleasantly surprised by the three words I never expected to hear. For as long as I’ve known Elle, she’s never gone for long without sex. “Why haven’t you?” I ask, bluntly.

  “Our time together meant too much to me. I didn’t want to be with anyone else after. Why haven’t you?” she questions, turning my words back at me.

  I caress her cheek with the back of my fingers. “Do you really need to ask? Can’t you tell I’m absolutely crazy about you?”

  She chews on her bottom lip. “I want to believe you are, but it’s not easy for me to trust men.”

  “I’m not any man, Elle. I’m only me. You’ve known me long enough to see what kind of person I am.” My hand raises to tuck the long strands of hair falling in her eyes behind her ear. “Now what do you say we go have some fun?”

  “Let’s do it.”

  We leave the break room, our hands clasped together and matching smiles on our faces. Owen notices us as we approach and smirks in my direction.

  “Elle, this is my youngest brother, Owen. He’s a sophomore at B.U.”

  She holds her hand out and he tugs her forward, pulling her into his arms. “I’m a hugger,” he says with a wink aimed in my direction over her shoulder. Shaking my head, I watch, making sure she’s not bothered by his antics.

  “I’m a ball buster,” she says, raising her knee toward his groin.

  He drops his arms as if he’s been burned. Holding his hands up he steps back. “I like my balls the way they are.”

  She smirks. “I was only kidding. But seriously, you should be careful. Not every girl is going to want you to get handsy with them.”

  He directs a look loaded with skepticism at her then holds his arms straight out at his sides. “Are you sure? I’ve yet to meet one who doesn’t want my hands on them - or to get their hands on me.”

  She snorts, before rolling her eyes and I laugh. “Are you sure you guys are related?”

  I nod. “Sometimes it’s even hard for me to believe, but it’s true.”

  “Elle,” Sean calls her name as he approaches with a fresh beer in hand.

  “Sean,” she smiles. I find myself bothered by the close hug they share. Jealousy is an emotion I don’t have a lot of experience with. I dealt with some when Janny initially began dating Kyle, but it didn’t take me long to work through it. With Elle, I don’t see it ever going away. She’s the kind of girl that attracts guys like flies to honey and this will never change.

  “What are you two up to?” Sean asks, eyes sweeping from Elle to me, before taking a pull from his bottle.

  Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, I draw her closer to my side. “I think we need to dance soon and then we’ll figure out the rest.”

  “I can’t dance with you,” Elle says shaking her head.

  “Why not?” I scowl.

  “I don’t dance with people who are better than I am.”

  “Whoa, wait a minute. Are you complimenting me? I never thought I’d hear you admit I was good at something.”

  Her eyes lower shamefully, before she glances up at me. “I’m sorry I’ve been so horrible. I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings for you. I realize this isn’t much of an excuse, but it’s the truth.”

  Leaning down, I kiss the top of her head. “It doesn’t matter, Elle. We’re both where we want to be now and that’s all that matters.”

  “Thanks for bringing me home,” she says as we drive through the mostly empty Boston streets.

  “You don’t have to thank me. I planned on taking you home, anyway. My eyes flick in her direction, taking in her delicate profile before returning to the road in front of us. “When can I see you again?”

  “I...oh.” She brushes her hair back from her face.

  “What?”

  “I guess I assumed we’d be spending the night together. At least, I was hoping we were.”

  “I want to more than anything, but no sex and no sleepovers for the time being.”

  “No fun, you mean,” she says with a pout.

  “Come on, it won’t be that bad. At least we get to spend time together. I’ll show you why it’s awesome to be my girl.”

  “Am I?”

  “My girl?” I question, my eyes snapping in her direction.

  She nods. “Uh huh.”

  “You better be. All these months of being without one another has taught me not to waste any more time.” Reaching over, I catch her hand, holding it in mine. “We’re together or we’re not. No more of this limbo bullshit.” I kiss the back of her hand, before continuing. “If this isn’t what you want, now’s the time to tell me. Otherwise, you’re in, and I’m not letting you change your mind.”

  “I’m not changing my mind. I’ve wanted this for far too long. And as much as it scares me to trust you, I do.”

  Once we reach her apartment, we walk to her door with our hands clasped. Openly holding hands is somewhat surreal. Any time we’ve done this in the past it’s always been for a fleeting moment. There’s never been a time where we weren’t trying to fight our attraction. To be with her, touching her freely, feels amazing.

  She leans back against the door to her apartment when we stop in front of it. Her teeth press into her bottom lip coyly as her eyes sparkle up at me. She’s trying to tempt me...and she fucking does, but I’m not going to let anything ruin this opportunity for us. No matter how much need is churning through me, I’m not stepping inside her apartment, tonight.

  “I’ve got your number,” I say, closing the distance between us. My hands cup either side of her neck. Her pulse flutters wildly against my palm. “You’re a little tease, aren’t you?” My head lowers when I brush the tip of my nose against hers. Her warm breath w
ashes over my lips, tempting me further.

  “I don’t know what you mean,” she replies, playfully.

  I hover close to her lips. “Are you sure you don’t?”

  “Hmm, how about we stop talking and you kiss me instead?”

  “Is that what you want, Elle? Do you want me to press you back into this door and take your lips?” I question as I lean closer, caging her in. “Does this remind you of the last time we were standing in this same spot?”

  “Yes,” she whispers.

  “Do you remember how I made you come?” I ask, drawn in by the desire I see reflected in her chocolate eyes.

  “I do.” Her fingers grip my shirt over my chest, tugging on the faded cotton.

  “Your pussy tasted so sweet. I bet it would be just as delicious right now. Are you wet for me, Elle?”

  “Why don’t you find out,” she taunts.

  Slipping a hand between us, cupping her, I feel the damp heat of her through her sundress. It would be so easy to slip my fingers up the inside of her thigh and work them under the edge of her panties, but I won’t. “I want you more than you know and I’ll be tasting you soon, but it’s not going to happen tonight. Now, I’m going to kiss you goodbye and you’re going to go inside without argument.”

  “Is that what I’m going to do?” She asks, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

  My hand leaves her pussy to slide around her hip and down to grip the bottom of her ass. Squeezing one cheek in my palm, I press her closer to me. My other hand rises to hold her face. “Don’t push me, Elle. You won’t win and we both know you don’t like to lose.”