Holding On To Hope_ She was brokenhearted and chasing dreams. He was lovestruck, chasing her.

by Mystique Roberts

  I raise my brows and try to pull her to her bed. She laughs, “Mhmm, I’m sure you could think of something, but I need to change. Sorry.” She winks, sticks her tongue out and goes to her bathroom. I readjust my jeans and make a mental note to make her pay for that later.

  ***

  We’re at Striker Bowl and it’s overflowing with tour members, media and fans outside. As we walk further in Hope grips my hand tighter and looks at me nervously. I squeeze her hand twice for reassurance.

  “Okay,” She says loudly over the music. “I know it’s not a normal bowling night and this is an event but I didn’t expect it to be this busy. This is nothing like bowling at home.” She laughs as we reach the counter to get our shoes.

  “It’s been awhile since I’ve been one of these things.” I say quietly, not trying to bring up bad memories. “But, yes it seems to have grown from past years. Let’s just have fun, looks like we’re over there.” I point to where I see Ariel, Mike, Ryker, Cole, Aiden and The Destroyed.

  “Umm...I should warn you.” Hope says with concern. I look at her curiously and she is bright red.

  “Whaaatt??”I ask curiously.

  “I’m.” She mumbles quietly and so fast I couldn’t understand anything she said.

  “Speak up, I couldn’t hear you.” I laugh and she punches me.

  “I suck at bowling, once I threw the ball backwards.” She shakes her head in embarrassment and I can’t help but to just laugh louder.

  “Well...I’ll just catch it if that happens.” I wink and everyone greets us as we get to the lane.

  Hope hugs Ariel and sits to put her shoes on.

  “Ready for this?” Ryker asks.

  “What do you mean? It’s bowling.” I retort.

  “I mean all the cameras over there. You know at some point there will probably be questions.” I mouth silently to shut up because I don’t want Hope to hear. She’s already worried enough about this relationship.

  “It’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it. If someone tries to ask questions, I’ll make sure its regarding business only.” Ryker nods and Ariel stands.

  “Alright, I say rock stars versus us measly workers. Hope, Mike, Ian and I versus you four.” She wiggles her eyebrows trying to intimidate us.

  Cole looks at us guys and shrugs. “Fuck yea, that’ll be easy.”

  “Ready to lose?” I whisper in Hope’s ear and kiss her cheek.

  “Fuck you.” She laughs.

  We bowl, eat, sing along to the music playing and just have a great time with everyone. Hope definitely isn’t the greatest bowler, but seeing her laughing, carefree and just having fun makes me almost forget that it’s not just us all hanging out as friends.

  “Hey, I’m going to grab some more drinks and food. You all need refills?”

  “Yes!” Ariel says and the guys all nod in agreement.

  Hope smiles and nods.

  “Okay, I’ll be back.”

  I order refills from the concession stand and hear a cheer from the lanes. I look to see Hope and Ariel jumping and dancing when Ian strikes.

  I can’t help but laugh and as my body swells with happiness. reword?

  “Chase Franklin! Chase, hold up!” I hear a man’s voice call from behind me and I turn to see a reporter rushing up with his phone reached out.

  I sigh, I don’t want to interview, but the band could use some good publicity.

  “Hey, man. How are you?”

  A blonde hair man in jeans and a tight polo, with dark, square framed glasses approaches.

  “Great! I’m fantastic. How are you? I’m Dean, from Don’t Miss A Beat, an online music magazine. Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions? I’d love to get the inside scoop on the Rock star rising from the ashes.”

  I try to refrain from rolling my eyes. “Sure, but I’m about to be up bowling so just a few okay?”

  “Sure, let’s get started then. How does it feel to be back on tour, living out your dreams again and how are you doing things differently this time around?”

  I nod with a smirk on my face, such a typical question, one I’ve answered so many times before tour even started.

  “It is the best feeling. I mean music is what I’m supposed to be doing and my wreck was a low time in my life, I’m so grateful to be back here doing what I love. As far as doing things differently, I’d like to think I’m more mature. I learned from my mistakes and I am solely focused on making our music better. The band and I are working our asses off.”

  I smile and look back to our lane where Ariel, Hope and everyone are looking at me being interviewed. Ariel gives me a thumbs up and smiles. She knows we need this.

  Dean nods with excitement and smiles, bringing his phone closer to him as he asks the next question.

  “So and don’t take this the wrong way, but when you say focused on the music, does that mean no drinking or partying?”

  Anger surges through me and I try to contain it, I knew these questions would come up, so I try to stay professional.

  “Right, that means no drinking or partying. Like I said, nothing but the music.”

  He nods, “Great, learned from your mistake did ya? Good to hear.”

  I’m getting more agitated with each question, but I just hope he wraps it up soon.

  “So, Hope Richards. What can you tell me about her? She’s the new tour assistant right?”

  Oh, Dean has my attention now and by the look on his face he knows it. I’m a little unsure what to say, but we said we’d make a statement. I know we said we’d talk about it tonight, but if I don’t say something they’ll look deeper into it, making it a bigger deal.

  “Hope is the new assistant. She was hired just before tour started. She is a great addition to our team. Everyone loves having her around, plus she works her ass off.” I breath to relax a bit, that wasn’t that bad. I didn’t say too much.

  He nods and looks across the room to Hope, smiling. “You two looked a little close over there. Does that mean the rumors that you’re dating are true?”

  There’s the question I’ve been waiting for. I look back to Hope who is nervously biting her nails.

  “I-um..”

  Before I can answer he throws another question out.

  “Do you think dating a good, down to earth, nobody will better your image?”

  Now I’m angry and there’s no hiding it.

  “Look, watch what you say. That girl over there is one of the most kind hearted people I’ve ever met and she brings out the best in me. So, there. There’s your answer.”

  He smiles and just when I think he’s satisfied he points his phone back in my direction.

  “So...what you’re saying is Lauren… your ex was the reason you partied so much? That Hope is good for you? I mean it was Lauren you were with the night of your wreck right?”

  That’s it, I can’t control the anger rising inside of me anymore. Where the fuck do they get this stuff?

  “You know what buddy, fuck off. Interview’s over.”

  The guy laughs, knowing he hit a sore topic and I walk off.

  “Hey... are you okay?” Hope asks, concern written all over her face. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze tight.

  “What was that about?” Ryker asks.

  I shake my head, “Nothing, just a fucking prick that’s all.”

  “What happened, it looked good at first. I thought some positive publicity would be a good thing.”

  I nod, “I did too, until the guy wanted to bring up my wreck and kept pushing me. Just forget it. Let’s play another game.”

  I smile to Hope, “You’re up first this time. Don’t throw it backwards.”

  I wink at her and she sticks her tongue out.

  The mood lightens, but I’m still steaming from that interview and now I’ll be anxious until it’s released.

  CHAPTER 12

  Hope:

  Chase has been a little on edge ever since the interview last weekend. I asked him what happened twice and both
times he said, they just brought up the past and that he didn’t want it to be about anything other than the music. He said he expected something like this to happen, and it’s no big deal, but Ariel and I both agree he seems off.

  We’re stopped at a rest area stocking up on snacks and filling up. I’m grabbing some coffee, when I feel arms around my waist.

  “Please tell me this is my sexy, sweet, tattooed, rock star and not some crazy murderer.” I laugh as I lean into Chase.

  “Sorry babe, I don’t know who you’re talking about, but you’re coming with me.”

  I turn in his arms and place a quick kiss on his lips.

  “Okay, but my boyfriend may have a problem with this, guess you’ll have to deal with that.” I wink and head to pay for my food.

  “So, I was thinking I’m going to grab my things really quick and then ride in your bus? I think the ride will be so much more enjoyable. Don't ya think?” I bite my lip and nod in agreement. Chase smacks my butt gently and runs to his bus while I control my rapidly beating heart.

  Once I get back to my bus, I toss my water in the mini fridge, open my trail mix, change into some shorts and plop on my bed. I’m exhausted, and although I’m getting used to the constant traveling, the last few days have been busy. I’m just resting my eyes when I hear footsteps and a familiar voice.

  “Well, don’t you look comfy”

  I smile and stretch on my bed, “Oh, I’m very comfortable actually.”

  I feel my bed dip as he crawls in, “So, I guess that means you don’t need me to cuddle with huh?” He kisses my forehead, then I feel his weight lift, “I’ll just head back to my bus.”

  I lean up and grab his arm just as he stands, “Oh no you don’t mister. Cuddling is requested.”

  He feigns a sigh and lays down, “Oh, I guess if I have to. I’ve been meaning to ask you, are you ready to see your friends and family? We see them in a few days right?”

  I smile, “Yes we are and I’m excited, but also nervous. Just be prepared for a million questions and I apologize now for my mother, sister and Anna. My mom and Anna will probably give you the ‘you hurt her you die’ talk and my sister is just going to fawn over all the guys.” I cover my face in embarrassment.

  “Oh don’t you worry, I’ll win your family and friends over. Plus, I have no intention of hurting anybody.”

  I kiss his cheek, “Good, now come here.”

  ***

  It is hot as hell out, I’m covered in sweat and my hair is sticking to my neck. I have spent most of the day in my bus but just being out here for an hour I feel like I’m about to die from heat stroke.

  We’re only about two hours away from my hometown and I can’t wait to see everyone. As much as I’m enjoying this tour and all the experiences that have come along with it, I'll admit that I miss my family a bit.

  I’m packing up the merch tent and headed back to the trailer with a box full of Rising Aggression T-Shirts when I hear my name being yelled. I stop and look around, not seeing anybody approaching me, and figure that someone just must have the same name.

  A few seconds later I hear it again. “Hope Richards! Wait up!”

  I nearly drop the box when I hear the voice. No. It can’t be. My pulse quickens and my stomach churns as a nauseating feeling soars through me. I turn to see Josh walking up to me smiling and my heart stops.

  What the fuck? Why is he here? We aren’t even at the show by my town. I began to panic and look around to see if anyone from the tour is near.

  He approaches quickly and I don’t try to hide the confusion on my face.

  “Josh?” I say surprisingly. “What are you doing here?”

  It’s a strange feeling looking at the sandy blonde, blue eyed man who broke my heart so long ago. He gives me a small smile and shrugs.

  “I needed to see you.” I shake my head in confusion and he places his hands in his pockets, looking to the ground. He seems nervous, but I’m just fucking confused.

  “What do you mean you needed to see me? I haven’t seen you in nearly two years, Josh. TWO YEARS. What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

  He shrugs, “Well the second question is easy to answer. You’re on this tour, I just looked up the dates. I was going to see you next week, but I couldn’t wait, plus I figured your family would be at the tour.”

  I am standing in the middle of all the commotion of the tour, people are walking around us and I grab his arm and pull him towards Stage C where we play, then sit my box on the ground.

  “So you just decided to drive three hours away and what? What do you want after all this time?”

  I jump slightly as I feel someone wrap their arm around me, but when I see it’s Chase I smile. He pulls me in tight and I tell him everything is okay but I don’t miss the look he gives Josh before he walks away. I know I didn’t have to kiss Chase in front of Josh, but I wanted him to know I wasn’t hiding anything. Plus I wanted to make it clear to Josh I moved on.

  Josh looks angry but when Chase leaves he grabs my hand and sighs. I pull back, “Josh, can you just leave? Please? I don’t wish any bad on you, but you need to go. This,” I motion to the space between us. “Can’t happen. It’s been over. You did this a long time ago and now you need to go.”

  “Okay,” he gives in, “Fine. I’ll leave. I just-I had to do something. Please just think about it okay? I made a big mistake and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to realize it. You may think it’s just because you’ve moved and you’re doing all this, but it’s not. I almost called you a few months ago, but I chickened out. When I saw that Facebook post I just knew I had to do something. I just thought we could start over, I was an idiot to break things off. I’m so fucking sorry. I don't want to interrupt this new life you have, I just want a second chance. You really cared for me, surely those feelings don’t just go away.”

  For a moment my world stops. Time is frozen and it’s just me and Josh here in this moment. Rage courses through my body, then curiosity and then confusion. How can he do this to me? After everything, after hurting me so much I never thought I’d heal. For a second I imagine what life would be like if I said okay to Josh. Moving back home, getting a desk job? Living with Josh? I shake my head to clear my thoughts. A long time ago, that would’ve made me the happiest person in the world. Two months ago even I would’ve jumped at this chance and ran back to Josh without a doubt, but now there is no chance in hell. The dark haired, blue eyed rock star who has captured my heart crosses my mind and I smile. I may have loved Josh a long time ago but there is no doubt in my mind that Chase is who I’m supposed to be with, I love him with everything I have and that isn’t changing.

  “Hope...please say something. Please.”

  I look at the ground and play with the dirt with my shoe, trying to figure out how to say what I’m feeling. Then, before I know it, the words just spew out of me like vomit. All the anger, all the pain, all the nights I’ve spent crying and pining over him just rush out at once and I can’t stop it.

  “Don’t you get that you broke me? I wasn’t good enough remember? Now that I’m finally moving on you want to show back up and tell me you miss me? No Josh, it’s not that easy.”

  I shove my hand in his chest, pushing him away in anger.

  “You ripped my soul into pieces. I told myself that night, as I was driving home, that I would move on and do something drastic to heal the pain that you caused. It took a year for me to slightly heal...slightly.” I pause and look at the ground. There are people walking through the grounds going from show to show and I realize I’m making a scene. I got so caught up in my emotions I didn’t even think about where I was.

  “Hope…” Josh says quietly and I meet his eyes that are filled with despair. “I didn’t mean to throw a curve in your life...I just...I miss you. I guess I didn’t realize -”

  I shake my head and reach up to cover his mouth with my hand. Tears are forming in my eyes and I’m trying to fight the emotions that are coursing through my body.
I prayed for a year that this would happen. I dreamt of the day he’d come back to me apologizing and professing his love, but he never came. Even the last few months I’ve been battling with my broken heart and allowing myself to feel something for Chase, because deep down I knew Josh still had a piece of me. I’ve been trying to put myself back together and find my happiness in life and I’m FINALLY on the road to a happily ever after, I don’t just mean love...I mean in life. I love my job and even if I don’t stay here forever, this job will definitely open opportunities for me. I imagine outcomes of the choice I have to make. One with Josh in my life and one without. Then, he places his hand over mine and I let the tears flow as I the words to him that I never would have imagined would come out of my mouth.