by Annie Dyer
I laughed because it was true. I wasn’t sorry for distracting her.
I kissed the side of her head, the silky strands of her hair running between my fingers. “This isn’t an office fling, Georgie. You know that, don’t you?”
“Given Payton screamed at me when she saw me this morning and demanded details, I figured we weren’t keeping it secret. Maybe you shouldn’t tell your family about this, though.”
I chuckled quietly. “Some things I don’t need them to know. But we’re a thing, aren’t we?” I knew I sounded desperate almost. Needy.
“We’re a thing.” She looked at me, eyes dancing, and a smile that made my chest expand with fulness. “We’re definitely a thing.”
Maybe, just maybe, I’d finally gotten something right.
Chapter Eighteen
Georgia
“Another glass of wine would be lovely.”
My sister looked at the waiter as if he was the god of all things grape.
“Aren’t you having another?”
I frowned. “Some of us have to go back to work.” Like me. In just over an hour I had another meeting, my third of the day, not including lunch with Olivia.
She smiled, lazily. “Can’t you just, you know, call Seph and bat your eyelashes at him and he’ll let you have the afternoon off? Isn’t that one of the perks of sleeping with your boss?”
This was why my sister should not be allowed alcohol during the day. She turned into a lush that needed a muzzle, never mind a filter.
“Tell me about your trip.” I opted for ignoring her. It was a much simpler solution that trying to get her to understand that it wasn’t how it worked.
“Singapore, Shanghai and then back to New York. Three weeks, three cities, at least three different men. I want some of what you’re getting.” She gave me a stink eye that was underwhelming to say the least.
It had been two months since I’d started dating Seph. Spring had erupted in London, the winter had melted and my life was unrecognisable from what it’d been before Christmas. Rose was doing amazing in school; she was still obsessed with books, particularly anything to do with horses or unicorns, and her best friend was Addy. She was flourishing with Elspeth as her childminder, and every weekend, both girls would have a sleepover at mine, Addy’s or Elspeth’s, meaning two weeks out of three, Seph could have a sleepover too, just with me and without watching movies about horses.
Work was going well; I’d brought in and taken on new clients, won three big cases and been mentioned in one of the legal journals, which was nothing short of a perfect start.
And there was Seph. We managed a couple of dates a week, at least, and spent another two evenings on the phone, or he came round, listening to Rose read and watched cartoons with her. As soon as she was in bed and asleep we found a little time for just us, even if it involved falling asleep on the sofa watching trash TV.
Dating was difficult. Liv would babysit, but I limited that to one night a week. Rose needed me to be around, and I didn’t want to miss out on her. She was growing so much that each day could feel precious, if we weren’t running on the last minute because she’d refused to wear what I’d put out for her, or she couldn’t find the book she wanted to take to Elspeth’s. On those days I prayed for sanity and additional patience.
And wine.
But Seph and I had the office. We’d become gold medallists at lunchtime quickies, even using the changing rooms in the basement gym in the offices and having to be almost silent when Max came down to train and we had just finished off. I knew at some point, we needed to have the conversation about telling Rose that Seph wasn’t just a friend, but that meant a whole new level of intensity.
“Why do you think I’m still single, Georgia?” She took the last sip of wine in her glass. “You know, I’m not ugly. I earn a shit ton of money. I’m independent, pay my own way, can hold a conversation. I don’t get why some clingy emotional vampire like Kelly Rothwell can catch herself a fiancée and I’m single.”
I took a tiny mouthful of my wine, having had this conversation with her before. “Maybe it’s because you’re independent, pay your own way and you’re not clingy.”
She glared at me. “Why would any of those be a problem?”
We were going there. I was about to get her membership card for the raving fake feminist club waved in my face.
“Because you scare men. You don’t actually need one. That puts them on edge.”
She glared at me. “I’m not scary. What’s scary is Kelly Rothwell who’s just looking to trap some poor man so she doesn’t have to work anymore. Which is exactly what’s she’s doing.”
Kelly Rothwell worked on the reception desk where Liv was based. She was pretty, had a boob job which didn’t look too obvious, false eyelashes – like Liv – and had landed a rich, decent looking boyfriend who Liv had decided at one point that she wanted to bang.
Those had been her words.
Since then, Kelly had been the person Liv didn’t want to be.
“Let’s move on from Kelly Rothwell.”
There was a murmur from my sister that sounded like I can’t move on from Kelly Rothwell, but I chose to ignore it the same way I ignored it when one of Rose’s sentences started with can I have.
“Doesn’t Seph have any more brothers?”
I shook my head. “He has a cousin though. Shay. But I’m not setting you up with him.”
Her eyes narrowed, a bit like if I held chocolate hostage from her. “Why’s that?”
Oh lord, she was about to unleash the beast. “Because you’ll, no. He’s a manwhore; you’d try and eat each other alive.”
“Sounds perfect.” She looked up at the waiter with a seductive smile. “Thank you. Could you top my sister’s glass up too?”
I shook my head at her, but let him add a bit more wine. If Liv carried on like this I was going to need it.
“No. Go and enjoy your flings with your men in different countries. You never know who you’ll meet. Mr Right might be sat next to you on a flight.” I took a mouthful of wine rather than a sip.
Olivia sighed. “It’s been a long time since I was in the Mile High Club. It’s been a long time since I was in any sex club.”
“Can we not go there. I’m about to eat.” I could cope with my sister verbally reliving her flings, but the wistful tours of her previous conquests weren’t something to stomach before a meal.
She rolled her eyes. “I have to hear about you and Seph.”
“You really don’t.”
“I have to hear you and Seph.”
“Again, you really don’t.” There was no way she’d heard Seph and I. If Liv was in the house we were PG-rated. Which was epically frustrating but anything else felt wrong.
She eyed me. “Where’s this going with you and Seph.”
“Don’t you be trying to put doubt in my head.” Liv was wary of my taste in men after Rose’s dad.
“I’m not. I really like him. He’s kind, he looks at you like you’re some sort of goddess, and he adores Rose. I can’t believe he’s listened to her read every one of those bloody rainbow unicorn books – twice. He’s also hot as fuck. But Rose thinks he’s just your friend. Why lie to her?”
“I’m not lying to her.”
“You’re not being truthful with her.”
“I hardly think telling a four-year-old that I’m banging her best reading buddy on my desk at work on the regular is appropriate, am I?”
There was another eye roll. “That’s not what I meant. You can tell her you have a boyfriend. She knows what that is.”
She did. Mainly because a boy in her class had wanted to be her boyfriend. I’d nearly died when she told me, and might’ve had several glasses of wine that evening while thinking about what lay in store for me when she was a teenager.
“But what if she gets attached and it doesn’t work out?” This was my worry.
Liv shook her head. “Newsflash: she’s attached already. Second newsflash: so’s h
e. Third…”
“For fuck’s sake, spare me another newsflash.”
She scowled. “If it doesn’t work out, and a couple of months is early days, then you’ll have to part on good terms because you work together, and you explain to her that sometimes that happens. It’s a life lesson for her. Maybe it’s best that happens so she doesn’t marry the first boy she makes her boyfriend.”
“I’m banning boyfriends till she’s thirty.”
“Good luck with that. Do you remember being fourteen?”
I groaned. “Michael Mountford who kissed like a dishwasher. That boy must’ve had overactive salivary glands.”
“Better than Mark Alder’s wandering hands.”
“I didn’t know you went out with him!”
Liv looked at me curiously. “Only for about three weeks, then I dumped him for Gray Maddocks. You went out with him too!”
I shrugged, felt a little sheepish. “I didn’t really go out with him. It was more like a snog and a grope behind the garages after school a couple of times. His hands definitely wandered.”
“And he had no idea what he was doing. I’d no idea he got up to anything with you. He was three years older.” Liv shook her head and pinched a piece of bread from the basket that was meant for the soup we’d ordered.
“I thought he’d be a bit more sophisticated.”
She laughed. Hard. “You thought Mark Alder would be sophisticated? Your expectations were definitely too high.”
The waiter returned, two large bowls of French onion soup in his hands. “Your starters, ladies.”
I watched Liv as she stared at the waiter’s ass as he walked away.
“You need to get laid.”
She nodded. “I do. Tell me more about Shay.”
A few nights later, my little girl looked up at me from tucked under her unicorn printed duvet and gave me her thoughtful look.
“Mummy, is Seph your boyfriend.”
Hello. Where did that come from?
“He’s my friend.”
“But is he your boyfriend?” She dragged out the first syllable of boyfriend.
“He might be one day.” That seemed like the best answer.
Rose squished her nose. “If he becomes your boyfriend, do I have to share you? Does that mean he gets some of your heart?”
I sat down on her bed. Truth be told, once she was settled, I was meeting Seph, Eli and Ava for drinks and a meal while Liv babysat, and I wasn’t staying at home. Liv was off to Singapore in another few days and I’d been told that she wanted her niece to herself and that I needed to make the most of it.
“If Seph becomes my boyfriend or not, or if someone else does, it doesn’t mean I have to take some of the love I have for you and give it them. It just means I have more love to give, not that anyone gets any less.” I stroked her hair and wondered how I’d managed to create something so precious.
“Oh.” She still looked puzzled. “Do you want a boyfriend, Mummy? I know Auntie Liv does.”
Shit. What’d she overheard my sister saying?
“It depends on who would be my boyfriend. It’s nice to have someone that you like and who likes you, and to do things together, like have meals or go out.” Why wasn’t there a parenting book that contained guidance for conversations like this?
“But we can do that. Or you and Auntie Liv can.”
Oh, holy fuck.
“You’re right, you can do that with friends, but a boyfriend or a girlfriend’s different.”
She nodded. “Because you want to kiss them?”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Yes.”
“Is kissing nice, Mummy?”
I wanted to die.
It wasn’t nice if you were kissing Michael Mountford.
“It should be nice. If you kiss someone you like and who likes you.”
The nose wrinkled again.
“Do you want to kiss Seph?”
There just weren’t enough cuss words.
“Yes.”
Her mouth moved into a perfect ‘O’, as if she’d just learned a life changing secret.
“Mummy, can we have a dog?”
The joy of four-year-olds.
“No. We cannot have a dog.”
“But why?”
I was pretty sure there was some correlation between knowing that I wanted to kiss Seph and the dog thing coming up again.
“For all the reasons I’ve said before. It would be on its own too much and I’d have to walk it. When you’re old enough to walk it by yourself, we can talk about it again.” Which would be sometime in the month of never.
“Okay. I’m going to call it Scott.”
I squinted. That was a new one. “Why Scott?”
“Because that’s my boyfriend’s name.”
For the love of goats.
“Oh. Let’s talk more about this tomorrow.” When I’ve calmed down again and come up with a game plan, and discovered who the little shit is and hired an assassin.
“Okay, Mummy. Make sure you kiss Seph goodnight.”
I decided not to walk into that trap, leaned over and gave her a kiss, pulling the duvet up a bit more.
“Goodnight, rambling Rose.”
“Night night.”
“What’s the matter?” Seph had his arm around my waist, his other hand on his drink, a Tom Collins that I’d tasted and decided wasn’t for me.
I knew I’d been quiet. Rose’s chat before she fell asleep had bothered me, and although I accepted that I had the right to a life other than being a mother, I hadn’t realised what affect that would have on my daughter.
“I’m okay.”
He frowned and shook his head. “My mother taught us that when a woman tells you she’s fine, she really isn’t, and I’m thinking that ‘okay’ is just another variation on fine, so do you want to tell me or shall I pretend that everything’s okay too?”
I sipped my Long Island Iced Tea, my third and I had a definite buzz. “I don’t know if we’re ready for this conversation.”
He eyed me. “Well, I know you’re not pregnant because you’re drinking, but I think we could’ve handled that.”
Something inside me turned to goo. I decided to ignore it for now, needing to be rational. I knew from experience relationships only worked when you talked, and this was a time to talk. At least I hoped.
“Where’s Ava?”
He nodded over to where his sister stood. “Talking to some friend. She’ll be ages. Tell me, I hate not knowing stuff and I might be able to help, whether you think I’m ready or not.”
I bit my lips together and cursed myself silently. It wasn’t fair not to talk to him. Nothing so far had shown me he wasn’t all in, or considerate of Rose and making sure he gave her attention too, so it wasn’t all about him and me. In fact, when she was around, none of it was about him and me. Yet she’d still picked up on something.
“Rose asked me tonight if I wanted a boyfriend.”
Seph chuckled then brushed my hair with his lips in a kiss that was sweet and tender.
“I thought you had one? Thinking of trading him in?”
I wrapped my hand around his waist, not able to look at him because I wasn’t sure what he’d read in my face. “She asked if you were my boyfriend, and if you were, did that mean I’d love her less.”
I braced myself for a freak out, remembering the night I told Rose’s father I was pregnant. I’d expected him to be pleased; we’d murmured sweet nothings about being in love with each other – turned out they were nothing on his part. Now, with this conversation, I was angsty, anxious that Seph’s reaction would mimic my ex’s.
He put his glass down, took mine out of my hand and put it next to his. Then both arms went around me, bringing me closer to him, his hands on the small of my back. It wasn’t sexual, he wasn’t doing his usual of trying to cop a feel, which he’d do with a huge smile on his face that was seven shades of dirty.
This was different.
“What did you
say to her? And for the record, I am your boyfriend, at least I hope I am.”
Those were the words I needed to hear, words that made my heart tremble and my chest tighten, all in the very best way.
I ran him through the conversation, feeling his arms around me, the steady beat of his heart because he kept me that close. When he didn’t say anything, I felt panic rise, a tidal wave that I knew could drown me.
“You two look pretty serious!” Ava appeared, a mirage of blonde hair and a big smile. “It’s the weekend! Step out of work mode!”
I managed to smile at her, still holding her brother like he was my lifeboat.
“Give us five minutes, Aves.” Seph’s tone was serious, soft but serious.
Ava’s smile evaporated. “Shit. I’ve interrupted a moment. Eli, I’ve done a Payton. You promised you wouldn’t let me turn into my sister.”
He shook his head. “I’ll get another round of drinks in and give you some more peace.” His hand guided Ava to the bar, where she kept turning around and checking on us, saying something rapid to Eli.
Seph shook his head. “Eli’s going to have fun with her later: she’s definitely had three too many cocktails.”
“Why three?”
His hands hadn’t left me. I wondered if we could stay this way forever.
“Because two’s usually her limit. One more than that and she should’ve stayed sober. Back to you and Rose. And me.”
“Do you think I said the right thing?”
“I think what you said was perfect. I asked Claire once about how she felt when Mum moved in with them. That was different; our dad would hardly win parent of the year even after Mum trained him. Claire said Marie was the best thing that happened to them.”
I knew Seph adored his mum. In the last few weeks, we had lunch with her a couple of times, talking about work and then life in general. She didn’t pry, wasn’t nosy, but she was interested in Rose, which made me happy. She also loved telling embarrassing stories about Seph, which made him act all mortified when in fact he was loving the attention.
He moved back so we were looking at each other. “Rose is already lucky because she has the most amazing mum.”