by Annie Dyer
“Thank you.” It was the right thing to say, the best thing to say, and I was pretty sure I was near enough crying right now, only if I did, Ava would be over here screaming in panic.
“But we’re agreed that I am your boyfriend? None of this ‘he might be one day’?” His eyes always gave him away, and now they were wide. Worried.
“You’re my boyfriend. We’ve given it a name. I feel too old for a boyfriend.” I giggled, riding a wave of elation now, but feeling girlishly embarrassed at the same time. ‘I mean, I’m a mother. Doesn’t that make me too old.”
He moved his hand so he could brush a lock of hair out of the way. “You’re definitely not too old to have me as your boyfriend. In fact, I think you’re perfect.”
I couldn’t give him a response because his mouth was on mine, starting a kiss that definitely wasn’t PG, and was giving me feelings that were definitely not suitable for the bar.
Ava managed to distract both of us when she almost tripped over her own feet on the way back over, giggling happily.
“She’s on water for a few rounds.” Eli said, passing us our drinks. He then wrapped his arm around her. “You two good?”
“Very.” Seph gave me that smile, the one I knew I was becoming addicted to.
The smile I wasn’t sure I could ever bring myself to stop seeing.
I hadn’t been back to Seph’s apartment until now. We’d always gone back to mine, mainly because of Rose – either she was there, and I needed to get home to her, or we had an empty house. Tonight, I was banned from home, so I was seeing Seph’s for the first time.
“It will be a mess.” He had the key in the door, pausing to turn round and look at me. “Shay’s the untidiest person I’ve ever lived with, which is saying something because Payton was horrendous at one point.”
“Have you lived with all your siblings?”
The door opened. A row of gym bags and trainers were lined messily up against the wall.
“Looks like Shay’s tried to tidy up.” He stared at the row of stuff.
“Really.”
“This is him making an effort. He’ll need praise for it.” He kicked off his shoes. “I haven’t lived with them all, but some I’ve stayed with on a regular basis. I don’t like living by myself.”
I took my shoes off, feeling one of the best feelings in the world when my feet were free. “Why’s that?”
He shrugged. “I like having people around. Probably because I grew up in a big family. We always had someone around, so if I’m on my own I get bored. Max says I’m insecure, but I think he’s transferring his own issues.”
I laughed, imagining the conversation and what Max’s response would be to Seph suggesting that.
“Do you want a coffee or tea?”
“Just water.” I followed him into the kitchen, which was surprisingly tidy. “I thought this was going to be a pigsty?”
“Shay must’ve tidied up. I did threaten to chop his balls off next time he was drunk if it was a mess when you got here.” He pulled out a couple of glasses and ran the cold water.
“Where is he?” I’d expected him to be sat up gaming.
“Asleep. He finished a shift this evening, so he’ll be dead to the world until some time tomorrow when he’ll wake up all refreshed and annoying.” He passed me a glass of water. “So you can be as loud as you like. It won’t wake him up.”
The wicked gleam in his eye was enough to zap any tiredness I felt away. We’d had drinks, eaten in a restaurant that’d been tasty and trendy at the same time – not always an easy feat – and Seph had been just attentive enough that I’d felt like the only woman that’d ever been in his world without being smothered.
Now I wanted to return the favour.
“Loud. I guess you’ll have to do something to make me loud.” His back was to the worktop, so I inched closer, penning him in.
His hands landed straight on my ass, cupping it tightly.
“I have no issue making you be loud. We both know that.”
“But you might’ve lost your talent.”
“I haven’t lost my talent, Georgie.”
“I think you need to prove it.” I started to undo the buttons of his shirt. He watched, his breathing becoming heavier before he picked me up, making me yell with surprise.
“Bedroom. Then you’ll be able to pass out on the bed after your fifth orgasm.”
“Fifth? Promises, promises, Joseph.”
He did better than five. We got to six before I really did pass out.
Shay was already up when we emerged from Seph’s bedroom, both wearing sex hair and Seph’s sweats and T-shirts, his sweats rolled over several times at the waist on me.
The smell of bacon had been the alarm clock, the ten o’clock one at least. Sometime around eight, a text message had hit my phone from Olivia, a photo with it of the two of them sat up in a bed-fort in the living room, Rose showing her thumbs up and with hair that looked wilder than mine. I’d sent a quick response, telling them I loved them both, then I’d slid under the covers and woken Seph with a blow job that turned into another round of orgasms for both of us, followed by falling back asleep.
I was surprised at the lack of guilt I felt. I thought I would’ve been chomping at the bit to get back home and be there for my daughter, but this morning, lying in bed with Seph, I knew she was safe and happy and having fun with one of the people she loved most in the world.
Bacon, however, was something I didn’t pass up on and neither did Seph. We threw on clothes and headed to the kitchen, a pot of coffee on the side too. Shay was a nice guy and I’d spent a fair bit of time with him when he’d met up with us for drinks, but my opinion of him was limited to that he pulled a lot of girls and was a continual flirt.
The sight of him cooking definitely had me moving him up the scale from ‘nice’ to ‘great’.
“Did I ever tell you I love you?” Seph sat down on a bar stool and poured coffee into the two mugs that were out.
For a second I thought he was talking to me.
Shay laughed. “It’s coffee. Not,” he glanced at me. “Something ruder that I won’t say.”
I laughed. “Wouldn’t be anything I haven’t heard before. I lived with five blokes at university.”
Shay’s mouth dropped open. “Five? And how many girls?”
“Two. Final year. Three were medics, one was a dentist and the other a physio student. The two girls were English Lit students. It was an interesting year.” One that taught me I’d never date a doctor. I knew too much about what they got up to when they were training.
“Which uni were you at?”
We started talking about college and housemate experiences, realising that one of the trainee doctors I’d lived with was now at the hospital where Shay worked. Somewhere during me telling Shay about how Dylan had once ended up in hospital himself when an ex-girlfriend managed to get chilli sauce over his penis – don’t ask, it wasn’t pleasant – Seph kissed the top of my head and mentioned he was going to shower.
“He’s crazy about you.” Shay’s words came from nowhere. “No one’s known him like this before.”
I put down the now empty mug of coffee. “What about his ex?”
“Cassie?” He shook his head. “She was puppy love and she was a bitch with him, especially at the end. My sister, Lainey, always thought Cassie was only with Seph for his money and a job at Callaghan Green. He’s different with you.”
I wanted to ask how so, and push for more info, my heart obviously still that of a teenaged girl, but I didn’t know Shay well enough and I was in my thirties, so I swallowed my questions.
“I really like him.” It sounded lame, but there were worse things I could say.
“Good. It definitely sounded like that last night.” He gave me a grin that could only be described as salacious.
“You’re a perv.”
He grinned even bigger. “Abso-fucking-lutely.”
Chapter Nineteen
Seph
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br /> “Her teacher was really pleased with her. I mean, the fact she took the time to call me and, you know, make a point to tell me that her writing was advanced, and her phonics – I doubt she’s any better than most kids in the class, but it was so nice to hear.”
The look on Georgia’s face was also nice to see. I knew from how Claire and Vanessa talked about their children, that Rose would pretty much always be Georgia’s favourite topic.
Shay’d asked me if I ever tired of hearing about Rose. I hadn’t thought about it before that, mainly because Rose had become part of my routine just like going to the gym was. A couple of times a week I’d leave work just after five-thirty with Georgia, carry a heavy backpack with any files we needed for later that night to work on, and walk the mile or so to Elspeth’s to pick her up. It was her habit now to walk between us, holding each of our hands and occasionally getting us to swing her, because she was still tiny and we could do that. When we got back to Georgia’s one of us would cook, the other would listen to Rose read, check her homework and if there wasn’t any, there were about three million puzzle books that she was addicted to, with word-searches and join the dots or colour by numbers that she wanted ‘help’ with. We’d eat dinner together, then it would be bath time, a cuddle on the couch with some early evening programme on TV and then bedtime with a story. For the last couple of weeks, it’d been me she’d wanted the story from when I was there. Georgia had sent apologetic looks my way when Rose had demanded me, but there was no need for them. I actually enjoyed it; reading stories about unicorns, and princesses who saved the prince, and castles made of sweets, all made real by the tiny pixie of a girl who had started to look at me like I was one of the two things that were all that she needed in the world.
“Do you really think there are many more kids in her class who can read like that?” I had her hand in mine, both of us in suits as we’d spent the morning in court.
Georgia shrugged. “I don’t know. I know she’s reading better and I’m surprised sometimes about what she can read, but I’ve nothing to compare it to.”
“Ask my mum. She’ll let you know.”
“True. I might do. Or I might ask her teacher. We have parents’ evening coming up, I should find out more then.”
I nodded. “You want me to come with you to parents’ evening?” The words were out there before I’d even thought about them. As soon as I finished the question, I wanted to jump into the Thames and sink underwater.
Georgia stopped walking, which meant what I’d said was foolish, and she was trying to work out how to answer.
“Georgia, fuck.” I pushed my hand through my hair. “That was an overstep. I don’t know why I said that.”
She didn’t respond, just stood onto her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine in the softest of kisses.
“I’ve never been to a parents’ evening with someone else, and I’d love you to be there, but it kind of means we’re really…”
Her pause was pretty much inducing a heart attack.
“Serious?” I gave her the word I wanted it to be.
She nodded. “Serious. I think we are anyway, or at least it feels like that.”
“It feels like that to me.” It felt like more. I’d realised that the last couple of weeks. I’d been in love before, even if it’d been puppy love then I’d too young to see it just for that. “But do we need to tell Rose that I am your boyfriend?”
I caught sight of a small smile. “I think it’s time, if you do. I think she’d be pleased, really. When you’re not there in the evenings, she sulks.”
I couldn’t not grin. “Because I’m better at reading bedtime stories than you.”
“That’s a lie and you know it.” She laughed, her fingers smoothing their way up my suit jacket to my jaw, where she traced it with her finger. “I’m much better at telling bedtime stories than you.”
“You’re definitely my favourite bedtime storyteller.” I breathed the words, keeping them low, just for her ears as I’d learned to do if I wanted her to know anything that wasn’t for Rose’s ears when she was nearby.
Georgia looked knowing, as if that was something she was certain of anyway.
“What shall we say to her? Do we tell her together or do I do it on my own?”
She was going into overthinking panic mode.
“If you were her, how would you want to be told?” I was out of my depth here. I wasn’t a parent, and Rose was the first kid that age – or any age apart from baby and toddler – that I knew well. I wasn’t sure if I should have any say here, but I did think it would be better coming first from Georgia.
Georgia shrugged and we started walking again, her hand back in mine. “Maybe I should put it in a story or find a story that brings it up – there must be something.”
“If you can find one, that sounds good.” I suddenly felt ten feet taller. This was big. This meant we were more than just dating, which I knew was what we’d been for a bit, but now I wanted to pick her up and never let go.
She squeezed my hand. “Does this mean we’re properly a thing?”
I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “I think it means a lot more than that.”
Georgia found a book that mentioned the mum having a boyfriend. It wasn’t exactly like us, but it was a way in to talk about it with Rose without just announcing it. I knew she was nervous, worried about Rose being upset that Georgia wasn’t just hers anymore, like they’d been for more than four years.
“I’m going to go up. You think we should do this tonight rather than tomorrow?” She was looking for a way to delay it.
“Tonight. Tomorrow we’re going to the zoo, so she can ask anything and it’ll take her mind off it.” I caught Georgia’s hand before she left the room. “And if she suddenly hates me, you can go by yourselves.” I was dreading that being what happened, if she thought I was steeling her mother from her.
“She won’t think that. She loves you.”
I pulled her closer, bringing her down to me for a kiss, one that I hoped told her how I felt.
“Go read her the story.”
“I will. Are you going to be listening outside the door?”
“You know it.” That was my plan.
“Come up quietly then. You know she’s got the ears of a bat.” She headed out of the room and upstairs, the patter of her feet ebbing away.
I waited for a couple of minutes, trying to stop my chest from exploding. I was more nervous than I had been for my final exam on my legal practice course. If Rose didn’t like the idea of her mum having a boyfriend, then I knew Georgia would back away from me. I got that. I knew I’d want to argue against it, because Georgia had the right to life as an adult, but that was selfish on my part.
I sat down just outside Rose’s bedroom, stretching my legs out in front of me, hearing the story being read, knowing which bit was coming next because both me and Georgia had read it at least three times.
“So that mummy in the book has a boyfriend?”
I’d told Georgie Rose would spot that.
“She does. Shall I carry on?” Georgia sounded really calm, using the same voice she always did at bedtimes.
“No, Mummy. Why does she have a boyfriend and you don’t? You’re prettier than her.”
I smiled. I agreed. Georgia was prettier than the character in the book. She was prettier than anyone.
“Do you remember the other week when you asked if Seph was going to be my boyfriend?”
“That was when you said you could love me and Seph and you would love me the same. I ‘member.” Rose’s voice was sleepy.
But it wasn’t that I heard. You could love me and Seph. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, waiting for the rest.
“I did. Well, Seph’s now my boyfriend.” Georgia sounded awkward. It made me smile.
“Can I tell Addy that Seph’s your boyfriend now?”
And that was what Rose was taking from this.
“If you want. Is it okay w
ith you that Seph’s my boyfriend?”
There was a little giggle. “Auntie Liv asked me if I’d like Seph to be your boyfriend ages and ages ago and I said yes. She made me promise not to tell you.”
“Rose Snow White Esmerelda, did you already think Seph was my boyfriend?”
There was another giggle.
“What did Auntie Liv say?”
“She made me promise not to tell you that she told me she thought Seph was your boyfriend. Mummy?”
There was a silence when I figured Georgia was trying to pick herself up off the floor. Or working out ways to murder Liv. Maybe both.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“When do I get to have a boyfriend?”
I knew the answer to that: never. In fact, Claire’s husband, Killian, kept threatening to open a boarding school for girls in the middle of Dartmoor where there was no WiFi or mobile phone reception. That was where Rose would be going.
“You get to have a boyfriend when you can tidy your own room, do your washing, make your dinner and put all your toys away when you’ve finished playing with them.”
I knew Rose was now pulling her face because she hated tidying. Two days ago, she’d had a four-year-old sized tantrum when she was told she couldn’t go to the park unless she tidied everything away first. It’d been loud.
“But Mummy!”
“No buts. Are you looking forward to going to the zoo tomorrow?”
“Is Seph still coming with us?”
“If you want him to.”
It went quiet, and I was pretty sure my nerves were having a party.
“I’m glad Seph’s your boyfriend, Mummy, because it means he’ll keep helping me with my homework.”
“Good. I’m glad he helps you too. And I’m glad you like him. Sleep time now. Busy day tomorrow.” There was a brief silence when I knew Georgia was giving her a kiss. “Love you, baby girl.”
“Love you, Mummy. And I love Seph too.”
I think it was at that point I decided what I wanted my future to be.