Woman of Courage

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “In John 1:1–4, we read, ‘In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God.’ ” She paused to look up at Jim and Mary, but their expressions were unreadable. Had they understand what she’d read? She would let them ask questions after she’d finished the passage. “ ‘All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men,’ ” Amanda continued.

  Jim and Mary stared at each other.

  Amanda cleared her throat. “You see, God is the One true God, and the only way we can come to Him is through His Son, Jesus.”

  Mary nodded briefly, but Jim gave no reply.

  Amanda turned to the Book of Romans and read chapter ten, verses nine and ten: “ ‘If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.’ ”

  “Saved from what?” Jim asked, leaning both elbows on the table.

  Amanda smiled. At least she had his interest now. “By accepting Christ as our Savior, we are saved from our sins,” she said.

  “Me do this, last time we talked,” Mary spoke up. “Me not want to die in sin.”

  Jim leaned back in his chair and gave his beard a quick pull. “Guess it’s somethin’ to think about all right.”

  “Would you like to pray and ask God to forgive your sins and acknowledge that you believe in His Son?” Amanda asked, looking hopefully at Jim.

  He shrugged his broad shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe someday, but not now. I need to think on it awhile, I guess.”

  Amanda felt a keen sense of disappointment. She’d thought for sure that she was on the verge of leading Jim to the Lord. Maybe she’d said too much, too soon. Perhaps she should have eased into it gradually. But then, Papa had always taught that a Christian should be willing to boldly tell others about the Lord. Boldly tell them, she reminded herself, but don’t push. I wouldn’t want Jim, or anyone else, to make a confession of faith until he felt ready.

  At least Jim had seemed to understand what Amanda had read, and she was pleased at the progress she’d made with Mary. Now if she could only get Buck to listen. Of course, she’d have to be careful not to push, because Buck had already made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with God. But God can change a man’s heart, Amanda told herself. The Bible says it’s not His will that any should perish. I just need to pray that somehow Buck’s heart will be softened and that one day he will hear God’s voice and respond.

  CHAPTER 25

  The following Monday, after breakfast, Buck announced that he felt well enough to return to his own place.

  “Are ya sure about that?” Jim asked, after taking a swig of coffee. “I don’t want ya goin’ back too soon.”

  “I feel fine,” Buck said. “And it’ll be good to get back to my cabin and make sure nobody’s messed with my things.”

  “The place was just like ya left it when I rode over there a few days ago,” Jim said.

  “Even so, I wanna see for myself. My little cabin’s callin’ to me, and I’m ready to go home.”

  Amanda had known this day was coming, but she still felt disappointment. She was accustomed to having Buck around and would miss him. It made no sense, really, but she found him intriguing. She wished she knew more about him. She’d asked him about it once, but he’d said his life was about his future, not the past. The only thing she knew about him was that he lived alone, wasn’t married, and had learned his trapping skills from Jim.

  She would miss the way Buck’s square jaw stuck out in a stubborn way every time something was said that he didn’t like. Even the scar on his neck from the bear’s claws made his handsome face more rugged and striking. Under all that ruggedness, Buck had a tender way about him. She saw it every time he looked at Little Joe, and when he watched Mary and Jim interact around the cabin. As much as she tried not to think about it, Amanda found herself wondering if Buck had ever been in love or if he longed to have a family of his own.

  What kind of future will Buck have? Amanda asked herself. He lives alone, without even a pet. Other than the hawk Mary had told her about, Buck was basically a loner. Having the hawk’s presence nearby was at least something for Buck, but was that truly enough? What will happen if he’s not able to trap anymore? she wondered. Both Jim and Buck had mentioned one time that it was getting harder to trap enough beaver and muskrats because their numbers were decreasing due to the demand for more pelts.

  “When you go, we send meat, coffee, and pemmican with you,” Mary said, smiling at Buck.

  “Thanks, I appreciate that.” He glanced over at Amanda but quickly looked away.

  Amanda wondered if he’d been about to say something to her. Should she ask? No, that might appear too forward.

  “I’m sure gonna miss Little Joe when I’m gone,” Buck said. “I kinda like that little fella.”

  “You can come by to see him whenever ya like,” Jim said, reaching over to stroke his son’s shiny black hair.

  Buck grinned. “I might just do that.”

  “You welcome here anytime,” Mary put in.

  “Would it be all right if I pray for thee now?” Amanda asked.

  “You can pray for me all thee want when I’m gone,” Buck said, his forehead creasing, “but I ain’t in no mood to listen to no flowery prayer.”

  Amanda cringed. She had obviously offended him. “I … I am sorry. I meant no offense,” she said, wishing she could take back what she had said. From the way Buck had responded to her Bible reading on several occasions, she should have known better than to suggest that she pray out loud for him, and to make matters worse, she’d used thee again.

  “There’s one more thing I’d better say before I go,” Buck said, sliding his chair away from the table.

  “Go right ahead,” Jim spoke up. “You can say whatever’s on your mind.”

  Buck looked at Amanda and blinked a couple of times. “I’ve … uh … thought things over and have decided not to act as your guide. You’ll have to find someone else to take ya to the Spalding Mission.”

  Amanda’s shoulders slumped. She was sorely disappointed. “Is it because I asked if I could pray for you? Or have I said or done something else to offend?”

  Buck traced his finger along the scar from the grizzly attack, running from his left eyebrow back to his ear. “Ya ain’t done nothin’,” he mumbled. “Just don’t wanna go there, that’s all.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Jim said, tapping Amanda’s arm. “I’ll be takin’ my furs and pelts to the Green River Rendezvous in a few weeks, and you can go with me, Mary, and Little Joe. Maybe somebody there will be willing to take ya to the mission.”

  Mary’s eyebrows lifted as she looked at Jim. “We all goin’ to Rendezvous?”

  He gave a nod. “I’ll be gone a spell and don’t wanna leave ya here at the cabin by yourselves for that long.”

  “We enjoy goin’ to Rendezvous,” Mary said with an eager expression. “Much excitement and things to look at there.”

  Jim chuckled. “Well, just don’t get too carried away with buyin’ and tradin’ things. I don’t wanna have to buy another pack mule just to haul everything home.”

  “Other Indians be at Rendezvous?” Mary asked.

  “That’s right,” Jim said. “Several tribes come to barter and sell.”

  Mary’s eyes brightened. “Maybe some of my people be there. Might see Mother and Father again.”

  Jim frowned deeply. “It’s not likely, but if they are at the Rendezvous, I hope you don’t get any ideas about runnin’ off with them.” He motioned to their baby. “You and Little Joe belong with me.”

  Mary blinked. “I … I know, but—”

  “If your family is there, which ain’t likely,” Jim said firmly, “you can spend some time with ’em, but when Rendezvo
us is over, you and Little Joe will be comin’ back here with me.”

  Mary nodded.

  Amanda felt sorry for her new friend. Leaving one’s family by choice was one thing, but being ripped away from them through no desire of your own was unimaginable. Mary had told Amanda several things about her days as a captive of the Blackfeet, so she knew Mary had been treated cruelly. Even her time of being married to Jim hadn’t been easy, although things seemed better between them since the birth of Little Joe. Still, if a husband cared for his wife, he should be willing to see that she was reunited with her family, even if it meant leaving the mountains and traveling to Nez Percé country. Amanda kept her thoughts to herself. She’d already overstepped her bounds with Buck this morning and didn’t want to make the same mistake with Jim, especially since she was hoping he would soon be her second convert.

  A short time after Buck left, Amanda mentioned to Jim that she thought Buck’s refusal to take her to the Spalding Mission was because she’d done something to offend him.

  Jim shook his head. “I don’t know about that, but Buck can be hard to figure out sometimes. He had a rough life when he was a boy.”

  “Would you tell me a little about that?” Amanda asked.

  Jim pulled thoughtfully on his beard. “Well, his pa was white and his ma was Nez Percé Indian. When his pa was killed by a Blackfoot Injun, his ma was taken captive and made to work as a slave.”

  “Same, like me,” Mary put in, wrinkling her nose. “They probably beat her, too.”

  “Could be,” Jim said, “but Buck’s ma was pregnant by her white husband when she was taken, and after the baby was born, she named him Red Hawk.”

  Amanda listened with interest as Jim went on to tell how when Red Hawk was five years old, the Blackfeet traded him and his ma to a man named Silas Lothard, who’d changed the boy’s name to Buck. Jim grimaced. “The man claimed to be a Christian, but he sure didn’t act like one. From what Buck said, Silas treated both him and his ma somethin’ awful, callin’ them heathens and beating them into submission.” Jim took a drink of his coffee, then continued with the story. “One day Buck’s mother tried to take her son and run away, but Silas caught ’em. As punishment, he traded Buck’s ma to another man, but kept Buck, who was then ten years old. ‘Course, Silas continued to mistreat Buck, and then one day when the enraged man was beatin’ on Buck, he’d had enough and fought back. Silas ended up falling on his own knife, and once Buck realized the man was dead, he lit out on his own. Eventually, Buck and I met up, and I ended up teachin’ him how to trap.” Jim paused again for more coffee. “As you can probably guess, Buck has no regard for Christians and doesn’t think he needs God.”

  “I see. I appreciate you telling me Buck’s story. It helps me understand him a little better,” Amanda said. “Now I understand why Buck seems so closed off to religion. He went through a lot at a very young age. No wonder he keeps up his guard.”

  Jim pulled out his pipe. “Yep,” he said, before lighting it.

  “Will Buck be going to Rendezvous, too?” Amanda questioned.

  “Probably so; he usually does.”

  “Will he travel with us?”

  Jim shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t know.”

  “Buck, he a loner,” Mary said. “Like to be by himself.”

  I must remember to pray for Buck, Amanda told herself. I shall pray that God will show him that not all who say they are Christians are bad.

  That evening as Jim stood beside the stream near his cabin, he noticed that the clouds he’d seen earlier had begun to break up, revealing a gloriously bright sunset that gave the trees a faint reddish-yellow color.

  It wasn’t often that Jim allowed himself the pleasure of indulging in the luxury of pure, simple relaxation, but this was one of those rare moments. He sniffed deeply of the clear, clean mountain air. It felt invigorating and reminded him that it was good to be alive and part of this great wilderness.

  As the sun began to slip slowly behind the majestic Rocky Mountains, Jim felt the sudden need to share the experience with someone. He turned back toward the cabin to invite Mary to see the pretty sky.

  When Jim entered the cabin, his son was lying on the bearskin rug on the floor with Amanda sitting on one side of him and Mary on the other. “Amanda, would ya mind watchin’ the baby while Mary and I go outside to look at a sunset that’s just too purty to miss?”

  Amanda smiled. “I don’t mind at all.”

  Jim grabbed Mary’s hand and pulled her to her feet. “Let’s go then, ’cause them colors will be gone if we don’t hurry.”

  Mary hurried out the door behind Jim, giggling as she went. It was the first time Jim had seen her so carefree.

  Once they were outdoors, Jim took Mary’s hand and hurried across the yard. They stopped when they reached the stream and stood watching the sky until the sun slipped out of sight, taking with it all the beautiful colors. Standing with Mary made Jim feel as wonderful as the sunset. Now he knew what the words of scripture Lois had read to him once meant: “My cup runneth over.” Lois had said the phrase meant that the person who wrote the verse had more than enough for his needs. That was surely how Jim felt these days.

  “Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Jim asked, as Mary stood quietly beside him.

  “Just remembering some things from the past. Look forward to future with you and Little Joe,” she said in a near whisper.

  He turned and gazed deeply into Mary’s dark eyes. “I’m lookin’ forward to taking you and Little Joe to the Rendezvous. Maybe I’ll see about buyin’ a piece of glass for the kitchen window. How’s that sound?”

  “That be nice,” Mary answered. “Much to be done before journey, though. I make new clothes for us and Little Joe.” She smiled at Jim. “Our son, he look like you, I think.”

  “Ah, but he’s got your dark eyes and bronze-colored skin,” Jim reminded her. “And ya know what else, Mary?”

  “What?”

  “I think our Little Joe is the most special child ever born.”

  She nodded. “That because he’s yours and mine.”

  Jim grinned. He looked forward to the future—a future with his wife, Mary, and their wonderful little boy.

  CHAPTER 26

  The next few weeks were busy, as Mary tended to the baby and sewed them all new outfits to wear to Rendezvous. Little Joe’s clothing was made from the softest skins, thinly scraped and tanned so pliable that they actually molded to his little body.

  The clothing Mary sewed for herself and Jim was made from deer and bighorn sheep skin. She had tanned the leather until it was nearly white, then scraped it very thin, and finally rubbed it into soft leather, using white clay. She’d decorated the garments with porcupine quills dyed in the juice of huckleberries. She’d also used some tiny bones and animal teeth, bird quills, as well as colorful beads. These decorations were sewn in a variety of attractive patterns, using buffalo sinew to sew them in place. Mary made them new moccasins, too, and for Jim, some extra fringed shirts and trousers from soft elk skin.

  One afternoon, Mary sat at the table sewing some beads on one of the dresses she’d made. She smiled and watched as Thunder lay sleeping near the baby’s cradle. She’d grown even fonder of the dog since Little Joe had been born, because Thunder was always close by the baby, watching over him as if he were his own. Mary wondered what would become of the dog when they left for the Rendezvous in a few weeks. They’d be gone for more than a moon, and even though Thunder, being part wolf, was an excellent hunter and could provide for his own meals, she wondered if he would think they had abandoned him and were never coming back.

  Mary would have to speak to Jim about the dog. Perhaps she could convince him to allow Thunder to travel along to the Rendezvous. It would be added protection for them, as there were always dangers in the wilderness.

  Mary was glad Amanda would be traveling with them, but she dreaded saying good-bye to her friend once she had found someone to act as her guide. She wished they could go
with her to the mission, which she was certain was near her tribe’s winter home. If she could just convince Jim to give up trapping and live among her people. But he was a stubborn man, and would probably never agree to such a thing.

  The sun shone brightly, and the summer air felt warm and inviting as they set out one morning in early July. Jim led the procession, riding his spotted horse. Amanda and Mary followed on their horses, with Little Joe strapped safely to Mary’s back in his cradleboard. Behind them were Amanda’s two pack mules, Jake and Jasper, loaded down with some of their supplies and all of Jim’s furs. Amanda’s father’s horse went, too, carrying the rest of their things. Alongside Mary’s spotted horse, Thunder ran friskily along, barking at every squirrel or small critter he managed to stir up.

  Amanda smiled. She was glad Jim had agreed to Mary’s request to take the dog with them. It seemed that Jim was much more pleasant these days. Their little boy had tamed his daddy quite a bit. Jim had begun to ask Amanda more questions about the Bible, too. She hoped it was just a matter of time before he would open his heart fully to the Lord.

  At midday they stopped beside a narrow creek where the water ran clear and swift. The warm sun had been beating down on their heads all morning, and the baby was starting to get fussy. Amanda was certainly ready for a break from riding and a refreshing drink of cold water. It had been several weeks since she’d been on horseback, and it would take a few days to get accustomed to being in the saddle again.

  She watched as Mary unlashed the cradleboard and handed Little Joe down to his father. They both seemed in good spirits.

  Jim knelt by the creek and sponged the baby’s face with a piece of cloth he’d dipped in the cool, refreshing water. Mary and Amanda knelt at the creek beside him. Amanda splashed some cold water on her face and rubbed the back of her neck. Then she cupped her hands and took a long, invigorating drink. Her dry, parched throat felt the welcome relief that only clean water could provide.