It was a cozy, welcoming sight, and Amanda was more than willing to take a seat in front of the fire. First, however, she removed the cradleboard from her back, and gently lifted Little Fawn from her sheltered cocoon. Dropping to her knees onto the bearskin rug, Amanda placed her baby girl on the rug, thinking she’d been confined in her cradleboard all morning and needed the freedom to kick her legs and move her hands. Mary did the same with Little Joe.
The big man, who’d followed them inside, let his coat fall from his shoulders onto the back of a chair and moved toward Amanda. “The name’s Bret Walker, and I’m temporarily runnin’ this here tradin’ post, while the postmaster, Pierre Pambrun, is off gettin’ more supplies at Fort Vancouver.”
Amanda got up and extended one hand toward Bret. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Walker. My name is Amanda Pearson, and this is Mary Breck.”
Somewhat awkwardly, he shook her small hand. “So where ya headed?”
“We are going to the Spalding Mission,” she replied.
“What for?” Bret asked, getting out some bowls for the stew.
“To help Reverend and Mrs. Spalding educate the Nez Percé Indians.”
He looked away from Amanda and eyeballed Mary. “She goin’ there, too?”
Amanda nodded.
“Oregon Territory ain’t fittin’ for a fragile female,” he mumbled, handing Mary and Amanda each a bowl of stew. “Take a seat and warm your insides.”
“We thank you for the food, Mr. Walker, and I am not as fragile as I might look,” Amanda said through tight lips. “I have been through more in the last nine months than most women see in a lifetime.” Seeing this as an opportunity to witness, she added, “My strength comes from the Lord. He brought us safely across many miles of wilderness.”
Bret raised his eyebrows. “Really now? I thought it was that half-breed guide of yours who got ya here safely.”
“Buck did lead us, but I believe God guided him.” Before Bret could respond, Amanda asked, “Where is everyone? Surely you aren’t here at the fort alone.”
Bret chuckled. “It is kinda strange to see this big room empty of men in the middle of the day. Usually there’s three or four who just like to mill around, soakin’ up the heat and chewin’ the fat.”
“Where are men today?” Mary spoke up.
“Some are out huntin’ and checkin’ their traps,” he answered, reaching into his pocket for a wad of chewing tobacco. “Others are holed up in the cabins here, waitin’ out the storm that’s no doubt comin’.”
“Aren’t you going to eat with us?” Amanda asked, watching him chew the tobacco.
“Later.” Brett chuckled. “Truth is, I’ve been tastin’ that stew while it heated up.”
Amanda wondered how anyone could chew that awful tobacco. Just the thought of putting something like that in her mouth made her nauseous, but she was so hungry, she tried not to think about it.
“So, how long are ya plannin’ to stay?” Bret asked, abruptly changing the subject.
“Buck, our guide, said we would rest here a few days, and then …”
Bret rose from his chair and moved toward the window. “Well, I think your man may have changed his mind, ’cause the gates just swung open, and he’s ridin’ for all he’s worth.”
CHAPTER 46
Amanda’s heart gave a lurch. If Buck had ridden out, did that mean he was leaving them here and going back to his home in the Rocky Mountains? Had he decided not to take her and Mary to the Spalding Mission after all?
She’d thought about saying so much to Buck before they parted. Now she would never get the chance. Maybe this is the best way, Amanda thought. For she really didn’t think she’d be able to say the things she’d gone over in her head so many times when it came time to say good-bye. Amanda knew the parting would not be easy. In her mind, the situation played out much differently, however. But she kept pushing those hopes and dreams as far from her thoughts as possible.
She turned to Mary and clasped her arm. “Buck is gone, Mary. He’s left us to find our way to the mission by ourselves.”
Mary shook her head. “Buck, he not do something like that. He say he take us to mission, he will do it.”
“But you heard what the man said, Mary. Buck just rode out, and he never even told us he was going or said good-bye.”
“He be back. Just wait and see.” Mary gave Amanda’s arm a gentle squeeze. “Come, now. I will feed our babies. Then we rest.”
After Mary fed Little Joe and put him down to sleep in the small cabin they’d been given, she decided to take a walk around the compound while Amanda and the babies rested. Mary was tired, but she felt restless and needed some fresh air. She’d just stepped outside when an Indian brave, sitting straight and tall on the back of a beautiful spotted pony, rode in. His long, shiny black hair hung loosely against his broad, well-muscled shoulders, and as he drew closer, his dark eyes met Mary’s with a look of surprise. “Yellow Bird? Is—it really you?” he asked in their native tongue, dismounting from his horse.
Mary’s heart pounded as she steadied herself against one of the supply wagons and stared at the young man’s face. It wasn’t possible, but as he walked toward her, she knew for certain that it was Gray Eagle. But how could that be? Gray Eagle was dead; she’d seen the Blackfoot Indian kill him. Perhaps this was someone who looked like Gray Eagle. But he had called her by name. Mary’s mind whirled with this unexpected turn of events, and she trembled so badly, she feared she might faint.
His dark eyes met hers, and their gazes locked. “Don’t you recognize me, Yellow Bird? It’s me, Gray Eagle. I feared I would never see you again.” He placed a gentle hand on her arm.
“Oh Gray Eagle, is it really you? I thought you were dead.”
“I was left for dead, but the wound I sustained from that Blackfoot warrior did not kill me,” he replied. “My determination to live would not let me die.”
Tears welled in Mary’s eyes and ran down her cheeks. “If I’d only known … I grieved for so many moons.”
“As did I,” he said, moving closer. “After my wound healed I searched for you, but to no avail. Where have you been?”
Mary swallowed hard, unsure of where to begin. Would Gray Eagle understand about her life with Jim? What would he say when she told him about Little Joe?
“Are you all right?” Gray Eagle asked, his face a mask of concern. “Your eyes are full of fear, like the day I tried to rescue you but failed.”
Trying to calm herself, Mary drew in another deep breath. “Why are you here at the fort?” she asked, thinking a change of subject might help. Seeing Gray Eagle like this was almost too much to comprehend.
“I and a few others from our tribe came to trade for supplies. How is that you are here, Yellow Bird?”
“Before I explain that, there is something you must know,” she said, shakily.
“What is it?”
“Smoking Buffalo, the Blackfoot Indian who captured me, took me to one of the trading posts and gave me to a white man in exchange for some things he wanted.”
“You have been living with a white man all this time?” he questioned.
She nodded. “His name was Jim Breck, and he was my husband. He changed my name from Yellow Bird to Mary.”
Gray Eagle’s brows lifted, and he sucked in his breath. “You are married?”
“I was.” Mary dropped her gaze. “Jim is dead. He died from rattlesnake bites.”
“Did you love him, Yellow Bird?” Gray Eagle’s question came quickly.
“Not at first, but I grew to love him,” she answered honestly.
“Oh, I see. I’m sorry.”
“What of my family?” Mary asked. “Are they alive and doing well?”
He nodded. “Your parents and brother are living near the Spalding Mission for the winter months.”
Mary clasped her hands over her mouth. “I am so glad. That’s where Amanda and I are heading, and I look forward to seeing my family there.”
&nb
sp; Gray Eagle quirked an eyebrow. “Amanda?”
“She is a white woman and plans to teach our people about God.”
Gray Eagle smiled. “Reverend Henry Spalding has been teaching our people about God. He reads to us from the Bible, but many of the People call it ‘the Book of Heaven.’ ”
Just then, Mary caught sight of Amanda standing in the doorway, motioning for her to come. Mary wanted to stay and talk more with Gray Eagle. All the years she’d mourned for this man, and now he was here. It was all Mary could do not to throw herself into his arms, but more needed to be said. There were so many things she wanted to tell him.
“I need to go,” Mary said. “Will you be here awhile? Can we talk later?”
Gray Eagle nodded. “Yes, we have much catching up to do.”
Amanda had just gotten Little Joe settled and laid back down when Mary stepped into the cabin they shared. The look on her friend’s face sent a shiver of apprehension up Amanda’s spine. “Is something wrong, Mary? You look upset. Little Joe was a bit fussy, but he’s okay now.”
Mary took a seat beside Amanda. “You have talked of miracles, right?”
Amanda nodded.
“A miracle has happened.”
“Is it Buck? Has he returned?”
Mary shook her head. “It is Gray Eagle. He is not dead.”
Amanda sat trying to process what Mary had just said. She remembered Mary telling her about the Nez Percé man she had planned to marry before she was captured by the Blackfeet. “I thought you had said Gray Eagle had been killed at the hands of a Blackfoot Indian.”
“Yes. He not dead, though. Got badly wounded, but he survived. He here at the fort. We just talk.”
Amanda clasped Mary’s hand. “Oh, that is wonderful news! It is a miracle, and I am so happy for you!”
Mary’s forehead wrinkled. “Gray Eagle know about Jim, but …” Her voice trailed off as she glanced over at her son, sleeping peacefully on a mat beside Little Fawn. “I not tell him about Little Joe.”
“How come?”
“He may not want me if he know I bore a white man’s child.”
“But you just said you told him about Jim. Was he understanding about that?”
Mary shrugged. “I not know. He just say he sorry. He also say my family is camped near Spalding Mission. I anxious to go there when Buck gets back.”
“You mean ‘if’ Buck gets back,” Amanda corrected. “He’s been gone several hours, and that is not a good sign.”
“Maybe Gray Eagle would guide us,” Mary said. “He will go that way, too.”
“Yes, maybe so. Would you ask him about it?”
Mary looked like she was about to reply, when Little Joe woke up again. “Me tend baby first. Then I look for Gray Eagle,” she said.
Amanda smiled. Even though she would miss Buck’s companionship, she was thankful God had sent Gray Eagle to potentially act as their guide.
While Little Fawn still slept and Mary tended to her son, Amanda decided to take the opportunity to read the Bible.
Taking a seat on a small wooden bench, she opened her Bible to Deuteronomy 31:6 and read silently: “Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid: … for the Lord, thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, or forsake thee.”
Reading those words was an affirmation for Amanda. God had brought her this far, through numerous trials, and He would continue to provide for her and Little Fawn and take them safely to their journey’s end.
She closed her eyes and prayed, Heavenly Father, I thank Thee for Thy many blessings, and for giving me the privilege of raising Little Fawn. Please continue to guide and direct me, and prepare the hearts of the Nez Percé people I am going to teach.
When Mary finished feeding her son, she decided to take him for a walk, since Little Fawn was still sleeping and wouldn’t need to be fed right away. “I be back soon,” she told Amanda.
“Take your time. From the way my daughter is sleeping, it could be awhile before she wakes up.” Amanda yawned. “In fact, I’m feeling the need to rest some more, too, so I think I’ll lie down beside her and try to sleep.”
“That be good.” Mary wrapped Little Joe in a warm blanket, then picked him up and went out the door.
After she’d stepped outside into the fresh, crisp air, she spotted Gray Eagle heading her way. Her heart pounded with each step he took, bringing them closer. When he approached, Gray Eagle’s gaze moved from her face to the child in her arms.
Mary took a deep breath to steady her voice. “This is my son, Little Joe.”
Was it displeasure she saw on Gray Eagle’s face or a look of sadness? She could not be certain. “I see,” he murmured. “When we spoke earlier, you did not say you had a white man’s child.”
“Little Joe has brought much happiness into my life,” Mary answered defensively.
“Were you happy living with your white husband?”
“Not at first, but I learned to be happy.”
His dark eyes clouded over. “I see.”
Mary swallowed against the lump lodged in her throat. It was obvious that Gray Eagle would never accept her, knowing she had a half-breed son. Should I still ask if he will be our guide? she wondered. Or would it better if Amanda and I set out on our own? I am sure if we asked Bret Walker, he would tell us the way.
She didn’t have long to ponder the issue, because just then Buck, with a dead deer slung over the back of his horse, rode into the compound. Mary knew Amanda would be relieved, and right now, she was, too.
After Buck dismounted and explained that he’d gone in search of some fresh meat, she introduced him to Gray Eagle. But before she had a chance to explain that Buck was her and Amanda’s guide, Gray Eagle announced that he had to get back to his campsite outside the fort. “May the Great Spirit be with you, Mary Yellow Bird,” he said.
Mary watched him walk away, his last words resounding in her head, like an echo in the highest mountains. She wished they could have talked longer. She wished she would have felt free to ask if he still cared for her. But what good would it have done? He’d left in such a hurry, it was obvious that he no longer had any feelings for her. His last words had sounded like a good-bye. It was just as well, she decided. She felt unworthy of him, and was certain they could never have a future together. She was glad she hadn’t asked Gray Eagle to travel with them to the mission. Buck was here now, and it was better this way.
CHAPTER 47
When morning dawned the following day, Buck, Amanda, Mary, and the babies prepared to be on their way. They’d originally planned to stay at Fort Walla Walla for a few days, but Mary was anxious to see her family. They already had some snow, but Buck had said it was best to move out early, before the full force of winter was upon them.
As they loaded their supplies onto the pack mules and Jim’s horse, Mary noticed some Indians standing on the other side of the compound. She paid little attention to them at first, thinking more about the cold of the late autumn air and how she would keep Little Joe warm until the journey was complete. After a second look, she realized one of them was Gray Eagle. With him, was a beautiful young Indian woman whom she did not recognize. The woman laughed and leaned in close to Gray Eagle. They seemed intent on what they were saying, totally unaware of Mary’s presence.
Mary sighed deeply. No wonder Gray Eagle seemed so anxious to leave. He’d obviously replaced her with this lovely young woman. As much as it pained Mary to see this, it was completely understandable. After all, she had been gone a long time. She wondered if the young woman might be Gray Eagle’s wife. So many moons had passed; it seemed like a lifetime ago.
In spite of the ache in her heart, she could not make this her concern. She must remember that the past was behind her and she needed to concentrate on her life with Little Joe.
Mary was surprised when Gray Eagle headed her way. Thunder had been sitting close to her while she checked on her horse, and his tail wagged as Gray Eagle approached. Normally, i
f a stranger came anywhere near Mary, Thunder stood guard, with hair raised and a warning growl. It was almost as if the dog knew this Indian would not harm Mary in any way.
When Gray Eagle reached the place where Mary stood, their gazes locked. Time seemed to stand still. She looked up at him and swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly dry. Mary Yellow Bird took in all six feet of his muscular build. Time had been good to Gray Eagle, and it took all of her willpower not to reach out and touch his shiny black, flowing hair. It was as if, in that minute, they were linked together, back to those years when they were young and their love for each other was all that mattered. Her heart pounded so fast that her chest ached, and it was difficult to draw a breath.
Gray Eagle reached down to pet Thunder’s head, and the dog wagged his tail even more.
“Can we talk?” Gray Eagle asked, his dark eyes piercing Mary’s and making her forget about Thunder’s reaction.
Mary cast a quick glance in the direction of the young woman who stood nearby, as though waiting for him. When Gray Eagle turned and whispered something to the woman, she nodded and walked away.
Mary glanced in the other direction and saw Thunder amble over to the place where Buck was still checking the supplies for the final part of their journey.
“What do you wish to say, Gray Eagle?” Mary asked.
He touched her arm. “I want to ride to the mission with you so we can talk.”
She pulled back, hoping to erase what she was sure could never be. “You act as though you care about me, but I know you do not.”
“I do care,” he said sincerely. “I love you, Yellow Bird. I have always loved you.”
“Have you forgotten that I have been with a white man—that I have a son by him?”
“No, I did not forget. I know that you did not ask to be captured or marry a white man, but he is gone now.” Gray Eagle leaned close to Mary. “Everything will be all right. You will go home with me, and we will be married. I will love your son as if he were my own and will love his mother for all of my days.”
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