Mary wanted to believe his promises, but could she? Her son was not all that stood in their way. “What about the Indian woman you are with?” she asked, rubbing the place on her arm where Gray Eagle had touched. “Does she hold a special place in your heart? Can you simply abandon her to marry me?”
Gray Eagle smiled. “Did you not recognize my sister, Running Fox? She is no longer a child, as you would remember her. She is a beautiful young woman and is promised to White Foot. They will be married soon.”
Yellow Bird’s mouth fell open, not knowing how to respond. She remembered back to the day when White Foot had asked for her hand in marriage, but she’d turned him down in favor of Gray Eagle. She was glad White Foot had found someone to love and relieved to know that Gray Eagle did not have a wife.
“Come, we will travel to the mission now,” Gray Eagle said, excitement in his voice. “On the way, we will get caught up with each other’s lives.”
As Gray Eagle pulled her into his arms, Mary Yellow Bird no longer felt the air’s wintry grasp. Was this why her spirit guide, the yellow bird, had visited her not long ago?
To the Nez Percé, yellow was not only the sign for victory, but it was also a symbol of joy. Except for the birth of her son, Yellow Bird hadn’t felt pure joy such as this in a long time. Now, the feelings for Gray Eagle that she’d tried so hard to bury all these years came rushing back, making her nerve endings quiver. Did she dare hope for those long-ago dreams to be a part of her life once again?
An awkward silence fell between Buck and Amanda as they followed Mary and Gray Eagle out of the fort and onto the trail. With Gray Eagle agreeing to travel with them, Amanda figured Buck might go his separate way, and while part of her wanted him to continue on as their guide, another part almost wished he had gone back to his home. Seeing him every day and wishing for what she couldn’t have was hard for her—maybe for Buck, too.
If only he would set his bitterness aside and surrender his life to the Lord, she thought yet again. Can’t he see that not all Christians are like the man who abused him when he was a child?
With a need to focus on something else, Amanda turned her attention to the snow-covered trees. They were beautiful, dressed in pristine white with boughs of green showing through in some places. Seeing the splendor of the trees made Amanda think of Christmas, which was just a month away.
Last Christmas she’d been betrothed to Nathan Lane. Amanda and her father had spent the holiday with Nathan and his family. It had been a lovely celebration, and after dinner she and Nathan had walked hand-in-hand through the snow, discussing their future. Amanda had been looking forward to becoming Nathan’s wife, but that wasn’t meant to be, and maybe it never had been.
Now why am I thinking of him? she asked herself. My relationship with Nathan is in the past. My future is here in the West, telling others about Jesus and raising my precious baby girl.
She glanced over at Buck, riding beside her on Dusty, his buckskin horse. Sitting tall in the saddle and looking straight ahead, he looked more like an Indian than a white man. Perhaps it was because they were in Indian territory, since Buck was part Nez Percé. Amanda wondered if he was anxious to spend time among his mother’s people. It was a shame he’d been separated from his mother at a young age. No child should ever have to grow up without a mother. Amanda knew that better than anyone.
What would happen to Little Fawn if I was taken from her? Amanda wondered. Would Mary take my daughter and raise her as her own?
Amanda shuddered. She hoped and prayed nothing would ever separate her and Little Fawn.
“Are ya cold?” Buck asked when his horse nudged close to hers. “Would ya like a buffalo robe to wrap up in?”
She smiled. “I am fine, but thank you anyway.” It pleased Amanda that Buck seemed concerned for her welfare.
Just then, Little Fawn started to cry. She was probably cold, or needed to be fed. Amanda hated to do it, but she turned to Buck and said, “Could we stop for a bit, so I can see what my baby needs?”
“Sure, no problem.” Buck cupped his hands around his mouth and hollered for the others to stop. Mary and Gray Eagle reined in their horses. Then Buck helped Amanda down and lifted Little Fawn’s cradleboard from her shoulders. The baby was crying even harder.
“Thank you for your kindness,” Amanda said.
Buck smiled and gave her a nod.
Heavenly Father, Amanda prayed, help me not to wish for what I cannot have.
CHAPTER 48
On the last day of their journey they had ridden about fifteen miles northward when Mary spotted Lapwai Creek. They were getting closer to the People’s winter camp. Her skin tingled from excitement and anticipation. “We are going home,” she whispered to Little Joe, who was in his cradleboard tied securely to her back. “Home at last, where I will once again be known as Yellow Bird.”
Despite her enthusiasm, Yellow Bird felt some anxiety about going home. She’d changed so much since she was taken from her tribe, and nagging doubts plagued her about whether her son would be accepted. She wondered, too, if her home would be the same as she remembered it, and would the people be the same as before? When she entered their winter village, her life would change once again. She had been through many changes since her abduction, so with the Great Spirit’s help, perhaps she could manage this change, as well.
Yellow Bird was thankful for the comfort of her five-month-old son, whom she loved more than life itself. She appreciated, too, her faithful dog and protector, who had been her constant companion since Jim’s untimely death, and she was thankful for her good friend, Amanda, who had led her to the Lord. Most of all, she was grateful that she and Gray Eagle had been reunited.
It was late in the afternoon when they arrived at the village. Many lodges stood in their customary circular pattern, and Yellow Bird noted that the Clearwater River was as pure and beautiful as she remembered.
As they rode into camp, Yellow Bird saw children playing among the huts, women cooking over campfires, and men sitting in small groups, visiting with one another while smoking their long pipes. It was a peaceful, happy scene, one that she had resigned herself never to see again. She sat on her horse, studying the village and watching her people.
When they were noticed, all activity ceased, as adults and children alike hurried to greet them. A rush of emotion brought moisture to Yellow Bird’s eyes, and her heart quickened as Gray Eagle guided their horses through the crowd of people. She recognized the familiar lodge up ahead, with a picture of a large, white wolf painted on the front flap. The sight of it brought another tide of tears and long-buried emotions. There was no one outside the lodge, but figuring her parents to be inside, she turned to Gray Eagle and asked, “Would you please go in and prepare them for my arrival? I know I have changed quite a bit, but should they still recognize me, I do not want it to be a great shock. If Mother and Father think I am dead, they might believe they are seeing a ghost spirit.”
Gray Eagle nodded. “I will explain where you have been all this time.” He touched her arm. “I will tell them about your child and the death of his white father, and say that you are waiting outside their lodge.”
Gray Eagle dismounted, then helped Yellow Bird down from her horse. As he entered her parents’ lodge, she removed Little Joe from his cradleboard and waited nervously.
“Aren’t you going in?” Amanda asked, joining Yellow Bird by her horse.
Yellow Bird shook her head. “Not yet. Gray Eagle go first to prepare them. It will be a shock to know I am here.”
“I’m sure they’ll be happy,” Amanda said, slipping her arm around Yellow Bird’s waist.
A few minutes later, Gray Eagle stepped out of the lodge with Yellow Bird’s parents. As they approached, Yellow Bird’s heart seemed to stand still.
Her mother, Small Rabbit, sobbed, tears flowing freely down her leathery cheeks. She wrapped her arms around Yellow Bird and murmured, “Welcome home, Daughter.”
Her father, Laughing Wolf, s
tared at Yellow Bird, as though seeing her for the very first time. “You have been gone so long, we thought you were dead.” He, too, gave Yellow Bird a hug. “We searched many days, but there was no trail to follow. We are thankful to the Great Spirit for bringing you back to us.”
Yellow Bird was surprised to see the drastic change in her parents. They had both aged considerably. Worry and grief over her disappearance was no doubt the cause. Their hair, once dark and shiny, was now gray and lifeless. They had wrinkles where smooth skin had once been. Their dark eyes looked tired and sunken, and Mother looked thin and frail.
A twinge of guilt ran through Yellow Bird. She knew she had been the cause of their sorrow. If only she had stayed inside their tepee that morning so long ago, instead of going off by herself to take a bath in the lake. But nothing could change what had already been.
“Nothing gives me greater joy than to be back where I belong.” Yellow Bird nearly choked on her words. All that she wanted to say seemed to be stuck in her throat. There were so many emotions she hadn’t allowed herself to feel because she truly believed this day would never come.
For a few moments, while Amanda, Buck, and Gray Eagle looked on, Yellow Bird and her parents stood in silence, holding each other as if making sure this was real.
When Yellow Bird gained control of her emotions, she smiled and said, “Mother … Father … I want you to meet my son, Joseph Little Wolf, but I call him ‘Little Joe.’ His white father named him Joseph, and he allowed me to choose an Indian name, as well.” She paused and lifted the baby. “Can you open your hearts and accept this child as your grandson?”
Laughing Wolf took the boy from her and held him high in the air. “I am honored you chose to call him Little Wolf, and I believe I speak for your mother, as well, when I say that if the child is part of you, then you are both welcome in our lodge. This day has not only brought our daughter back to us, but it has given us a grandson, as well.”
Small Rabbit nodded and reached for the chubby baby. “He is a fine boy. Our first grandson.” She smiled at Yellow Bird. “Except for his curly brown hair, he looks much like his mother. Come inside now, Daughter, for we want to hear the details about where you have been.”
“Yes, we have much to talk about,” Yellow Bird agreed. Then, remembering that Amanda stood nearby, she introduced her and explained that Amanda had come to help the Spaldings at their mission.
Laughing Wolf bobbed his head. “Their place is two miles up Lapwai Creek.”
Amanda looked at Buck, who stood nearby. “Can we go there now?”
“We can go whenever you want,” Buck said, “but wouldn’t you rather stay here and rest awhile?”
Amanda shook her head. “I am anxious to speak with the Spaldings. Besides, Mary Yellow Bird needs some time alone with her family.”
“What about Little Fawn?” Yellow Bird asked. “She will need to be fed.”
Amanda laughed. “In my excitement, I’d almost forgotten about that. Perhaps we can come back later in the day, when it’s time for her next feeding.”
“Why don’t you leave the baby here with Yellow Bird?” Buck suggested. “Then after you’ve talked with the Spaldings, we can come back.”
“I am sure Little Fawn would be in good hands, but I’d rather keep her with me,” Amanda said, removing her daughter from the cradleboard.
“What if baby cries for food?” Yellow Bird asked.
Yellow Bird’s parents looked at her strangely. “I will explain things later,” she told them. Then she gave Amanda a hug and said, “I take good care of Little Fawn. Promise.”
Amanda hesitated but finally agreed.
Yellow Bird’s heart went out to Amanda, because she knew she would feel the same way if she were separated from Little Joe, even for a short time.
Amanda kissed Little Fawn’s forehead. “I will be back soon,” she murmured. Then she handed the baby to Yellow Bird and mounted her horse.
As Buck and Amanda rode out of the camp, Yellow Bird followed her parents inside their lodge.
Amanda and Buck rode along the snow-covered trail, following the bends and turns of the Clearwater River. She thought about Mary Yellow Bird and the joy she’d seen on her face when she was greeted by her parents. Amanda was happy her friend had been reunited with her family, but she felt a bit envious. Amanda had no one at the end of her journey to greet her, except the Spaldings, and they were strangers. If only Papa had lived and could be with me now, she thought. Oh Papa, I miss you so much. Perhaps you are with me in spirit.
In an effort to squelch her tears, Amanda changed the direction of her thoughts. I wonder what type of job I’ll be given at the mission. I hope I am asked to teach the children.
Amanda had taught school for a few years before her betrothal to Nathan, and she’d always had a good rapport with the children in her class.
Or maybe I’ll be asked to cook and clean. While not Amanda’s favorite tasks, she would do whatever was expected of her in order to help out, although it would be much harder to witness to the Indians if she was relegated to household duties and not allowed to teach or mingle with any prospective converts.
“You’re frowning,” Buck said, breaking into Amanda’s musings. “Are ya still worried about Little Fawn?”
She shook her head. “I am sure she is in good hands with Yellow Bird and her family, and we won’t be parted for long.”
“Then why do ya look so sad?”
“I was just thinking about my future and what will be expected of me at the mission.”
“I thought you were goin’ there to teach the Nez Percé about God.”
“I am hoping for the opportunity to do that, but I may be asked to do other things.”
Buck shrugged his shoulders. “Ya did other things at Jim and Mary’s cabin but still managed to tell Mary plenty about God.”
Amanda smiled. “You’re right about that.” Yet again, she found herself wishing Buck was willing to listen to the scriptures. What a joy it would be to lead him to the Lord. How different things might be between them if he became a Christian.
Why is it that so many things in life don’t turn out the way we want? she wondered. I know it’s not right to expect everything to go my way, but it would be nice to see more of my prayers answered.
“God always answers our prayers,” Amanda remembered her father saying on more than one occasion. “Sometimes He says yes; sometimes no; and sometimes He asks us to wait.”
Waiting had been one of the hardest things for Amanda when she was a child. Waiting to see what presents she would receive on Christmas Day; waiting for Papa to give her money to buy material to make a new dress; and waiting for Nathan to declare his love and ask for her hand in marriage.
Now there I go, thinking about Nathan again, Amanda scolded herself. Why can’t I forget about him and let the past go? After all, I certainly wasn’t first on his mind. No, my best friend had the privilege of that. Is there a part of me that still loves Nathan? Or maybe I am thinking of him because he hurt me so badly and I haven’t truly forgiven him.
Amanda needed to make peace with this, or it would plague her forever. She would make it a priority to ask God to remove all negative thoughts or wishful thinking about Nathan from her mind. She must reach into the depths of her soul and completely forgive Nathan for what he had done.
“Look up ahead.” Buck jolted Amanda’s thoughts once more. “This must be the place,” he said as they guided their horses up to a log structure, much larger than Jim Breck’s cabin.
Amanda couldn’t believe after more than nine months of travel that she had finally made it to her destination. There it was—the Spalding Mission. She hoped that the Spaldings had received her letter and would welcome her help.
CHAPTER 49
As Amanda and Buck headed back to the Nez Percé camp that evening, Amanda thought about her meeting with Rev. and Mrs. Spalding. Henry Spalding hadn’t been quite as friendly as his wife, Eliza, but he’d been cordial enough
when he’d learned who Amanda was and she’d shared her reason for coming. The Spaldings said they had received Amanda’s letter but had no idea when to expect her.
Eliza Spalding was a petite woman who’d recently had a baby girl, although Amanda didn’t get the chance to see the child, as she’d been sleeping during their visit. Eliza had mentioned that the baby was fussy and thought it might be because she didn’t have enough breast milk, so they’d begun supplementing with goat’s milk. Amanda knew that unless Yellow Bird came back to the mission to live with her, she would probably have to resort to goat’s milk for Little Fawn, as well. When Amanda told them about the Flathead Indian baby she’d found and claimed as her own, she’d been relieved that they had accepted the idea of her raising the child at the mission.
The log structure the Spaldings lived in had been built by several of the Nez Percé Indians in the area, and they’d made one section of it their home. The other part served as a schoolroom and a place of worship. Rev. Spalding had explained that sometime in the future they would be moving their mission from its present site to a better location. At first, Amanda didn’t see anything wrong with the area where the mission was now. Then the Spaldings explained that when they’d first arrived in November 1836, after a long journey with several setbacks, they had lived in an Indian tepee, until a suitable home could be constructed. But the mosquitoes were a serious problem in the summer, as well as the heat, so they wanted to find a better location.
During the visit they’d discussed what Amanda’s duties would be, and it was agreed that she could teach some of the younger children and help out wherever was necessary. That suited Amanda just fine. She looked forward to settling in at the mission when she returned there with Little Fawn in the morning.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Buck said, halting Amanda’s musings. “Are ya havin’ second thoughts about helpin’ out at the mission?”
She shook her head. “I’m just reflecting on everything the Spaldings told me today.”
Woman of Courage Page 25