“Think you’re gonna be happy living there?” he questioned.
“I believe God sent me on this journey and He helped me make it here, so that makes me happy,” Amanda replied, without really answering Buck’s question. The truth was, she’d be much happier if Buck were staying, too, and would agree to help out at the mission. But that was just wishful thinking. He’d made it clear that he would be heading back to his home in the Rockies soon, and Amanda was sure that, short of a miracle, Buck would keep true to his word.
“How is Little Fawn?” Amanda asked when she and Buck returned to Laughing Wolf’s lodge in the Nez Percé camp.
“She is fine,” Mary replied, motioning to the mat where Little Fawn and Little Joe lay sleeping. “How it go at mission?”
“It went well.” Amanda smiled. “They want me to teach the small children, and I’ll begin as soon as I get settled in there.”
“When you plan to go?”
“Tomorrow morning.” Amanda paused. “Would you go with me, Mary—I mean, Yellow Bird?”
“To see mission?”
“I think she wants you to live there with her there,” Buck interjected, before Amanda could respond to Yellow Bird’s question.
Yellow Bird’s dark eyebrows shot up. “I belong here with family. We have much catching up to do.”
Amanda nodded. “I understand that, but I was hoping you would continue to feed Little Fawn until she is weaned. I know it’s a lot to ask, but …”
“She will come,” Gray Eagle spoke up. “We both speak English, and we will come to mission and help where we can.” He looked at Laughing Wolf and Small Rabbit. “Wouldn’t you like to go there, too?” he asked in their native tongue.
There was a long pause, and then Laughing Wolf nodded and said, “We will go see what it is like, and maybe we can help.”
“What did your father just say?” Amanda asked.
“He say they will come, too.” Yellow Bird looked over at Buck. “You come also?”
Buck shook his head. “I’ll be leavin’ for my place in the mountains tomorrow, and I probably won’t come back this way.”
Yellow Bird noticed the look of disappointment on Amanda’s face before she cast her eyes downward after hearing Buck’s plans. It was obvious that she was in love with Buck. Yellow Bird was pretty sure Buck cared for Amanda, too, so it didn’t make sense that he’d be leaving. She wished there was something she could do to keep him from going, but it was Buck’s decision, and she would not interfere. Maybe when he woke up in the morning he would change his mind.
When Buck awoke the following day, he gathered up his gear. It had snowed during the night, but had stopped, and he wanted to get an early start, before it began snowing again. Travel could be grueling in the high country once winter set in. If things got too bad, he might have to hole up at one of the forts until spring.
Buck felt a sense of regret as he looked at Amanda sitting near the fire, holding her daughter. If only things could be different, he silently fumed. How many times have I said that to myself? Amanda is a Christian, and I am not. She’s a proper-speaking, beautiful woman, and I’m a half-breed, rugged mountain man. We don’t belong together, and it’s better that I return to what’s familiar to me.
Even though Buck hashed out the reasons with himself, he knew that if he stuck around even for another day or so, it would be that much harder for him to leave. No, he had to go now, before he gave in to his desire to stay near Amanda.
“I’m headin’ out now,” he said, moving to the center of Laughing Wolf’s Lodge, where Gray Eagle, Yellow Bird, and her family had gathered.
“You will be missed,” Yellow Bird said with a catch in her voice. “Don’t you want stay and eat breakfast first?”
He shook his head. “I’ll eat on the journey. Your mother gave me some pemmican, and I have dried berries and meat, so I’ll be fine.”
“I will pray for safe travels,” Yellow Bird said.
“Thanks for that.” Buck glanced at Amanda. “I hope things go well for you at the mission.”
She smiled, although it seemed to be forced. “I hope things go well for thee—I mean, you, too.”
“Thanks.” Buck hesitated a minute, then turned and rushed out of the lodge. Thunder sat next to his horse, as if he knew Buck was soon to leave.
After securing the rest of his gear, Buck hunkered down to pet the dog’s head. “You take care of everyone, ya hear?”
Thunder responded with a lick to Buck’s hand. The dog was as faithful as any animal could be. Buck would miss his four-legged friend.
As if waiting for their travels to begin, a lone kree-e-e-e-e … sounded, as Buck’s winged brother circled overhead. Buck looked up and saw the reddish tint of the hawk’s tail as it soared in the morning’s light, and he knew without a doubt that the hawk would accompany him home.
“Well, Thunder, ol’ boy, time’s a-wastin’.” Buck had to leave now before he changed his mind.
Yellow Bird sang one of her favorite Nez Percé chants while rocking Little Joe to sleep. For the past week since her family had moved their lodge to the mission site, she had spent time getting reacquainted with both family and friends while preparing for her forthcoming marriage to Gray Eagle. She was thankful everyone had accepted her and Little Joe, as well as Amanda’s Flathead daughter. Yellow Bird was also happy to learn that her brother, Little Bear, had married Smiling Squirrel during her absence, and that they were expecting their first child in the spring. It would be nice for Little Joe to have a cousin to grow up with.
The time spent waiting for the wedding day, which would also happen in early spring, was a good chance for Yellow Bird and Gray Eagle to become reacquainted. Yellow Bird prayed daily that she would be a good wife and not disappoint her new husband in any way. It seemed that she had waited all her life to become Gray Eagle’s wife, and while her thoughts were a mixture of apprehension and anticipation, she thanked God for the joy in her heart. She would always miss Jim Breck and the love they had come to know, and she would be certain that Little Joe learned about his real father when he was old enough to understand. However, nothing ever had, or ever could, come close to what she felt for Gray Eagle. She was certain he would make a good father for Little Joe, as well as any other children they might be blessed with in the future.
When Yellow Bird wasn’t taking care of Little Joe and Little Fawn, she helped Amanda at the Spalding mission, acting as an interpreter, since she could speak both the Nez Percé language, as well as English. Two Feathers, another Nez Percé woman, also spoke English and did some of the interpreting, but she was new to the tribe since Yellow Bird had left, and Yellow Bird hadn’t had the chance to get to know the woman yet.
Much to Yellow’s Bird surprise, Rev. and Mrs. Spalding recognized her, and also she recognized them, because it turned out that Rev. Spalding had been the preacher who had performed the ceremony when she and Jim had gotten married. Little did she realize back then, that this was the same couple who were heading west to start a mission to teach her people about God.
Yellow Bird’s parents, as well as Gray Eagle and his family, helped out with chores at the mission and seemed to enjoy the pictures from the Bible stories Eliza Spalding drew, as well as the songs that were sung during the worship services. Amanda seemed pleased and had told Yellow Bird that she hoped her family would come to know the Lord personally, just as Yellow Bird had done.
Yellow Bird looked down at Little Joe, snuggled peacefully in her arms. As she sang the babe a song, she thanked the Great Spirit one more time for giving her this special son.
Sitting on a mat inside Yellow Bird’s tepee, Amanda smiled as she observed the tender moment between Yellow Bird and Little Joe. She enjoyed hearing Yellow Bird’s song. It reminded her of a lullaby. Perhaps it was a Nez Percé lullaby. It had certainly put the baby to sleep.
Little Fawn, now a little over three months old, was also sleeping. She’d fallen asleep after her last feeding. She was a contented ba
by and seemed to be doing well physically. Of course, that’s because of Yellow Bird, Amanda thought with gratitude. Little Fawn would not have survived without the nourishment Yellow Bird provided from the day I first found my precious daughter.
Amanda glanced around the tepee, feeling grateful she and Little Fawn had a place to stay. Since there wasn’t room in the Spaldings’ log home for extra people, Amanda and her daughter had been staying with Yellow Bird and her parents in the tepee they had erected on the mission grounds. It was a good opportunity for Amanda to learn more of the Nez Percé customs, and Yellow Bird continued to teach Amanda some Indian words.
During the day, while either Yellow Bird or her mother kept an eye on Little Fawn, Amanda helped out at the mission, teaching the younger children, and doing whatever she could to make Eliza’s life easier. The poor woman had her hands full, taking care of her little one, as well as instructing the Indian girls who had come to the mission to learn how to sew and do several other things. About one hundred children came to the mission every day, and Amanda enjoyed teaching them Bible verses and songs. Having no books to teach with, Mrs. Spalding had printed some books by hand and often drew pictures to depict some of the Bible stories. This took a good deal of time, so Amanda knew her help was appreciated.
Amanda liked keeping busy. It felt good to be doing something worthwhile, and it helped to take her mind off Buck, for she often found herself thinking of him and wondering how he was doing. It had snowed off and on the last couple of days, adding several more inches to the ground. Amanda could only imagine what it must be like as Buck ventured higher into the mountains. She hoped he would make it safely to his cabin, for the things she had learned about winter in the Rockies let her know how challenging it could be. She shuddered, just thinking about it.
Buck had been on the trail for seven days, and it had been snowing most of that time. Between the heavy snowfall and the driving wind, it was hard to see up ahead.
“What am I doin’?” he mumbled under his breath. “I need my head examined, traveling in weather like this.” What he needed was a place to hunker down until the weather improved. Buck knew that the higher up he went into the mountains, the more challenging his trek would become. It was difficult now to see his brother, the hawk, with the snow falling as hard as it was, but Buck knew the red tail was there, for he could hear his call overhead.
Guess I should have holed up at Fort Walla Walla, he told himself. But if I’d done that I would have been tempted to ride over to the mission and check on Amanda. He clenched the reins tighter. Would that have been so bad? I would like to know how she’s doing.
In spite of the furs he would be collecting, the idea of spending the winter in his drafty little cabin didn’t hold much appeal now that Jim was gone and wouldn’t be stopping over at his place for regular visits.
I could even stay in Jim’s cabin, since Yellow Bird won’t be goin’ back there, but I’d still be alone and thinking about Amanda. Buck knew that no matter where he was, his thoughts would be on her.
Buck reined in for a moment, looking ahead, then glancing back from where he’d just come. He watched as snow kept falling, laying so heavy on the pines they could no longer support it. Buck was cold and miserable, especially now when snow from the branches ended up down the back of his neck. Did he really want to go any higher, where it would be even colder?
“What do ya say, boy?” Buck murmured, leaning over to stroke Dusty’s neck. “Should we turn around and head back to the fort where it’s warmer?”
The lathered horse whinnied as if in response.
“All right then,” Buck said, turning the horse around, “let’s head down to the fort, and we’ll stay for the winter.”
CHAPTER 50
Mrs. Spalding would like you and your family to join us at the mission for Christmas dinner,” Amanda told Yellow Bird the morning before the holiday. “Gray Eagle and his family are welcome to join us, too.”
Yellow Bird blinked as she looked at Amanda with a curious expression. “What is Christ-mas?”
“It is the day we remember Christ’s birthday,” Amanda explained. “Remember, I told you the story of how Jesus was born in a lowly manger.”
“I remember story, but know nothing about Christ-mas dinner.”
“It’s the way many of my people celebrate, to remember the day of His birth. We get together for a special meal, sing songs about Jesus’ birth, and read the Christmas story from the Bible.” Amanda placed a gentle hand on Yellow Bird’s arm. “Will you come and help us celebrate?”
Yellow Bird nodded. “I will ask the others, too, but not till Gray Eagle returns.”
“Where is Gray Eagle?” Amanda asked.
“He go hunting with White Foot. They hope to get a few deer.”
“That would be good,” Amanda acknowledged. “Since winter is starting out, I hope they have good luck before the weather gets even worse.”
Making his way back down the mountains, Buck halted his horse and sat looking down at the Clearwater River. When he’d reached the top of the slopes overlooking the river, he’d found himself on a treeless, rocky plateau. During this snowstorm, Buck was glad he’d made the decision to turn back, for he knew it would have been a mistake to risk his life or Dusty’s to travel higher into the Rockies. He’d been dealing with heavy snowfall all day, and the rocky path was slippery. He would be glad to get down the frozen slope and onto the level ground that followed the river.
His horse’s flanks quivered from the day-to-day exertion, and Buck knew they both needed a rest. Buck had actually been planning to stop at Fort Walla Walla but had changed his mind, deciding to go back to the Nez Percé campsite to see Amanda instead. He still hadn’t decided what to say to her. Nothing had changed between the time he had left and now, so he couldn’t declare his love for Amanda or offer her any kind of a future.
So what is my purpose in going back? Buck asked himself. He’d convinced himself that he was returning to the Nez Percé camp so he wouldn’t have to spend the winter alone, but Buck knew the real reason he was going back was to see Amanda.
“What am I hopin’ for?” he muttered. “Do I think if I stick around long enough she’ll accept me the way I am, and won’t expect me to convert to Christianity?”
With hooves pawing at the snow, Buck’s horse snorted, obviously impatient to go. Despite his own energy waning, all Buck could think about was getting back to the Nez Percé camp.
“Okay, okay, let’s be on our way,” Buck said, giving the reins a snap.
Dusty moved forward, but his hooves slipped on a frozen rock, partially hidden beneath the snow. Before Buck could intervene, horse and rider were sliding down the hill. Buck tightened his legs, gripping Dusty’s middle, and hoping to keep his balance. But the hill was too steep, as the horse whinnied and labored, slowly losing the battle to stay upright. Unable to hang on, Buck fell off the horse, and as he landed, Dusty lost his footing and rolled over on top of him, with most of his weight on Buck’s leg.
Buck groaned as his leg started to throb, fearing the worst, not only for himself, but for Dusty. What was I thinking, pushing my horse like that? He was almost sure his leg was broken. The pain was so intense he feared he might pass out. Miraculously, the horse stood up, shaking his mane, and Buck was relieved to see that, except for some blood coming from a cut above Dusty’s back leg, the horse seemed to be unharmed.
Buck, on the other hand, didn’t fare so well. He became instantly nauseous, seeing the bone showing through the skin on his leg through a tear in his leggings. What was he going to do now? He couldn’t put any weight on it. He needed something to pull himself up so he could get back on the horse. But short of a miracle, he didn’t see how that was going to happen, because there wasn’t even a twig within his reach. Buck was certain that if he stayed here on the cold, snow-covered ground too long, he would freeze to death.
The longer Buck lay there, the worse he felt. Shivering against the cold and feeling somethi
ng warm and sticky on his forehead, he reached up to touch it. When Buck withdrew his hand and saw blood, he knew it wasn’t just his leg that had been injured. For some reason, though, his head didn’t hurt. Maybe the cold had numbed the pain.
Kree-e-e-e-e … Kree-e-e-e-e … Kree-e-e-e-e …
Through squinted eyes, Buck looked up and saw his winged friend circling overhead. He felt even more nauseous and woozy and knew he was losing consciousness. The last thing Buck remembered was the red hawk swooping down, landing on his chest, and then flying off again. As blackness overtook him, Buck was sure all hope was lost.
Kree-e-e-e-e … Kree-e-e-e-e … Kree-e-e-e-e …
Gray Eagle looked up and spotted a red-tailed hawk circling overhead. Then it swooped down, just missing his head.
“I wonder what is going on with that hawk,” Gray Eagle’s companion, White Foot, said.
“I am not sure.” Gray Eagle watched as the hawk flew up toward the hill in front of them and circled some more. After two or three times of circling, it swooped down again, screeching as it passed by Gray Eagle’s head, so close he could have reached out and touched it.
“Look up there!” White Foot pointed to the hill, where a buckskin horse stood on the edge of a cliff.
Gray Eagle shielded his eyes from the glare of the sun hitting the snow and looked in that direction. “I can’t be sure from here, but that looks like Buck McFadden’s horse. I think we should go check it out.”
“I thought you said Buck had gone back to his home in the mountains,” White Foot said.
“He did, but maybe something happened to him and his horse wandered off. You can stay here if you want to, but I’m going to take a look.” Gray Eagle snapped his horse’s reins and headed for the hill. He was glad when he looked over his shoulder and saw his friend following. If there was any kind of trouble ahead, it would be better if there were two of them.
Woman of Courage Page 26