by N. Mashiro
Magazine: Roll it up into a tight baton, then stab and hammer with the ends. You can swat with it but the effect is minimal except against eardrums (and flies). If the magazine is too small to be effective, roll it up tightly and then bend it in half. The folded end is amazingly solid.
Matchbox: I n Fai rbai rn's combat text Get Tough! there is an amusing suggestion that you can kill an enemy soldier by whacking him in the side of the head with a 2" box of wooden matches. Fai rbai rn says to clench the matchbox in your fist and strike a hammer-like blow on the soldier's temple. The blow could easily kill the soldier, but it is the fist, not the matchbox, which does the damage. This illustrates a very important point about certain makeshift weapons. In many cases the real function of the "weapon" is to convince you that you are not hitting the enemy with your bare hand. If you believe that you are striking with some object (no matter how puny) you lose your fear of hurting your hand. Asa result you hit a lot harder. Karate artists train for many months before learning to suppress their fear of self-injury, which then allows them to split boards, crack stones, break bricks and crush skulls with their bare hands. You can make this powerful advantage work for you simply by holding anything in your hand while you strike. Even a matchbox. It really works.
Mirror: A large mirror is raw material for a glass dagger (see glass). A smaller face mirrorwith a handle is a pretty good club. Use the narrow edge like a hatchet on the opponent's wrists and face.
Mouthwash: Slosh it or spit it into the opponent's eyes. Then hit him with the bottle.
Newspaper. Best when rolled into a tight cylinder about 15 inches long and 2 inches in diameter. A rolled newspaper is effective for swatting at incoming punches and knife attacks, but its real strength lies in jabs with the end of the roll. The end of a tightly rolled newspaper is very hard and strong. It makes a big impression when jabbed stiffly into someone's groin, solar plexus, throat or eye. For variety, you can smack him over the ear with it and break his eardrum.
Notebook: The blue, canvas-covered 3-ring binder favored by high school and college students. Held with two hands it can be used as a shield to fend off fist, knife and club attacks. From the same position you can counterattack by ramming the spine of the notebook up under the attacker's chin or nose. Onehanded, the notebook can be swung like an axe at the face, forearms, or side of the neck. Turned inside-out, the open half-rings of the binder form formidable claws when jammed into an attacker's face.
Onion: Der gas warfare! Under the right circumstances a hot onion could provide an opening for an attack against your kidnappers or guards. A handful of minced onion forcefully applied to the face can blind and choke the victim temporarily. (At least long enough for you to blind or choke him permanently.)
Oven Cleaner: Especially the spray kind. Extremely caustic. Don't get any on yourself while you are spraying it on everybody else.
Paint: Once again, it's best in a spray can but an open bucket will do. Paint has all the advantages of other spray products in terms of blinding the opponent, but it also marks him. If you dump a bucket of orange paint on the kidnapper's head and run outside into the street, he probably won't follow. It's very difficult to remain inconspicuous when you are bright green, for instance.
Paperweight: Almost any kind of paperweight is small enough, hard enough and heavy enough to be used as a bludgeon. You can smash a skull with it, to put it bluntly.
Paring Knife: A small, short-bladed kitchen knife should be used only for slashing at the face and hands, or possibly for stabbing into the throat. The blade is not long enough or strong enough for stabbing into the abdomen and rib cage.
Pen: Held like a knife it can be used for jabbing at the eyes, throat and the nerves under the ears (see Black Medicine Vol. I for details). When clenched in the fist it can be driven through the cranial wall by a fist-hammer attack. For the adept, there are many nerve attacks which use the pen as a deep probe. One example would be to strike backward with the pen into the assailant's inguinal triangle when embraced from behind.
Pen Knife: A very small pocket knife. Useless as a knife, it can still serve as a weapon when wielded like a pen (see above).
Pencil: Like a pen (see above) but more pointed for deeper penetrating, and more brittle (which means less power). A pencil is best for stabbing at the eyes and the hollow of the throat. Also good for attacking the eardrum. Cannot be driven through the skull wall except occasionally at the temple.
Penlight: Almost as good as a pen for power blows (see pen). A penlight has the added advantage of its beam of bright light. If the fracas occurs after dark you can dazzle your opponent's vision by keeping the beam focused on his eyes. Squinting into the light he will have trouble seeing your kick coming until too late.
Pepper: What kind of brutish kidnapper wouldn't allow you some pepper for your food? Be casual. "Pass the pepper, please." Pretend there is something wrong with the shaker. Unscrew the lid and sling the contents in his face. Overturn the table in his lap or slug him with the shaker for good measure.
Picture Frame: A typical picture frame consists of four stout pieces of wood tacked together at the corners. Take the picture down from the wall and kick out the center. Smash the corner of the frame against the floor and pry off a nice club with a sharply pointed end.
Pill Bottles: The bottle itself can be clenched in the fist as a weapon, or you can dump the pills in the kidnapper's coffee. Improvise! Dump most of a bottle of aspirin down the toilet, and then claim you swallowed it. Act drowsy and increasingly uncoordinated. Then, while the kidnappers are frantically trying to revive you ... attack.
Pillow: In the movies you always see the bad guy suffocate the helpless hospital patient with a pillow. People who have really tried it will tell you that suffocation by pillow is a long and horrible process, involving pulmonary convulsions, vomiting, and the ever-present possibility that the victim may get in a lucky punch and turn the tables on you. My advice is to use a pillow only as a shield against a fist or knife attack (see coat).
Pingpong Paddle: Chop with the edge of the blade, or hammer with the base of the handle. Don't swat, it doesn't work.
Pipe (Plumbing): An 18 inch length of lead pipe makes a deadly bludgeon. It's slow to swing but it does appalling damage.
Pipe (Smoking): Hold it like a pistol and jab at the eyes with the stem, or grasp the stem in your fist and hammer with the bowl. Don't overlook the possibility of casting the coal or ashes into the opponent's eyes as an opening gambit.
Pistol: Here's some advice regarding taking a pistol away from your attacker ... don't. Unless you know exactly what you are doing, and the opponent is a total fool, such an attempt is suicidal. Then again, if it looks like you are going to die anyway, what would you have to lose? We'll assume that somehow you are engaged in hand-to-hand combat and there is a pistol in your hand. If the pistol is loaded, shoot somebody. You can see that a revolver is loaded by glancing in the front of the cylinder ... not the barrel. In an automatic pull the slide back and look inside. Or just point it at the bad guy and pull the trigger. If it's loaded it will fire. If not you can use the pistol as a makeshift weapon three ways. Hold it normally and jab at the solar plexus, throat or eyes with the muzzle. If it's a revolver, you can hold it by the barrel and swing the butt like a hammer at the opponent's head. An automatic should be held by the slide to strike with the rear sight. (See Figure 31.)
Pitchfork: A man holding a pitchfork can be very intimidating. Just don't forget that the handle makes a more versatile weapon than the tines.
Phonograph Records: Can be thrown like a frisbee or a dinner plate, and can also be broken if you need something sharp and pointed.
Plate: A ceramic or heavy plastic dinner plate can be held to deliver vicious chopping blows with the edge. Keep this in mind when your kidnappers bring you your dinner.
Pocket Knife: The effectiveness of a pocket knife depends mainly on its size. A small knife (21/2 inch blade) can be used for slashing, but it is better to use the body of the knife
like a pen (see above) for hammer-like blows to the skull, collarbone and ribs. A larger knife with a locking 4 or 5 inch blade can be used for actual knife dueling if you are so inclined.
Poker: If there is a fireplace in the room there is probably a cast iron poker, too. Most pokers are about a foot and a half long with an iron point and a recurved hook. You can swing a poker like a club or (obviously) you can poke with it. The most vicious attack is to snap the poker up into the opponent's groin, then rip it straight out with the hook turned up.
Pool Ball: The balls on a pool table can be used like baseballs (see above) for throwing, but the fact that they are usually found in groups of a dozen or more lends them to rapid-fire throwing. Aim at the face or groin.
Pool Cue: A hardwood pool cue is an excellent lance-like staff. Hold it with the heavy end forward so you can rap it sideways as well as jab with the end. Oriental stick fighting techniques are well documented, and you should study them if you spend a lot of time in sleazy pool halls.
Fig. 31: When your automatic pistol is out of ammo, don't hesitate to hammer with it. A blow to the temple is especially lethal (top left). Striking with the pistol's rear sights intensifies the power of the blow (top right). The hooked shape of a revolver can be useful for catching the opponent's hand, and the butt is well-known for its hammer-like qualities (below left). A very effective move is to ram the pistol barrel into the opponent's solar plexus (below right).
Powdered Soap: Powdered laundry detergent is even better than pepper as an eye and nose irritant. Throw a handful in the face of your assailant the next time you get mugged at the laundromat.
Purse: Even if you aren't in the habit of carrying a purse the odds are that someone close by will have one when trouble starts. Use it as a shield (see notebook and coat) or glance inside for a comb, pocket knife or pen.
Rake: The lighter the better. Use a rake like a broom to lunge and strike at the opponent's face, throat, and forearms. The teeth of the rake can be punishing when swept across the opponent's face, or they may be employed to scoop and throw a mixture of dirt and leaves into his eyes. Once again, remember to hold the rake with the handle toward the enemy. The handle is a better weapon than the teeth.
Rattail File: I once had a brief infatuation with knifethrowing, during which I discovered that a rattail file from the tool chest makes an excellent throwing spike. Throw it underhand with the sharp tang forward. At ranges of six to ten feet you can drive that tang up to an inch into a pine board. Aim for the opponent's face.
Razor Blade: A slash with a razor blade can sever tendons in the wrist, spill an impressive quantity of the opponent's blood, or even sever the carotid artery and jugular vein. Wrap a scrap of paper around the rear edge of the blade to protect your fingers while you attack.
Rifle: A rifle or shotgun is a deadly weapon even without any ammunition. As with the pistol the first thing to do is to bluff that the gun is loaded. Failing that, use the muzzle to drive lance-like attacks into the enemy's face and body. Follow through with smashing strokes from the butt of the piece. Don't forget that even the middle of a rifle can be used for blows up under the jaw or into the face.
Rocks: One of man's oldest weapons. Used for throwing and hammering like baseballs, paperweights and pool balls. Rocks have an added advantage of being found almost everywhere outdoors, usually associated with useful amounts of dirt. Use the two together for a combined diversion and attack.
Rolling Pin: The symbol of the domineering wife. Using a rolling pin as a makeshift weapon has a unique advantage. We have all seen the image of the wife beating the husband over the head so often that when you pick up a rolling pin your opponent will expect the stereotype attack. That's fine. Raise the rolling pin high in the air as if about to swing at his head. Then while he is staring at it you can kick him in the groin. If he succeeds in blocking the kick he'll have to look down first. That's when you swing the pin!
Rug: A small throw rug can be used like a coat or bath towel or you can try the old trick where you jerk the rug out from under the other guy's feet. It takes good timing but it can be done.
Salt: It isn't as irritating as pepper but it can be used in almost the same way. Another possibility is to substitute salt for sugar in the guards' sugar bowl. Be ready to move when one of them suddenly chokes on his coffee.
Safety Razor: The old-fashioned kind with the flat steel top should be gripped crosswise in the fist, the stem between the middle and ring fingers and the head forming a shield in front of the knuckles. Use like brass knuckles. Alternately, you can grip it with the head protruding from the bottom of the fist for hammer blows.
Saucer: A small plate. A saucer should be held edgewise for chopping to put a sharp edge on a palm-heel attack. Rest the edge of the saucer across the palm of your hand with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other. Now ram it up under the opponent's nose as hard as you can.
Saw: Any kind of handsaw. Slash with the teeth atthe adversary's face, neck, and especially his hands.
Scissors: Best for jabbing. Hold the scissors locked open as far as they will go and stab with the sharply pointed blade. You can also hold the scissors normally, open them about 2 inches, and stab for the eyes.
Screwdriver: A weapon which can be found in most kitchens and all workshops. Hold it normally to stab with the bit or hammer with the base of the handle. Reverse your grip to swing the handle like a club.
Sex: Feigned sexual acquiescence to a rapist can be a powerful weapon for a young woman. I am reminded of one resourceful lady who "gave in" enthusiastically, and right in the middle of giving the rapist a good time suddenly yanked his testicles down to his knees and let them snap up again like a windowshade. She walked away unharmed.
Fig. 32: "What did you say, stranger?" Even though pictured here as a cutting implement, a shovel is more versatile as a staff. While the opponent is warily watching the blade you can rap him on the head with the handle!
Shit: There is an old story about an oriental warrior who made a mess in his pants, let it slide down his pant leg, and then kicked it into the face of his enemy as a diversion. Just keep in mind the fact that if your place of confinement doesn't contain any dirt to throw in the kidnapper's face, you can always make some!
Shoes: Shoes make any kind of kick more penetrating and effective. They can also be thrown, or used as clubs or hammers. High-heeled shoes are especially effective for hammer-like blows. Ripping the heel off of a shoe gives you a convenient tiger-paw studded with short, sharp nails.
Shoestring: Use it to secure a prisoner by tying his thumbs together behind his back. If the shoestrings are strong enough you can use them to form a trip line or garrote.
Shovel: Unlike a broom or rake, a shovel has a strong cutting edge which can be used in combat. The shovel blade may be used for thrusting, sideways chopping, or blows with the flat side. Of course, it's only natural to scoop dirt in the opponent's face. For fast surprise attacks always use the handle, not the blade. The guy who is making you dig your own grave will be wary of the shovel blade, but will relax a little when you turn it away from him. That's when you ram the handle into his gut. (See Figure 32.)
Silver Dollars: Real silver dollars are heavy discs of metal which can be thrown hard at an opponent's face with a significant possibility of doing some damage. With a little practice you can lodge a silver dollar in a pine board (edge-on) just like a small knife. Some people carry their silver dollars in small leather drawstring bags which they hang from their belts. When swung by the drawstring this change purse becomes a formidable blackjack. And there is one big advantage. The government can't possible outlaw carrying concealed money, now can they?
Ski Poles: Ski poles make good substitutes for rapiers, short lances, or canes. If you pry the basket off the end you can stab deeply with them, and they are easy to use in a whipping motion. Reverse the pole and strike with the handle for more powerful sideways or downward blows. (See cane.)
Ski Wax: Use it like a bar of
soap to make an improvised blackjack.
Skis: You would think that a fighter wearing skis would be fatally handicapped, but it isn't necessarily true. The length of the ski gives tremendous range and penetration to both front and back kicks. You can kick the point of the ski into an opponent's groin or abdomen as much as six or seven feet away. And the effect which the sharp outer edge of a ski has on someone's shin is devastating. If you have time to take the skis off, you can use one quarterstaff style for lunging and battering at the opponent.
Socks: Can be used as a garrote if long enough. Best employed as part of a sock-and-soap blackjack (see bar of soap).
Spoon: Use it to gouge at the opponent's eyes and nerve centers.
Staff: When people go hiking in the mountains they frequently carry with them a hiking staff, a length of one-inch diameter branch or pole for leaning on or for clubbing snakes. It's very good for clubbing two-legged snakes, too, and in the hands of a skilled fighter it makes a man more than a match for half a dozen unarmed antagonists. No wonder the ancient Chinese monks carried them everywhere.
Stairway: If you are being escorted up a stairway pretend to trip on the risers. Catch yourself on your hands and kick viciously backward into the guard's groin or knees. Make him fall backward down the stairs, then leap down on him heels first. If you are being herded down the stairs, suddenly drop down on your heels and jerk the guard's feet out from under him. Lift them high enough to see that he catches some steps in the back of the head.
Stool: A small stool is used as a shield (see chair) or as a club. It is also possible to sling a stool along the ground into the opponent's legs.
Swimming Pool: Throw a body block and spill your guard into the pool. If he fires his gun with the barrel full of water he'll regret it. Deeply.
Table Knife: Unless it is a steak knife it won't be of much use for slashing or stabbing. The best approach is to use the base of the handle for striking hammer blows to the temple and collarbone.