It was Zack’s twenty-ninth birthday last month and I had no idea what I could buy him for a gift. In the end I decided on a pair of white gold cufflinks which I had engraved with both of our initials. I couldn’t help thinking that I had made the wrong choice until I saw his face when he opened them. Zack wears them every single day when he goes to work so I guess I must have made the right choice.
He actually took my breath away last night when he suddenly announced what he had planned for us. Zack decided it was time for us to go and revisit our special spot by the lake, the place he first took me to confess his growing feelings for me when he was still engaged to my sister. I even went back to the lake myself the night before I spent my first night with Zack in the hotel we stayed in. I remember feeling so desolate and alone, struggling to understand how I was actually going to go through with our agreement to sleep together. Looking back, we were so naive to actually believe that sleeping together would actually be enough to rid each other of our undeniable attraction to one another.
I think that’s why I was somewhat reluctant when Zack suggested that we go back there, I was worried that I would associate the place with my sadness, terrified it would dredge up the past and its painful memories.
“Please come with me.” Zack had pleaded just twenty-four hours before.
“I’m not sure.” I replied with hesitation. “What if it makes us feel worse? It’s only going to remind us about the horrible circumstances which lead us there the last time.”
“That’s why it’s so important for us to make new memories.” He argued. “I’ve always loved that place and you’re the only one I want to go there with. I don’t want you to feel as though I’m pressuring you but I really want us to go there again. I want to erase the past and start again and that new life starts now.”
I eventually gave in and agreed to us revisiting the lake. I was extremely anxious and somewhat terrified about how it would make me feel to go back there, worrying I wouldn’t even be capable of getting out of the car once we got there. However, it really wasn’t as bad as I predicted and I realised once again just how pointless worrying about things really is. Worry is a burden and all it does it cause you to feel pain, it sucks the joy out of everything you do and this is why all of my energy now goes into battling my anxiety about things. I know I have a long way to go but I’m convinced I will get there in the end.
“I don’t know what you were thinking the last time you brought me here.” I said, taking hold of his hand as we walked by the edge of the water.
We arrived just as the sun was about to set and the spectacular view reminded me of the nights we spent on the beach when we were on vacation. Of course the weather is much colder now we’re back in the UK but I can already sense that springtime is in the air, it’s just around the corner and I cannot wait to enter into a new season. I dislike everything about winter and I can’t wait to see the back of it.
“God knows... I must have been half crazy to take such a risk. I originally brought you here with one intention and that was to make you see that we had to be together. At the time I thought I would only ever get to spend one night with you, I truly thought it was the only way I could make any of it better.”
“You thought the only way to get over what we had already started to feel for one another was to have sex?” I asked incredulously, raising my eyebrow at him in disbelief.
“I know it sounds crazy.”
“It really does.”
“All I cared about back then was being with you. Nothing else mattered to me. There were even a few times I felt like I actually came close to losing my mind.” He admitted, circling his arms around me so he could bring me close. “I only ever felt that way when I thought I had come close to losing you. I still don’t think I would be able to carry on if that ever happened. I’d probably go insane.”
“Don’t say that!” I chastised him, inhaling deeply as I buried my face against his chest.
“It’s true. You’re a part of me, Sam. Without you, I would have lost the centre of myself. It would be like asking me to live without my soul and I can’t do that. Just like I can’t live without you.”
I gazed up at him, searching the depth of his brown eyes. They often changed colour depending on the sunlight and I could see flecks of hazel in them as I allowed myself to become lost in their transcendence.
“We’re forever, Zack. I made a vow to myself on the night you found me and turned up at my apartment. I knew then that I no longer have the strength to exist if we’re apart.”
“You promise? I can’t lose you again, Sam. I can’t go through the agony of you leaving.”
“Zack, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll convince you of that someday but until then… try and trust me.”
“I do trust you, baby.”
“Good. Now let’s hurry back home so you can warm me up.” I joked, racing him back towards the car.
He beat me by a mile but by the time I reached his Audi, I didn’t care. I was laughing so hard and out of breath from our short run, happy and amazed that I actually dreaded the thought of coming back to our special place.
Ours.
Just as it will always be.
It was later on that night when I was closing the bedroom curtains that I felt it. Someone watching me. I peered out into the darkness, observing every corner of our apartment complex but saw nothing. I shrugged it off and put it down to feeling tired but a part of me still senses that my instincts had got it right.
I was being watched.
It took me a long time to fall asleep because I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. My eyes kept glancing towards the window, trying to ignore the eerie voice inside my head which was telling me to check again.
I don’t know why I didn’t mention it to Zack. I suppose a part of me was fearful he wouldn’t take my concern seriously. However, there was also another part of me which was scared that he would.
I eventually fell asleep in the early hours of the morning and now that it’s time to wake up, I can’t even bring myself to open my eyes. My exhaustion is intense, threatening to keep me in bed until noon and ruin any plans we might have made to wake up early today.
“Birthday girl, wake up.” Zack whispers, bringing me back to the present as he kisses my forehead gently.
“Zack...” I complain tiredly. “Give me five more minutes.”
“If you don’t wake up within five seconds, I’m going to start singing happy birthday to you.” He threatens me, awaiting my response.
My eyes snap open, horrified by the very idea of him serenading me, even if it is in a joking manner. I hate being the centre of attention and I don’t think that’s something which is ever going to change.
“Ok, ok. I’m awake.” I say, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes before running my fingers through my unruly, messed-up hair.
It’s always been impossible to control when I wake up on a morning so I know I don’t exactly look my best right now. Zack’s appearance is immaculate as per usual. His short brown hair is still damp so I guess he must have just got out of the shower. He’s also shirtless, wearing only a pair of black jogging bottoms which emphasise his toned, muscular and athletic physique. His skin smells so clean and fresh, his masculine scent is enough to cause my heart rate to increase and an intense fluttering in my stomach. I still don’t know what he sees in someone as plain and insignificant as I am but for some reason Zack seems to find me irresistible, just like he always has done.
I don’t think we’ve gone a single day without making love since he turned up at my apartment all of them months ago in October.
“Sam, I can’t wait much longer...” He groans, placing his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to wake me. “I need you to open your present.”
“You’re like a big kid.” I say, smiling warmly. “Are you really so excited to give me my gift?”
“Yes and if you open your eyes you will see why.” He says confidently.
“Ok
but I need coffee before you can convince me to do anything.”
“Already on it. The kettle just boiled.” He informs me, walking out of the bedroom towards the kitchen.
“Wow, you really are the perfect boyfriend, huh?” I laugh, sitting up in bed.
“It’s your birthday so I don’t even need an excuse to spoil you.” He tells me, tapping the bedroom door open with his foot as he enters, carrying two mugs of coffee in each hand.
I take one from him before he leaves once again, enjoying the burning sensation my hot drink brings me as I take my first sip. I’m alert, rejuvenated and entirely wake by the time Zack steps back into the bedroom with one hand held behind his back.
“Are you ready?” He asks, struggling to contain his excitement.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I reply, grinning up at him.
“Ok, I just want to say something to you before you open your present. I need you to know that this gift is yours but only when you want it. I don’t want you to panic, freak out, run away or turn me down, ok? I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed or scared by this because like I said… it doesn’t have to be now. This is yours and it belongs to you if and when you’re ready for it.”
“Zack…” I murmur softly, shaking my head in denial.
“It’s alright. I promise you.” He assures me, tucking a strand of my blonde hair behind my ear. “Open it.”
He takes my trembling hand, placing in it a small, beautifully gift-wrapped present. My breath hitches as my palms begin to sweat, fighting the uncontrollable apprehension that’s already started to build up inside of me.
“I… I don’t think I can.” I confess, fighting the insurmountable fear that’s threatening to take hold of me.
“You can, baby. Trust me.”
“Zack, I-I’m not ready for-”
“Shh, I know.” He soothes me, stroking my hair back from my face. “I know you’re not ready and that’s why I wanted you to know that this is yours, only when you’re ready. When you feel like you can accept it. Open it, Samantha. Please.”
I nod my head slowly and take a deep breath, moistening my lips before my fingers start to unwrap the light blue paper. Deep down I know what’s inside and I don’t know whether I should feel jubilant or fearful about it.
I close my eyes as I remove the last piece of paper, taking note of the jewellers name stamped across the front of the small box. I look at Zack for confirmation and he gives me a reassuring smile, providing me with the courage to open the final part of my gift.
Sure enough there is a breathtakingly beautiful ring inside. It sparkles as it catches the light which continues to peek in through our large bay window and it looks small enough to match my ring size. I have no clue how he managed to find out what size I am but I can tell by looking at it that it would be a perfect fit.
“I-it’s beautiful.” I stammer, grappling with the knowledge that Zack has just presented me with an engagement ring for my birthday.
“I’m glad you like it.” He replies happily, taking the box from me so he can remove the ring from it. “Why don’t you try it on?”
I glance down at my left hand in uncertainty, wondering if I really am ready to take such a huge step, even if it is just to see if Zack bought the right size ring.
“Why don’t you try it on your right hand? That way you won’t feel pressurised or under any obligation to say yes.” He chuckles lightly, offering me a dazzling smile.
He removes the ring from the box and slips it on the ring finger of my right hand instead. I can’t help the small gasp that escapes me when I take a look at it. It’s astoundingly beautiful and anyone in their right mind would be absolutely thrilled to be the recipient of such an exquisite gift.
Anyone except me.
“Zack, it really is an incredible ring. It’s beyond anything I’ve ever imagined but-”
“I know, Samantha. I know you’re not ready and if I’m being entirely honest with you, I’m not sure I am myself. The reason I bought it for you is because I want you to know how committed I am to you. I’m here. I’ll always be here and I won’t be going anywhere. This engagement ring is yours and it’s going to stay in this box until you’re ready for it. I’m going to offer it to you each and every year on your birthday from now on, even if it takes you ten years to say yes. We belong together and I can only wish that this was my first time proposing to someone. What I can promise you is that it will be the last.”
“Zack, I don’t know what to say.” I whisper faintly, utterly amazed and overwhelmed by his gesture.
“Just promise me that you will say yes to me one day. It doesn’t have to now, next year or the year after that. Just… someday.”
“I promise.”
“Come here.” He growls, taking me by surprise.
I squeal with delight as he pushes me back onto the bed. His hands caress my body as he nuzzles against my neck, inhaling deeply and groaning with desire.
“Mmmmmm that feels nice.” I moan seductively, arching my back as I close my eyes.
“I have one more present for you.” Zack murmurs, trailing kisses across the sensitive skin on my neck.
“Oh, really?” I enquire. “And what might that be?”
“I’ve booked us a hotel room for tonight. It’s actually the same hotel that we stayed in when we spent our first night together.” He informs me, squeezing my upper thigh in a possessive manner.
I freeze, opening my eyes as I turn to face him.
“Are you serious?” I ask him in disbelief.
“I’ve even arranged for us to stay in the same room as before. I remember how much you liked it the last time we were there.” He carries on, oblivious when it comes to my apprehension.
“Won’t that feel a little strange? You and I spending the night together in the same room that we were unfaithful in?” I say doubtfully.
“I don’t see it like that. Some of the greatest moments of my life were spent in that hotel room. It’s the place where I first figured out that I was in love with you and I just want to recreate something magical for you on your birthday. You were worried about going back to the lake with me last night and it was ok, wasn’t it?”
“Yes… but-”
“But nothing. We’re going to have a wonderful time and make new memories together. Memories that aren’t tainted by guilt, shame or regret. It’s our fresh start and I want to enjoy every single second of it with you.” He concludes decidedly.
Of course he managed to persuade me and I happily agreed after we spent most of the morning in bed together. Zack also told me how he’s planned for us to dine in the hotel’s five star restaurant this evening and that’s when I started to panic. I already knew I had nothing to wear for such a fancy occasion and practically begged Zack to run me into town a little earlier than I first planned on going.
My earlier arrangements included meeting up with Audrey for an early lunch date and I also figured that she would help me look for something suitable to wear afterwards. I called her ahead of our meeting and she happily agreed, letting me know that she was already on her way into town.
We were just about to step out of our apartment when Zack spots a birthday card waiting for me on the front door mat.
“Looks like this is for you.” He says, handing me the pink envelope.
“It can’t be. No one besides Audrey knows I live here now.” I say, frowning down at the bright coloured card.
“Maybe it’s off her?”
“She didn’t say anything to me about posting a card. Besides, I’m about to meet up with her in less than half an hour. Why would she bother posting me one?”
“Well, just open it and find out who it’s from.” He urges me, standing directly behind me so he can look over my shoulder.
Curiosity gets the better of me as I tear open the envelope, struggling to understand who it could be from. The writing on the front of the card says ‘To a Special Friend’ and that’s when I realise who must have sent it.
Jason.
I’m reluctant to open the card now I’ve figured out my old friend is the one to contact me. I know how Zack feels about Jason and don’t wish to start anything unpleasant on my birthday.
“Sam? Aren’t you going to read what’s inside?” Zack prompts me, breathing heavily behind me.
“I think I know.” I murmur softly.
“Let me see.”
He snatches the card out of my grasp and reads what’s inside. There must be quite a long message because he takes several seconds to show it to me.
Dear, Sam…
I know this birthday card will come as a bit of a shock to you. To be honest, I’m surprised at myself for sending it. I know it’s been months since we last spoke and I know you have a new life now with Zack. A life you are no doubt happy with. I also know it’s not fair of me to send this now and the reason behind it is purely selfish. You see, the truth is… I miss you. I miss you so much that it hurts. You were my best friend. I still think of you as my best friend even though we’ve been apart for months. I long to speak to you and for us to reconcile what went wrong between us. I take full responsibility for what happened and all I can say is… I’m sorry. I apologise for everything I ever did that hurt you and I’m sorry for the lies I told you about Zack and Rachel. I thought you would turn to me for support if you thought they were back together and even though the reasons behind my lie are beyond pathetic, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I love you and I miss you, Sam. I don’t want to lose my best friend forever and this is why I’ve chosen to reach out to you now. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and get everything you want. I’m always here for you, Sam. Please call me. I’ll meet you anytime, anywhere. I mean it. I want this to be a fresh start for us.
Love always, Jason. X
“Wow, I don’t know what to say.” I confess, reluctant to break my gaze with Jason’s hand-written apology.
Now It's Just Us (Wrong Girl Book 2) Page 6