by Marie Landry
I laughed under my breath. “Pretty good. You?”
He nodded. “I’ve been called worse,” he said solemnly.
I burst out laughing, startling the nurses in the doorway.
“Okay, you two lovebirds,” Natalie said, turning the light on and coming into the room. “Dinner’s going to be here in a few minutes and I wanted to see how you’re feeling.”
Nicholas looked at me as he answered. “Doing good,” he said.
I wondered how long that would be the answer. For now, all I knew was that we had survived day one of chemo.
*****
The next morning before leaving for Maltonville, I stopped at Riverview’s independent bookstore and bought the entire set of Harry Potter books for Nicholas. He had told me repeatedly that they were some of the best books he’d ever read, so I was surprised when I checked his shelves at home and discovered he didn’t own them. I had never read them, but I planned to read them out loud to Nicholas to pass the time.
He was thrilled to receive them, and I was rewarded with big smiles and a face full of kisses. When it was time for chemo, I started to read the first book while Nicholas reclined in his seat and listened to me, interjecting once in a while to tell me about his favourite parts. I would occasionally glance up from the pages to see him watching me with a look of complete adoration, and would have to fight around the lump in my throat to continue.
When Natalie came in and saw what we were reading, she told us she would bring the Harry Potter movies for us and we could watch them in the lounge down the hall from Nicholas’s room. So, that’s how we spent the next two days: chemotherapy late in the morning, lunch and a nap for Nicholas in the early afternoon, then the rest of the day reading and watching movies.
I returned home every night after eating dinner with Nicholas, and on Friday when I arrived Doctor Roy gave me a quick check-up and said I was doing fine. He was also pleased with Nicholas’s progress and pleasantly surprised with how well he was adjusting to the chemotherapy. So far, the only side effect he had experienced was fatigue.
On Saturday morning Roy was back at the hospital to check on Nicholas again before signing him out for the weekend. He made Nicholas promise to relax and avoid situations where he would be exposed to groups of people, or ‘germ carriers’ as Roy called them.
“You call me if you need anything. I’ll be in Riverview all weekend, so I’ll be no more than a five-minute drive away. Be back here at the hospital Monday morning by 10 a.m. And I have to warn you, if it looks like you’ve overdone it I won’t be able to let you out of the hospital next weekend.”
Roy said all this with a stern face, but I knew he was pleased that Nicholas felt well enough to be released for the weekend.
“Yes, sir,” Nicholas said, giving Roy a cheeky salute before sitting in the wheelchair one of the nurses rolled around. We had been warned that wheelchairs were hospital policy for any patient leaving, and Nicholas, with his usual good humour, had shrugged it off as if it was no big deal.
Roy shook his head and finally gave a small smile as he rolled Nicholas toward the elevator. He waited with him at the front of the hospital while I drove the car around, then opened the passenger door for him and made sure he got in without incident. Nicholas rolled his window down, and we listened to a similar speech as the one upstairs about taking it easy over the next two days.
From the minute I drove the car out of the hospital parking lot, Nicholas and I were like giddy children who had just been released from school on summer holidays. Summer was long gone though, and the short, crisp days of autumn had settled in. Nicholas kept the window open a crack so he could breathe in the fresh air that smelled of leaves and wood smoke.
When we arrived at Daisy’s, she and Sam must have been watching for us, because the car had barely stopped moving before they were out the door, helping Nicholas from the car and taking his bags. They ushered us into the house, welcoming Nicholas as if he’d been gone for months instead of just a week. By the way Nicholas pressed his lips together to hide a smile, I could tell he was enjoying all the attention.
When we stepped inside he made a production of looking around, and said, “What, no welcome home banner?”
Daisy and Sam laughed. “Well, we thought about it, but decided it would be a bit much,” Sam said, patting Nicholas on the back. I noticed that he and Daisy had been touching Nicholas in some form since the minute they opened the car door—a hand on his shoulder, an arm slung around him, a pat on the back. Sometimes I wondered how I’d managed to live my entire life without being surrounded by all this love and affection.
The four of us spent the rest of the morning sitting around the living room talking and laughing. It felt like any other normal Saturday except for the times I noticed Nicholas stifling a yawn or struggling to keep his eyes open. Daisy had made homemade carrot and sweet potato soup early that morning, and it was simmering away on the stove, waiting for us at lunchtime along with a loaf of homemade bread. We ate in the kitchen where it was warm and smelled like home cooking, and afterward, Nicholas went up to my room to take a nap.
“He seems to be doing good,” Sam said, as he, Daisy, and I settled once again in the living room with steaming cups of coffee. “Right? That’s not just wishful thinking?”
I smiled reassuringly at Sam. “He is doing good, all things considered. So far the only side effect of the chemo is that he’s tired a lot of the time, but that’s to be expected. It’s probably the least of the possible side effects.” I could hear Roy’s voice in my head warning us that things would get worse, but I didn’t want to say that out loud and ruin the light mood.
“He’s a strong one, my boy,” Sam said, his voice thick with pride.
“The strongest,” I said, swallowing hard to fight tears when I saw that Sam’s eyes were glistening.
When we finished our coffee, Sam left to run some errands, promising to be back in a few hours with take-out. When Daisy returned from showing Sam out, she sat beside me with the length of her body pressed against my side. She put her arm around me to pull me closer, and I turned into her, resting my head on her shoulder, my arm wrapped loosely around her stomach.
“How are you doing?” she asked quietly, her hand gently stroking my hair.
“I’m fine,” I said, breathing in Daisy’s familiar scent of wild flowers with an undertone of paint, mixed in this time with a smell akin to fall—homemade soup and bread, fallen leaves, and cool autumn air.
“Mmhmm,” Daisy said, her hand stilling on my head. “Now, how are you really?”
I tilted my face up to meet Daisy’s eyes, and she smiled, her brows raised. I sighed and tucked my head back onto her shoulder. “I’m okay, honestly. Nicholas settled into the hospital really well this week, and his treatments weren’t nearly as bad as we thought they’d be.” I paused, thinking over my next words before speaking. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried. Or scared.”
I felt Daisy nod, her chin grazing the top of my head. “I know,” she said. “And this is just the beginning. Cancer is…unpredictable. But he’s got an amazing team of doctors and nurses at the hospital.” She pressed her lips to my temple and gave my shoulders a squeeze. “And he has you.”
I smiled slightly to myself. I had never been needed before coming to Riverview. Nobody had ever depended on me or taken strength from my presence. I wouldn’t have even thought I was strong enough to lend support in a situation like this, but I was discovering that love did amazing things to a person. “He has all of us,” I said. “And we have you.”
I snuggled against her, like I imagined a little child does with their mother, feeling warm and safe and protected in the embrace of someone who loves them unconditionally.
“Always,” Daisy said.
We sat like that for a while, and my eyelids grew heavier and heavier. I must have fallen asleep because my eyes flew open, and I realized by her even breathing that Daisy had fallen asleep, too. I carefully lifted her arm from
my shoulders and eased off the couch. I stood there looking at her; her beautiful face was so serene, long lashes resting against her cheeks, hair tumbling over her shoulders. I smiled, my heart so full of love it astounded me.
I experienced a momentary pang of guilt and sadness that I had never felt this way about my own mother, but I refused to dwell on it, so it passed quickly. I took the afghan from the back of the couch and draped it over Daisy, pressing a light kiss to her forehead before making my way upstairs to my bedroom.
Nicholas was asleep in my bed, his pale face as relaxed as Daisy’s had been, and I watched him for a minute, letting the feelings of love and affection wash over me and warm me. I crawled into bed and inched closer to Nicholas, laying my head close to his and putting my arm across his chest. He sighed in his sleep and angled his body toward mine, his hand coming to rest on my arm. I watched him for a moment longer before my eyes closed of their own will, and I fell asleep.
*****
Nicholas and I spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, some of it sleeping, some of it…not. When we finally got up the sky was beginning to darken, and the house was quiet. Looking out the window, I noticed Daisy’s car was gone; Sam’s truck wasn’t back yet, so we had the house to ourselves. I figured there was probably a note downstairs telling us where Daisy had gone, but Nicholas and I took the opportunity to enjoy an empty house.
Daisy and Sam returned when it was full dark, carrying bags of Chinese take-out. The four of us ate at the kitchen table, and shortly afterward the Shaw men went home. Nicholas and I had already decided it would be a good idea for him to spend a night at home with Sam and sleep in his own bed.
The minute Sam’s truck disappeared down the street, Daisy told me to get into my pajamas. She followed me up the stairs and headed for her side of the house, shoving me playfully toward mine. Laughing, I went to my room and saw a pair of brand new PJs laid out on my bed. They were purple with a multi-coloured star pattern, and were made of soft fleecy material. I changed quickly and burst into giggles when I met Daisy on the landing wearing matching pajamas, only hers were blue.
“I never had anyone to do the whole girly slumber party thing with,” Daisy explained, taking my hand and leading me down the stairs. “I know this week has been hard on you so I figured tonight would be a good night since you know Nicholas is safe at home and Sam’s there to take care of him.”
She pulled me into the kitchen and pointed to the grocery bags on the table. “While you guys were sleeping this afternoon, I went to get goodies for tonight. Every kind of candy imaginable, plus popcorn and pop, and when I saw the jammies…” She trailed off as the doorbell rang, and held up a finger to tell me to wait while she went to answer the door.
Laughing to myself, I shook my head when I thought of all Daisy’s last-minute planning to prepare a special night for me. I knew she was trying to keep my mind occupied, and I appreciated it. Even knowing that Nicholas was safe at home with Sam, I still worried about him.
“Oh man, I wish I had matching pajamas!”
I whirled around and saw Maggie standing in the kitchen doorway, a big grin on her face. I rushed to her and threw my arms around her, not realizing until that moment how much I had missed her. She and Vince had been pulling more double shifts all week, so they weren’t able to visit Nicholas in the hospital; I didn’t think I’d get to see them until the next day when I planned to invite them over for a visit.
“I hear we’re having a girl’s night,” Maggie said, holding onto me tightly. “When Daisy called this afternoon, I told her I’d have Vince drop me off right after work.” She stepped back and held up a bag from the video rental place on Main Street, and I noticed she was still in her 1950s-style diner uniform. “She said she had the junk food, so I offered to get the movies.”
“You guys!” I exclaimed, looking at the co-conspirators who were looking pretty pleased with themselves. “You’re the best. I really needed this.”
“Well, that’s what we thought,” Daisy said with a wink before turning to Maggie. “As for the matching jammies, yours are in the spare room. I got you red because I know it’s your favourite colour.”
Maggie grinned excitedly and handed the bag of movies to me. “I’m just going to take a quick shower to wash off the diner smell, then I’ll be back and we can get this party started!”
When Maggie bounded from the room, somehow still full of energy after working long hours all week, I turned to Daisy. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”
She chuckled softly and touched my face as she passed me on her way to the kitchen table. “I think I have a pretty good idea,” she said, glancing over her shoulder before turning to dump a bag of junk food on the table. “I know you didn’t get to do a lot of fun stuff like this in high school, but it’s never too late. I didn’t get to do much of it either, but being around you guys makes me feel like I’m in my teens again.”
“So we all win,” I said, going to the table and helping Daisy empty the candy into bowls.
The popcorn was ready by the time Maggie came down, and the three of us made our way into the living room in our matching pajamas. Somehow, we managed to fit side-by-side on the couch with one big blanket covering our legs. Maggie had rented some of her favourite romantic comedies, saying she thought we could use some light-hearted fun and romance, so we started with Runaway Bride. When I told her I had never seen Pretty Woman, the first movie where Richard Gere and Julia Roberts paired up, Maggie was shocked, and promised to bring it for our next movie night.
Four hours, two movies, and copious amounts of sugar later, we were all struggling to keep our eyes open. Maggie and I said goodnight to Daisy, and headed up to my room where we crawled into bed and lay shoulder-to-shoulder, like we had a few weeks before at our first sleepover.
As I remembered that night, and my worry and fear over Nicholas’s illness, I realized how different this night had been. All evening I had felt at ease for the first time in weeks. Nicholas was never far from my mind, and I missed him, but it was different knowing he was home rather than an hour away in the hospital.
There were times when I wondered if he was ever afraid being alone in Maltonville; if he ever woke up at night and forgot where he was, or if he spent time awake worrying about his future. For that night, at least, I knew he was in his own home, with his dad, sleeping in his own bed. And because of that, I had allowed myself to have fun and live a normal life for an evening.
“Thank you,” I whispered to Maggie.
She looked at me, a small smile lighting her lovely face in the darkness. I expected her to ask what I was thanking her for, but instead she just nodded as if she knew. She reached out to pat my hand before settling herself on the pillows and closing her eyes.
I smiled to myself, thinking of Nicholas at home, and fell asleep.
*****
The next day, Maggie said she should go home to give Daisy and me some time alone, but we insisted she spend the day with us. Still in our matching pajamas, we made a quick breakfast of pancakes and fruit, then squished ourselves onto the couch once again to continue watching movies.
That’s where Nicholas, Sam, and Vince found us several hours later when they arrived.
“Well, well,” Vince said, stepping into the living room and leaning against the wall, a wide grin spreading over his face. “Isn’t this a sight? Three beautiful women curled up on the couch in pajamas, watching movies at—” he paused to check his watch, “one o’clock in the afternoon.”
“You’re just jealous,” Maggie said, popping a handful of M&Ms into her mouth.
“You bet I am,” Vince said, wiggling his eyebrows, then laughing. “And I feel extremely overdressed.”
“Me too,” Nicholas said, stepping into the room. My heart gave a happy little thud at the sight of him. “We missed the memo that it was pajama day.” As he crossed the room I disentangled myself from the blankets to meet him halfway. He placed a firm, noisy kiss on my lips before circling his
arms around me and holding on tight. “Although I’ve spent the last week in pajamas, so I guess I can’t really complain.”
“Lunch is getting cold,” Sam said, walking into the room and holding up take-out bags from the diner. “Anyone who wants to eat, meet me in the dining room.”
We all trailed after Sam and helped him unpack the bags of burgers, fries, chicken fingers, and salad. “A bit of everything,” he explained as we all sat down.
It was a day for eating. We had barely finished lunch when Daisy invited everyone to stay for dinner. “We’ll have it late,” she said, when we all looked at her as though she’d lost her mind. “I was going to ask you all for dinner tonight anyway, and since you’re already here, I figured it was a sign.”
“Well I, for one, appreciate it, Daisy,” Nicholas said. “I know I won’t have much of an appetite once the effects of the chemo really start kicking in. The hospital food is pretty good but it’s nothing compared to your home cooking.”
Daisy beamed at him, and I took his hand under the table, giving it a squeeze.
We spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies, then the boys took Nicholas for a drive while the girls got dinner started. When the six of us sat down around the table to eat dinner, I looked around at the people who had become my family. My gaze always returned to Nicholas, and I would watch him as he talked and laughed with the others.
Some of the colour had returned to his face, and the dark circles under his eyes were barely noticeable. His eyes were shining and he wore a smile almost the entire evening—and not a fake smile to make us all think he was brave and strong, but a genuinely happy smile. I knew he was glad to be out of the hospital for two days, to be with the people he loved, and to be getting treatment that would hopefully put him in remission.
It was so nice to see him at ease again, and I thought how a person who didn’t know him wouldn’t even know he was sick.