CREE

by LaShawn Vasser

Cree whispered, “Melody, we’re not the same people anymore.” Her tears started to fall. “I feel like I don’t even know him. It’s like I’m running so hard to keep up but I’m always two steps behind.”

  “You two were a part for a long time. Of course, it’s going to take some adjustments and a little bit of time for things to fall into place.”

  Cree chewed her bottom lip. “I don’t know. Last night, he said something that really hurt me, but it was so true.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He said, I was a grown ass woman and to find something to do.”

  “Ouch. That was kind of harsh.”

  “But, you know what? He was right, in that, my life has revolved around Cameron for as long as I can remember. I worked myself to the bone trying to help him pay for school. I was so busy that I forgot about me, my needs, and what makes me happy. Even now, I spend my days occupying myself with stuff waiting for him to give me some of his time.”

  Cree sat down at the realization that she was twenty-eight years old and didn’t have one thing she could call her own outside of Cameron.

  Softly she began to speak. “I lived for those moments when he would come home to visit. Melody, I just realized I’m still living for moments.”

  Melody didn’t like the sound in her voice. “Cree, you’ll be starting school in what three weeks?”

  Cree laughed through her tears. “I haven’t even declared a major. I have no idea what to choose.”

  Melody knew that Cree was upset but something in her tone, made her realize this wasn’t a normal argument. This argument with Cameron felt as if it might be morphing into something life changing. “Cree, most people don’t know what they want to major in when they go to college. That’s not unusual.”

  “I’m twenty-eight and I’ve completely lost myself in Cameron’s life.” Cree bit her lip. Her head was buzzing. “I’ve got to go.”

  “Wait. Cree…”

  “I’ll call you later.” She hung up and dropped her face into her hands as she cried. “How did I get here? How did I let this happen?”

  Chapter 11

  Cree lay on the couch with the remote in her hand flipping from channel to channel. The television was on, but she had no idea what was on it. She cried all the anger away and now was numb. She had no one to blame but herself.

  For the first time, she forced herself to look at her life outside of Cameron. It was a scary place to be. It wasn’t his fault that she allowed her happiness to be dependent upon him. She heard him when he opened the door.

  When Cameron came inside, he expected her to be sitting at her machine, but instead, Cree was stretched out on the sofa. He’d had a miserable time at the game. Robert and Freddie wanted to get a drink afterwards, but Cameron just wanted to come home and make up with Cree.

  He cleared his throat as he raised a white Styrofoam container. “Hey.”

  She didn’t look up from the television. “Hey.”

  Cameron wasn’t sure if he expected Cree to still be irritated, frustrated, or even angry, but he hadn’t expected her to sound…so lifeless.

  Softly, he spoke. “I know how much you like Jack’s cheeseburgers. I brought you one.”

  “Thank you.” She hesitated. “I’ll eat it later.”

  Cameron put the container on the table then walked over to sit next to her. Since she’d taken up the entire sofa, he dropped onto the floor next to her pretty little head. That’s when he saw her red and puffy eyes.

  “Damn, Cree. You’ve been crying.” His heart felt squeezed as if someone held it in a vice.

  “I'm all right.”

  He ran his hand through his hair. “Baby, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just…”

  “You put yourself first. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s something I need to learn how to do.”

  Cameron didn’t like the sound of that. It made him feel like a selfish bastard. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  Cree started to sit up. “I know. You’ve just been working hard and wanted to hang out with your friends. I get it.”

  His eyes locked onto hers. “Then, why do I feel like I really messed up?”

  She touched the side of his cheek. “It’s fine. I needed this. I needed today. It helped me put a lot of things into perspective.”

  He spoke tentatively. “Care to share?”

  Cree smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She dropped her hands. “Maybe later.”

  Immediately, Cameron missed the contact. He didn’t want to wait, but he would be patient if that’s what she needed. “It’s only five-thirty. Do you want to get a movie or something?”

  Cree wasn’t really up for anything. She was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted.

  “I can see it in your eyes that you don’t want to go out.” He kissed her gently on the lips. “Maybe, you can let me make up for today?”

  She pulled away. “Cameron, there’s nothing to make up for.”

  “Then, why won’t you let me kiss you?”

  “I just have a lot on my mind.”

  “So, you’re still mad at me.”

  “Cameron, I’m not mad at you! And, even if I were, sex doesn’t fix everything. Every time we have a fight, you can’t expect to fix it by making love to me.”

  “I wasn’t trying to…” He pressed his lips firmly together.

  “Yes, you were.”

  “Okay, so my wife doesn’t want me to touch her. I get it.”

  Cree was furious. “No. No, you don’t get it!” She shook her head.

  Cameron was frustrated. “Then explain it to me.”

  Cree was tired of always trying to protect his feelings, even at the expense of her own. If he wanted to know, she would tell him. “Are you sure you really want to hear this?”

  He lifted a brow. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”

  “Okay. Truth? Here’s the honest truth. I feel empty on the inside. I feel like I’m stuck at age twenty-two where every thought and every decision I made was to please you. I feel like I’ve given you all of my power to be happy and that’s not your fault, it’s mine.”

  He put his hands up. “Cree…”

  “No, you wanted to know, so let me finish. I love you, but you’ve changed. You’re not that guy I married almost six years ago and that’s fine. You grew up and developed new goals, dreams, and wants. That’s how it’s supposed to work.” She swallowed, “But, I didn’t. I’m still that girl whose only goal was to be your wife. That girl who didn’t want to be the reason you didn’t achieve your dreams. But, somewhere, I lost myself. I don’t know who I am without you.”

  His heart was racing.

  Cameron’s cell phone rang. By the sound of his ringtone, it was the hospital. “I’ve got to take this call. It’s the hospital.”

  She whispered, “It’s okay.”

  “Cameron.” He looked up at Cree. Exasperated, he blew out a breath. “There’s not anyone else you can call?”

  Cree could tell he was going to have to go back to the hospital.

  He looked at his watch and then lifted sorrowful eyes to Cree. “I can be there in about an hour.” He disconnected the call. “Dammit.”

  Cameron hadn’t realized how much Cree had sacrificed for him until this moment. He touched his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go.”

  She gave him a shaky smile. “It’s fine. That’s the life of a doctor.”

  He didn’t want to leave her like this. Reluctantly, Cameron got up to change his clothes. When he came out, Cree was curled up on the sofa.

  “I’ll call you as soon as I can, and we can finish this, okay?”

  She looked up at him. “It’s fine. Whenever you get a chance.”

  He knew it wasn’t fine. It was far from fine. For now, Cameron bent low and gently placed his lips on hers.

  *****

  Cameron had been gone for about an hour when Cree decided she’d had enough of sitting
around. She’d put off doing laundry for as long as she could. It was something that would keep her busy, but it was also mindless. She didn’t want to think anymore.

  After getting everything sorted and gathering all of her laundry products, Cree went down to the laundry room in their building. It wasn’t large; there were only three washers and three dryers, but it was better than going to the laundromat, at least, today.

  “Great,” she thought. Two of the three washers were open. Cree started loading her whites when one of her neighbors walked in.

  He spoke. “Hey.”

  Cree smiled as she continued to load her machine. “Hi.” If she remembered correctly, he lived at the end of the hall with his girlfriend. He was attractive, that was for sure, even in sweats and a t-shirt. He reminded her of Adam Levine. The dark hair, dark eyes, and shadow beard.

  “I’m Evan. You live up on the fourth floor right?” He asked as he unloaded the dryer.

  He seemed friendly and had soft eyes like Cameron’s. “I’m Cree and yeah, you live down the hall from us, I think.”

  “I’ve seen you coming and going from time to time.” Evan finished unloading his clothes and sat his laundry bag down on the floor next to Cree’s other basket.

  “It’s a shame; we live right next to each other, and I’m just now getting your name. Things are so different back in Houston than they are here in New York. Everyone knows everybody.”

  “Yeah, it’s a far cry from where I’m from too. You’re from Houston?”

  Out of nowhere, his hand shot out and grabbed Cree by the neck. He threw her up against one of the washers.

  Cree clawed at his hands. She tried to pull them from around her neck, but his grip was too tight. Savagely, he pushed her legs apart and moved in-between her thighs.

  She couldn’t breathe. She could barely speak. It took her a minute to realize she was being assaulted. Oh..god. He was going to try to rape her.

  “Stop! Stop…oh god…please stop!”

  Cree tried to use her feet to kick him but she was in such an awkward position, she couldn’t raise her legs.

  “You fuckin’ bitch! Shut-up. The more you fight me, the harder this will be on you.”

  Tears started streaming down the side of her face.

  Cree pushed with all her might, but he wouldn’t budge. “Why are you doing this? Please don’t do this. Please!”

  He wouldn’t listen. Cree managed to bite him on the arm.

  SMACK! He slapped her hard, then punched her once, twice, three times in the face. She could feel her eyes start to swell and taste the blood in her mouth.

  He stuck his hands inside her yoga pants and underwear. Cree squeezed her eyes tightly as he roughly touched her in places that no man except Cameron had a right to be. Cree’s head was spinning, pounding. She was going to vomit.

  The sound of her clothes being ripped caused her to struggle harder. She screamed. He covered her mouth with one of his hands as he leaned over her. Cree would never forget the disgusting smell of his cologne.

  “Hey!” Somebody yelled. “What the hell?”

  All of a sudden, Evan was being hurled into the air. An African American man who looked like he could wrestle for the WWE pulled him off of Cree and was wailing on him. Another lady came rushing into the laundry room and over to Cree.

  Her legs would no longer support her.

  As Cree was falling to the floor, she heard the lady say, “I’m calling 9-1-1!” That was the last thing Cree remembered before everything faded to black.

  Chapter 12

  Cree’s eyes felt as if they were weighted down by boulders. She could barely open them. When she tried the pain was so intense it brought a fresh round of tears to her eyes. It wasn’t just her face that was in pain either, she hurt all over.

  She told herself to just be still…don’t move. The more the fog in her head started to clear, the more aware Cree became of her surroundings. What was that noise? With every sound, it was as if ice picks were stabbing her skull. The piercing sounds coming from who knew where were making her head hurt even worse. That chirping was the worst. If she could move, she would put her hands over her ears.

  People were talking. It was hard to make out what they were saying. Everything sounded as if it were underwater. Were they talking to her? Then someone touched her shoulder. As if by instinct, her eyes flew open. Cree screamed and started striking out at whoever it was. She wouldn’t let them lay a hand on her. Never again.

  Her voice was raw, yet she still screamed and fought. “No! Stop! Don’t…please No!”

  Someone leaned over her. “It’s okay. It's all right, Mrs. Jacobs. You’re safe! We’re here to help you.”

  Finally, though still blurry, her vision cleared somewhat. Cree looked around like a caged wild animal. There were two women dressed in what appeared to be medical clothing. She was also in a car or van, and it was moving.

  In a more soothing voice, one of them spoke again. “You’re safe Mrs. Jacobs. I’m Deena Housley, and this is my partner, Erica Dixon. You’re currently in an ambulance en route to the hospital. If you allow us, we just need to take some of your vitals. Would that be okay?”

  Cree’s chest was still heaving up and down; she was wide-eyed and frightened. Cree didn’t want anyone to touch her, so she shook her head no.

  Deena and Erica looked at one another before deciding it was probably best to let the physicians handle it; especially since she still seemed to be in shock.

  Erica whispered to Deena. “We should have Charlie radio ahead. We need to make sure they are prepared for her. Hopefully, they will have a woman doctor available for the examination. Otherwise, if they have to call someone, it’ll take longer before she can get some rest. She desperately needs it.”

  She responded, “Charlie’s a new driver. I’ll do it. Wait…didn’t he already tell the officer at the scene that we were taking her to Presbyterian?”

  “That’s right. He did.”

  “So, we’ll have to take her there anyway.”

  Cree didn’t hear their conversation. Instead, she curled up into a tiny ball and closed her eyes. She just wanted to get lost in the darkness and disappear.

  *****

  The emergency room was packed. Cameron was busy from the moment he arrived at the hospital. He hadn’t had a minute to spare to call Cree.

  Did everyone decide to get injured on his night off?

  There was no sense complaining about it. The sooner he and the medical staff took care of all the patients, the faster he could go home. Cameron was standing at the nurse’s station completing paperwork when one of the nurses remarked, “It’s crazy in here tonight, Dr. Jacobs.”

  He looked up. “Yeah, Amy, it’s definitely one of the busier nights.”

  A booming voice announced the arrival of a new patient. The paramedics wheeled someone in on a gurney. “We have a victim of a car accident. He’s a young Caucasian male in his teens with lacerations and some contusions. We don’t think anything is broken, but he was complaining of a headache.”

  Cameron rubbed the back of his neck. “Put him in room five. I think it’s open.” He double checked with Amy, and she nodded.

  As the young man was being wheeled by him, Cameron stopped the gurney to pull out his light. He studied his eyes with it. Nothing looked abnormal. He put the light back in his top pocket. “Yeah, put him in room five. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  The paramedics followed his instructions.

  “I need to take a quick break,” Cameron said to Amy. “Have someone take his vitals and I’ll be right in. Order up a cat-scan and chest x-ray too.”

  “Absolutely, Dr. Jacobs.”

  Cameron walked away headed for the men’s bathroom, however, before Amy could order the x-rays, she received a call.

  “This is Unit 419; we have an African American woman in her late twenties, who is believed to have been sexually assaulted. Is there a female physician on staff or will you need to call one? Our ETA is app
roximately six minutes.”

  Amy responded, “Yes, we do. We’ll alert the Sexual Assault Team so that they are prepared for you upon your arrival.”

  *****

  By the time Cree arrived at the hospital, she was shaking uncontrollably.

  “Mrs. Jacobs, we’re going to take you inside now. Do you understand?”

  Slowly, she nodded.

  They covered her with several blankets as Charlie helped them lift her out of the ambulance.

  Cree was wheeled into the hospital through the emergency room entrance.

  As soon as she entered, she was met by what she assumed was a physician and a nurse. The woman in a white lab coat spoke soothingly. “Hi. I’m Dr. Levinson. I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” Once she was confident Cree understood her, she directed the paramedics to take Cree to room nine.

  Once inside, Cree was gently helped onto the bed. As the medical responders were leaving, Erica handed off their paperwork to the nurse.

  The woman in the lab coat walked closer to Cree. She was a slender African American woman with soft brown eyes that matched her cinnamon colored skin. She may have been in her fifties and wore her dark hair up in a bun.

  Something about her was comforting. She felt almost motherly in the tender way in which she spoke to Cree. “We’re going to get you cleaned up and take good care of you. But, first, we’ll need to do a thorough examination. Ms….” The nurse handed her the papers. She quickly scanned the document until she found her name. “Mrs. Jacobs. I am so sorry this happened to you. However, I need you to understand that what we do in here will directly impact whether the person who assaulted you will pay for his crime. I know you’re scared, but we’ll get through this as quickly and thoroughly as possible. Okay?”

  Cree swallowed. Rape happened all the time, but she never thought she would ever be a victim. She sat on the bed with her arms wrapped tightly around her body looking down at the floor. She wasn’t allowed to change her clothes since there might be some evidence on them. She sat with her feet dangling from the bed in torn yoga pants that barely covered the lower half of her body however, the blankets covered most of her up.