For A Reason

by T. N. Cole

  I smirked and lunged for her again. Our mouths were attacking each other and our hands were desperately exploring each other’s bodies. I thrust between her legs, not inside her, and we both moaned at the feel of me sliding through her wetness. “Tristan,” she breathed as she met my eyes with desire.

  I reached for a condom on my bedside table when I saw a picture of Mel and me sitting there. This house used to serve as a refuge for me when I got drunk and wallowed in guilt. Therefore, the house had lots of pictures and other things I could use to torture myself with. I forgot that I had left it there. Suddenly, I remembered everything else that had happened tonight, especially the new message I had just gotten. I didn’t retrieve the condom, instead hovering over Kate. “Wait. I—I can’t do this.”

  “I think your dick disagrees, Tristan.” She arched her eyebrows at me and tilted her hips up to rub her pussy against my cock.

  I closed my eyes at the overwhelming pleasure. Then I glared at her and moved us so that we were both on our sides facing each other. “Well, obviously. You’re fucking perfect.” I took a deep breath in. “But I mean that I can’t do this. Not like this. I just want to forget. And I don’t want our first time together to be because I’m being an asshole and using your body. You deserve better than that.”

  “What if I don’t agree? What if I want you now?” she asked defiantly.

  I searched her face, and I narrowed my eyes when I detected the slightest amount of hurt. “I’m not rejecting you, Kate. Don’t you fucking dare think I don’t want you. You mean more to me…” I tenderly brushed her hair back. “You mean more to me than anyone else ever has and I don’t want to ruin it with sex. Well, I don’t want to ruin it by having sex for the wrong reason. I need you to understand. Please.” I might be falling in love with you, I wanted to say. I might be falling in love with you, and I don’t want to fuck this up.

  Her eyes softened when she carefully watched my face. I think she could see what I was trying to say. She nodded and leaned over to kiss me. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take care of you?” was the next thing out of her mouth. My jaw slackened, and my cock stirred again.

  “You’re trouble,” I murmured. She giggled. “I need a shower. Do you want to go first or me?” I asked.

  Kate pouted, and I moved to stand to keep myself from kissing her again. “We could shower together?” she suggested.

  I contemplated how much torture that would be. But when I looked at her hopeful eyes, I caved. “Let’s go.”

  I had gotten out of our intimate shower before she did. Hey, I couldn’t have blue balls for the entire night—I needed my dick. I also needed to get clothes for her to sleep in. A guy only had so much restraint. I couldn’t sleep next to her naked either.

  Shit, I hoped I didn’t have any nightmares tonight. I didn’t think I would with Kate here, and even if I did, I felt better knowing she would comfort me. I chuckled dryly to myself; I really was turning into a pussy.

  I was sitting on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands after leaving Kate some clothes in the bathroom. I was still reeling from everything that had happened tonight. My mom and I seemed to be doing better than we had in years, Kate knew everything, and the anonymous messages were becoming more frequent. Oh, and I knew what Kate looked like without any clothes on. That was a vision I would never get over.

  I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn’t realize Kate was done with her shower until she was standing right in front of me. “Hey,” she said softly as she cradled my head to her stomach and ran her hands through my hair.

  I froze as I took in her long, exposed legs. I leaned my head back to look at her. The second best sight of Kate—second only to her being naked—was Kate in my clothes. More specifically, wet Kate only in my oversized, long-sleeved shirt. “What happened to the sweatpants I left out for you?” I asked hoarsely.

  She shrugged nonchalantly. “I hate pants. Especially sleeping in pants. Besides, if you get to sleep in pajama pants and no shirt, then I get to sleep in just a shirt.” She moved past me to climb into the bed. God help me, I thought.

  I stood to turn off the lights before following her into bed. As soon as I climbed in, she intertwined our legs and curled up against me. I relaxed and put my arms around her. She broke away suddenly, and said, “Good night, Tristan,” with a sweet kiss.

  The moonlight seeping through the window was barely enough to see her face. “Good night, baby. Sweet dreams.” Her answering smile was gorgeous, and she snuggled against me once again. I kissed the top of her head, stroking her hair. Soon, I drifted off to sleep.

  ADAM HAD GOTTEN SECURITY installed the morning after we had spent the night at the lake house, but Kate refused to leave until we settled the bodyguard issue. She refused to let one follow her, claiming that she knew self-defense and she would order a Taser and some pepper spray. We had a huge argument about it, which resulted in two orgasms for Kate and one for me. Oh, and I agreed to call off the bodyguards after Kate promised to order the Taser and pepper spray. It helped that she pointed out that we would always be together when she wasn’t home anyway.

  And she was right, Kate and I were inseparable for the next few days. If we weren’t in class or if I wasn’t at work, then we were together. I stopped going to all those club meetings; I didn’t need them anymore. Kate was the best distraction.

  It was funny how someone could come out of nowhere and completely change your outlook on life. You thought that the future was one long, dark abyss. Then suddenly, a light came in and showed you that the future was whatever you wanted to make it—full of endless possibilities. And that light started to become your everything. That was what Kate was to me. She was steadily pulling me out of the dark and showing me what I was missing by living in the past and in my head, tormented by my guilt.

  We ate together, we worked out together, we studied together, and she even spent the night a few more times. And we talked. A lot. Kate loved to talk, especially to tease me. I didn’t remember ever laughing or being as carefree as I was when I was with Kate. Her looks were just a bonus, it was her amazing personality that caused my feelings to deepen more and more each day. The banter between us was light and amusing. Our relationship was easy. We hadn’t really talked about defining us, but I could tell we were both content with whatever we had between us.

  On Saturday, the guys sent out a mass text for a soccer game. This time, there was no doubt that I was bringing Kate with me.

  “Why is it only the guys who play soccer?” Kate asked me on the way to the game. I picked her up from her apartment because she was spending the night at my place again. I had asked her nicely to dress a little warmer so that I wouldn’t have to worry about her being cold all night. She had rolled her eyes, but obliged with a maroon sweater, white scarf, tight jeans, and boots.

  I reached over and playfully tugged her hair while she was putting it up in some bun, earning myself a glare. “Because girls can’t keep up with boys,” I remarked sarcastically. I laughed at her look of disgust as she twirled her hair into place. “I dunno, Kate. They have a couple of times in the past, but mostly they prefer to gossip, drink, and watch us men get sweaty.”

  She finished messing with her hair and sighed heavily. “I really don’t see why… It’s not like any of them are all that hot. Well, maybe Logan. Yeah, Logan’s pretty hot.”

  It was my turn to frown which made her giggle. I pulled into a parking spot at our field, and she leaned over the center console to kiss my cheek. “Don’t worry, sweetie; you’re the only ass I’m interested in.” I glowered for a second, and then wordlessly turned my head and pointed to my other cheek. Kate grinned and kissed that cheek, too. Before she could pull away, I quickly kissed her full on the mouth and then turned to get out of my car. She watched me come around the car to open her door with a wide grin on her face. She took my hand to get out of the car and didn’t let go as we walked to join everyone else already on the field.

  I could feel
everyone’s shock and curiosity at the sight of Kate and me approaching, hand in hand. I think in all the time I’d been in college, none of them had seen me acting couple-y with a girl. Making out with and eye-fucking a girl I was having sex with? Sure. But, nothing like holding hands and all that. Not until now. Caisey was the first to run to us. And I meant run. She tackle-hugged Kate first. Then Caisey hugged me, and when she withdrew from my embrace, she had one eyebrow cocked. Before she could ask me the question I knew she was dying to know the answer to, I was distracted by what was going on over her shoulder.

  Logan was twirling Kate in a circle as she laughed. I narrowed my eyes slightly as I waited for him to put her down. Caisey smacked my chest, chortling. “I think I know the answer to my question now.” I didn’t respond. All the other guys were coming to say hi to Kate. Some of them shot smirks in my direction as they all greeted Kate with long hugs. Those bastards. Either they were getting back at me for all the times I stole their girls, or they were just being standard assholes and messing with me. Greetings and conversations soon swallowed us up as we waited for everyone else to get here.

  Eventually, I was able to make my way back to Kate’s side. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I was acting clingy and girly. I think I was starting to realize that our dynamic was different when we were outside of our little world of Tristan and Kate. That ease I imagined—with no labels and definitions as to what we were—was actually nonexistent when it wasn’t just the two of us. And that scared the shit out of me.

  I wrapped my arm around her waist as she laughed at something Alex and Logan were saying to her. She automatically leaned into my embrace and looked up at me, adoringly. I gave her a half-ass smile, and she frowned in response. She knew something was up.

  Before she could turn to ask anything, Brody called for the game to start. Alex and Logan ran off to fight over who got to be the captains for this game. I pressed a kiss to Kate’s temple and then followed. I could feel the weight of her questioning stare on my back, but I didn’t turn around.

  The game was tied. I panted as I leaned forward with my hands on my knees as the ball had just been stolen from me. Ryan was running the ball to the other goal when Alex cut in, and suddenly, the ball headed back to my side of the field. I ran around Jase so that Alex could pass the ball to me. I ran, dodging Logan, and I drew my leg back and kicked it toward the goal. Matt tried to block it, but it sailed past his fingertips.

  Someone pounced on my back, another guy messed up my hair, and everyone else was yelling all around me. “Hell yeah!” Brody was yelling. I pushed my way out of the middle of the celebration, shaking my head.

  Kate was running toward me. I grinned and caught her as she threw herself at me. “Good game,” she beamed. Her legs were around my waist and I was holding her under her ass. At this angle, her head was above mine and her hair formed a curtain around our faces.

  “I think you can do a better congrats than that.” I grinned, my eyes falling on her lips.

  She obliged and leaned in to kiss me, but I beat her to it. I quickly pressed my lips on hers and retreated before she could react. “Hey!” She smacked my shoulder. I spun in a quick circle, causing her to squeal. “You’re going to drop me!”

  I stopped and unwrapped her legs from me. I let her slowly slide down me, our fronts touching as I lowered her to the ground. She inhaled sharply and I leaned down to whisper in her ear, “You know I would never let anything happen to you, Kate.”

  Her eyes were wide when I pulled back. Before we could say anything else, Caisey broke in to give us drinks. Everyone was starting to drink—the game was fast turning into a field party, as usual. I let the guys drag me off to celebrate our win with drinks.

  “Hey, Katelyn.” Logan threw an arm around her shoulder and put on his best Southern twang. “I kinda need a date to the Delts formal. Will you please be my date?”

  I stiffened from where I was talking to Ryan and Jase but wore my mask of indifference—the look I had perfected over the years was back. I felt Kate glance at me. “Your date?” she asked lightly. “Why? You been rejected too many times already?” She playfully shoved his arm away.

  He chuckled. “No. It’s because you’re the most beautiful girl I know at the moment.” He winked at her.

  Kate groaned. “And this is why you don’t have a date.” He only laughed in response. “And the real reason is because you don’t want to have to put effort into the night like you would with a real date.”

  He clutched his heart and staggered back. “You wound me, Katelyn.”

  She patted his head patronizingly. “I’ll think about it.”

  “You have to ask T for permission, don’t you…” Logan said in a loud voice, making sure that I could hear.

  Kate sighed. “No. It’s because I have to decide if I want to subject myself to you for a whole night.”

  The small audience they had gained with their conversation roared in laughter. She blew him a kiss, and then sauntered over to me. She grabbed my hand with a coy smile. “Boys, I’m stealing Tristan away for a second. I’ll give him back. Maybe.”

  Jase and Ryan let out whoops and catcalls as I let her pull me away. We crossed to the other side of the field, away from everyone else.

  “So…” Kate started, while looking down at her feet. “Did you hear my conversation with Logan?”

  I contemplated saying no, but nothing good would come out of my denial. “Yes.”

  “And…?”

  “And what? What do you want me to say, Kate?” I fought to keep my voice impassive. It was harder to mask my emotions when I was with Kate. I wasn’t sure why.

  Her eyes flashed to mine; there was a hint of anger in them. “And should I say yes?” Kate turned so we were facing each other, hands still linked together.

  I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. I didn’t know what I wanted her to say, to be honest. “Go for it,” I said lightly. “You’re obsessed with going to parties anyway.”

  She shook her head. “Not since what happened last time.” I stiffened. “And I don’t know if I trust that Logan will take care of me.”

  “I’m sure you’ll be fine with him.” I gritted my teeth. “Why are you so obsessed with these damn parties, Kate? They’re not that big of a deal anyway.”

  “Because, you asshole, I haven’t been able to go to any ever since senior prom! I couldn’t after he died. I just couldn’t. There. Does that answer your question?” She sniffed and glared at me.

  I was shocked. What?

  After moments of silence, she suddenly put both her hands on my chest and pushed me back. “Dammit, Tristan! What do you want from me?”

  I avoided her gaze. I didn’t know what to say.

  “Don’t be a dick! Tell me why I’m feeling this way! Tell me why the thought of going to that formal with Logan is making me physically ill. Tell me why I crave your closeness. Tell me why you’re making me want to punch you in the face.” She accentuated each of her points with a fist pounding on my chest. I didn’t know what else to do, so I grabbed her by the waist and our mouths collided.

  She didn’t waste any time fighting back. She fisted her hand in my hair and tugged me closer. More, I want more, I thought. Then it all clicked in my mind. I knew I wanted her for myself. More than I had ever wanted any girl. Before I could slide my hands up her thighs to lift her to my waist, I could hear the whistling and cheering coming from the other side of the field. We were being watched.

  I reluctantly pulled away, but I bent down to lean my forehead against hers as we fought to catch our breath. “Because I don’t fucking want you to go to formal with Logan.” Her eyes flew open to meet mine. “Because I want you to myself. God, I want you. Don’t go to formal with Logan. You can’t. You’re mine.”

  Her responding grin was blinding. She bit her lip to try to hide it, and then jumped on me. I let her cling to my front and I kissed the side of her head. “I think I’m done with this party. Are you?” I rumbled in her ear. She
nodded and buried her head in my neck, not seeming to care that I was still slightly sweaty from the game. I chuckled and made my way back to say bye to everyone.

  I was still carrying Kate in a front piggyback, supporting her by her ass, when I reached everyone. Logan jogged over to me. “Hey, is she okay?” I felt Kate smile against my skin.

  “She’s perfect.” I plastered on a fake smile. “Oh, and she’s not going to formal with you, dipshit. There’s no way in hell I’m letting that happen.”

  Logan slowly grinned, but before he could answer, Kate popped her head up and slapped my shoulder. My fake smile turned into a real smirk as she wriggled to get down. She glared at me mockingly before going over to Logan. She tiptoed to whisper in his ear while simultaneously slapping his wandering hand away from her ass without looking down.

  I let them talk and said my good-byes to Caisey, Ryan, and everyone else. Caisey gave me a sly look after being the last to hug me. “You two are a thing now, aren’t you?” she singsonged.

  I grabbed the back of my neck with one hand, shrugged, and offered up a slight smile. “Who knows?”

  Before Caisey could hit me for my vagueness, Kate cut in and gave Caisey a tight hug. “You better keep him on a tight leash,” Caisey quipped when she released Kate.

  Kate giggled and grabbed my hand. “I think we’re fine just the way we are,” she placated Caisey. I looked down to find her already eyeing me affectionately. I couldn’t help it; I kissed her quickly before walking away from Caisey and Ryan. “See you guys later!” Kate waved over her shoulder as I pulled her along.

  WE WERE SITTING ON opposite sides of the couch in my living room doing homework on Thursday. I stopped reading my molecular biology textbook to watch Kate. Her legs were entangled with mine under the blanket we were sharing. She was beautiful even in just leggings and an oversized sweater, remnants from the outfit she had worn to class earlier today. Her hair was piled on her head with tendrils falling around her face, she had little makeup on, and she donned her big, thick-rimmed glasses, which she liked to wear when doing schoolwork, claiming they made her “smarter.”