The Heart Of The Game

by Pamela Aares

  “Dio, Cody.”

  Circling and sucking, he inserted a finger into her, finding the rough-textured spot he knew would take her home. She grabbed his hair, tugging, moaning, and then her body arched against his mouth, quivering for a long moment before she went slack.

  He kissed her belly and then lifted up onto his forearms and lowered his face to hers.

  “Well done, princess,” he whispered against her ear. Though his balls felt like they were about to explode, he wanted her to float in her pleasure.

  She didn’t stir for a moment. And then she wriggled out from under him.

  “No,” she said with fire in her eyes. “Hell no.”

  He rocked back onto his heels, trying to read her expression when she sat up.

  Her hands trembled as she reached out and unfastened his belt. Using both hands, she undid his zipper. He inhaled and fought for control as she slid her hands past the elastic of his briefs and cupped his balls, squeezing his rock-hard erection between her wrists at the same time.

  “Take off your jeans.” Her surprising, demanding tone made his erection throb against her wrists.

  He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to let her go. When she lifted a brow at his hesitation, he pulled away from her hands and stripped out of his jeans and briefs. Undressing in such close quarters required near-acrobatic efficiency.

  She lowered her eyes and her hands followed her gaze. She stroked him with one hand and cupped his balls with the other. He let out a low growl as she set a steady rhythm against his shaft. Then abruptly, she stopped.

  “Do you have protection?”

  “Maybe.” God, please... He grabbed his pack and sorted through the top pocket. Nothing. But then he remembered the zippered kit he kept in the main compartment. Her eyes flashed when he brandished a strip of three crumpled condoms.

  “I would have died a million deaths if you didn’t have any.” Her soft whisper and her Italian accent made the words sound like a prayer.

  “Me too, princess.”

  This time he had no intention of keeping it slow and gentle or even trying to. He had been frightened for Zoe, and he knew she had been frightened as well. He intended to celebrate life—his and hers—with passion and sex that shouted out that they were alive and loving every minute of their lives.

  He touched Zoe and demanded—by example and with words—that she touch him, explore his body. And allow him to explore her, hiding nothing from him.

  He caressed her until she gasped, until she turned the tables and had him groaning, lost to their circumstances, his only thought to explode with Zoe, releasing all his pent-up frustration and desire and craving inside her body.

  She pushed him so hard—stroking and licking, kissing him with her sexy mouth—that he caught fire and briefly wondered if they’d melt their ice cave even in the chill of a wintry night.

  But when he started shaking, when he whispered her name again and again—when he lost track of all but her and the pleasure she gave him with her body—he knew he had changed.

  He could no longer hold back, content to derive pleasure from his partner’s pleasure. Instead, passion overwhelmed him, overriding his control, and he was caught up in body-shaking pleasure that washed over him with renewing power.

  He forgot where he was, who he was. He was lost to time and place, the experience so overpowering that he could no longer think or see, but only feel.

  When he could breathe again—hell, when he could remember who and where he was—he rolled his head to the side, trying to make out Zoe’s expression in the shadows. Her breathing was as rough as his but when she moved, she ran a shaking finger across his lips. Then she cupped his cheek.

  “Thank you,” she said. “That was... awesome.” She closed her eyes and laughed shakily. “Does saying awesome make me a true Californian?” She stroked him again, and he trembled.

  “Thank you,” was all he could manage. He closed his eyes, his mind drifting, happy with the fingers still stroking his face.

  “Thank you for...”

  She tucked her head into his shoulder. When she didn’t continue, he nudged her and said, “Thank you for what?” If she didn’t finish soon, it was likely he wouldn’t hear her, so relaxed and so close to dropping straight into sleep was he.

  Her hand at his cheek stilled. He clasped it to his face before she could pull away.

  “It’s just us, Zoe. You can say it, whatever it is.”

  She remained motionless and quiet, and he started to drift off, his body both heavy and light, as well as extremely satisfied. He couldn’t keep a sleepy grin from spreading across his face.

  Then she said, “Thank you for... for allowing me to see that loss of control. To feel it.”

  He stiffened. But she didn’t stop speaking.

  “It turned me on to know I did that to you, that I could move you so much that you’d...”

  Damn. What had he done? His comfortable lethargy was draining quickly away.

  “You letting go like that freed me to let go too.” She rubbed her face against his shoulder. “It was like, like fire feeding fire. Burning and burning and burning.”

  He felt heat flush his face. She was right—he had lost control. And while he’d reveled in the freedom and the sensations just ten minutes earlier, now he was embarrassed at his lack of control. He fought to keep his body relaxed, not wanting to give any more of himself away.

  “Anyway... Thank you for making me feel so desirable. So beautiful.” Her voice had dropped to an intimate whisper. “I’ve never before felt so much like a desirable woman. Like a desired woman.”

  His breath caught at her admission. He was no longer embarrassed, but proud that he had brought her such happiness. Cocky even. He tugged her tight against him.

  The small space was quiet save for the muffled sound of the wind and the rhythmic rise and fall of their breath.

  He was almost asleep when Zoe brushed her fingers against his throat and giggled. “I’m afraid I’ve left a mark.” She pressed a sensitive spot under his jaw. “Here. And here.” She sighed out a puff of breath. “Marching into the lodge with love bites on our necks could be pretty embarrassing.”

  His eyes blinked open. And he roared with laughter as he rolled over and pinned her beneath him, eager to once more lose control with Zoe. A love bite was a small price to pay for what he’d experienced.

  He’d ignored the limits he’d placed on himself years before and had just let go.

  And it had felt good. Great. Awe—

  Fantastic.

  Pushing Zoe, not letting her hide, encouraging her responses and giving in to his own had been freeing. Not having to worry or analyze meant he could feel, and he’d taken advantage, pushing both of them to feel and experience the exhilaration of lovers.

  Yeah, it had been awesome. And he wouldn’t mind sex being that awesome every single time.

  “Care to go again?” he asked, tracing the side of her neck with one finger. “I promise not to leave any mark.”

  Her hands latched on to his hips and pulled him into the cradle of her thighs. “So no more warm lips sucking ravenously?” She adjusted her position to press against him, and he caught his breath.

  Her voice was low and raspy, and Cody was a goner.

  “I didn’t say that.” He dipped his head to suckle at her breast. When her hips began to rock, he pulled away a scant inch and whispered, “I only promise not to leave a mark where others might see it.” He licked at her nipple, causing her to arch against him. “But I am going to taste you again and again.”

  Their second round of lovemaking was quieter, even gentler in a way. But she wouldn’t let him retreat back into control, and because she pushed him, he pushed her. He held out as long as he could just to tease her. But in the end he once again was overwhelmed. He fell asleep with Zoe on top of him, their hearts pounding out their pleasure.

  Cody didn’t want to move but when he felt Zoe shiver, he sat up to retrieve her jacket and helped
her slip it on. He zipped it, and she caught his wrist and looked into his eyes.

  “What is it, Cody?”

  He didn’t trust words, but they came at him, rushing through his mind, sparking feelings that unraveled the world as he’d known it. Like water trapped in a levy, eating away at its constraints and fighting to break loose, to find its way out, the joy of loving her coursed in him, as real as the blood flowing in his veins. And the words broke free.

  “What you do to me, Zoe... everything scrambles. I thought I was living in the world, knew what I wanted, what was important. But this, what happens between us, is like entering a portal to life, and I know only that I want to live in a world that includes you.”

  She stilled and slid her gaze from his.

  And he felt like an idiot. Again.

  He’d sworn he wouldn’t come on too strong, but clearly he had. Stop talking, a voice whispered in his head. Kiss her and stop talking. What was it his sister said about living in the present and not always chasing the next game, the next thrill? Not always trying to nail things down to a definite place, not to chase certainty at the expense of possibility? But he couldn’t stop his thoughts from racing out and pulling toward a life with her, a future with her. Children with her. Family.

  Damn, he was losing it and he’d scared her. Sex in a snow cave away from the world that bound them was one thing. Finding a way to an impossible future entirely another.

  Her body spoke to his, but he’d had no indication that she wanted more than the coupling of their bodies and crazy-hot sex. And besides, what did he have to offer such a woman? If he didn’t make the team, he’d be back in some minor league town, scraping by. He couldn’t see her in that kind of life no matter how much he might want to paint such a picture. She probably couldn’t see herself in such a life either. How could she?

  He framed her face with his hands and kissed her. Felt the change in her response, the reserve.

  He dropped his hands to his sides. “I spend so much time working to make things a certain way that sometimes I miss the way they already are, their basic natures. But I’m not missing this, you, or this moment.”

  “I will never forget what happened here. Never.”

  Her voice wavered, and he felt the emotion behind her words, but her eyes were unreadable.

  She was the enigma, not him. The mystery and riddle he likely would never have the chance to solve.

  “We should suit up for the night.” He pulled on his shirt. “You wear this,” he said, offering his sweater. “Put it under your jacket. It could get really chilly in here before dawn.”

  She unzipped her jacket and slipped back into her silk shirt. The material whispered down her body with a hush that stilled his heart.

  “You’re beautiful, Zoe. I just had to tell you.”

  She took his hand and turned it over in hers, palm up. She raised it to her lips and pressed a kiss to the center of his palm. “And you are the most amazing man I have ever met.”

  He heard the words, but her simple gesture was as good as any eloquent goodbye. The door that she’d opened in his heart was wide open, and the wind blowing through it chilled his soul.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Zoe woke and stretched, surprised that the cave was warm. Well, at least not freezing cold. She turned on her side, not surprised that Cody was gone. She pulled on her boots and gloves. And then sat, quiet in the darkness, remembering every moment of the night before. Never would she know love as she’d known it with Cody. How could a heart be happy and so sad at the same time? But hers was. And in spite of the fact that she knew she had to find a way to put distance between them, she couldn’t wait to see his face, to talk with him, to be with him. She’d think about tomorrow when it came. And wished it wouldn’t come as fast as she knew it would.

  As soon as low thoughts started to overtake her joy, the walls of the snow cave started to close in on Zoe, making it feel much more like a precarious cavity that would collapse in on itself at any moment and less like a palace. She had to get out.

  She grabbed her pack and slid out of the cave into a tranquil white world iced with a cloudless blue sky. The quiet was awesome, almost unnerving. Even her breathing sounded hushed and unfamiliar.

  Enchanted, as if she’d passed through the portal Cody had spoken about, she recognized she was seeing true beauty, unvarnished splendor, for the very first time. She knocked snow from a branch, watching it flutter in glittering sparkles to the ground, understanding it wasn’t only the snow and the clear sky that had bewitched her. She’d seen nature’s beauty before, had even been moved by it. Had tried to capture that magnificence through paint and canvas.

  No, it was Zoe who was different, now able to see, to process, the depth of the beauty around her. And all because of Cody.

  She smiled, hearing him trudging through the snow. But her heart was crying. Cody had introduced her to a beauty that was lacking in her life, and she knew she’d value such a gift forever. Yet at the same time, she knew she couldn’t keep him, the giver of that gift. And he was much more precious to her than even the most exquisite of presents.

  Life could be cruelest when it hovered at the peak of joy. That was a wisdom she would rather have never discovered.

  Cody strode up the slope. The troubled look on his face melted into a warm smile when he saw her.

  “There’s a good spot we can climb not thirty feet from here,” he said.

  She didn’t want to leave. She smiled back, doing her best to make it genuine and to cover the sadness tugging at her. The stubble on his chin gave him a rugged, woodsman look, and she shivered, recalling what the body under the parka looked like. But he was much more than an appealing body. She’d come to know him, to know his heart. He was so different from the men she’d known in Italy. He was comfortable in the wild, competent and capable. Under any other circumstances, he was the man she’d want to stay with, live with, nurture a family with. But they couldn’t live in a snow cave—he had to get back to his life, one without a wife and children and close family ties, and she had to get back to hers.

  “I wish I could stay here forever.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

  His hands stilled. He stopped strapping his skis to his pack and met her eyes. Then he ran a hand through his hair and shrugged.

  “That’s your call. But we’d have to bring in more supplies. And I’d have to build a batting cage.”

  He bent and gathered her snowshoes and handed them to her. “We should head back. They’ll have a search party out after us.”

  And that fast, the world crashed in. She hadn’t thought once about her siblings or friends back at the lodge, that they’d be worried. Her focus had first been on herself and her safety. But the last hours her sole focus had been on Cody.

  She strapped on the snowshoes and lifted her pack to her shoulders. He showed her the terraced steps he’d packed into the snow, and she climbed up, away from the cave and onto the relatively level ground above. At the last of the steeper steps, he offered his hand, and even through the gloves she felt the pulse of energy rush from his body to hers.

  There were no tracks through the white expanse before them. Surrounded by the towering trees mantled with snow and the crystal-blue sky and the hush of the wild, they could have been the only two people in the world. If only it were so.

  They walked in silence, simply enjoying the brilliant morning. Without warning, Cody lunged for her, putting his arm across her chest and backing her against a tree.

  She blinked at him, but he was looking over his shoulder.

  “Shhhh...” He pointed off to her left.

  A black bear lumbered across their path, about twenty meters in front of them. The massive creature sniffed the air, turned, and met Zoe’s eyes. Her heart stopped. Not from fear, but with the awe of being regarded by a wild creature in its home. Then the bear plodded down the incline and out of sight.

  Cody released her.

  “It’s
unusual to see a bear out at this time of year,” he said. “She looks thin. She might be chasing down your rabbit.”

  “I thought bears slept all winter.”

  “They sleep a lot—but sometimes they do come out for a short wander.”

  “She looked right into my eyes. I’ve never felt anything like that before. I’ve felt a beyond-words connection with my horses, but this was different. This was...” She shook her head, turning to look again at the place where the bear had shuffled out of sight.

  “I can count on the fingers of one hand the few times I’ve experienced that.”

  She thought of her experience with him in the snow cave and felt heat creep into her cheeks. He noticed. He noticed so much, sometimes his attention unnerved her. And just now the look in his eyes made her self-conscious, aware that their night of lovemaking was on his mind too.

  “Let’s move on,” he said.

  At one point she thought they’d lost the trail, but he pointed out the blaze marks he’d made. And then they rounded a bend and saw the sun reflecting off Half Dome.

  “That’s our best marker,” he told her. “As long as we’re headed in that direction, we’re on track.”

  The switchbacks that had left her breathless the day before were much easier to navigate going downhill with a solid snow pack under her high-tech snowshoes.

  She walked in silence, aware that every step took her away from the wonder they’d shared and closer to the world she’d left behind, if only for a few hours.

  A voice inside her, strong and insistent, wanted to tell him that she loved him. But saying the words, admitting the depth of her feelings, would just drive the knife deeper for both of them. She’d be leaving. And soon. The plan she had for her life meant the world to her. She trusted her vision.

  She stopped walking, shook the snow off her snowshoes and turned to him. “I’ve been thinking about what you asked me—about what I love. I envy that you know so clearly, that you can pursue your career with such joy. You love the game.”