The Firsts Series Box Set

by M. J. Fields

  She holds me tighter and shakes more.

  “If you’re crying, I’m sorry. I’m gonna kill him. But if you’re laughing, I’m gonna spank that ass.”

  “Who’s ready to celebrate!” Johnny yells, slamming the door.

  “Remind me to change the fucking code,” I sneer.

  She holds on tighter as Johnny’s laughter nears.

  “We should have a house full of ass and—” He stops and looks at her all wrapped around me, and then up at me. He scratches his head and starts to open his mouth.

  I point a finger at him. “Shut the fuck up.”

  He raises his hands, one with a bottle of Dom and the other with an envelope, in the air.

  “Do I fucking look like a showboat to you?”

  “Tricky question, Cohen. Not sure how you want me to answer.”

  Ray laughs, and I look down.

  “That’s one,” I warn.

  She looks up and smiles. “I love you.”

  “I know you do.” I kiss her nose then look at Johnny.

  “I’m not a showboat. I don’t do bullshit to try to get attention. On the field, I play a game. And, yeah, I may seem a little over the top at times, but that’s because I am that good. The kid, her name is Leddie Lou. She’s mine. The hot piece of ass,” I snarl, “is her mother and my fucking girl, so you disrespect her ever again, I will fucking fire you.”

  Ray smiles. “That was nice of you to give him another chance.”

  “I’m in a good fucking mood today,” I tell her, and she starts to laugh.

  “In his defense—”

  “Don’t you dare, Ray,” I scold her.

  “In his defense, I’m sure you didn’t tell him about your college girlfriend, and you didn’t even know about Leddie until a couple of weeks ago, so …” She shrugs.

  “So what?” I narrow my eyes at her, which she grins at.

  “So, be nice, Trucker Cohen, because this is going to be your best season yet.”

  “Oh, I like her.” Johnny smiles, and I glare at him. “I mean, I respect her.”

  “That’s fucking right you do.”

  “And I am in love with your man.” Shakeeka laughs. “I’m sorry, Brooklyn, but damn, he is—”

  “Mine.” She looks up and pouts out her lips.

  The End

  27 Truths About Their First Goodbye

  Copyright © MJ Fields 2019

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of MJ Fields, except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976.

  This is a work of fiction. All characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Thank You

  Thank you for downloading/purchasing this eBook. This eBook and its contents are the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied, or distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download/purchase their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

  *Disclaimer*

  This book contains mature content not suitable for those under the age of 18. It involves strong language and sexual situations. All parties portrayed in sexual situations are consenting adults over the age of 18.

  Playlist

  Incomplete – James Bay

  Tears in Heaven – Eric Clapton

  I Will Remember You – Sarah McLachlan

  Has Anyone Ever Written Anything for You – Stevie Nicks

  There You’ll Be – Faith Hill

  If You Could See Me Now – The Script

  Angel – Sarah McLachlan

  Let It Go – James Bay

  Just Be Held – Casting Crowns

  Who Am I – Casting Crowns

  Voice of Truth – Casting Crowns

  What’s Inside – Jessie Mueller

  To the Reader

  This is not a safe book. It will hurt. It was written with raw emotion and heartbreaking realism through first-person point of views.

  It will evoke feelings, not all pleasantly.

  This is not your standard romance novel.

  But there are moments throughout that remind readers, why love, is the greatest super power.

  LYA

  MJ

  Dedication

  I know you’re all here. I feel your love surround me in my darkest of moments. I feel your hugs when there is no other that could possibly make it ‘okay.’ I seek your advice, and I hear your answers whispered in my ear, and in my heart.

  I fall, and your hands no longer lift me up, but your spirits do. I rise, and you are who I desperately search for to share in those moments.

  There are moments that I think I would give almost anything to bring you back if just for a moment, but I know your hands are busy holding them, your hearts are busy loving them.

  You are faith, wisdom, and grace.

  You are three parts of my heart forever and always.

  Until we meet again… tell them I love them, more... because I had you.

  J.

  Synopsis

  Once Upon A Time

  I dreamed of growing up and being just like her.

  I dreamed of having an adoring husband, two kids, and a beautiful home where my family would come together and enjoy all of our happy ever afters.

  My road wasn’t easy, it was heartbreaking, and she was there, in the distance, silently supporting me.

  When all the angst, all the pain, worked its way out, she was there too, but not how she’d always promised, she was there from an unbridgeable distance.

  With distance and broken promises, I began to build a wall.

  She would never be the mother she was, and I would not allow her to hinder the mother I am.

  Life is nothing without love

  Life is nothing without dreams.

  Life is nothing without hope.

  And

  Life is not lived fully until you understand the finality of… Goodbye.

  Married Life

  London

  I wake to the sound of a vinyl record and open my eyes as Faster by Matt Nathanson plays, right before I feel two strong and calloused hands on my ankles spreading my legs as the mattress buckles under his weight. I look down and see Logan on his knees, his blue eyes dark and… hungry.

  He lifts my leg and places kisses to the inside of my lower calf and in his sleepy, sexy grumble, he whispers, “Morning, wife.”

  I cover my face, shielding the grin that always follows those words. His near silent chuckle sounds as his kisses climb higher and higher, and… “Iloveyouhusband,” rushes out in a near squeal.

  He sucks on my inner thigh, and I grip the soft, deep red flannel sheets, anticipating the next place those luscious lips will land.

  When he lifts my other ankle, I open my eyes and see his eyes twinkle in menacing amusement as he leans back on his heels and starts kissing my other ankle.

  “Logan,” I whine.

  He chuckles as he slowly kisses his way up, hooking his thumbs under the strings of my thong, and he raises an eyebrow.

  “Don’t you—”

  Before I can say dare, he pops the strings, and before I can tell him they are my favorite pair… again, I remember that of everything in the entire world, his kisses are my favorite, wherever he places them.

  And right now, he’s placing them in the spot that makes me forget all the worries of the world.

  I grip the headboard as I hook my ankles behind his back and raise my hips. His hands grip my bottom as his kisses turn to flicks of his tongue, his tongue flicking turns to nibbles, and his nibbles turn to slow, hard licks.

  I grind against him wanting, nee
ding, begging for him to lick me… there. But he doesn’t, and I grow more and more needy.

  I tighten my ankles and twist my body, forcing him to his back.

  Looking down at him, he chuckles as his hands grip my hips and he pulls me down to a seated position.

  “Yes, yes.” I grind against his mouth as I lean back placing my hands on his thighs.

  He leans in farther and I see the white light that starts when I am seconds away, and I want him there with me.

  I turn my body, taking him in my hand, and his groan vibrates against me. I take him as far as I can into my mouth as we move until we are both on our sides. His hands grip my ass harder now, his licking and sucking intensify as mine does. When I feel him tense, I take him as deep as I can, closing my eyes and allowing that white light to pull me to the most blissful space in the universe. The place where he and I are the only two people, where he and I are connected body, mind, and soul, the place where our orgasms join, and for just a few ticks, there is nothing else that matters, except this moment.

  Panting, I rest my head on his thigh and hold his erection in my hand as his chest heaves against my body, and his kisses still linger on my core.

  “My intention was to be inside you,” he growls.

  “Thousands of little Logans are swimming free in my tummy right—”

  I squeal as he pushes me to my back and maneuvers himself above me. His jaw tightens behind the sexy scruff when he rubs his big dick against me and pushes slowly inside.

  “There,” he says between gritted teeth.

  My mouth falls open to respond, but like every time he begins pushing into me, my breath gets stolen.

  “Love you, Pretty.” He leans down and kisses my neck, sinking fully inside.

  When I can finally breathe, I say what I always do, “Love you more.”

  “I love you so goddamned much more,” he whispers so softly I don’t think I’m supposed to hear it, but I do.

  “Not possible,” I whisper just as softly.

  He lowers himself onto me, elbows on each side of my head holding some of his weight off me, his hands cupping my face. “Not possible.” He closes his eyes and sighs as he rests his forehead against mine and repeats, “Not possible.”

  I don’t think he has a clue how much I love him. Never in a million years would I have believed it was possible to love someone more than I love him. But right now, he needs a win, not another argument of who loves who more.

  I wrap my arms around his body and squeeze. “I love the way you love me.”

  I push against him and his eyes squeeze tighter and then he pushes up on one arm, palming my breast with his hand as he fucks me slow.

  So slow that my pleasure isn’t close, but I know what’s right around the corner, the white light before orgasmic bliss, so I increase the tempo.

  His eyes close and he hisses through his perfect teeth and moves powerfully in and out of me. My body becomes a riot of tingles and sensations, and my core burns.

  It’s not just the physical feeling of him, but the visual. His body is a work of art. His shoulders, biceps, forearms… his thick fingers that work my body into a frenzy or entwine with mine, capturing all our worries between them. His chest is so broad and strong, and the fact that beneath that spectacular mass of muscles is a heart just as big, and at times, so fragile I understand the need to cover it in muscles of epic proportion, to protect it. His abs, dear God, they are like waves of cleansing ocean water for my soul, and I get to bear witness to all of him, sometimes twice a day.

  I sink my fingers into the masterpiece that is Logan Links’ ass, holding on for dear life as my back arches, pressing my bare chest to his causes me to become near dizzy, right before I cry out my orgasm as I feel his thick hardness pulse and pump his liquid heat inside me.

  Seconds after my white light collides with his white light, he pops a kiss to my cheek and pulls out.

  My body quivers and I sigh at the emptiness I feel from the loss of connection.

  He shakes his head as he rolls off me.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Nothing, London.” He steps off the bed and grabs one of his white hats and puts it on his head and pulls it down to cover his eyes.

  He’s upset.

  “Um, husbutt?” He turns back to me. “You’re mad?”

  “I just came twice, London; how could I be mad?”

  “Um,” I slide to his side, then off the bed, grab one of his hats and put it on just like he had. “This is your hiding look.”

  He makes a noise, and I have no idea what it is, so I shrug, “What’s that even mean?”

  “The sound you make when I pull out.”

  I laugh, he doesn’t.

  “You’re mad because I make a sound?”

  “I’m not mad, London.” He starts to step around me.

  Hell no, I think as I grab his dick, stopping him.

  “London,” he hisses.

  “Talk to me.”

  He glances at the clock. “Twenty minutes is for high school boys and bitches.”

  “Whaaat?” I laugh out my question.

  He wraps his hand around mine and pulls it away from him. Still holding my hand, he kisses it while whispering, “Nothing, Pretty.”

  “I call BS.”

  “I’m gonna shower. Then we can head out.”

  “Logan.” I follow him.

  He looks at me, and I say, “You know you can talk to me about anything.”

  He gives me a quick nod. “Of course.”

  “Soooo?” I follow him into the bathroom.

  “Soooo, shower, then where do we hit first? Jersey to see Keeka—”

  “Brooklyn,” I correct, knowing my secret half-sister from the same mister is embracing her true self these days.

  “Right,” he nods and tosses his hat on the counter. “So, Jersey to see Brooklyn, Trucker, and Leddie, or New York to check in on my mom?”

  “It’s up to you.” I wrap my arms around him from behind and hug him, because well, he needs it, and also, my husband is sexy from behind. Actually, he’s sexy at all angles.

  “If it were up to me, we’d still be in bed. But it’s not.”

  I’m not sure what to say to comfort him. The situation is horrible, and my heart breaks for him.

  His mother is dying, and he’s shouldering a burden that should be shared with his family. But Ashley doesn’t want anyone to know, and he’s clearly a man of his word, even to his own detriment.

  I step around him into the shower and turn on the water. I look back to see him staring at his own reflection in the mirror, searching, seeking, and not finding.

  I walk over to him and rub my hand up his spine and back down. “Logan.”

  “New York City first, then Jersey.”

  Life with Kids

  Ava

  Luke sits against our headboard, and I lie against him, holding Faith while I feed her.

  “Sleep, blue eyes,” he whispers against my head.

  “Can’t,” I sigh looking down at our one-month-old angelic baby. “I have to switch boobs.”

  He chuckles against my shoulder, “I can handle your boobs.”

  “Not without poking me in the back with that baby-maker.”

  “We make great babies,” he sighs.

  I look back at him, “Think again.”

  “I didn’t say—”

  “Luke, seriously, three in less than two years is plenty.”

  “But look at her,” he says leaning over and grabbing the handheld video monitor off the nightstand. “Look at them.”

  “Look at my belly.” I push it out hoping it’ll make him think again.

  “You gained ten pounds with Faith, Ava, you’re thinner than you were when I got you pregnant the first time.”

  I roll my eyes. “Well, that’s because I was chasing toddlers this time.”

  “Well then, let’s keep the next four or five less than a year apart—” He grunts when I elbow him in the abs and then laug
hs quietly against my bare shoulder.

  He wraps his arms beneath mine, holding Faith with me.

  I lean back and close my eyes and think of how much different my pregnancy, delivery, and having a new baby is with him.

  I feel a tear fall, for Thomas, the man who loved me so much he lied. Another falls for Luke, the man who finally admitted all the lies he told himself to stay away from me and the ones he told to push me away.

  “Ava?” he whispers.

  “Hormones,” I answer.

  “Talk through it.” He pushes his head against mine.

  “Sometimes lies are beautiful.”

  He takes in a deep breath before responding, “Yeah.”

  “Luke?”

  “Ava?”

  “She hasn’t met her yet. I don’t understand why she hasn’t met her yet.”

  “I know, blue eyes. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m so mad at Mom. I’m so angry at her for not even taking a day to come meet her new granddaughter in person instead of on video chat.”

  “Maybe we should go to her, force her to see what she’s missing.”

  “No, absolutely not.”

  I sniff back my now uncountable tears, and Luke grabs a tissue and dabs it under my nose.

  I can’t help but laugh at the fact that big badass Luke Lane now wipes noses and butts.

  “Babe?”

  “I just need us, just us.”

  “I hear you, Ava, but—”

  “No buts, everything here in this house you built for us.” I have to stop because now the tears are falling again, because of love, because of him, because of my three babies, because… us. “Everything I need is here.”

  “I know how you feel, Ava. I love us.”

  I lean my head on his shoulder and look into his magnificent blue eyes as he leans down and kisses me, softly, sweetly, lovingly.