I Walked with Shadows (Sightless Book 1)

by K. C. M.

  Connor’s gaze snapped to hers. After a hesitation, the corner of his mouth tipped up. “It does sound dramatic, doesn’t it?”

  “No worse than most of the things I say,” She consoled with a smile. “What does this have to do with your name?”

  “Children don’t have names. We earn a position and the weapon associated with the position. From then on, we’re known by the name of the weapon we won.”

  “I’ve never heard of a Caranthir.” She said confused.

  He laughed, another short, quick sound. “Caranthir is the name of a blade, my blade.” He was suddenly holding out a knife to her.

  She took it, trying to ignore the slight wiggle of nerves in her stomach at how quickly he’d drawn and offered the blade to her. She’d hardly blinked her eyes.

  The blade was familiar, one she’d seen him use before. It was basically a long, curved knife as far as she could tell. The handle was covered in an intricate design that was worn and fading.

  “What does Caranthir mean?”

  His gaze was assessing and perhaps a little surprised. “It’s an archaic elvish word meaning dark wrath.”

  “Dark wrath,” She frowned and then said with a slight smile, “And I was going to guess it meant something about optimism and being a conversationalist.”

  He raised a brow and might even have rolled his eyes, although it was too quick for her to see.

  “Alright, you’ve explained how you got the name Caranthir. I assume that the position you won was that of an assassin. Is that why you…were in Myre?” She shied away from mentioning how he’d killed a man.

  “No. I spent a long time serving my people. Then I…left. I wanted something else.”

  She waited, but he didn’t continue talking. “Well? Did you find it?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “And the werebeast?”

  “No one leaves the Den.” He said simply. “And I left.”

  “So, a Dark Elf sent the werebeast after you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why is it so bad to leave?”

  “The Dark Elves are only alive today because of secrecy. If someone leaves, other races will notice and word will get to the Light Elves. The last thing we want is another war.”

  “I guess that makes sense.” She said slowly, unsure.

  He snorted. “It makes sense, but it’s the pits to live.”

  A brief smile flickered over her face at his using a phrase she had used before. “Being trapped always is the pits.” She agreed.

  He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and she looked away, embarrassed.

  Before he could ask her anything, she pressed on. “If you left you must have wanted out of that life. Why did you keep being an assassin?”

  “Because that’s what I am. I’ve spent my entire life training and living as an assassin. What else was I supposed to do? I know nothing about any other life.”

  “Well that’s probably why you don’t know if you’ve found what you were looking for.”

  He stopped and stared at her. Respect and admiration warred with curiosity and a twinge of annoyance. “You are very unpredictable,” He finally said.

  “Thanks, I guess.” She ducked her head down and hurried off. Then she stopped, curious. “Is there someone in particular from the Den who would send the werebeast after you?”

  His eyes widened slightly. “If you prove to be any more astute, I’ll start to think that you should be the one leading us.”

  She bit her lip, flushing. “Who sent it?”

  “Someone I hope you never meet.”

  “That’s not an answer.”

  His lips pressed closed as if he wasn’t going to answer. Then he sighed. “One of my teachers.” He finally said, shortly.

  She saw the look on his face and decided it was better to not ask him any more questions. Instead, she fell into step next to him

  Connor lit a fire that night.

  The temperature had dropped and Holly was shivering. He let her have the night off from practicing and instead bundled her in both bedroll and blanket. He warmed water over the fire and handed a steaming cup to her.

  She was hunched over, in a ball, trying to retain as much heat as possible. Her hair tumbled in dirty blonde curls that had broken lose from her braid in a haphazard display of wildness. She looked pale, but for the fact that her nose and ears were red from cold. He felt a strange instinct to sit next to her and hold her.

  He pushed the idea away, still uncomfortable with feeling attached to someone.

  The fire burned and crackled, a determined, merry sound despite the cold air. He stared into it, his senses focused far away. His old teacher wouldn’t be far behind the werebeast. In fact, Sirus was an accomplished Shadow Master. It was likely that he knew his pet had been killed. He would create another and then another. He’d keep sending them after Connor until, at last, Connor was dead. A threat removed. A loose end cut off.

  Sirus wouldn’t be fooled, too. He would follow close behind the beasts to ensure the job was really done. In fact, he was probably close already.

  “What are you going to do?”

  Connor jerked from his thoughts and looked at Holly. “Hmm?”

  She was studying him now, much the way he’d studied her earlier. “I guess I mean…are you going to always be running for the rest of your life? Don’t you ever want to settle down? Put down roots?”

  The concept was so strange and foreign, that all he could do was stare at her. Then he raised an eyebrow. “Would you rather I killed my teacher?”

  “No,” She said immediately, just as he’d known she would.

  “I didn’t think so.”

  There was silence and then she said slowly, contemplatively. “Killing people doesn’t really solve the problem, does it? I mean, if you killed him, wouldn’t someone else just take his place?”

  “Yes.”

  She suddenly sat up straight. “What if you faked your death? If they thought you were dead, no one else would come after you.”

  “Remember how I said each one of us earns our name? With the earning of a name and position, there’s a ritual that binds it. They won’t stop hunting until they retrieve my blade and I can’t be separated from the blade without serious repercussions.” His voice darkened as he remembered another time, when other Dark elves had tried to escape and it had been himself hunting them down. There had been one elf that had tried to leave behind his blade. Connor had found the elf wandering through the forest, completely mad. He’d never realized until then how serious the binding ritual was. “In retrospect, I realize being bound to a named blade is really just another way to tie people to the Den. It’s another way they control me.”

  “That’s horrible.” She scowled, wrinkling her nose.

  Her innocent indignation on his behalf was touching. It was also comical to picture her silly scowl aimed at the very serious Dark Elders who ruled over the Den. He reached out and tweaked her nose with a laugh, lightening the mood.

  Instantly, she blushed. “Don’t do that.”

  Curious at her change of moods, he raised a brow. “Why?”

  “I don’t like my nose. It’s…pointy.”

  To Connor, who had never had the luxury of time to look in a mirror and contemplate his features, it was silly to dislike something so inconsequential. Now, disliking a lack of speed or strength made sense. But a nose? He couldn’t stop himself from smirking. “Right.”

  She looked away, blush deepening. Her lips were downturned in a slight, unconscious pout. “Never mind.”

  He tilted his head, eyes clued in on her mood rather than her features. “You needn’t be embarrassed about your nose. It fits you.”

  She cast him a look. “Because it gives me more angles?” She joked.

  “Because it’s fetching on you.”

  He hadn’t thought it possible, but her blush blushed. “You’re teasing me now.”

  “Hardly.” He replied, satisfied that she wasn’
t embarrassed because of her features but rather was now embarrassed because he’d complimented her. She gaped at him and he had to stop himself from smirking again. Finally, he glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “If you can’t think of anything to say, at least try to get some sleep so you’ll be rested for tomorrow. We’ll be moving quickly again.”

  Still flushing, she lay down next to the fire.

  He returned to his vigil.

  “Don’t you ever get tired?”

  “Yes, but you’re forgetting that I slept for several hours while I was unconscious.”

  “I have to sleep for more than several hours every night or I’m a mess.”

  Her bluntness surprised a short laugh from him. “I know.” He teased. She drew her chin back and eyed him with a tilt to her eyebrows. He smiled. “Go ahead and sleep, Holly. You’ve earned it.”

  She resettled on the ground. “I know,” She said smugly, almost contentedly.

  Although he was focusing on the area around them, straining for any signs that an enemy was closing in, Connor still noticed when she drifted off to sleep. Later, in the darker hours of the night, her dreams turned to the horror of the day before. He finally gave in and rose from his side of the fire. As he smoothed errant curls back from her face, her trembling and whimpers from the nightmares slowly dissipated.

  His gut twisted painfully.

  If he had never met her, she’d still be back living a perfectly safe life as a maid. She wouldn’t dream of the nightmare that was his life.

  He wasn’t used to feeling guilty and he had to admit that he didn’t particularly like the emotion. He swallowed and shoved it away, locking it away inside. There were other things that needed his attention, like what he was going to do about his teacher. He may not have ever considered putting down roots in one place, but it would be nice to not always be looking over his shoulder. It would be nice to not be hunted.

  The colder part of himself, the part that still felt some loyalty to the Den, reminded him icily that he was a Dark elf. He would always be hunted. If it wasn’t the Den, it would be the Light elves or some other creature. It was his lot in life.

  What would it be like to not be hunted?

  He looked down at Holly.

  Pale skin…and she was thinner than when he’d first met her. He hadn’t bothered to notice, but now that he was looking it was obvious. He’d helped train her on how to survive, he reminded himself. She was far more capable now than when he’d first met her.

  But then again, she’d learned those skills because he’d dragged her along with him.

  Connor absently wound one of her curls around his finger and let out a slow breath.

  She was right. He didn’t want to continually be running. What’s more, he didn’t want to keep putting her in danger. It hadn’t mattered before so much. She had just been…

  He wasn’t sure.

  Even after this long, he wasn’t sure why he’d kept her with him.

  You will find the fey ringed girl, the seer had said.

  Holly had basically given her life to the fairies in exchange for his.

  He had clearly found the fey ringed girl, for all that was worth.

  Perhaps, then, it was fate that had guided him into traveling with her.

  He absently rubbed her curl between thumb and forefinger. Her hair was dirty, but it still felt soft. Still sleeping soundly, Holly shifted and her head pressed lightly against his leg.

  Perhaps it was fate or perhaps it was something else, something stronger and deeper.

  He came to a decision with a sudden ferocity. Whatever it was that had put them together and convinced them to stay together would have to wait. He wouldn’t keep putting her in such blatant danger.

  He released her curl and instead rubbed his fingers over the hilt of his knife.

  He’d earned his name for a reason. Caranthir, dark wrath…the best warrior and assassin of his time.

  It was time to put his training to good use for once.

  Holly stirred awake when he moved.

  “Connor?” She whispered sleepily.

  “Shh,” He soothed, bending over her. “Stay here and rest, Holly. I’ll be back soon.”

  She mumbled something incoherent, falling back asleep easily.

  Feeling unusually emotional, he pressed a light kiss to her hair before leaving.

  The sun was just starting to light the world. He picked his way through the forest easily, moving with the near perfect silence of a predator. As he moved, he reached out with his mind to the shadows, getting to know them and drawing on them. Most of the darkness was simply a result of the night sky. They had sheltered amid a few large rocks, but the truth was that here wasn’t much protection now that they were higher into the hills. A few giant tor rocks that stretched so high that they tested the imagination and every so often a small forest or copse of trees, like the fey one that Holly had found, dotted the otherwise grass and weed covered hillside.

  Soon the sun would be all the way up and the only shadow left to Connor would be his own.

  It would be better that way.

  Fighting Sirus in the sun might actually mean that Connor had a chance of winning.

  His sober thoughts were interrupted as several shadows shifted, parted, and trembled

  He paused and waited.

  Holly was panting by the time she’d caught up with him.

  “What are you doing here, Holly?” He asked softly as she bent over, hands on knees, puffing.

  “I could—ask you the same question!” She practically snarled. “You can’t just wander off on your own in the middle of the night.”

  “It’s almost morning.”

  “I don’t care.” She straightened and threw back her shoulders, staring determinedly at him. “You can’t just leave by yourself.”

  He met her gaze steadily. “Are you saying you want to protect me?”

  She grit her teeth. “No. But I’m saying you’re not alone anymore.”

  He didn’t reply, because he wasn’t sure how to reply to that. Not alone? It was odd to hear someone say that as if they actually cared whether he felt alone or not. He was a Dark Elf. He was made to be alone.

  She reached out and touched his arm, jerking his attention back to her. “You’re going to confront your teacher, aren’t you?”

  Instead of replying, he covered her hand. Then, his heart beating very fast, he pulled her into a hug, cradling her head against his broad chest. She stiffened and then relaxed, wrapping her arms around his waist to hug him back. “Holly,” He said softly. “It’s too dangerous for you.”

  She tensed, but also didn’t move away. “I can help.”

  “You’ll only distract me. I’ll be more worried about keeping you safe than getting the job done.”

  “Isn’t there some other way?” She asked softly and he felt a pang when her voice caught.

  “I will always be hunted, but at least this way I can buy us both some more time. Maybe even enough time to disappear for a while. We’ll be safer this way.”

  “I still want to go with you.”

  “I still won’t let you.” He set her away from him a bit so he could see her face. “If you try to follow me, I will intentionally lose you.” She wanted to argue, he could see it. “Go back to camp, Holly.”

  “You promised you’d stay with me.” She bit out.

  Connor felt a flash of irritation. He let go of her. “I’ll be back soon. It’s not like it will be hard to find you. You still make enough noise to wake a sleeping lion.”

  “You won’t be able to find me if you’re dead.” She snapped back.

  “I’m not going to die.” He drew a deep, steadying breath, trying not to lose his temper. It would be better if he directed all these emotions toward his fight instead of this ridiculous argument.

  “You can’t know that!”

  He could hear his teeth grinding. “Holly,” He said slowly. “I swear to you that I will find you again. I will always fi
nd you. Do you believe me?”

  She glared and then sighed, the anger draining, replaced by sincere worry. “Against my better judgment,” She finally admitted.

  His anger with her dissipated, too. His lips twitched. “Good.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Now, go back to camp. I will see you very soon and by tomorrow night, we’ll be in a town with an inn that has real, running water.”