Have a Little Faith

by Candy Harper

But, like I said, I don’t want to talk about it.

  The girls took me into town at lunchtime to buy me a milkshake to cheer me. Outside the milkshake place I spotted the unmistakable bear-shape of Westy.

  I said, ‘Hi, Westy.’

  He jumped and said, ‘Oh, Faith! Are you . . . Are you all right?’

  He looked so worried when he saw me that I said, ‘It’s OK, Westy, I’ve got over the blubbing stage. Now I’m just murderously angry.’

  ‘You shouldn’t be cross with Ethan,’ he said. ‘It wa—’

  ‘Yes she should,’ Ethan said, appearing from behind me. ‘Listen, Faith, I tried to catch you after school yesterday, but you’d already gone. I wanted to explain. It was a really stupid thing for me to do. I just got carried away. I’m sorry.’

  I didn’t know what to say. I was so angry, but I couldn’t lose it in the middle of the street. I just wanted to get away from him. I could only manage to say, ‘It wasn’t funny.’ And then I rushed inside the milkshake place to find Megs. She’d been watching through the window.

  ‘Did Ethan say sorry?’ she asked. ‘He looked sorry.’

  ‘I don’t care. Has he gone? Have they gone?’

  She peered out the window. ‘No, looks like Westy is telling Ethan off.’

  ‘Good,’ I said. ‘He deserves it.’

  Ethan and Westy left after a bit and I went back to school feeling worse than ever.

  Today my spirits had revived enough to have an arm wrestle with Lily during registration. Mrs Webber had just bet Angharad a Rich Tea biscuit that I would win (I’ve always said that Mrs Webber has a good eye for talent) when Miss Ramsbottom stropped into the room and took me outside for a ‘little chat’.

  ‘Faith,’ she said, ‘I’m hearing stories about violent scuffles between you and another girl over the last couple of days.’

  I wanted to stop her right there and point out that Icky is more toad than girl, but I bit my tongue.

  ‘And walking into the classroom just now I can see that you are still behaving in an overly aggressive fashion. It needs to stop.’

  Well. She’d already been extremely annoying, but Ramsbottom always has to take it to another level, so then she said, ‘I do hope you’re not allowing disappointments in your private life to affect your conduct in school.’

  Disappointments in my private life? Does she mean this business with Finn? Who exactly is talking to Miss Ramsbottom about my private life? It’s not very private if my head of year is bringing it into the conversation, is it? While I was trying to stop my head exploding from rage, she said, ‘I shouldn’t need to remind you that I am closely monitoring your behaviour. Make sure you give me no further cause for concern.’

  And then she was off. Unbelievable. How dare she? How dare she think that she can go around talking about me getting stood up? Which isn’t even what happened! My humiliation couldn’t get any deeper.

  I can’t wait to see Miss Ramsbottom get her own dose of humiliation when we put the car plan into action.

  Tomorrow is the day of the big car-moving scam. Megs is having second thoughts again and back-pedalling as fast as skinny-but-thick Sammie used to on the exercise bike before she realised it could go forwards too. Tough. After that embarrassing conversation yesterday I can’t wait to pay Ramsbottom back. Besides, I am quietly hoping that if I can get myself known as the girl who got one over on Ramsbottom people will forget I am a sad loser.

  Oh, hell on a lollipop stick. The great car-moving extravaganza did not go according to plan.

  For starters, our driver, Zoe, was not at school today. We found out later that she’s got food poisoning, which is really childish of her. I need to get some new friends who are more professional in their outlook.

  Megs wanted to abandon the whole thing or at least wait for Zoe, but there was no way I was going to postpone after all this build-up, so I said I could do the driving part. Megs could see I was not to be trifled with (actually what she said was, ‘You’re going to keep whining until I do it, aren’t you?’) so she agreed to go ahead. She even managed to get Ramsbottom’s car keys out of her handbag during Geography by causing a diversion (she got Becky to pretend to vomit by spitting up a mouthful of vegetable soup).

  At the start of lunch when everyone was busy eating, we snuck around to the front of building. Lily stayed on lookout. (Ang started to hyperventilate when I said I wanted to play a trick on Miss Ramsbottom, so I thought it best to leave her out of it.) Miss Pee’s car was gone, just as we expected it to be, and there was Miss Ramsbottom’s shiny red car a bit further away in the spaces for less important people. Megs and I got in. Then we heard a beepy-beep beep-beep and Megs jumped so much that she hit her head. It was my phone.

  I said, ‘I’ll just see who that is.’

  ‘Do you have to? We are kind of in the middle of something.’

  ‘Megs, I’m not saying that it’s the most convenient time, but you know what Hollywood producers are like. When they need a star they call up day or night.’

  ‘What exactly is a Hollywood producer going to want you for?’

  ‘I’m open to both film and TV roles.’

  ‘And where is this producer supposed to have seen you?’

  ‘You know, out and about.’ I wiggled my phone out of my pocket.

  Megs said, ‘And how is your mum?’

  It wasn’t my mum. It was Lily. It said: Good luck

  I looked up and there she was, ten metres away, giving me a thumbs up. Honestly. The great train robbers didn’t have to put up with this.

  I put the keys in the ignition and tried to start up the car. Nothing happened.

  Megs said, ‘Are you sure about this?’

  I said, ‘It’s fine! My dad once talked me through the basics of driving and I was very nearly listening, so I know what I’m doing.’

  On the third attempt the stupid thing finally started. Megs said, ‘Now what?’

  ‘I have to get the waggly thing into position.’

  ‘The “waggly thing”? Well it’s nice to know that I’m travelling with an expert.’

  ‘Where’s the “R”?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’ve got to get the waggly thing into the “R” position, so we can go backwards. You know, “R” for—’

  ‘Rewind?’

  ‘Reverse, you idiot. Jeez, I’m starting to look like a Formula One driver around you.’

  ‘Go on then, do your reversing.’

  So I did. I reversed brilliantly. The only problem was that I couldn’t stop. Then Megs started squealing and no one could be expected to concentrate with that racket going on and then . . . SCRUNCH. We’d ploughed straight into the bushes behind us. Being the sensible type I am, I managed to remain calm and let out only a moderate stream of swearing. I hoped Megs would be sensible too, but she started gabbling, ‘What the hell have you done? We’re in so much trouble. Why did I ever let you talk me into this . . .’ etc., etc.

  I said, ‘Don’t panic. All I need to do is—’

  Megs shouted, ‘Stop! Don’t do anything else. I am getting out and so are you.’

  So, because I wanted to check out the damage, not because I was doing what Megs told me to, I got out. The back end of the car was entirely in the bushes. I said, ‘Bushes are soft. It’s probably fine.’

  ‘So you think all those crunching noises were just baby rabbits being run over?’

  ‘Don’t be sarcastic, Megs, it makes you look petty.’

  ‘Don’t drive, Faith. It makes you look like a killing machine.’

  Clearly Megs was hysterical and I would have been perfectly within my rights to give her a slap. Instead I tried to get her to focus on the matter in hand, so I said politely but firmly, ‘Shut the hell up and think, Megs.’

  We stared at the car. I said, ‘All I need to do really is drive it forward.’

  ‘I’m not sure you can manage the drive bit, let alone deciding which direction it’s going in,’ Megs said.

  ‘Let�
��s just try.’

  ‘You’re not getting back in that car.’

  Then Lily whistled the secret whistle. (It wasn’t very secret, it was just a whistle, but Lily isn’t blessed when it comes to imagination.) Someone was coming. I turned round and found myself nose to nose with Ethan. Where did he spring from? And why is Lily’s idea of warning you someone is coming to whistle when they’re about to tread on your heels? I said, ‘What are you doing here?’

  He said, ‘Oh, I’ve been hanging about all day on the off-chance that you might have time to yell in my face. Thanks for the opportunity. Pleasure working with you.’

  ‘What is your problem? Do you enjoy seeing me in embarrassing situations?’

  ‘Faith, I wanted to talk to you. But maybe I should give you a hand with this first.’

  He gestured to the car.

  I glared at him. Why would I want his help? Does he think that I’m just going to forget about the whole cinema thing?

  ‘I don’t want anything from a pig like you.’

  ‘Give me the keys,’ he said.

  Megs snatched them out of my hand and gave them to him. He just jumped in the car, started it, and nipped it back into Miss Ramsbottom’s space. I have to admit I was quite relieved.

  Megs said, ‘Oh thank you, Ethan, thank you so much.’

  He was looking at me like he expected a medal or something, but just because he’d put the car back it doesn’t make up for what he did. Besides, I could have sorted that car out. Probably.

  Megs went on squeaking, ‘I can’t believe you just drove it like that. And now you can’t even tell we moved it.’ She brushed a leaf off the back end of the car.

  Ethan said, ‘Yeah, except for that scratch. Was that there before?’

  He was right. There was a big scratch above the back right wheel. It was quite noticeable in the red paint.

  We stared at it.

  Ethan said, ‘Have you got any lipstick?’

  I said, ‘What kind of a stupid question is that? Do think that just because we’re girls that—’

  ‘Coral Blush, Strawberry Fizz or Scarlet Lady?’ Megs asked.

  Stupid Megs.

  Ethan took the Scarlet Lady and ran it over the scratch. It disappeared. You could only see it when you were trying. It was pretty clever, even if he is a smug git.

  He said, ‘It won’t last, but it means it might not be noticed today. If they don’t see the scratch until later they might not realise it happened at school.’ He turned his big eyes full on me. ‘Faith, do you think we could have a chat?’

  ‘No. Absolutely not. I never want to speak to you again.’

  So then he went.

  Megs said, ‘You could have heard what he had to say. That was really nice of him. He saved our behinds.’

  I meant to say something tough, but what I came up with was, ‘I can handle my own behind.’

  We got Ramsbottom’s keys back in her bag safely. Lily stood outside her classroom and shouted, ‘Squirrel!’ really loudly. When Ramsbottom came out to see what was going on, Megs nipped in and returned the keys. Ramsbottom said, ‘Lily, what on earth is all this screeching about? A squirrel is hardly cause for such hysteria.’

  I said, ‘Miss Ramsbottom, Lily lives in a flat on the Caldershot estate. I don’t think we should deprive her of the joy of experiencing nature for the first time, do you?’

  Then we legged it because I feared Ramsbottom would suggest we get close to nature by picking litter out of it on the field.

  Megs couldn’t stop gushing about Ethan. She says he’s nice. She even asked if I was sure that it was him that sent me that text message pretending to be Finn. She says I am being ungrateful. I am grateful. It’s just that I’m annoyed as well. That sort of helpful behaviour is unforgivable in someone you are trying to despise.

  I don’t want to think about Ethan at the moment. I’ve got other things on my mind. I am actually a teeny bit scared that this whole car thing will be discovered. I wanted to text Lily to ask her again if she’s sure that no one saw us, but I’ve left my phone at school. All afternoon I kept imagining Miss Pee appearing in the doorway of the classroom and taking me away to permanently exclude me and to say some quite unkind things about my levels of stupidity. But she didn’t come.

  The only unusual thing that happened this afternoon was that Limp Lizzie started to nod off in RE while she had a pencil up her nose. She jerked forward and gave herself a nasty poke. She was lucky enough to draw blood and I was lucky enough to notice first. (Whenever anyone bleeds, or faints, or comes over a bit poorly in a lesson there is always a scrum to get to be the person who takes them to the sick room.) I got to haul Lizzie down the corridor, which meant I missed a chunk of RE. Which is not really that out of the ordinary. I usually manage to miss at least a bit. Even if it’s just by putting my fingers in my ears and humming ‘I’m a little Teapot’.

  Megs came round this morning. She said that Ethan is still waiting to talk to me. She also said that maybe it was all a ‘misunderstanding’. Yeah right.

  I don’t care how sorry Ethan is. It’s not good enough. I don’t know what hurts most. The fact that he is not as nice and as sensitive as I thought he was, or the fact that he obviously doesn’t like me as much as I thought he did. I’ve been an idiot.

  Mum insisted on going to Granny’s this afternoon. The rest of my family had settled themselves in the sitting room while I was still moping in the hall, unable to muster the energy to take my coat off. Granny took a good look at me and said, ‘Why the long face? Is it man trouble?’

  I said nothing, but Granny can smell these things.

  ‘Oh dear,’ she said and patted me on the arm. For a moment I thought she was going to be sympathetic but then the pat turned into a little shake and she said, ‘No more crying! Forget him right now!’

  I opened my mouth to tell her that the only thing I really needed to forget was my own humiliation, but Granny cut me off.

  ‘Not a word! Don’t speak his name. You’re much better than him. Now turn around and head towards a brighter future.’ She marched me into the other room.

  For a little while I actually felt better. As if maybe there might be some hope after this disaster. But I soon started to feel miserable again.

  After all, I don’t think that watching Songs of Praise and fighting Granny for the last Jammie Dodger can really be described as a brighter future.

  We had to make the usual thrilling detour to the Tesco near Granny’s house. I bumped into Lily by the fish counter. She didn’t bother with a ‘Hello’, she just said, ‘You’d think that all the water in the sea would wash away their fishy smell, wouldn’t you?’

  I thought that was ridiculous comment until she made her next remark. She said, ‘I think we should confess.’

  I said, ‘And I think we shouldn’t. As we all know, I’m in charge, so let us never speak of this again.’

  ‘I just think it might look better for us if we own up rather than if they find out we’re responsible.’

  ‘How will anyone find out? They don’t know there’s anything to be responsible for!’

  ‘Yes. Well. I’m warning you now that I’m not a very good liar.’

  She’s not wrong there. Once Ramsbottom asked her why she was holding a water bomb and Lily said, ‘It’s not a water bomb, it’s a rabbit.’

  I was quite nervous about school this morning. I had visions of being met at the door and handcuffed by Ramsbottom. Everything seemed all right until assembly when Miss Pee mentioned that she thought that the front hedges were looking rather ragged. She said we weren’t to spend our time loitering at the front of the school. I wonder how she feels about us driving stolen vehicles at the front of the school. It was quite funny.

  Angharad sucked in her breath and whispered, ‘Was that your trick? Did you jump in the bushes?’

  Megs and I got the giggles and I had to put a glove in my mouth to stop me from exploding with laughter, then Lily kicked me in the shins, which rea
lly set Megs off. At this point Miss Ramsbottom just glided up beside us. (You know, she doesn’t make any noise when she moves and I’ve never seen her shadow . . . I’m just saying.) She didn’t tell us off, she just stood there. Like a silent threat. We all pulled ourselves together and bit our lips and watched Miss Pee with great interest (she did say something a bit worrying about her investigating which girls have been breaking the rules by hanging around the front), but my insides were spasming with the effort of not laughing.

  As soon as assembly finished we walk-ran out of the hall, clutching on to each other. Then I had to lie down on the stairs and cry with laughter. When Megs finally got enough air into her lungs to speak she said, ‘Lily! You finished me off when you started on Faith. I thought she was going to choke on that glove. What did you kick her for?’

  Lily gave me a smack around the back of the head. ‘It was my glove.’

  I’ve completely lost my mobile. It’s not at school. It’s really annoying. Anyone could be trying to call me and offer me a part in a musical or to ask me to turn on some Christmas lights. They’ll think I’m not interested. This wouldn’t have happened if Mum and Dad had got me a secretary for Christmas like I asked.

  Mum has found out about my phone. She was making a delightful vegetarian tea of lentils and old mattress pie or something, and I was pouring all my energy and attention into my Maths homework whilst making a sandwich and watching a bit of TV, when I realised that Megs had my calculator. Obviously, I couldn’t use my phone, so I decided to include my dear brother in my quest for learning by encouraging him to use his mind with me.

  I said, ‘You there, boy! What’s the square root of one thousand two hundred and twenty-five?’ Somehow Sam’s whining and lack of numeracy ended up with me having to explain why I was missing various bits of equipment to Mum. She’s not happy about the lost phone.

  She said, ‘Where did you have it last?’

  ‘If I knew where I had it last, I would go to that place and pick it up and then it wouldn’t be lost, and there would be the added advantage that I wouldn’t be having this silly conversation with you anymore.’