Playing Patience

by Tabatha Vargo

  Thinking of that and knowing the extent of what it felt like to be beat by your father had my blood boiling. Me, I could take a man’s ass beating, but not snowflake. She was delicate and seeing how petite she was and seeing how he towered over her just pissed me off more.

  “Ah, our little friend Zeke. I should’ve known you’d have something to do with this.” He motioned to Patience’s clothes.

  “Dad, he had nothing to do with me being at the club.” She came to my defense again, but I wanted to dig into him in any way I could as payback for touching her.

  “Of course I had something to do with it. What can I say? I can’t stay away from her.” I lied.

  I heard Patience gasp from beside him as I met his stare. I didn’t even think about the effects my little statement would make on her, but I enjoyed the expression that crossed his face. His jaw ticked and I knew I’d hit a nerve, and then an intimidating smile spread across his face.

  “She’s definitely a special girl. However, I’d prefer it if you stayed away from my daughter.” He put a protective arm around her waist and pulled her closer to his side.

  It pissed me off even more that he was now pretending to protect her from me. He was the one that was obviously a danger to her, while I had only tried to help her. I could feel the heat of my anger on the back of my neck. I flexed my fists and weighed the charges that would be slammed against me if I knocked this fucker on his ass.

  “I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises. She’s pretty addictive and I have one hell of an addictive personality.” I hit him with another dig.

  Patience stared at me, mouth gapped open in shock.

  “Dad, he’s fooling around. We barely even know each other,” she said with wide eyes as she looked up at her father.

  His face had now taken on a deep-red hue.

  I put my hand over my chest like I was hurt. “After all we’ve been through, snowflake. That cuts deep. I’d like to think I know you pretty damn well,” I said as I purposely looked up and down her slim figure.

  Her face turned as red as her dad’s and she threw her hands in the air.

  “Stop it, Zeke! He’s going to think you’re serious!”

  Finally, I’d had enough and I was starting to worry that maybe I’d made things worse for her.

  “Whatever you say, princess,” I said as I fell back into my chair and spread my legs out in front of me.

  Crossing my arms, I peered up at both of them through my hair. I bit on my lip ring and watched as she looked up at her Dad. Her eyes were wide with fear and I suddenly felt sick to my stomach thinking about her possibly getting hit when she got home.

  “I’m just screwing around,” I spit out.

  Her dad looked down at her, then grabbed her hand.

  “Patience, we’re leaving.” He then turned back to me. “Son, I think you need to get yourself straight. You’re headed nowhere fast.”

  “I’m not your son,” I snapped. “And where I’m headed is none of your business.”

  He said nothing as he turned to leave the room. Patience looked over her shoulder at me and I didn’t miss the worry in her eyes. I didn’t like it. I wasn’t her concern. I turned away and heard the door click as it shut behind them.

  Three days later, I left the jailhouse with a pretty hefty fine, sixty days worth of community service, and a phone full of text messages from Javier wanting to know where his product was.

  Six

  Patience

  The ride home from the police station was awful. Being alone in the car with my dad was insufferable. Once we made it to our side of town, I could feel the anger radiating from him. The fact that he had been silent for most of the ride scared the shit out of me. I knew once I got home I was in for it. I didn’t even want to think about what he was going to do to me.

  “I had no idea this was the kind of girl you were.” He filled the silent car with his sigh. “I never thought in a million years I’d have to go to the police station and pick up my daughter. Maybe I should treat you like the juvenile delinquent you are. Would you like that, Patience? Do you want me to treat you like you look right now? Huh? Do you want me to treat you like a little whore?” His voice went from calm to vicious as he continued to talk.

  I didn’t respond. Instead, I stared out the window and watched the big houses go by. I silently prayed that Lynn, our maid, was up and about. I hoped my mom’s nurse, Patricia, would be up taking care of Mom. I wished for anyone that could save me from him, but I knew in the back of my mind that he made sure we’d be alone when we got home. That thought made my stomach turn and I suddenly remembered the time I got sick and threw up on him once he was done with me. I was only nine and he told my mom that I must’ve had a twenty-four-hour stomach bug.

  Once we pulled up to the house, I got out and followed him through the garage and into the house. He threw his keys onto the marble kitchen counter and ran his hands through his hair. I put my head down and started out of the kitchen, but before I got halfway out of the room, I felt his hand come around the top of my arm. My body tensed up as he spun me around to face him. I didn’t have time to think as his palm landed hard against my cheek. My ears rang and the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth.

  I reached up and covered my cheek as I looked up at him in shock. He was abusive, but not this kind of abusive. He had never hit me and now, as he looked down at me with a strange expression on his face, I knew he was taken aback by his reaction as well. His realization seemed to piss him off even more as he grabbed the tops of my arms and pushed me up against the wall.

  “See what you made me do?” he said angrily. Spittle flew from his mouth and landed on my burning cheek.

  I’d never been more afraid of him and the fear on my face fueled him. I didn’t even see his back hand coming as he hit me again. This time I cried out loudly. I cussed myself for making the noise. The last thing I wanted was for my mom to hear me and become alarmed. I covered my mouth with my hand and waited for him to hit me again. My cheek felt swollen and hot, so hot I expected the single tear that slid down it to sizzle. He slid his thumb under my eye so hard it hurt as he tried to rub my thick eyeliner away.

  “I can’t even look at you,” he hissed out.

  And then I was moving as he slung me around so I stood in front of the kitchen table and faced away from him. He smacked me in the shoulder blades as he roughly pushed me over the table and pulled my left arm hard behind my back. My face hurt as he pressed it into the table. I had an idea of where this was going, but since he only ever touched me in my bedroom once everyone was asleep, I didn’t really know what to expect. I cried into my hand as he started to rip my pants down. My stomach dug into the side of the kitchen table and I thought for sure if he pushed down on me any harder he’d break my ribs.

  Once my pants and panties were down, I pushed myself away into the place I went we he came into my room. The tears stopped and my eyes felt sticky and dry as I stared out the kitchen window into the backyard. The pool looked extra bright and the stars seemed to reach forever. I closed my eyes and wished I was one of those stars—far away, burning in the night sky where no one could reach me.

  In the distance, I could hear the table shaking and skidding across the expensive tile floor. A candle holder fell over and cracked in front of my eyes. The arm that he held behind my back got pulled harder and I thought for sure he’d pull it off of my shoulder, but I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel any pain anymore. Instead, my hand slowly fell from my mouth and I lay there still and silent while I prayed I was dead. If it weren’t for Sydney and my mom, I’d welcome death with a smile, but as long as they were here, I’d be here.

  My short-term memory had been altered. As I stood under the blazing, hot shower water I couldn’t remember how I got there. I couldn’t remember the moment he left me or the trip up the stairs to the bathroom, and that scared me. I’d always known I was broken, but it was obvious he was smashing the small pieces of me into even smaller fragments. Soon, I
’d be dust in the wind. Maybe then I could float away and stay in my happy place.

  After my shower, I stared in the mirror at my cheek. The bruising was getting worse by the minute and I knew I’d have to come up with a damn good excuse for Mom and Syd. My cell phone was going nuts since Megan had no idea where I was. Finally, I texted her back and told her I was fine and that I was going to bed.

  When I slipped under the covers, my entire body hurt. I couldn’t sleep, so I lay there and stared up at the ceiling. I thanked God Sydney was at a friend’s house and my mother would never know what was happening under her roof. If I could just make it a few more years, then I’d never have to see his face again if I didn’t want to… just a few more years. I’d already lived through this for almost ten. What’s a few more?

  I watched as the dark ceiling became gray, then finally bright orange as the morning sun peeked into my room. My eyes felt as if I hadn’t blinked the entire night and I was almost positive I hadn’t. My body felt stiff and my ribs ached. The injured side of my face felt bigger than the other and I was dreading looking in the mirror and seeing what I had to deal with Monday at school. I hoped it wasn’t very bad and if it was, I hoped the two days I had before going back to school was enough for it to heal.

  As soon as I got up and got dressed, I called Megan to come and get me. No matter how badly I wanted to be out of this house, I couldn’t bring myself to drive that gray Toyota in the garage.

  “I’ll be there in thirty minutes,” Megan said through the phone. We decided to catch a movie, grab some lunch, and catch up on some much-needed shopping.

  I spent ten minutes trying to powder away the ugly, swollen bruise on my cheek, and then I peeked in and checked on my mom. The room was dark and she was asleep. I watched her stomach move up and down as she breathed deep. As long as her stomach was moving then she was still with us. Afraid that I’d wake her, I softly closed the door then went downstairs to wait on the front porch for Megan.

  “What the hell happened to your face?” she asked with big eyes when I got into her car. “Oh my God, did that happen last night? I was freaking out when I saw you handcuffed. Did your dad freak out on you?” We jerked down the road and worked our way to the movie theater.

  I jumped all over her first question. I didn’t even think to say it had happened at The Pit the night before.

  “Yeah, some bitch stepped on me and I hit my face on the concrete floor. It looks awful, I know. It hurts like a bitch, too. I still can’t believe I got arrested.” I looked out the window. “I told you going back there was a bad idea. My dad was so pissed.” I quickly changed the subject. “What happened with you?”

  “Chet pulled me out.” She tried not to smile. “I ended up going back to Finn’s garage with them. They said Zeke got arrested, too. Did you see him?”

  We pulled into the theater parking lot and she slammed her parking brake into place.

  “Yeah, I saw him.” And I left it at that.

  There was no need to go any deeper into that situation.

  I was still pissed off about him baiting my dad. Part of me wanted to blame him for my painful table ride, but I knew I couldn’t do that. He had no idea how sick my father was. He had no way of knowing that by pushing my dad’s buttons he was typing in the combination to release a night of terror on me. I was almost positive, had he known what he was setting me up for, he wouldn’t have said those things. Zeke wasn’t a nice guy, but he was a good guy. Only a good guy would rush a strange girl to the hospital and only a good guy would save me from being trampled to death by a herd of Pit People.

  I barely paid attention during the movie. My mind kept going back to Zeke. I kept wondering if he got out of jail. I hoped he didn’t get into too much trouble. If he did, he had no one to blame but himself for carrying drugs around, but still, I did kind of tell on him. Even if I was trying to help, in the end I just made things worse for him. The poor guy had only been trying to help me and I thanked him by getting him drug charges. I hated the idea of him sitting in jail while I was free to go to a movie all because of who my dad was.

  At school on Monday, I found out that Zeke was released from jail. Megan and Chet had graduated to texting and I’d dropped a little bird in her ear to find out if he was okay. Apparently, he had to pay a big fine and had two months of community service to get through. Maybe I’d find out what kind of service he had to do and volunteer since, technically, I should have community service too.

  After school, I went to the Clerk of Court and paid his fine out of my savings account. It was the least I could do and I’d seen Zeke’s home. He probably didn’t have money for gas, much less almost five hundred dollars to pay a fine.

  I ended up getting to soccer practice late, which earned me ten laps around the field. I didn’t mind it. I used that time to zone out and go to my happy place. It seemed I was living in that imaginary world more than the real world these days.

  After my laps, I practiced hard and then jogged home from practice. I wanted to be so exhausted that I couldn’t stand up straight when I got home.

  Once I walked in the door I was bombarded by Sydney.

  “What happened to your face?” she asked with wide eyes.

  I rubbed my cheek. I’d heard that question so many times that day and different people got different answers. I was becoming the queen of lies.

  “Oh, it happened at practice last Friday. I didn’t see you before you left to go to your friend’s house for the weekend. No worries, Syd. It’s healing nicely. So, what did you guys do this weekend? Lots of prank calls and junk food?” I asked as I scooted by her and went into the kitchen for something to drink.

  My cheek forgotten, she started talking about all the fun stuff she and her friend Ashley had gotten into over the weekend. I loved hearing about her having a good time. I was happy to know my sister was growing up with happy childhood memories.

  “And then her dad took us to that ice cream place down the road and we got sundaes. Hey, did you know Ashley’s brother goes to school with you? His name’s Jacob and he’s super cute. Maybe you guys could go on a date or something?” She poked my side and I jerked. She thought she was tickling me, but really my ribs were still sore.

  “I don’t think I know anyone named Jacob, but I’m way too busy to date right now, Syd. Maybe once I graduate.” I tugged a strand of her hair as I walked by and went upstairs for a shower.

  Once I was settled in for bed, my phone went off with a text message from Megan.

  Megan: FYI Zeke’s serving his community service at that Boy’s Club place on North Rhett Avenue.

  Me: OK. Why are you telling me this?

  Megan: OMG don’t even act like you’re not into him.

  Me: I’m not.

  Megan: Whatever. I’m not buying it. You should volunteer. Just saying.

  Me: Maybe I will.

  Megan: Good. OK, see you in the AM, Zeke Lover.

  Me: OMG whatever! Goodnight, slut puppy. LOL

  Megan: Hey, I kind of like the sound of that. LOL Goodnight!

  The next day after soccer practice, I had Megan take me to the Boy’s Club so I could volunteer. The Boy’s Club was a place for young, troubled boys to go after school. It would be hard dealing with a bunch of badass young boys, but if Zeke had to do it, it was only fair I did too. I walked into a huge gymnasium full of boys running around with basketballs. The sound of squeaking rubber echoed off the walls and mixed with loud laughter and joking, making for a very loud space.

  There were older boys and girls wearing bright- blue T-shirts scattered throughout the room. On the backs of the shirts were either the words “Big Brother” or “Big Sister.” It was kind of cool they had a place for troubled kids to run to other than the streets.

  A few boys caught my attention as they stared at me and snickered to themselves. A brave one stepped away from the group and came up to me. He was no more than thirteen with a dirty white shirt and holey sneakers.

  “My friend over
there thinks you look good,” he said with a big smile as he pointed to another boy in the group.

  “Oh, well, tell your friend I said thank you,” I said as I started to turn and walk away.

  I turned and face-planted right into Zeke’s chest. I pulled back and he peered down at me through dark bangs. He shifted his head to the side, throwing his bangs out of his face, and then he sighed.

  “You again,” he said as he crossed his arms and bit down on his lip ring. “Guess that means I’m going to jail today.”

  I suddenly got a big case of nerves. “Why would you go to jail?” I fiddled with my hair.

  “Every time I see you I end up behind bars. What happened to your face?” he blurted out.

  I laughed like it was nothing, and then I threw out one of the lies I’d been spinning.

  “It was a stupid soccer ball to the face yesterday at practice.”

  He didn’t believe me. I could see it in his eyes.

  “Why are you here? I mean, other than to flirt with underage boys.” The side of his mouth tilted up.

  “I wasn’t flirting with underage boys and I’m here to volunteer. It’s only fair since we were both arrested.” I began to fidget.

  “How did you know I was here?” he asked. He moved in closer and towered over me. Leaning in, he got in my ear and whispered, “Does your daddy know you’re stalking me, snowflake?”

  He was too close. I didn’t like it when guys got too close, and I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. I stepped back like he’d burned me.

  “My. Name. Is. Patience!” I said too loudly.

  My voice bounced off the walls and echoed throughout the gym. Everyone around us stopped and looked at me like I was crazy. Embarrassment set in and I felt my entire body turn red. My cheeks were on fire and I wanted to shrivel up and disappear.