Playing Patience

by Tabatha Vargo

  I noticed the beer in this hand.

  “Okay.” I sat across from him.

  He won the first hand, and then I won the second.

  “So, snowflake, let me ask you something,” he said as he flipped a card over and took a book. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

  I stared open-mouthed at him for a bit until I could figure out how to answer his question.

  “No, I’m not seeing anyone. I’ve never had a boyfriend.” I mentally kicked myself for confessing the last part.

  What was it about him that made me confess everything so easily? It was like when I got around him, I just opened my mouth and words fell out.

  “Never?” His brows puckered.

  I knew right away where he was going with this. No boyfriend meant no sex. No sex was supposed to mean I was a virgin, but my case was much different and I really didn’t want to go there.

  “Never.”

  “Oooh.” His eyes got big like he was just realizing something. “I get it. You’re into chicks.”

  Did I have the word “lesbian” written across my forehead or something today?

  “No,” I said adamantly.

  “No, that’s cool.” His smile was too big. “I don’t discriminate. Trust me. I like chicks, too. You know what? We should like them together, like at the same time.” He leaned in and ran his thumb across his bottom lip before he softly tugged on his lip ring.

  My eyes shot to his mouth and he smirked at the attention. I rolled my eyes.

  “I don’t like chicks, and if I did I certainly wouldn’t share with you.” I flipped my card over and picked up the book.

  “Okay, so you’re not a lesbian. Then what are you?”

  Aggravated by his question, I sighed loudly and answered honestly.

  “You want to know what I am? I’m shattered, that’s what I am. There are tiny pieces of Patience scattered all over.”

  “I’d like a piece of Patience.” He reached across the table and ran a finger across my hand.

  This time I did tense up, but for entirely different reasons. My heartbeat sped up like I was on the verge of a panic attack, but instead, a rush of euphoria filled me.

  “I don’t know if I can give you a piece.” I heard myself flirt back.

  This earned me another sexy grin. Damn him for being so freaking sexy.

  “Why not?

  “Because I don’t know where they are.” I felt myself frown at those words.

  What started out as innocent flirting had just that quickly become a sad truth. I was a shattered girl and I had no idea where my pieces were or how to put myself back together if I did find them.

  “I bet I could find your pieces.” He leaned in and bathed my cheek with heated breath.

  I didn’t miss his hidden meaning, but I chose to ignore it. “Good luck. I’ve been trying to find them for years.”

  I shrugged off my shiver and started to deal the cards again.

  “Challenge accepted,” he said as he leaned back in his chair and took a swig from his beer.

  His dark-brown eyes never left my face and a part of me was afraid he’d secretly already found a few pieces of me. The room around us suddenly felt too hot and too small.

  How did he do that? How did he evaporate all the cold air surrounding me with just a look? Did he know what he was doing with those eyes and those lips that were starting to drive me wild, but scared the shit out of me at the same time? I wanted to run away from him, yet being close to him somehow made everything feel okay. He was driving me insane and not in good way. I’d never felt so torn over my emotions before.

  Physically, I wanted everything his eyes and lips promised. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, his fingertips, his mouth, but mentally, I wanted to hop on the next plane to anywhere far away and never look back. I couldn’t understand or handle the thoughts my body sent to my brain. I was turned on by them, yet sickened by them. I was freaking Jekyll and Hyde with boobs and girl parts.

  “I didn’t issue any challenge. I was just making a statement.” I swallowed hard.

  “Yes, you did. You just begged me to find you. Consider it done.”

  Eleven

  Zeke

  I was getting laid tonight. End of story. It had been too long, and if I didn’t bust a nut in the near future, people were going to start getting randomly punched in the face. I was due for some serious stress relief and I didn’t think putting my fist through the face of some random dude was going to do the trick. I needed female attention and I wanted that female to be the snowflake princess.

  As I flirted with Patience, I knew I wanted her. She’d been driving me fucking crazy with those tiny gym shorts. There was even a point when she shifted her legs and I got a glimpse of purple panties. I’d never loved the color purple so much in my life. I went home that night and dreamt of being wrapped in purple warmth and woke up with a throbbing hard on.

  Usually, I steered clear of girls like her since there was always a chance of an inexperienced female sprouting feelings, but something told me she wasn’t a virgin. A virgin wouldn’t switch her hips the way she did when she walked across the gym.

  She said she never had a boyfriend. I wasn’t sure how that was even possible with a girl like her. If I were prone to relationships, Patience would be right up my alley. Thankfully, I wasn’t, but some guys were. Maybe she wasn’t the boyfriend type. Maybe she was high maintenance and no dude would dare try. Either way, it didn’t matter to me. I could no longer take being around her and not tasting her. I wasn’t accustomed to spending so much time with a girl and not getting at least a taste.

  I felt confident that I could get what I wanted. She was flirting with me and I’d seen the way she looked at me. I knew that look. I’d probably given her the same look. She wanted me just as badly as I wanted her. I also enjoyed the fact that she didn’t jerk away from me every time I touched her anymore. That had to be a good sign, but still, I had to move slow and ease her into it.

  I didn’t usually work at all to get with a girl, but I wanted to do this right. Also, I was thinking Patience was the kind of girl I could remain friends with afterward. I’d never had a friend with benefits before since I was a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of dude, but I really liked her... as a friend, of course. I hoped things didn’t get weird afterward and we’d just fall into the friend role.

  After a few beers and eight hands of rummy, it was getting late and I knew if I wanted some alone time with Patience before taking her home, I needed to snap to it. She picked up the cards and stuffed them back in the box. I kept my eyes on her the entire time, and I could tell from the pink blush that ran up her neck and landed on her cheeks that she knew I was watching her. I leaned in and breathed her in.

  “I want to be alone with you,” I said honestly.

  Honesty was the best policy when it came to women. Sometimes they didn’t like what you had to say, but they could never say you didn’t warn them.

  Her eyes met mine and I saw her visibly swallow.

  “You do?” she looked up at me through her lashes.

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I reached out and linked our fingers together. I wasn’t the hand holding type, but whatever I needed to do to touch her.

  I celebrated the fact that she didn’t jerk away from me. I set my beer on the tabletop and held her hand as I walked her out of Finn’s garage and to my car. I nodded to Finn and the guys as I left and I didn’t miss the big goofy smile on her friend Megan’s face. They knew what we were going to do and I didn’t care.

  I let go of her hand as I made my way to the driver’s seat. She popped open the passenger-side door and slid in. Once we were in and settled, I cranked up the car and turned to her. She looked so fucking hot, my little timid temptress. She had to know what she was doing. Maybe playing the shy sweetheart was her thing, but something told me she was a freak in bed.

  I let my eyes wander up her black soccer socks to the tiny peek of creamy leg between her socks and gym shorts. It was ch
illy out, so she had on that damn hoodie, but I knew what was under it. I wanted to see her naked. I wanted to see if all of her was a soft as her hands and cheeks.

  Once we left Finn’s house, I headed in the direction of hers, but I knew I wasn’t even close to taking her home yet. I looked down at the exposed part of her legs once more and I couldn’t take it anymore. Her skin called to me and I needed to touch her. She was looking out the window at the passing scenery, so she didn’t see me reach across the car, but when I laid my hand on the skin above her knee, she gasped and looked over at me.

  There was a brief moment of panic in her eyes before she lowered her lashes and took a shaky breath. I felt the tension leave her leg under my palm so without looking over at her, I molded my hand to her inner thigh and pushed my fingers down to the space between her knees. Her skin was so warm and soft. All I could think about was moving my hand up and reaching inside her panties. I swear if that happened and my fingers met moisture, I’d jerk my car to the side of the road and fuck her right there on my front seat.

  I kept my hand still but began moving my fingers softly back and forth inside her knee. I felt goose bumps rise on her leg beneath my palm and heard her breath get deeper. She was affected already and I was just getting started. Her tiny responses fueled my confidence, so I moved my hand up higher on her leg. I thought for sure she’d slam her legs together and move my hand, but she shocked me. Instead, she leaned her head back against the seat and her legs opened an inch more. That little movement was like a big green light for me.

  I looked over at her to find her looking back at me. The headlights from approaching cars danced across her face and I realized she was more than just some hot chick. She was beautiful. The wind from her window pushed strands of her hair across her face and she swiped at them. She looked at me with trusting eyes and a nervous smile, and it was like a splash of cold water. She wasn’t like the other girls I’d been screwing around with and I knew that from the start. I was letting my hormones cloud my decisions. Patience was a beautiful girl and I wanted nothing more than to feel her all over me, but she was untainted and I didn’t want to be the one to contaminate her.

  I let my hand slip back down to the safe zone and then I softly patted her knee. As hard as it was, I lifted my hand from her skin and wrapped it around the steering wheel. At the next light I came to, I put on my blinker and headed straight for her house. The trip to her house felt like an eternity. I’d never denied myself a woman when I wanted her and being shut up in this cramped car with her was hell. I didn’t think I’d ever get her out of my car.

  When I pulled up to the curb around the corner from her house, I put the car in park and turned to her.

  “Tonight was fun. It’s been a while since I got to kick some ass at rummy.” I chuckled.

  “Um… you’re delusional. I totally won all but three games. Also, you should know, I let you win those three.” She grinned at me.

  I laughed out loud at that one. “You let me win, huh?”

  Her smile dropped and she looked away. “I let you do a lot of things.”

  “You do? Like what?”

  She reached her hand across the seat to mine. I let her slip her fingers in between mine and then I tightened my fingers around hers. She held my hand and rubbed circles on my palm with her thumb.

  “Like this.” She looked up at me and the side of her mouth tilted up.

  “Okay, you let me hold your hand? What’s the big deal with holding hands?” My brows puckered in confusion.

  “I don’t let anyone touch me.” She looked away. “Ever.”

  Her words had some deeper meaning behind them. It was such a small moment, but I could sense the fact that her confession was huge. Suddenly, I felt privileged. Something as small as holding a girl’s hand felt enormous.

  “Why not?” I asked.

  I had a feeling I knew the answer. I’d seen the bruise on her eye and I was positive her dad hit her occasionally. Maybe it had something to do with that.

  “I just don’t like it. It makes me uncomfortable.”

  “But you’re okay with me touching you? That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Why not? You’re a nice guy, Zeke. I’m not sure what it is about you, but I trust you. I feel comfortable with you and I know you’d never do anything to make me uncomfortable.” She shrugged.

  “You’re the worst judge of character, snowflake. You’d never make it where I come from.” I shook my head.

  “Are you saying I’m wrong about you being a good guy?”

  “I’m saying that the entire time we were at Finn’s place all I could think about was getting you alone and having sex with you. Does that sound like something a nice guy thinks about?”

  “All guys think about sex, but you didn’t really try anything. Instead, you brought me straight home. What does that say about you? I think it says you’re a nice, respectable guy.”

  She was wrong. I wasn’t a nice guy. I was me and I wasn’t good enough to be around her, much less inside of her. I knew that and I think she knew that, but there was no way in hell I’d admit that to her. Instead, I cocked my head back and laughed it off like I did when I got uncomfortable with a conversation.

  “Whatever helps you sleep at night, baby.”

  Then she was there, right beside me, staring me in my face, and the car felt too small. She reached up and pushed my long bangs out of my face with her finger. She ran that finger down the side of my face and it felt like I was being touched in the pit of my stomach. I bit down on my lip ring and she traced my bottom lip with her finger once I released it. It was too much. I’d never had a girl explore me this way and I wasn’t sure if I hated it or loved it. Then she looked me in my eyes and smiled.

  “You can hide in there all you want, but I can still see you.”

  I didn’t say anything as she scooted back over to the car door, popped it open, and then jumped out to jog home.

  It wasn’t until I was almost home that I realized she was right. I hid myself a lot, but only because I was secretly afraid to get close to anyone. Getting close to people was dangerous. People died and the ones that didn’t die hurt you.

  The next day at Boy’s Club we didn’t talk much. I stayed to myself and played on my phone while she took the time to show the boys some soccer drills. When it was time to leave, she said she already had a ride and I didn’t try and persuade her to ride with me. I was broke as a joke anyway and I didn’t really have the gas. I’d made arrangements with Javier to work off the weed that was taken by the police and I was hoping to make some money this weekend.

  After Boy’s Club, I went over to Finn’s and finally got a chance to practice. Finn got us booked at some new underground club a town over on the following Saturday. I’d missed so much practice because of my community service and spending too much damn time with Patience. My guitar was starting to feel foreign against my fingers and that was no good.

  By the time Saturday came around, I’d barely seen my dad and I’d barely talked to Patience. Dad was easy to avoid when I crashed on Finn’s couch, and I think Patience was avoiding me as much as I avoided her. I drove to Mount Pleasant, the town over, with the radio on, my guitar in the middle, and Tiny in the passenger seat butchering the shit out of a Smashing Pumpkins song. There was a reason he played the bass and didn’t sing.

  The club we were playing at was called The Icehouse and it made me think of snowflakes, which made me think of Patience. This thinking about a girl shit was really starting to piss me off, but no matter what I did to occupy my time, something always brought me back to her.

  “Megan’s coming to the show tonight,” Chet said as he helped me run some wires while we set up.

  “What’s the deal with her? You getting some of that or what?” I asked.

  “Pfft, man, she’s the best sex I’ve ever had. That girl’s a major freak. I’m talking about the biting, growling kind. I think I’m going to keep her. No, scratch that, I’m definitely going to
keep her. At least until I get bored.” He laughed.

  At least one of us was getting laid. Then I realized something. Patience had said before that she wouldn’t let Megan go to an underground club alone. Did that mean she was going to be there, too? I wanted to ask Chet, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. If I asked it would look like I gave a shit if she was there or not, and I didn’t. I really didn’t.

  So when we started to play and I saw her walk in with Megan, it wasn’t excitement I felt. It was annoyance. Mostly because she was there and she came knowing I’d be there too, but also because she looked so fucking hot I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. The prep-school Patience was gone, and in her stead was a sexy little vixen with a low-cut top and the tightest pair of jeans I’d ever seen a female wear.

  I tried to keep my eyes away from her as I played, but every now and again they moved over her against my will, and I’d get the sudden rush of heat that ran down my spine, wrapped around my pelvic bones, and landed in the crotch of my pants. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I wanted this girl more than I’d ever wanted a girl in my life, but I couldn’t and I wouldn’t touch her. No matter how badly my body begged me to, I refused.

  An hour later, she had some drinks in her system and was dancing on the floor with Megan. It was nice to see her smiling and happy even though I knew I’d have to take her home. Megan was obviously drunk out of her mind and there was no way in hell Chet was going to let her drive home, which was fine by me, considering there was no way in hell I’d let Patience ride home with her. I’d had a few beers, but I didn’t even have a buzz and once I saw the two girls partying hard, I started sipping my beer instead of drinking it.

  I took my attention away from Patience for a bit and scanned the crowd. It was a full room and everyone was having a good time. I turned and looked at Chet and he threw his drumstick in the air. Show off. When I turned back around, I saw Patience talking with some guy. She had my attention from that point on. I openly watched as she flirted with the guy she stood next to. I suddenly felt tense all over. My arms felt stiff and my eyes were starting to burn from staring so hard.